Please see our player page for Mike Tauchman to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Dodgers, Yankees and Padres should just divvy up the entire league and paper, rock, scissors the World Series.

“Paper beats rock.”
“Damn…Oh, man, did you have to bat flip your hand to rub it in? Don’t you know the unwritten rules of paper, rock, scissors?”

No matter how good the Yankees and Padres are, the Dodgers are Standard Oil. So, the full package for Max Scherzer and Trea Turner is:  Keibert Ruiz, RHPs Josiah Gray, Gerardo Carrillo; a bagel Larry King once took a bite of and put aside; fan meet ‘n greet with Rob Lowe, Hollywood Walk of Fame star of Mr. Ed; a good parking spot at Trader Joe’s, which seems impossible but whatever; a call from Tom Arnold about this “thing” and someone to intercept the call and jot down notes, and OF Donovan Casey. Let’s look at the Dodgers’ lineup once everyone is healthy:

Betts RF
T Turner 2B
Muncy 1B
J Turner 3B
Seager SS
Smith C
Bellinger CF
Pollock LF
Bench Barnes C, Pujols 1B, Taylor INF/OF, McKinstry INF/OF, McKinney OF/1B
Staff: Scherzer, Buehler, Kershaw, Urias, Price and Danny Duffy. Oh, eff off.

There’s a lot here, so let’s get on the other side of the anyway to break it down. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On my teams with Juan Soto, Trevor Story and Cody Bellinger, there’s been very little to celebrate. I paid $15 for Tom Arnold to send me a Cameo video telling me it would be okay. You remember Tom Arnold: Guy who is famous for sleeping with Roseanne Barr. Honestly, that should make someone famous. That and getting your junk Ginzu’d are valid reasons for fame. More so than your sister was in a sex tape. If I were ranking them for fame, 1A) Marrying Roseanne, 1B) Getting Junk Ginzu’d, Z) Sister was in a sex tape. Any hoo! Trevor Story (2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer) had a big game — on the road! — and maybe finally there’s light at the end of the tunnel. As Geoff and I discussed on this week’s podcast, Story’s Launch Angle hasn’t been great. He’s hitting way too many ground balls, and pulling everything. The result: Pitch on the outside corner, and he rolls over it to the shortstop. Maybe there’s a fire lit under him with the thought of getting out of Colorado. Think this could be a boon for his value:  If trading for Story, the team will be contending, so the lineup will be better. Not all stadiums are bad. You telling me Story in Yankee Stadium is bad? Are you telling me this? Don’t tell em this. Also, the reinvigoration of a pennant chase can activate him like charcoal. Either Coors or elsewhere, he needs to correct his Launch Angle, and hopefully yesterday is the right direction. My other solution is spitting blow darts into his ribs while he’s at-bat, so he lowers his back elbow and it forces him into an uppercut swing. But that might be illegal. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

First, allow me to share a story, uh, shared by frequent commenter, Travis Hafner. The Pronk One:

