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We’ve done it! We’ve reached the end of the fantasy baseball hitter rankings for 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. Give yourself a big round of applause. I’d clap for you, but I have carpal tunnel from actually ranking all the hitters and writing all their blurbs and calculating all of their projections and– What exactly did you do? Oh, yeah, you read them. No wonder why your hands can still clap. Wait a second, I’m doing a utility-only hitter ranking this year. This isn’t the end of the hitter rankings. Feeling woozy, need to sit down. Okay, let’s get to it because this post is like 5,000 words long and I wrote it with my toes. C’mon, pinkie toe, push down the shift key! So, here’s Steamer’s 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. All projections included here are mine, and where I see tiers starting and stopping are included. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2021 fantasy baseball:

NOTE: All 2021 fantasy baseball projections are based on a 162-game season, and will be until we hear definitively there will be less games.

NOTE II: All my rankings are currently available on Patreon for the price of a Starbucks coffee, if you get one of those extra grande frappuccino jobbers. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out over the next month, and get them all now.

NOTE III: Free agents outside the top 100 are not yet written up or projected. They are approximately ranked, obviously subject to change.

81. Nomar Mazara – This tier started in the top 80 outfielders for 2021 fantasy baseball. This tier ends Dickerson. I called this tier, “Tom Berenger.” As for Mazara, signed with the Tigers. He brings his special brand of “He will hit 19 or 20 homers with nothing else” to Detroit Rock City. To think I once put a mezuzah on my door frame with a tiny Mazara jersey and kissed it every time I entered my house. 2021 Projections: 45/19/56/.254/1 in 376 ABs

82. Nick Senzel – This is hundred percent anecdotal, but I think Senzel can have a top 20 outfielder season, then never do it again. On a more serious note, no players should have less than a full season of games played as they enter their 26-year-old season. Though, if MLB owners get their way at 127 games played, Senzel might’ve already played more than two seasons. 2021 Projections: 51/14/55/.261/14 in 397 ABs

83. Willie Calhoun – Like a urologist talking to an older man, I still believe in this Willie. Last year was a weird year all around, and, if you don’t know that, can I trade brains with you? Calhoun only hit one homer in 29 games, but he was hit in the face with a pitch in Spring Training, then strained his hamstring during the season. And you thought your 2020 was bad. He still hit 21 homers in 83 games the year before, and even though we’ve been waiting for him to breakout for the last gazillion years, he’s only 26. Sadly (for him and his drafters), he has little to no speed, so it’s gonna be a best case scenario 30/.280-type year, which I’d obviously take. He’d have to move mountains with his counting stats to come close to being a top 25 outfielder, but just because someone hasn’t been a top 25 outfielder before it doesn’t mean–Okay, I’ll stop talking in Sphinxesque riddles. UPDATE: Sore groin likely to force him to start season on IL. His groin can’t seem to get out of Willie’s way. 2021 Projections: 55/20/68/.261 in 415 ABs

84. Scott Kingery – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

84. Jon Berti – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

85. Jake Bauers – Already went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

86. David Dahl – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed by the Rangers. Super excited for Dahl in Texas, because now there’s no way I’d be interested in him for fantasy. “Coming up next on Dahlas, Who Shot Your Fantasy Value?” Finally, the universe has taken Dahl off my draft board. Thank you, Universe! I owe you one.” And that’s me quoting me! 2021 Projections: 54/15/58/.252/6 in 402 ABs

87. Roman Quinn – The good news for fantasy baseball is with some many teams not trying to compete some players will get an opportunity for playing time. Can you guess the bad news? It rhymes with “schteams schnot schcompeting schisn’t schgood schfor schbaseball.” 2021 Projections: 51/4/47/.247/24 in 366 ABs

88. Adam Duvall – Signed with the Marlins. Shame he didn’t re-sign with the Braves, because I thought of Duv’all, like y’all some time in November and I’ve been dying to use it and, well, it’s prolly better I didn’t anyway. Hey, do they say y’all in Florida so I can still use it? Yes, I still want to use it! So, Duvall squeezes Cooper, Dickerson, Brinson, Magneuris–Man, Duv’all could’ve went anywhere else, huh? Well, he’s fine for a cheap NL-Only power bat. 2021 Projections: 54/21/64/1/.239 in 316 ABs

