Before we get to the action, as Jerry Bruckeheimer would say, I just want to point out how MLB schedules are the most ding-dang-dopey things. That’s right, Triple D, but not as in Guy Frieri. It’s almost like they held yesterday for any games that were rained out all year, then, during the year, they forgot they did that, so they had teams in August play nine games a week, and now we have a day with four games. Just gotta tip your hat to MLB’s stupidity. Don’t even get me started on them ending the year on a Wednesday. Um, are you dumb, MLB? Any hoo! The Elder Gods have spoken, the Lord of the Rings new show on Amazon has sponsored the Braves, and the Gnats suuuuuuuuuuuuuck with twelve U’s. Bryce Elder went 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.76 vs. the Gnats, and not even Joey Meneses, the Greek God of “Now’s Not A Good Time To Bother Mom” could get him. Braves are hilarious with how they just call-up guys, and they’re the best pitchers ever for a season, then disappear as quickly. Hopefully not Spencer Strider, but I’m not ruling out TTS, The Touki Syndrome. Elder is a 8 K/9, 4+ BB/9, 4.30 xFIP guy, who I wouldn’t trust in most circumstances, but, for this year in fantasy, all that matters is what the Streamonator says. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Aristides Aquino to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Houston Astros outfielder slash heir to the throne of the Southlands, destroyer of baseballs, Yordan Alvarez went for the hat trick Friday night going 4-for-4 (s/o Wendys!) with three home runs (34, 35, 36) including this 464 footer! That’s the longest shot of Yordy’s career and the three bombs in a single game is a […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Giants’ President Farhan Zaidi puts some soil on top of a newspaper clipping of Jonathan Villar’s DFA’ing. Waters it every day for five weeks straight, then what slowly crops up from it is David Villar. Do they have to now feed and take care of David Villar or does he take care of himself? Are there rules to caring for a newly sprouted David Villar? I don’t know, but there’s nothing Farhan Zaidi can’t do. Zaidi is the original Zaddy, amiright? What is a Zaddy? I have no idea. In order to give you some cold hard facts (facts that I place in an Igloo at the foot of my bed), I went to look at the Giants’ lineup to make sure David Villar was an everyday starter, and that team is so hilariously bad. Their lineup is, “What happens when reasonably thought-out platoons go very bad.” Joc Pederson should be in a platoon? Okay, and so should Lewis Brinson. LaMonte Wade Jr.? He’s gotta be in a platoon, and so should Austin Dean! J.D. Davis? Oh, he must be in a platoon. Great, because Wilmer Flores has to be in a platoon too! The only problem? One of these platoons would be fine, but to have seven of them? Ha, my gawd, bro. That’s awful. Someone said they could have an entire lineup of platoons, and no one asked if they should. So, is David Villar in a platoon? I don’t think so. He seems to be the only one not in a platoon. Of course, the only reason any of this matters is because he’s been crazy hot, and has big-time power. In 84 games in Triple-A, he hit 27 homers, and .275. In the majors, his average is likely not going to ever be that high, but the ball off his bat might. Bam! Hashtag nailed it! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The White Sox have been homer-less all season. Not literally. But it’s been bad. Andrew Vaughn (1-for-3) hit his 16th homer. It is so wild that he leads the White Sox in homers. White Sox all went to the offseason seminar at the Ramada titled, “Arraez and Shine,” hosted by Luis. This September Eloy Jimenez (0-for-3, 1 run) became the first White Sox player in a month with five or more homers. On the reals, that’s awful. Is it the humidor? Tony La Russa muttering, “Bunt” from the hospital bed he’s had them tow into the dugout? Or something else? I’m not sure, but it’s comically bad. Though, yesterday was a reprieve. Yasmani Grandal (2-for-3) hit his 5th homer. Yasmani is generous, more like Yasbarelyani. Yoan Moncada (4-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 10th homer. I’m not joking when I say it looked like the White Sox were taking batting practice vs. Hunter Gaddis. Gaddis sounds like gibberish for “Got his ass,” and they did, indeed. Elvis Andrus (1-for-5) hit his 14th homer, and will once again be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because otherwise would be malpractice, and you’d sue me, and I’d have to relocate to Mexico under an assumed identity, and get mixed up with a bunch of anarchists. Finally, Gavin Sheets (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 13th homer. Fun fact! I call my toilet, “Havin’ Shits.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t ask much of you, my readers. Usually just that you read my sometimes rambling thoughts on fantasy baseball. But now I will ask something more of you. Finish what you started, bring home that championship. That’s not so hard, really I’m just asking you to keep doing what you’ve been doing. Just a few short weeks are all that separate you from what I can only assume is a very large trophy. You have to be a little bit pickier with who you start now because the pressure has been turned up a couple notches. Can you feel it? However, that doesn’t mean the wire is completely bare. Just because a guy is on a hot streak doesn’t mean he’s the answer to your prayers but there are always some guys out there who can give you immediate points. Let’s bring it home.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Guys wearing nothing but raspberries, screaming to the camera, “We’re the Fram-Boys! We celebrate Framber Valdez with every fiber of our body, and our body is eight grams dietary fiber in every cup. And, go ahead, and give us a cup check! It’s filled with raspberries, wanna see?” Back to the studio for Astros’ announcer, Todd Kalas, laughing, “Those Fram-Boys! Sure hope they don’t stain any linens.” Framber Valdez (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.50) just notched his 24th consecutive Quality Start. Framber heard to be celebrated here but nowhere else, because Amber Heard sued Johnny Depp and is in that sentence? On the next Povich! Yeah, I don’t know why, but Framber seems to be way below other similar pitchers in people’s minds. Here’s one for you: Framber Valdez or Sandy Alcantara? Sandy’s discussed in Cy Young terms; Framber is teammates to a guy who might win the Cy Young. Are Sandy and Framber Valdez that different? Are Framber and Sandy Alcantara that different for 2023 fantasy? I’m not being daft, here’s some peripherals: 8.5 K/9, 3.09 xFIP, 2.50 ERA vs. 8.1 K/9, 3.39 xFIP and 2.43 ERA. Any ideas which is which? The better peripherals? They’re Framber Valdez’s! