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Let’s take a moment of silence for Christian Yelich’s season

 

 

On to the picks…

 

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Abraham Toro-Hernandez (0-for-4) was called up by the Astros. Funny, I thought Abraham Toro-Hernandez was one of those special sushi rolls. “It’s got lox for the Jews, toro because it’s sushi and it’s served in a giant tostada. You want?” That’s the sushi restaurant waitress who is always annoyed. For Toro-Hernandez, I did a google (which is similar to when a baby says ‘I did a doo-doo,’ because you don’t do nothing but sh*t for 20 minutes), and I’ve come to realize the most overused expression of the last five years is “The Most Interesting Man.” Saw one article talk about how Toro was “The Most Interesting Man” because he spoke multiple languages and grew up in Montreal. That doesn’t make him interesting, that makes him from Montreal. Why does this infuriate me? He looks like a batting average-forward guy (.306 in Double-A) with some power (16 HRs in 98 games), and more speed than he’s shown in the minors (4 SBs). Appears to be a bit raw and maybe just a bench guy, but major league pitching and Double-A might not be that different, so Shruggy the Emoji shrugs. With Correa needing a giant bubble to stay healthy, Toro could see everyday starts at 3rd, and I could see grabbing him for the flier and upside. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As is the on-trend thing to do this season, Mike Yastrzemski joined the 3-homer club Friday night smashing three long balls in one night including his 16th of the season, a go-ahead solo shot in the 11th inning. The three-dinger-day!?! Yaz queeen! That kind of feat is something his hall-of-fame grandfather Carl, who will ALWAYS be mentioned whenever Mike does anything of note, only accomplished once in 3,308 career games. But this is 2019. We have Monster energy drinks and super baseballs and over 15 players who have had a 3-homer games this season alone. Friday’s Giants/DBacks match up was a perfect illustration of this with both team’s combining to hit 12 home runs. Just the second time two teams have combined to hit this many homers. Kevin Pillar had his own double-dinger day, hitting his 16th and 17th of the year, the second a go-ahead in the 10th. But the Snakes countered with homers from Wilmer Flores (his second of the game) and Nick Ahmed to tie it up before Yaz’s game-winner. Brandon Belt, Ketel Marte, Eduardo Escobar and Adam Jones also chipped in their own bombs.  Yeah so, basically, everyone was dinging dongs Friday night at Chase. Still, Mike Yasztremski deserves his credit, and his credit is due. The hat-trick is a special thing and he’s now rocking 5 homers and a .333 average in the past week.  His .272/.324/.548 slash is nothing to sneeze at and he’s also slugging .755 in August with a 1.088 OPS. He’s a 30+ homer hitter across a whole season, folks. Yeah, you’d own that! And Yaz is criminally still available in about half of leagues at this point. Sure, Vlady and Bo and Cavan are cool, but grand kids are where it’s really at and Mike Yastrzemski needs to be owned everywhere. Yaz more please!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning and I don’t think I’ll ever make it on time. By the time I grab my books and I give Razzball a look, I’m at the website just in time to see the news fly by. It’s alright ‘coz I’m saved by Josh Bell. Was Samuel “Screetch” Powers spotted in Pittsburgh last night? No he was not. Neither were any of the other cast of Saved By The Bell. However, Josh Bell was in attendance. Trailing by five runs going into the ninth, Bell’s three run homer helped the Pirates tied the game. You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice how well Josh has been this year. If it weren’t for Yelich and Bellinger, Bell would be the top choice for the National League MVP. Bell went two for four on the night, but the Pirates ended up falling short in extras. As for Mr. Belding and crew this year marks the 30th anniversary of the show. In related news A.C. Slater and Zack Morris are both blue belts in jiu-jitsu. Perhaps we can get rematch of their fight that took place at Bayside High.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