89. Alex Dickerson – There’s some promise in this tier. Don’t want to give you the wrong idea. Yes, I assumed you had the wrong idea. Let’s just say I know you. Dickerson had some actual gains last year as an ancient-for-baseball player with very little major league time. He was also nearly an everyday player. Hey, I just thought of something. Because of the wildly unlimited schedules last year, where teams faced, like, nine teams max, did some guys who are usually platoon players get near-everyday time because they just saw less variety? For unstints, Dickerson never saw, say, — saw say? What, am I Dr. Seuss? — St. Louis lefties. Though, Dickerson did hit .273 last year vs. those who use weird scissors. 2021 Projections: 71/18/74/.281/1 in 430 ABs

90. Corey Dickerson – Only right I put Corey next to his brother from another mother, but similarly named father. It’s Al-Dick, Co-Dick and coinkydink. 2021 Projections: 61/17/51/.261/3 in 411 ABs

91. Odubel Herrera – ODB has risen once again. If you like it raw, and hate Kingery, you’re gonna love this! UPDATE: I need to stop adding in outfielders, because they never pan out. ODB was reassigned to minor league camp. 2021 Projections: 48/15/51/.252/6 in 366 ABs

92. Stephen Piscotty – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Stewart. I call this tier, “A botulism buffet.” This tier is filled with guys who are too much of a bad thing. This tier is guys who should have everyday at-bats, but that doesn’t make them better, unless your league is very deep, where at-bats are critical. In one of those leagues, I’d switch this tier with the above tier. Quick word about tiers this late, in general. If you need a platoon outfielder with speed, you’re looking at Roman Quinn. But if you need an everyday outfielder who could hit .220 but with 25 homers, then you might want Justin Upton, or if someone takes Quinn and you need speed, you might take a flyer on Brinson. All of those selections are fine. Yes, I’ve separated some of these guys in different tiers, but you’re filling the end of your team and/or bench at this point, so it doesn’t matter if a guy is ranked 90th, 105th or 120th for outfielders. There’s a huge difference between the 15th best outfielder and the 25th best outfielder, but there’s little to no difference between the 90th best outfielder and the 130th best outfielder. As for Piscotty, is he really an everyday outfielder? Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know! And neither do I, but I hope not. 2021 Projections: 56/19/64/.236/8 in 484 ABs

93. JaCoby Jones – His maxEV and HardHit% are actually promising, and I’m not just saying that because I temped briefly at the law offices of Jay, Coby and Jones to pay down my counsel’s fee for too many parking tickets. “Your honor, my client thought parking meters were parking instructions so he parked a little over three feet from the curb, converting a meter to feet.” 2021 Projections: 57/21/68/.221/9 in 508 ABs

94. Andrew Benintendi – This guy screams to me as someone the Sawx trade to the Pirates for someone like Cole Tucker, who then becomes a superstar. UPDATE: Traded to the Royals. Buh-buh-buh-but Bubba Starling! Buh-buh-buh-but Bubba Starling! Buh…*a clock’s hour hand slowly moves as Grey continues to say the same thing repeatedly until he’s blue in the face* Someone spotting me, “Royals fan, huh?” “Why?” “Because you’re blue in the face.” Any hoo! I’m just having a goof, I don’t like Bubba Starling, or Benintendi for that matter. His one chance was going off the wall in Boston like Michael Jackson, and now he’s set-up to hit all his grounders to 2nd base in a new, worse park. I didn’t adjust his projections, because I was already so down on him in a non-sexual way. 2021 Projections: 66/14/69/.261/9 in 499 ABs

95. Jason Heyward – Pain. That’s what every guy, who had their arbitration massively finagled, must feel when they see Heyward’s $184 million contract. 2021 Projections: 58/15/56/.254/6 in 448 ABs

96. Mitch Haniger – He hasn’t been on the field since June 6th, 2019. On that fateful day, Mitch Haniger’s testicles Benjamin Button’d up, rather than down, and, ever since, there’s not a moment Haniger is in the condiment/spreads’ section of a supermarket when he’s not screaming, “Nutso!?” Ya know, Mitch Haniger is the 1st player in history who could win Comeback Player of the Year and C*m’s Back Player of the Year. 2021 Projections: 58/19/66/.241/5 in 441 ABs

97. Justin Upton – I was thinking to myself how the Angels won’t ever give a player a long contract again, considering their awful deals they’re carrying, then I remembered Rendon just signed a 7-year deal, which will surely be awful by its fourth year, and don’t call me Shirley. 2021 Projections: 68/24/78/.219/2 in 445 ABs

