Don’t Call Him P Didier, He’s RP Didier To Become SP Didier

Braves are hilarious. You think I was kidding all of those years and fifteen thousand references to the Shroud of Touki. You thought I just made up this mythical jacket that one Braves’ starter would wear each year that made them great out of nowhere. There was no truth to it? Explain how prior to Spring Training, Didier Fuentes had projections of 7.7 K/9 and a 4.75 ERA in roughly 25 IP for this year, and now he looks like Spencer Strider pre-UCL damage. Oh, Spencer Strider was once the wearer of the Shroud of Touki too, ya know? Bryce Elder? Once donned it. Julio Teheran? Yes, John Iran did! Michael Soroka? You know he flashed some technicolor; he finished 6th in the Cy Young voting in 2019! Mike Foltynewicz? There was faultynewicz in his game, but not when wearing that Shroud! Oddly enough, Touki was the only one to never wear it. A giver, I suppose. So, Didier Fuentes made the Braves as a long reliever, but will be stretched out in a month to enter the rotation. Fuentes had a 4.58 ERA in the minors last year, but 97 MPH gas to go with two other pitches (87 MPH slider; 88.5 MPH splitter), and can take some people by surprise. Worth a flyer in deeper leagues who can wait for his chance in the rotation, and is worth it in leagues that use middle relievers. He was added to the top 500. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2026 fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! The first week’s Buy/Sell is already available for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the roundup:

Dominic Smith – Him and Kyle Farmer seem locked into a DH platoon. Braves’ lineup looks like Morganna. “Damn…Okay…Show me what you’re working with up top…Hmm, Dom Smith must be knobby knees….Dubon is those feet that had to run onto the field.”

Kyle Stowers – Out three to four weeks with a hamstring strain. Brutal news. Not only does that take a once-promising sleeper down to a flyer in the 200’s overall on my top 500, but it makes me look bad because I wrote a sleeper for him. Won’t someone think about me?! I put him in the top 80 outfielders, and he’s basically an IL flyer. I don’t trust him to get healthy because this hamstring strain has lingered now for months. It’s as bad as news gets. No bright side, unless you consider Griffin Conine getting more at-bats good news, and, if you do, well, “Hi, Jeff, nice of you to read Razzball.”

Esteury Ruiz – Out 6-8 weeks with an oblique strain. That Esteury ran dry.

Bryce Eldridge – Was sent down to start the year. Giants said he couldn’t make consistent contact and had no eligibility so he had limited value in redraft leagues anyway. Or maybe that was me. He was removed from the top 500.

Zebby Matthews – Sent down. That solidifies Mick Abel in the Twins’ rotation, and I’m about as excited for him as I can be (roughly a six out of 10, but that’s pretty good; it’s hard to be a ten, he said looking into the mirror). Top 100 starters were updated.

Jasson Dominguez – Sent down to the minors. Yanks might want to consider the recent trade offer @bronxbombers4life27rings suggested during his WFAN call-in of Jasson Dominguez for Tarik Skubal.

Justin Crawford – Made the Opening Day roster. Major FOMO that I don’t roster him anywhere. My FOMO will be hilarious in retrospect in, say, May, when he’s hitting .250 with three steals and one RBI and zero homers.

Parker Messick – Made the Opening Day rotation. Woo hoo! Did you have Messick as a flyer in your league? Did you follow Grey Albright’s number one fantasy baseball rankings (from 2023-2025) where he had him as a flyer in the top 80 starters? You did? Brilliant! You sound like a smart person!

Sean Manaea – Will piggyback to start the year with the Mets going to an initial five-man rotation. Lucky Manaea doesn’t have a stereotypical Samoan build if he’s piggybacking. Kodai Senga looks solid, and let’s see how he looks a few weeks into the season. Nah’mean?

Mike Tauchman – Torn meniscus. That’s a menis that no Midol is fixing. Carson Benge should lock up the strong side of the right field job. Found myself drafting him a lot in deeper leagues, and not 100% sure why there’s been almost zero hype.

Reese McGuire – Signed with the White Sox. I can’t think of a more natural fit for him than the White Sox.

JJ Bleday – Sent down, and Wil Benson won the strong side of the Reds’ left field job and people are still drafting Spencer Steer like the Reds want to play him. I’d autopilot and Steer away.

Nick Lodolo – Left his start with a blister. Imma invent something called, I don’t know, Blistex, and sell it to MLB teams and make a fortune. Reds beat writer said, “Reds training staff is treating Lodolo’s blister on his index finger. Reds don’t expect to know severity relative to making his season debut on time until the next day or two. Similar to Singer the other day,” and Singer is fine now, so fingers crossed. Not you, Lodolo!

T.J. Rumfield – Appears likely to be the Rockies’ 1st baseman to start the year. That’s TJ Rumfield, not to be confused with DJ Rumsfeld, who used to spin records at Abu Ghraib. Excellent news for NL-Only, if you took that Rumfield flyer prior to this news. Can see a flyer in mixed leagues, but he looks incredibly Quad-A, and Quad-A players do very well in Spring Training when they’re facing mediocre pitchers. His projections from others is 15/5/.260 and that’s very boring.

Hyeseong Kim – Sent down, which means the Dodgers will use some combination of Alex Freeland, Miguel Rojas and Santiago Espinal or Alguelago Freepinalas, which is what everyone is calling them. Dodgers seem to hate Kim as much as Eminem.

Kristian Campbell – Sent down to the minors. His $60-million, eight-year deal last year might turn out to be the best deal any rookie ever made.

Konnor Griffin – Sent down. Yeah, gotta work on his bunting, fielding and accepting a long-term deal that is under market value. That’s in reverse order of priority.

Jhostynxon Garcia – Sent down to start the year, but once the Pirates need to get into their Spectrum account, they’ll recall him.

Dylan Crews – Sent down to start the year. I went to take a nap and he was gone. They were right, you snooze, you lose Crews. This is the worst Crews news since February/March of 2020 when that booze cruise was parked off the coast and people were screaming out their cabin window that it smells like poop. I can’t believe Crews was sent down. Wow. That’s a blow, bro. That’s a low blow, bro. That’s a whoa low brow, bro. When I’m staggered by news, I find myself rhyming. Is that obvious? If I get staggered enough, I’m about to start my own busker troupe. Grab a bucket and beat on it because I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Crews was sent down because the Nationals have to play Andres Chaparro? Roughly three days ago, I thought Chaparro was a hat. I imagine Crews will be back within a few weeks, but he’s now undraftable in a 12-teamer. He was adjusted in the top 100 outfielders and the top 500.