For the first time in the history of Torres, yours truly will be participating in the NFBC Main Event.  I didn’t do anything to earn that entry, I just decided that it was more worthwhile to invest a lot of money in a fantasy baseball tournament than it was to put food on the table or replace the holey underwear I have on right now. But what if I win? Well, I’ll still be wearing holey underwear but at least I’ll have an extra $150,000 to invest in fantasy baseball next year! While taking down the Main Event would be fantastic, I also recognize that it’s not the most likely outcome.  See, the people I’m playing against are the best of the best, the “sharks” of the fantasy baseball world. A minnow like me is going to need to really prepare and come up with a solid game plan to stand a chance here. So why not kill two birds (or fish) with one stone by writing an article about it and including you in that process?

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Choosing fantasy baseball players is a little bit like choosing who to marry. In both cases, we’re making a commitment to somebody while trying to make our best prediction of the future using incomplete and sometimes unquantifiable data. I know, they’re not completely the same. Unless you’re the most polyamorous m’fer around, you’re probably not choosing 50 people to marry one year and then starting all over again a year later. But to each their own. Listen, the point is that we have to engage in some level of risk assessment in both of these situations. 

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I was sitting at my computer and ready to write a beautiful ballad about Sixto Sanchez called “Sixto More the Richer,” when I came across a tweet from Ryan Bloomfield of BaseballHQ that changed my day forever.
The Bloom Board y’all. Everybody’s favorite board since the Ouija Board. Similar to how Ouija Boards allow you to talk to the dead, I heard this Bloom Board audibly say “Write an article on these ADP fallers.” Should I be creeped out? Am I experiencing psychosis? The answer to both is “possibly” but I think even a scared, psychotic person is capable of writing a decent fantasy baseball article. Let’s look into my crystal ball and see whether a few of these discounted players are going to return value on their ADP this season.

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Like a booger hanging from your nose, Robbie Grossman fantasy profile does not look very appealing at first glance. Forget the fact that Robbie’s last name has the word “gross” in it, let’s just take a look at Robbie Grossman the baseball player. He’s a 31-year-old outfielder now playing with his sixth different organization after having spent most of his career as a backup outfielder. Most people would look at this, say “ewwww” and move on. Not me though. See, I try to find the good in everything. Whether I’m changing my 1-year-old’s poopy diaper or picking out his boogers, I look at every situation as an opportunity to find something of value. That’s why I’d like to take a look at why drafting Robbie Grossman might not be so disgusting and how he can potentially provide value to your fantasy baseball team in 2021.

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We’re now 6 years into Byron Buxton’s big-league career and it feels like we still don’t know who he is. You know, like when you’re in a long-term relationship and then you wake up and realize that you can’t completely rule out that the person next to you is a serial killer? Anybody else been there? I mean, I haven’t but I’ve seen a lot of Lifetime movies like that. Anyways Byron, we can only Netflix and chill for so long until you show me your true colors. Are you an elite base stealer who I can count on for 30+ steals in a full year? Are you a powerful slugger who belongs in the same breath as Aaron Judge and Joey Gallo? Or are you (gulp) an amazingly sexy power-speed threat who could finally put it all together and help me win a fantasy baseball championship in 2021?

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“Jiggy” is a term meaning to be cool and trendy. It’s often associated with a style of dress, and in the context of this song means dancing effectively and also making a name for yourself. It also became a term for sex. 

According to the website Songfact, this is the meaning behind Will Smith’s 1997 smash hit “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It.” I hope this isn’t true because that means I’m one of the least “jiggy” people around, as I was never cool and I could never dance effectively. While Songfact’s statement may or may not be accurate, I do know that Will Smith and his album Big Willie Style played a huge role in my life. See, I grew up in a VERY religious household and profanity was absolutely not tolerated. I couldn’t listen to music or watch movies with profanity in them and God f***** forbid a curse word slipped out of my mouth. So anything that could help me fit in with my peers that didn’t also make me feel like I was going to spend an eternity in hell was really welcome in my life. Enter Will Smith. He was hip, popular, and most importantly, he didn’t use profanity in his songs. He was also the star of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, which was one of the few TV shows that my Mom approved of. Will Smith was my connection to pop culture in the 90’s but there’s a new fresh prince in LA who fantasy drafters are hoping will connect them with a championship in 2021.

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The year was 1996. The “Macarena” craze had just swept the nation, Independence Day was dominating the box office, Bill Clinton was about to win re-election, and 10 year-old Torres was already sporting a full-grown mustache (those damn Puerto Rican genes.) Even with the mustache, life was pretty good for me back then. It was made even better when the Yanks won the World Series that year, clinched on this catch by none other than the great Charlie Hayes.

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I’m a pretty boring guy. Like if we met in a bar and randomly struck up a conversation, you probably wouldn’t walk away from that interaction with an overly positive or negative impression of me. I don’t have many hobbies (outside of fantasy sports), I listen to the same two albums on repeat, I have nothing but black and dark blue shirts in my wardrobe, and 9 times out of 10 I end up having sex in the missionary position. I guess that’s why it’s fitting that my first article for Razzball is about Anthony Rizzo, a player that won’t get the ol’ juices flowing when you’re doing your 2021 draft prep.

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