So, do we think Harrison Bader is into Pikachu or Mankey? Polyps? More like Poliwag or Poliwhirl! “Do you mind if I call you Jigglypuff?” That’s Harrison Bader talking to Yadier Molina. Harrison Bader looks at a fruit basket and is like, “Does anyone want this Flapple or can I have it?” Is this all gibberish or am I actually saying real words or am I reading aloud while I edit a Pokemonpedia? Who’s to say! In that fantastic story from Travis Hafner that I want to make all about Pokemon is a little tidbit about how Bader had polyps in his nose which hurt his equilibrium and his hitting. Reminds me of the time I had collagen sucked out of my face because my card was declined and now they say I got po’ lips. Sad for me, but positive for Bader, because he had surgery and it’s fixed. That could legitimately help him take his game to the next level. He’s been hitting this week, and I would absolutely grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, the season is upon us!  Injury season!  As if last year wasn’t bad enough, we get another chance to drive ourselves mad over the increasing number of injuries, covid vaccine complications, and even video game-related injuries.  I remember one time when I was just a young lad, probably no more than 10 years old when a certain video game was introduced to me!  “Leisure Suit Larry”.  If you are not familiar, it is a graphic adventure game where you play the role of a 38-year-old virgin who still lives in your mothers’ basement.  With only $98 in your pocket a sweet ass Leisure Suit, you have to move up the ranks and seduce the likes of a sex worker, a bar drunk, a girl next door, and finally the perfect 10!  How does this story correlate to today?  Glad you asked!  Jesus Luzardo injured his hand while banging the coffee table, and there was a time when I had this game and I injured my hand bang……..wait.  Let’s get back to baseball!  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kris Bryant (3-for-5, 3 RBIs, and his 8th and 9th homer) pulled a fast one on us. A switcheroo not seen since the 1987 sitcom, Switcheroo. Singing theme song, “He thought being a kid was tough, and the dad did too…Then a witch came along and did a switcheroo…Now the dad goes to school and the son has sex with the mom…Whatcha gonna do it’s a Switcheroo!” Kris Bryant’s switcheroo was pretending to be a washed-up baseball player, and he did a switcheroo with his former MVP self. Classic hijinks ensue, like the scene where fantasy baseballers mentally replace Kris Bryant with the schmohawk they drafted instead around 120th overall. Singing, “I thought drafting Kris Bryant would be tough, so I instead took Didi Gregorius, and now there’s no way I will be victorious…Switcheroo!” Classic fun TV theme song there. There were five bajillion home runs in just this game yesterday, so let’s get to it…Humming, “…so I instead took Didi Gregarious, and now there’s no way I will be victorious…Switcheroo!” Sorry, it’s so catchy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Every year, Vladimir Guerrero Jr. showed up at camp saying he was in the best shape of his life. He was like a Russian nesting doll of “Best Shapes.” Or a caterpillar. Shed one Best Shape, and reveal another Best Shape. Then another Best Shape gone, and another Best Shape emerged. “I think someone left their earth skin in the washing machine.” That’s the Blue Jays’ clubhouse attendant finding one of Vlad’s Best Shapes. Then, this year, Vlad, the Mini Impala, showed up at camp with his Best Best BEST Best Shape. A Best Shape to best every other Best Shape. And it’s the best. Last night, he went 3-for-4, 7 RBIs, as he hit three homers (5, 6, 7). He’s gonna hit 40 homers and .350, isn’t he? People are going to be talking about Vlad Jr. in a few years the way they talk about Mike Trout. He’s hitting for power without sacrificing average, and it’s gorgeous. Good for you, Vlad. I’m glad he finally is in the Best Best BEST Best Shape of his life. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello again, Razzgals/bois.

Welp, odds are you done got rekt this week with some injury news one way or the other, especially if you’ve invested heavily in Blue Jays players and a certain MVP candidate on the White Sox. The latter is true for me. Good news is I have my Hardwood Hogs playing for an Elite 8 berth to look forward to tonight. And honestly, if Oral Roberts shocks the world once again, the March Madness fan in me isn’t gonna 100% hate it. I might cry, but some of those tears will be of joy for ORU. Maybe.