My preseason NL MVP pick was Travis Shaw.  *turns to a mirror* You’re handsome, but hella stupid.  My mirror reflection separates from my body.  The apparition picks up a see-through suitcase, “I think it’s time we went our separate ways.”  But how will you get along out there without me? Can an apparition order Chick-fil-A or boba? “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”  It was one bad call.  “Tell that to my teams with Travis Shaw and Daniel Palka.”  Nooooooo!!!  Any hoo!  My soul left me after I told it to draft Travis Shaw, and I can’t blame it.  What a garbage call.  Maybe Shaw will return as Travos so we can “see worth.”  It’s a game of puns!  With the Brewers moving on from Shaw by sending him to the Ineffective List, they called up Keston Hiura.  I know I say this shizz three times a week, but he could be *the* call-up of the year.  Here’s what I’ve said in the past, “One scout said this offseason at the Arizona Fall League, ‘We all talk about the bat of Vladdy, with obvious reason, but outside of Vladdy, I’d call Keston Hiura the purest power bat I saw out in Arizona. He’s just a special, special kid.’  The scout continued, ‘Have you seen my chew?’ turning his lip inside out, ‘Ah, there it is,’ then after a pause, ‘I’m big league, baby!’ I actually have owned Huira for the better part of two years in two separate NL-Only leagues, and I’m a fan.  Think there’s a chance for a 18/7/.270 season.  That sounds downright–Don’t say Jed Lowrie, don’t say Lowrie, don’t say Lowrie, don’t say Lowrie– Led Jowrie!  (What’s worse, I thought of saying ‘what Brett Lawrie was supposed to be’ — woof!)  In Double-A last year, Hiura hit 6 HRs with 11 SBs and .272 in only 73 games, but his bat will play, and, as mentioned above about how he looked in Arizona, he destroyed the AFL, getting better and better.”  And that’s me quoting me!  He continued to get better this year, hitting .333 with 11 HRs in 37 Triple-A games, while chipping in four steals.  He was striking out way too much in Triple-A to hit .333 in the majors, but 18/7/.270 sounds about right from this point forward with a chance for more.  Maybe he could even be the NL MVP.  I’m kidding, apparition!  Please, come back, I’m empty inside!.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First off, big congrats to Albert Pujols (1-for-4 and his 6th homer), as he passed 2,000 RBIs. That is amazing. Now would some archaeologist find old man Pujols’s Holy Grail Goblet Room and let him retire in peace? Second off, David Fletcher went 2-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .310, as he finally seems to be settling in at leadoff. Can we just pause for one second and try to comprehend how stupid I am?  Okay, you don’t have to rundown all my countless idiotic calls.  I get it.  Okay, with my stupidity in mind, it took a major league manager — Bad Assdunce, in this case — almost six weeks to realize Fletcher is the best guy to hit leadoff on the Angels.  Assdunce hit Kole Calhoun (2-for-4, 3 runs, and his 9th homer, hitting .223) for 78 ABs at leadoff — a .240 hitter on a good day!  Ya know, when they hire MLB managers, they’re not hiring their best and brightest.  Oh, and I have it at 50/50 odds Fletcher doesn’t stay at leadoff, just so ya know.  By the by, Fletcher is not in this afternoon’s Buy column, but if he’s available add him for average and hopefully counting stats.  Finally, Tommy La Stella.  What in the holy fudge?  Only, I didn’t say fudge.  I said the mother of all curse words.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer.  Did he even have nine homers in 1,000 at-bats prior to this in his career?  Not to answer, because I don’t care, but WUT. At this point, Travis Shaw would need to have the best month of his career to even tie La Stella in fantasy value.  I am laughing through tears.  Sad clown tears!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Little Chris Archer sat under an arch–er watching a high pop fly. He stuck out his thumb until it went numb and said, “Onto the IL go I!” Early reports are that he won’t miss more than 1 or 2 starts with this thumb injury. Replacement: Spencer Turnbull (3.6%) is someone you should be keeping an eye on right now. He’s made 5 starts so far and hasn’t allowed more than 3 ERs in any of them. Included in that is a recent 11 inning scoreless streak. I don’t know about you, but I like to give the fringey starting pitchers on my roster audition days to see if they’ll stick around or find themselves back in the waiver heap. Turnbull’s most recent start was an audition day and I think he passed. Last night he threw 6 innings with 5 baserunners, only 1 ER and 5 K’s. I’d say he passed his audition and needs to be on your rotation especially since he’s facing the Royals next — a team he struck out 10 times and held to 2 ERs back in early April.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Things can change in a hurry in baseball, and when they do, things can change even faster in fantasy baseball.  Since last week, we’ve seen the horrific collision between Starling Marte and Erik Gonzalez, the Pirates promotion of shortstop Cole Tucker, and Tucker’s sudden fantasy relevance.  He went from being a 2% owned player in CBS leagues, where he was probably only hanging around on keeper/dynasty league type rosters, to being a 30% owned player who has a legitimate shot to obtain at least some degree of mixed-league relevance this year.  It’s just another reminder that, in leagues both deep and shallow, you need to stay on top of things and not let a potential asset to your roster get away. The players we’ll be looking at this week may not have the upside of a Cole Tucker type, but may be worth a look for those of us searching for help in AL-only, NL-only, and other very deep leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Good lord — Curt Schilling and his bloody sock are looking up from hell at the starting pitching landscape and just cackling. There are so many injured SPs this week that I’m going to just give you three solid recommended adds at the bottom of this article. Otherwise, I’d end up recommending Jordan Zimmermann and Homer Bailey. Who would ever add them to their team in a two week period? Me. I did that.
Wait — is Curt Schilling dead?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*wavy lines indicating a dream sequence*  It’s the winter of 2019.  And I’m wearing pants.  Okay, that’s not realistic, but it’s a dream sequence, so I’m going to go with it!  Crap, I have to do my rankings.  Quick, rank Gregory Polanco in the top 40 outfielders overall, because you like how he hit more fly balls last year than previous years and think 23 homers is repeatable with maybe more.  Also, he’s got some 10-15 steal-speed!  But, since this is a very realistic dream other than the whole pants thing, someone, who you can’t remember now, told you Polanco won’t be back until June.  Better check the news reports, even though that’s rather boring for a dream sequence.  Yup, Polanco’s not due back until June.  Frantically, by any man’s measure but calmly by yours, move Polanco all the way down so you’ll never draft him.  Now fall into a kiddie pool so you wake to think you had a wet dream.  *wavy lines*  Whoa, that dream was crazy in its mundaneness!   So, here we are on April 23rd and Grey doesn’t freakin’ own Polanco because reports in March were saying he wouldn’t be back until a much later date.  *bites stress doll’s head off*  I’m good.  Thanks.  Yes, I would own Polanco in every league; he can be a top 40 outfielder.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 2 runs, which was better than Jesus Aguilar’s entire season.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?