98. Jackie Bradley Jr. – Signed with the Brewers. Okay, can I make a suggestion? Change his name to Jackie Brauny Jr., stick some PEDs in his butt, and let the man mash like Ryan Braun trying to chase down a FedEx driver with a package from Balco! Who says no? Raise your hand so we know who will be the first people sacrificed when it’s time. I mean, I’m just taking a head count. Jackie Bradley Jr. goes to a solid park, and makes Cain obsolete. Damn, what are you, Sweet n’ Low? He also squeezes playing time for Avisail, and I’m not sure how much JBJ in a good park even matters, except for his glove. Does your league have defensive categories? It does? Then find a new league! Also, I removed Ryan Braun from the rankings. They have Brauny now. 2021 Projections: 66/19/73/.229/5 in 512 ABs

99. Adam Eaton – Signed by the White Sox. Adam Eaton is the LOOGY of outfielders. Somehow keeps getting jobs, and Todd Frazier thinks he can hit him. 2021 Projections: 58/9/61/.252/10 in 408 ABs Also, as always, Adam Eaton the consummate clubhouse guy:

100. Gregory Polanco – I saw Polanco was 6′ 5″ and I didn’t realize he was that tall. I wonder if he’s 6′ 5″ like I’m “5′ 7″.” Confusing quotes and all! Anyhoo! Polanco fractured his wrist this winter and I have to tell you I nearly did the same every time I saw someone talk about how great The Mandolarian was. Y’all need to watch more TV if you think that’s great TV. I’m sorry, not to be King Snob of the Snobbies, but I could’ve just fornicated while reading Joseph Campbell and it would’ve saved me a lot of time. Good twist at the end though. Anyhoo, Part II, Return to Anyhoo-ville, don’t trust Polanco’s wrist. 2021 Projections: 61/18/66/.236/7 in 466 ABs

101. Robbie Grossman – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Tigers. Woo boy, hot stove, amiright? The first big-money outfielder signing! By those big-market Tigers! I honestly half expect to hear the Tigers accidentally signed Grossman by looking at Robbie, saying, “Gross, man,” and they want their money back.” And that’s me quoting me! 2021 Projections: 61/15/66/.238/10 in 464 ABs

102. Kevin Kiermaier – They say calling a player injury-prone isn’t accurate, and I say they’ve never heard of Kevin Kiermaier. 2021 Projections: 54/13/49/.239/16 in 378 ABs

103. Dexter Fowler – This entire tier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we could not save him.” Just then, the 89-year-old patient sits up in his hospital bed like The Undertaker. Everyone in this tier is Patient X. By any means necessary they will get way too many at-bats, unless they’re injured. UPDATE: The Angels traded for Fowler, because they’re, ironically, too chicken to play Adell. The Angels fell into a fairly obvious trap set by the Cardinals. The Cards sent them screenshots of Fowler’s recent stats, but using the Wayback Machine, the internet search engine that shows old search history, and the Angels were like, “This guy’s awesome…and young!” That also must be how they’re viewing their entire lineup. “Yo, this Upton guy is only 23? Wow, we’ve got so much promise!” 2021 Projections: 61/16/63/.230/5 in 481 ABs

104. Kole Calhoun – Can I make a separate tier with Kepler, Yaz Jr. Jr. and Kole Calhoun? What’s with these boneheaded lineup arrangements? Kole Calhoun is as good at leadoff as Downtown Julie Brown.

Almost bumped up David Peralta (he’s in the next outfielder rankings) thinking he could take over at leadoff, because he made more sense as a leadoff hitter, but the Arizona Diamondbacks are Arizona Dumbnuts and I wouldn’t be shocked to see Calhoun hit .225 for 500 ABs at leadoff. UPDATE: Calhoun having knee surgery. Timetable’s four to six weeks, but, due to the unknown, I docked him a relatively conservative six weeks from Opening Day. If we get more inflammation, I will update. 2021 Projections: 51/17/45/.228/1 in 378 ABs

105. Lorenzo Cain – He opted out last year, so let’s revisit what I said last year for him, “If Yelich can’t return from his knee injury, or something else happens to him, the Brewers are a blink away from being one of the worst offenses — Cain, Braun, Urias, Arcia, Avisail, Smoak, Gyorko, and whatever they have at 3rd base are inches from being <craps and old>awful</craps and old>. Cain is top five for something in the majors — top 5 for caught stealings. His sprint speed in one year went from the 88th best in MLB to the 185th. Even his home run trot slowed — going from 63rd in MLB to 204th in MLB. Pujols better hurry up and slow down or he’s going to be passed at not being passed.” And that’s me quoting me! UPDATE: With JBJ signing, I trimmed some off Cain, because I was able. 2021 Projections: 52/9/35/.252/13 in 339 ABs