Enough about me. Let’s get to those injuries:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’ve done it! We’ve reached the end of the fantasy baseball hitter rankings for 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. Give yourself a big round of applause. I’d clap for you, but I have carpal tunnel from actually ranking all the hitters and writing all their blurbs and calculating all of their projections and– What exactly did you do? Oh, yeah, you read them. No wonder why your hands can still clap. Wait a second, I’m doing a utility-only hitter ranking this year. This isn’t the end of the hitter rankings. Feeling woozy, need to sit down. Okay, let’s get to it because this post is like 5,000 words long and I wrote it with my toes. C’mon, pinkie toe, push down the shift key! So, here’s Steamer’s 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. All projections included here are mine, and where I see tiers starting and stopping are included. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, here we are again friends.  Another injury article, another lead off for Aaron Judge.  Judge made it halfway through a single game off the IL before re-aggravating his calf injury last week and has been promptly put on the shelf again.  This time, it seems like the Yankees are going to take their time with their start outfielder to make sure they don’t run into any more setbacks.  At this point, everyone worth grabbing on this Yankees squad has been profiled already, but these are no longer fluke issues with this team.  Even upon the return of Stanton and Judge to the lineup, I’d hold onto Clint Frazier (who’s flashing some impressive leather lately) and Mike Tauchman as it’s only a matter of time until they hit lineups again.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jesse Winker had his open eye locked on the baseball Friday night as he extended his hot streak going 2-for-3 with two home runs and three RBI. It was the 26 year old outfielder’s first multi-homer game in ever. Winky’s now slashing an insane .365/.484/.712 with five jacks, eight RBI and a steal for good measure. But I’m not finished yet! Wink’s been hotter than Cardi B’s “WAP” video, batting .688 in the past five days and hitting all five of his homers in that stretch. To be fair, his .424 BABIP and .346 ISO aren’t exactly sustainable numbers, even by a Trout-Mookie frankenbaby (although that does sound adorable)–regardless, Jesse is a hot little potato right now. This is not completely out of nowhere either, as he flashed some pop with Cinnci last season, batting .269 with 16 bombs in 113 games. Are you intrigued yet? Because Jesse is still available in just about half of fantasy leagues! Where do I sign, you ask? And has this pen been sanitized? Well, unfortunately, like everything in 2020, Winker isn’t exactly a no thinker (err, brainer) of a pick up just yet. The Reds announced Friday that a PTBNL has tested positive for COVID-19 and Saturday’s game against the Pittsburgh Pirates has been postponed. That’s all the information available to me at the moment, but I assume if this turns into a Marlins/Cardinals situation, then adding Reds players right now (no matter how hot) is probably not pro stratz, bro. Whatever happens, I’ll always remember that five day stretch where Jesse Winker was the hottest man in baseball, and I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “wow he didn’t make a ‘Winker? I hardly know her!’ joke this whole time. But you’d be wrong. I actually did. It just wasn’t funny! Lol. Jokes aside, let’s hope the Reds can get back to playing baseball ASAP as possible.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY YESTERDAY ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $5/MONTH.)

Being hearing a lot of gossip about Clint Frazier. That’s healthy. Ya know, some ginger tea. Don’t think the Yankees called Clint Frazier up just for make-up games, though this was overheard: “He’s not a clown?” Aaron Boone continued, “Oh, I thought he was for makeup games.” Then Boone laughed himself out of his mask.

Artwork by our talented writer, CoolWhip.

So, Clint Frazier has struggled to get real playing time with the Yankees, but maybe he’s this year’s spark plug. He does look like he’s fire. He’s a 20-homer, 7-steal, .260 hitter over a 162 games, and that lineup is so great, I’d take a flyer on Frazier. Some might say, “Clint Frazier? I like Mike Tauchman!” Yeah, Tauchman’s projected for 3 HRs, 2 SBs and a .255 average, how can he not be owned?! Dude’s a 20-game hot streak away from one good Trevor Story game! Okay, I’m being unfair and underselling. Projections don’t love Tauchman, but if he gets everyday at-bats, he’s worth a look or whoever is in that lineup replacing Stanton, whether it’s Aaron Hicks, Mike Ford, Clint Frazier, or PTBYankee’dL. So, this is kind of a Yankees’ placeholder in lineup endorsement, but Clint Frazier is the most interesting. Plus, *pinkie up as I sip* ginger tea. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but Giancarlo Stanton is hurt again.

Before the shortened season, things were looking up for Stanton.  The layoff gave him plenty of time to heal from offseason injuries, a shortened campaign meant he had a better shot of staying healthy throughout, and he had started the season off strong.  It looked like everyone who’d proclaimed “well he ONLY has to stay healthy for 60 games” were on their way to a nice profit…..wrong.   Stanton is now sitting on the IL with a minor hamstring strain that is going to sideline him for 3-4 weeks.  Knowing Stanton, and knowing the Yankees, I would expect it to be more towards 4, if not longer.  We’re venturing into total lost cause territory with Stanton.  In his absence, Mike Tauchman immediately becomes startable in all formats and Clint Frazier is going to get yet another opportunity to show he can stick with the big club.

Please, blog, may I have some more?