“Hey, Stream-o-Nator, I have a surprise for you.” The Stream-o-Nator backs up slightly, unsure of what I’m going to do to its tender robot heart. The Stream-o-Nator was born in a scrapyard run by Steven Avery’s family. Not the Making a Murderer guy, the ex-Braves pitcher. The story of how it got separated from its family is similar to Sophie’s Choice, but sadder and involves more heavy metal. Suffice it to say, the Stream-o-Nator is longing for any connection, electrical or otherwise. This brings us to yesterday’s matchup and why I sought the Stream-o-Nator. Gently approaching the 8-foot robot, “It’s a good surprise. I wanna be your friend.” The Stream-o-Nator swoons, playing Just The Two Of Us on its chest-implanted boombox. Perhaps my friendship is simply what have you done for me lately, but Andrew Heaney was enough for me to be bothered with late-night phone calls when the robot is feeling blue Raspberry Pi. Heaney went 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 12 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.98. (Reynaldo Lopez wasn’t bad either — 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.22). For this year, due to how few starts are left, I’m looking at the Stream-o-Nator for every start, and it loves Heaney for his next start. “I’m here for you robot pal. C’mon, high-five me!” Stream-o-Nator’s arm falls off and it sighs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Marwin Gonzalez to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Kendrys hit it? Yes he can. Blue Jays first baseman/DH Kendrys Morales homered in his fifth straight game Friday night and now has a total of six jacks in five nights! KEN-DRYS do it again!? I don’t know! The B-Jays have won four in a row and Morales extended his hitting streak to eight games and is hitting .571 in the past week with five multi hit games, seven runs scored and nine RBI. Kendrys is available in over half of fantasy leagues and he’s hotter than Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson’s sex life. Which I hear is very steamy. That was a fairly on trend reference though, right? Speaking of trendy, it’s Players Weekend, HE’LL YALL! That means dope cleats, mostly ugly/funny uniforms (I can’t tell if I like the Rays hats or hate them so much), and of course: terrible nicknames. This is a good opportunity to tell if your favorite player has a good personality or not. Some of the nicknames are clever or fun (SABANERO SOY? yes please, and Brad Boxberger gets millennials), but if a guy just adds a -y or an -ie he’s probably a pretty lame dude so I guess it’s a good thing he’s so good at baseball. Kendrys chose to wear “MONINA,” which I tried Googling but couldn’t get a proper translation so I’ll just assume it means “Only Hits In August.” Well, it’s still August for another week and despite how long he chose to wait to get en fuego, Kendrys Morales was a BUY and is one of the hottest hitters in the league right and I’d ride him while he’s hitting all the baseballs.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night featuring more dumb nicknames than you’ve ever wanted:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Braves called up Bryse Wilson, their third starter who is under 21 years old (Soroka, Allard) and 4th player (Acuña). Mean’s while, Vladimir Guerrero Jr. just collected his 3,000th minor league hit. By the time Vlad Jr. is called up, he will be Vlad Sr.’s brother. Didja you know in Latin America junior is a term of endearment like when you call that old lady in your family ‘aunt’ even though she’s unrelated? That’s why so many Jr.’s get to their 2nd year of pro ball and drop the junior. Right, Raul Mondesi Jr.? Any hoo! The Braves called up yet another gorgeous, young prospect. “That’s what I love about these Braves starters, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.” — Matthew McConaughey seeing Bryse Wilson. Prospector Ralph just gave you his Bryse Wilson fantasy. He’s also in his top 500 fantasy baseball prospects. Previously, he said, “A 4th rounder in 2016, Bryse Wilson rode his plus sinking fastball to one of the bigger breakouts of 2017. His four-seamer sits 92-95 with sink, and commands it extremely well. His secondaries are far more raw with a power 12-6 curve, and a fringe changeup. Speaking of Wilson, I’d like to spike Grey like a volleyball.” Okay, not cool! Yesterday, Wilson went 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, as the Braves bumped everyone in their rotation back a day. The big thing that struck me about Bryse is he looks like he’s been doing it for years (which could be said of the other young Braves players). About to call him Poyse Wilson. Seems weird to call him up to just send him back to the minors, so gotta expect him to stay up. In shallower redrafts, I’d view Wilson as a streamer, but I did grab him in two mixed league redrafts. He’s obviously a decent keeper in deep leagues (10.8 K/9, 0.9 BB/9 in only 20 Triple-A innings), especially now that’s he’s up with rest of the Braves’ Poyse of Summer. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Lance Lynn had to shave his beard to play for the Yankees, because the Yankees are fascists. I wish Giancarlo would grow a mustache as giant FU. What, are they going to bench him until he shaves? Actually, Giancarlo should carve an F and a U in both of his sideburns. That would be such a 1970’s move. You could see Willie Stargell, high as a kite, being like, “Carve, ‘Down with Whitey’ in my sideburns.” Little did we know a clean-shaven Lynn would be an all-new pitcher, throwing 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, ERA at 4.58. Prior to the trade, here’s the Twins pitching coach talking to the bullpen catcher, “Do you think Lynn might be dragging his right side a little bit because of all that facial hair?” “I don’t know, but Sasquatches have been deemed the new sexy ‘It Thing,’ so who’s to argue?” Yesterday, we saw more of Lynn (literally and figuratively) of what made him a solid starter in St. Louis for many years. His season numbers are still garbage but, if nothing else, the Stream-o-Nator loves his next start. If he can command his pitches, he could have a solid final seven weeks. It’s all about The Art of Shaving two walks off his rate. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Kole Calhoun went 1-for-2 and his 14th homer and, seriously, how many home runs does he have since the break? 475? Am I warm? Because it feels like I’m super warm…*eyes drift to a mirror* …so super, super warm. Hot even. What’s your name? *snaps out of it* Damn it, reflection! Okay, starting a dynasty team, Trout or Calhoun? It’s too difficult to decide! What is this world coming to with the fire emoji that is Kole Calhoun in the last two weeks? I can’t handle it. Literally, and I’m wearing oven mitts. Here’s Calhoun two weeks ago: *opens DeLorean door* “I can go anywhere? How about Balco in 2001?” Somehow, Calhoun is only owned in 45% of leagues, which I hope means 55% of people are already checking out our fantasy football rankings. If not, shame. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I started writing this week’s top 100 hitters article the same way I do every week: on the balcony of my penthouse apartment inside One57 skyscraper on West 57th street overlooking Central Park. Sipping a tall glass of Chateau Lafite 1787 while my trained Tibetan Mastiff, Chanel rests her head on my lap. This is the type of lifestyle being a Razzball writer has afforded me.