106. Shogo Akiyama – Shogo didn’t hit lefties last year, and the Reds seem like the type of idiots who think once you’ve seen a guy in 20 at-bats that’s all you need to know. They’re still looking at Votto like it’s 2007, his rookie year. Lucky for Votto he hit well that year. Unlucky for anyone who’s had him on a fantasy team since 2018. UPDATE: Will miss a few weeks, even then he’s no fo’ Shogo. 2021 Projections: 52/7/34/.271/14 in 309 ABs

107. DJ Stewart – Not to be confused with DJ Stewart’s, who always has a root beer near his turntable. “Ice Ice Baby is how I like my frosted mug.” That’s DJ Stewart’s on the wheels of steel and foamy beverages. DJ Stewart, sadly, doesn’t have any of the glint of an ice crystal on a frosty mug. I can lie to myself thinking his 33.3% HR/FB from last year is repeatable, but there’s a better chance he hits less than seven homers, as he did last year, then reaches his Steamer projections of, like, 24 homers in everyday at-bats. 2021 Projections: 58/15/51/.236/5 in 402 ABs

108. Miguel Andujar – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Oliva. I call this tier, “Well, it does smell of an orchard.” You scratch off a lottery ticket, and hit it…cherry, cherry, cherry! Then you flip the ticket over to look at the prize winnings and your winnings are that you get to smell cherries. This tier is all lottery tickets that prolly won’t pay any dividends, which is why they’re ranked this late. As for Andujar, I didn’t dream his 2018 season, did I? Can you imagine a team like the Pirates getting a 27-homer, .297 season from someone and then not needing them? Parity is just a word for nothin’ left to lose. 2021 Projections: 31/14/38/.281 in 271 ABs

109. Lane Thomas – With Bader out for a month, maybe longer it’s going to be a split between Justin Williams, who might not hit .215, and Lane Thomas, who sounds like a clothing store for mature women. I’m going to Lane Thomas for the flyer and pants suit. He might not get enough ABs to truly matter in mixed leagues, but in NL-Only, you might get a breakout. Or at least a 12/15/.255 filler. 2021 Projections: 32/8/39/.241/12 in 301 ABs

110. Cedric Mullins – Can’t exactly figure out why Mullins never gets a starting job and everyday at-bats, but we’re talking about a team that is still playing Chris Davis, so who knows. 2021 Projections: 33/5/19/.268/15 in 202 ABs

111. Victor Reyes – This guy is being completely lifted by a random eh-eff 57-game season of 4/8/.277, but he does have 50-grade power, 50-grade hit tool, and 60-grade speed. The possible 25 steals is really what interests me, and he has written all over him, “Why not Victor Reyes?” Which was also the most boring inking that tattoo artist was ever asked to do. “Are you sure you don’t want, ‘Why not Victor/Victoria?’ Then you can claim to be the biggest late-era Julie Andrews fan.” That’s the tattoo artist trying to jazz up Reyes’s arm sleeve. Tigers will hit Reyes leadoff for 162 games, if he wants and is healthy, and, while he doesn’t walk, he also doesn’t strikeout a ton, and feels like a .280 neutral luck guy with every bit the speed and power of, say, Leody. This is an unexciting pick, but as long as I don’t point his comparative value to Grisham he can be a Grisham-to-be. I just pointed it out, didn’t I? UPDATE: Tigers giveth with Renato Nunez and taketh away with Mazara ruining Reyes’s fantasy value. He was bumped way down to here and I removed a lot of his projections. 2021 Projections: 29/6/26/.281/12 in 279 ABs

112. Harrison Bader – I have a theory that is backed up by inconvertible facts. Scouts get excited about prospects and talk them up, so everyone sounds like they’re gonna be a star of some sort, but there’s just not that many stars in the majors, and even fewer who immediately are great. People love to say a guy is gonna be a star, because no one wants to say, “This guy could be meh for a few years.” For every Juan Soto, there’s ten Baders. Not to pick on anyone and there’s some sad examples in this 2014 top 25 fantasy baseball prospects, but there’s like six of 25 who have actually become great, and that’s stretching the definition of ‘great.’ By the way, while running around to my point I was making, I flipped off my hat like Bader. UPDATE: Out for a month or two with a forearm injury. Sounds like a lost year for Bader, like his cap when he’s running, but I could see a late IL slot flyer in deeper leagues. 2021 Projections: 41/10/47/.224/9 in 317 ABs