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It is going to be a wild week in MLB as teams have a large disparity of games. Plan ahead, don’t leave yourself having to start a fringe player with only 5 games, if you play in a weekly league. Now that we are officially in crunch time for leagues, don’t let those few counting […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Rangers have called up Josh Jung. Heads over to Amazon to order a megaphone; sits by door to wait three to five days for shipping; argues with Cougs about how we should get Prime; being told we do have Prime, it’s just I don’t have Prime; we argue more, and, finally, the megaphone arrives after five days. I rip apart the packaging, and push button, but I need batteries. I beg Cougs for our Prime password, so I can get batteries quicker, she acquiesces, and the next day, when the batteries arrive, I load them into the megaphone, press the button and scream, “LET’S F***ING GO!” The asterisks were megaphone feedback. So, Josh Jung finally gets the call, and he’s a immediate add in all leagues. He’s got 60-grade power, and shouldn’t struggle to hit for a decent average. Has no speed, and you never know what a guy is going to do in only a month of time, but I’m here for the Rangers’ Ponce De Leon’ing to get Jung again, and so should you. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Friends, I have no polite way to put it: last week in baseball injuries was a shit show. While some of the early season injuries are out of the way, the Tommy John surgeries, thoracic outlet syndrome, and other various fractures and tears are TEARING ME APART. Hyun Jin Ryu. Andrew Kittredge. Daulton Jeffries. Casey […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pirates’ front office looking at the clock labeled, “Service Manipulation.” The big hand clicks towards “Extra year of service time,” and the little hand creeps towards, “Being cheap AF.” Just as Being Cheap AF and Extra Year of Service Time meet at 12 o’clock, a little birdie flies out in a Pirates’ jersey with the uniform number for Tyler Glasnow and starts cuckooing. With that, Roansy Contreras was called up by the Pirates, and will start today. In Triple-A, he had 2.66 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 10.6 K/9, 4.9 BB/9, and a 1.33 HR/9. He can be electric, but those walks scare me. Yo, I don’t trust the Pirates at all. Not with pitchers, not with hitters, not for nothing but not with nothing. No trust. Anyone rostering Ke’Bryan and Bryan Reynolds liking it? Has Mitch Keller clicked yet? Will he ever? How’s Oneil Cruz doing you? Sucks to put that all at Roansy’s feet, but there ya go. That’s my feelings on him. For those that found us by googling “sucks” + “feet,” you a freak! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wish I could say Kevin Gausman‘s success this year will end forever, “(Pitcher’s name) is going to AL East, now you better be scared, right, Grey? Grey, tell me you’re supposed to be scared. Say that now. I beg of you! Tell me (pitcher’s name) going to the AL East is bad for him!” Grabs Aquanet hairspray and a Zippo lighter, threatening, “Tell me, Grey, or I will burn down your house.” Even with the NL getting the DH, something about a pitcher going to the AL East frightens guys more than hearing Amber Heard just ate Raisin Bran. Yesterday, Kevin Gausman went 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.27. That’s now 41 Ks and zero walks to start the year. That’s the third most Ks to start the year without a walk since 1900 (only behind 2021 Corbin Burnes and 2017 Kenley Jansen). It doesn’t matter if a pitcher has two pitches, if one is unhittable like Gausman’s splitter, and it doesn’t matter what division a pitcher is in if he’s unhittable. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Motivational speaker, Manny Machado, entered the Padres’ clubhouse before yesterday’s contest and asked new head coach, Bob Melvin, if he could speak. His teammates’ rapt attention centered on Manny, and he spoke, “I won’t always run hard to first, 2nd, third or home. I will usually ask for a golf cart to take me out to 3rd base between innings. When it’s my time in the on-deck circle, I will ask the umps if I can put on water wings and slap around in a kiddie pool. When that clock strikes April 19th, I will check out until sometime in July. But I am telling you right now, you have every piece of me from this moment here, until roughly ten o’clock on April 18th, then again sometime in July. And I will take you where you need to go, so hop on!” And with that Wil Myers stood and began to clap at first. Then he elbowed Eric Hosmer (4-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs), who was dreaming of grounding out to 2nd base, and he stood and clapped too. And, before anyone knew it, the entire clubhouse was in a rousing ovation for their leader, Manny Machado — the best clubhouse guy a team could hope for. Then, as the ovation began to dissipate, Machado asked Luke Voit if he could drive the golf cart that would take him out to the field. So, yesterday, Manny Machado (5-for-6, 4 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer, a 111 MPH shot into left field, and two steals for the magnificent slam and double legs. This was Machado’s 2nd career five-hit night. Five hits, 4 runs, 2 SBs with a homer in a game had only been done three times since 1987 — Andrew McCutchen, Carl Crawford and Tony Gwynn. Machado gets a bad rap; he does usually put up top 25 overall type numbers, as long as Voit continues to gas up the golf cart. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?