In reality, I’m sitting on my second-hand couch in north Jersey catching up on this week’s episodes of Big Brother with my wife while drinking flat Mr. Pib as my cat walks across my lapto9oi[p9vgdvc12er2`q.
Perception and reality can change over time. Our perception of a certain player during our draft will become a completely different reality over the course of the season. Since there have only been one full day of games since my last rankings this week I’m going to post last week’s rankings and compare them with where I had them ranked at the beginning of week 1 to see where my perception and the player’s reality were at odds.Please, blog, may I have some more?
To paraphrase DJ Khaled, “We got a Minor key alert! Another one.” To paraphrase the cops that arrested Principal Rooney, “This is because of the Minors.” *Donald Trump looking at the Rangers’ rotation* “Glad to see Cole/Minor’s jobs are secure.” Over Mike Minor‘s last four starts, he has a 2.06 ERA, 18 Ks, 5 BBs and 15 hits in 26 innings, after his sparkling one last night when he threw 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 5 Ks, lowering his ERA to 4.64. I know what you’re thinking, it was vs. the Padres. Right, one of those starts was, the other ones were the Astros, Twins and Rockies. So, it’s not all smoke and Minors. Minor’s peripherals are nothing to write home about (unless his family lives in the Appalachian Trail, then they might like to hear from a Minor) — 7.4 K/9, 2 BB/9, 4.50 xFIP. So, it’s been a good run (not Niko), but I can’t say I trust him in the big picture, unless it’s about Cole/Minor’s daughter, Loretta Lynn, played with spunk by Sissy Spacek (Spunky Spacek? Sissy Spunkit? Spunky Spunkit?). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I used to be a Catholic schoolgirl. I was bad at it (ahem), but some things stay with one, lo these many years later. The urge to dip my fingers in holy water and genuflect (why does that word sound so dirty somehow?) whenever I walk into a church. The impulse to reply “and also with you” when someone says “May the fourth be with you”. An enjoyment of wafers and religious experiences, such as watching James Paxton ($24,100 on FantasyDraft today) deal a no-hitter against the Blue Jays last week. He’s taking on Detroit today: yes, his last start, which was also against the Tigers, saw him give up 3 earned, but I’m going to put it down to the food poisoning he was allegedly dealing with (gotta go easy on the loaves and fishes) and exhort you: Pay up and start him and may (a) piece (of the action) be with you.
New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zach Eflin has to be one of the Phils fans favorite pitchers. His last name just rolls off their tongue. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?” “You’re Eflin right! And I’m kissing her right now. On Facetime. She’s a Merchant Marine, and stationed overseas. It’s actually very sweet how we kiss. With SnapChat filters. That dresses me in a baby bonnet. TMI?” Sure, it was a short schedule day, so this might have something to do with my joy at Zach Eflin. Yesterday, he went 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 0.71. It’s only through 12 2/3 IP so o?ekávání. I know. That’s what I thought too, but then I started looking at his numbers, and, ugh, it’s 12 2/3 IP, but you gotta be Eflin kidding me? He has a 9.2 K/9, 2.1 BB/9 and a 94 MPH fastball, that is up two miles from last year. Maybe this is a blip, but maybe this is encouragement you receive to burp from your Facetime’ing mom. Also, in this game, Odubel Herrera hit some ding dongs — 2-for-3, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer — because ODB waited until everyone was out on him after last year. Damn, ODB, why you gotta ad-lib some fire after I’m no longer invested in you? ODB with more ad-libs than Quavo after a fifth of Cuervo, and Columbus, Ohio seeing the Cleveland Indians and being like, “Yo, I descubierto’d.” (I really had to fight for that third rhyme.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Give me all the Cincinnati Reds tonight: Joey Votto, Scott Schebler, Jose Peraza and Scooter Gennett. Tonight they could be a solid stack option that a lot of people won’t be on. It’s a nice match-up against Jhoulys Chacin, who currently has a 5.19 FIP and a K/9 of only 5. May the BABIP fairies be on our side tonight. Peraza and Votto have been on a serious tear and I expect that to continue. Let’s take a look at the rest of the picks for Draft…
New to Draft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?