113. Cole Tucker – While I have no faith in the Pirates actually playing the exciting player over the unexciting player, I also don’t know anymore if Cole is a former or latter, or which is the former or latter. 2021 Projections: 40/8/42/.224/10 in 386 ABs

114. Michael A. Taylor – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Royals. For real baseball, I wouldn’t give Taylor 200 ABs, but, for fantasy, sign me up if this guy gets 550+ ABs. Am I liking more Royals than Lorde? Let me live that fantasy. Someone who can go 12/30 has value. Playing time might be coming a day late and a Taylor short, because his Sprint Speed keeps evaporating.” And that’s me quoting me! 2021 Projections: 41/8/44/.224/18 in 337 ABs

115. Kevin Pillar – Signed with the Mets. Let’s be real for a second and stop the jive talking. How does Dom Smith or Nimmo hit against lefties? Is Dom Smith really still being drafted in the top 100 overall? Who in their right mind is drafting Dom Smith? I mean, I’m already way down on Dom Smith in my top 20 1st basemen, but some people have him about fifty spots higher. Why is this about Dom Smith? Because you know about Pillar. 2021 Projections: 31/9/26/.271/7 in 271 ABs

116. Jo Adell – Already gave you my Jo Adell fantasy. It was originally written in ancient Sumerian. Full disclosure:  I had Adell ranked higher for his upside, but now with talk he won’t break camp with the team, and with trade for Fowler, I’m leaning heavier on his downside, and bumped down his projections. 2021 Projections: 31/12/38/.228/3 in 278 ABs

117. Randal Grichuk – This isn’t a tier as much as a question you have to ask yourself about your team in the middle of a draft:  Do I want 30 homers and maybe a .240 or lower average? Then ask yourself again:  Why didn’t I draft any power threats earlier that I need to draft these guys? Then ask yourself:  Was it really worth it to draft a starter in the 1st round? You got questions for yourself, y’all! 2021 Projections: 33/15/41/.253/1 in 268 ABs

118. Mike Tauchman – In 2019, he went 13/6 in 260 ABs. Last year in 43 games, he went 0/6. Yes, six steals and zero homers. Honestly, not sure if Mike Tauchman even knows what kind of hitter he is, so don’t look at me to explain it to you. “Mike, do you see Rajai Davis or J.D. Davis? Which Davis brother, are you? Name yourself as a Davis!” That’s me standing behind Mike Tauchman as he looks at himself in a mirror’s reflection. 2021 Projections: 32/8/35/.251/8 in 274 ABs

119. Aristides Aquino – Ya know what Aristides Aquino would likely be amazing at? A Home Run Derby. I could see him hitting 200 home runs in three minutes if all he saw were batting practice fastballs, i.e., if an NL Central team signs Bryce Harper’s dad, color me very interested, or when Aristides faces Matthew Boyd. 2021 Projections: 26/14/34/.212/2 in 194 ABs

120. Julio Rodriguez – Already gave you my Julio Rodriguez fantasy. It was written while singing for the laughter and singing for the tear. 2021 Projections: 18/7/21/.282 in 144 ABs

121. Edward Olivares – Royals are actually good, which is not the beginning of my thesis on why Britain should lose the Prime Minister, but me looking at their lineup. British Royals haven’t been good since Princess Di threw her stepmother down the stairs (you can google it, if you don’t believe me). Due to the lineup in KC being decent, it might take an injury to get Olivares up and playing. Not a calamitous shizzton of injuries, though. To Whit, just get Merrifield into the infield, and out of playing the outfield might do it. In case you’re wondering why anyone would care, Olivares went 18/35/.283 his last year in the minors. Color me…*whips head around to the nearest mirror, whispers to my reflection*…intrigued. 2021 Projections: 26/7/34/.271/12 in 264 ABs

122. Jared Oliva – From Olivares to Oliva, as I pour some Incredible Shrinking Woman juice on words. The Pirates are sitting on a guy in the minors who might be their second best hitter, and, fitting with the Pirates’ MO, he’s not even young. He’s 25, and prolly could’ve been up two years ago. In his last full year of the minors, he went 6/36, which might not even be fully expressing how much power he could get into. Tho, you need to hit the aisles behind the curtain at the GNC to get it out at PNC. 2021 Projections: 21/4/19/.233/8 in 127 ABs

123. Adam Frazier – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Marwin Gonzalez. I call this tier, “Read their blurb in another post.” As for Frazier, already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

124. Yoshi Tsutsugo – Already went over him in the top 20 3rd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

125. Chris Taylor – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

126. Michael Chavis – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

127. Marwin Gonzalez – Already went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball.

128. Lewis Brinson – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end. I call this tier, “Burgess Meredith.” This tier takes its name from The Twilight Zone’s episode Time Enough at Last, when Burgess Meredith was the last man left on earth. Luckily, his glasses shattered and he couldn’t see some of these players’ stats. As for Brinson, to take this back up to my top 80 outfielders with my blurb on Tyler O’Neill, rarely does a player find himself repeatedly in the very last tier of any position. Lewis Brinson, the Erik Gonzalez of outfielders. IYKYK. 2021 Projections: 29/9/35/.233/8 in 231 ABs

129. Oscar Mercado – Shopping at the Mercado requires one to ignore the discounts at Bradley’s, where they’re peddling brands like Rolo, Tommy Hilfinger and Guchi and calling it GOOD STUFF. Side note: I had to google Bradlees to make sure I didn’t make up that store in my mind. Y’all remember Bradlees? It took almost fourteen years to go out of business. Absolute chef’s kiss of garbage. Any hoo! Last year wasn’t good for Mercado, but another way of looking at it is he’s 36 games away from what people thought was a top 25 outfielder last year. Bradley Zimmer is lurking, and how much stupid playing time he might get is a concern. Bradley’s cheap options suck! UPDATE: Optioned to the alternate camp. When you can’t make Cleveland’s outfield, you really can’t be trusted in any fantasy league. They want Amed Rosario over Mercado in the outfield. That’s like wanting Woody Allen to babysit. Mercado has become the AL’s Lewis Brinson. I will call him Grandpa AL Lewis.2021 Projections: 27/7/28/.254/8 in 258 ABs

130. Yasiel Puig – FREE AGENT 2021 Projections:

131. Bradley Zimmer – BraZi: A player or players who did something for someone in their organization, and now are repaid a favor by getting playing time.  They are often pointed at with the scream, “Look a BraZi!” 2021 Projections: 33/8/31/.219/10 in 277 ABs

132. Daniel Johnson – Hi, How Are You? Oh, it’s Daniel Johnson, not Daniel Johnston. That’s prolly for the best, since the latter is dead. Unlike Cleveland’s outfield, which barely has a pulse. Johnson has great speed and some power, but I’m not convinced he won’t hit .185, since he’s turning 26 this year, and he recently toyed with becoming a pitcher. Sounds promising! 2021 Projections: 28/6/33/.214/18 in 306 ABs

133. Austin Slater – Thus far in his career, Bayside has given Slater more respect than the Bay Area. 2021 Projections: 28/6/34/.268/8 in 224 ABs

135. Ian Desmond – You make plans for Garrett Hampson and Sam Hilliard, and Bud Black laughs maniacally, then briefly coughs, sips out of cup labeled, “Stupid Juice,” then laughs again. UPDATE: Sounds like he’s opting out, i.e., saving Bud Black from himself. 2021 Projections: 31/12/38/.241/5 in 305 ABs

134. Brett Gardner – Re-signed with the Yankees. This is a very optimistic ranking of Gardner. Oh, not optimistic for him! No, not at all! This is optimistic that the Yankees will actually play Clint Frazier. “Yankees, hey, long time no speak, so let me ask you something, and feel free to answer because I’m dying to know — why the eff don’t you ever want to play Clint Frazier?” That’s me calling the Yankees’ helpdesk. 2021 Projections: 34/12/39/.230/8 in 271 ABs

135. Anthony Alford – Only ranking him at all because Steamer has him down for a 10/20 season. Getting some deja vu vibes. Anyone know if Anthony Gose changed his name? 2021 Projections: 22/4/24/.208/12 in 226 ABs

136. Jose Marmolejos – Finally, The Gypsy Kings’ favorite MLB player. Yo, DJ Stewart, put on some of that Gypsy Kings shizz! Marmolejos…Marmoley-ah! 2021 Projections: 28/15/34/.212 in 302 ABs