As many of you know, I’m in the NL-Only Tout Wars and LABR, so every year I take part in an industry NL-Only league with the CBS peeps to try to find my footing before I go off this Friday to Florida to take on the heavyweights, and Mike Gianella, who appears to have a healthy BMI. Some might mock, some might mock draft, but this is my draft prep, and am happy to take part in this league. Until about 25 minutes into the draft, and players go for way too much, and I start getting hungry and I just want the whole thing to be over and ermahgerd! But, for those first twenty-five minutes of the five-hour draft, I’m laser focused. For this league, I once again use Rudy’s NL-Only rankings, and his War Room (it’s free with a subscription). I won’t try to get you to buy it anymore. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make the horse put a cape down so I can walk over the water without getting wet. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds others for prizes –> Razzball Commenter Leagues.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:
C: Manny Pina $2
C: Dom Nunez $1
1B: Christian Walker $13
2B: Mike Moustakas $24
3B: Nolan Arenado $35
SS: Jean Segura $20
MI: Dansby Swanson $15
CI: Colin Moran $5
OF: Yasiel Puig $15
OF: Marcell Ozuna $25
OF: Lorenzo Cain $19
OF: Aristides Aquino $8
OF: Austin Riley $6
U: Dexter Fowler $5
Bench (free): Raimel Tapia, Phillip Ervin, Monte Harrison
P: Kirby Yates $20
P: Kevin Gausman $9
P: Sean Doolittle $12
P: Steven Matz $9
P: Zach Eflin $3
P: Sandy Alcantara $7
P: Johnny Cueto $2
P: Joe Ross $2
P: Rick Porcello $3
Bench : Freddy Peralta, Eric Lauer, Daniel Ponce de Leon, Ryne Stanek
I ALREADY KNOW IT’S COMING — THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID — SO JUST TELL ME WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING WITH THIS PITCHING STAFF AND GIVE ME YOUR HALF-BAKED RATIONALIZATIONS.
Before basking in the glory that is my offense, we will take a small detour through Shizzville, population: my pitching staff. Not a whole lot of 20 game winners on this staff, unless Joe Ross tattoos “20 game winner” on his penis. How about all of the 200-strikeout pitchers on the team raise your hand? Don’t see any hands? You’re not alone! Unless Freddy Peralta throws 180 innings. Unlikely with a front-end splash of nope. To get micro on the macro, I don’t even want to own Rick Porcello, and, well, what do you know, there he is on my team. Well, funnily enough, this is more or less what I said last year, when I had this pitching staff:
P: Josh Hader $12
P: Raisel Iglesias $15
P: Jose Quintana $10
P: Jose Urena $4
P: Brandon Woodruff $4
P: Ross Stripling $8
P: Joey Lucchesi $7
P: Dan Straily $1
P: Derek Holland $1
Bench: Max Fried, Wei-Yin Chen, Andrew Suarez
At the time, pitching was clearly my biggest weakness. Guess what, over-the-internet homey? I won this league last year. Yeah, in hindsight, it’s clear that my pitching wasn’t that bad because I drafted Woodruff for $4; Lucchesi for $7 and Fried in the free (!) rounds. Well, not to insult your intelligence, but you only think my pitching is bad, as of right now, because you don’t know any better. Wait until September and Cueto has a 3.80 ERA like he always does; Gausman is a fantasy #3; Joe Ross puts together a solid 140 IP; Eflin finally breaks out as I’ve been saying for two years; Porcello gets back to his Cy Young caliber self–Okay, I don’t even believe that.
EXCUSE ME, I DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER? THAT’S RICH COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO DRAFTED YAISEL PUIG IN AN NL-ONLY LEAGUE!
So, allow me to set the stage. The draft started at 9 AM PST on Friday, and, at 8:55 AM PST, it was announced Puig was in talks with the Rockies. That makes him an easy $25 player in this league. Maybe a bit more, but if he goes to the AL, he’s worth zero. He needs to be dropped. But the vibe, man, the vibe! Everyone was excited about Puig going to the Rockies.
Find someone to love like baseball writers love the idea of Yasiel Puig in Coors
— Razzball (@Razzball) February 21, 2020
So, I figured that’s worth an easy $15, but more like $20. Let’s stick someone else with him! That’s what was screaming in my head! Though, if he’s really going to the Rockies, that’s interesting too. I’m intrigued, y’all! The bid opened at $8, but I ain’t got time for bird sex, and definitely don’t have time for us to go up by a dollar into the 20s, so I jumped the bid to $15 and, suddenly, I was in the great outdoors, hearing nothing but crickets. Oops! I didn’t even want Puig, but don’t bid on a guy if you’re not all right winning him. To avoid giving you a lying-ass screenshot of a team I don’t definitely have, the War Room totals in the pic above don’t include Puig. If he really does sign with the Rockies, all of my hitting goes even higher, but, as you can see, I’m fine without him. Though…Well, let’s have Mr. Al Caps shout it at you:
YOUR OUTFIELD WITHOUT PUIG IS A PIG EATING ITS OWN FECES, THEN VOMITING IT INTO A PIGPEN, THEN ANOTHER PIG EATING THE VOMITED POOP, THEN THAT 2ND PIG GETTING RUN OVER BY A TRACTOR DRIVEN BY THE 1ST FECES-EATING PIG.
Okay, yeah, there’s some issues with my outfield without Puig. I don’t love Lorenzo Cain, and, actually after the draft, I said to Rudy he might want to look at his Brewers’ outfield values, because they were all very high, and, remember, the whole point of this is to prep me for this Friday’s NL LABR draft, and Tout Wars, which is in two weeks. If Puig isn’t on an NL team until pigs fly; Austin Riley doesn’t make the Braves’ opening day roster and Aristides Aquino is less the GGOATOAT and more ticketed for the minors, then I’ll have one guy I don’t want all that much (Cain…Sugar!) and OZUNA. Lowercase yay! This is also why I grabbed Tapia and Dr. J Phillip Ervin in the free rounds. Those guys will definitely fix all my problems. *insert the wide grin of a really dopey person*
OKAY, LET’S DISCUSS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. NO, PABLO SANDOVAL IS NOT STANDING BEHIND YOU. I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU SPENDING $32 ON SAVES.
You know what’s interesting?
THE MOM FROM THE ‘PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND’ MUSIC VIDEO DOESN’T LOOK LIKE SHE’D OWN A PORSCHE?
Um, no, that is interesting though. I was gonna say how I spent $27 on saves last year. Not quite $32, but same sorta game plan, which I didn’t mean to do at all. My NL-Only auction values say Yates is $20 and Doolittle is $12, so that’s what I bid. That no one else in the room is
ovulating evaluating similarly isn’t my issue. I trust the values in front of me. That’s most important. Apparently, no one in this league last year wanted good values on saves last year either, which is why I owned Hader and Raisel and won the league. Natch!
Before we cut out, there’s still a couple spots left in this year’s Razzball NFBC leagues. If you want to play against us for real cash money, put your email in the signup sheet below. It is $150 to play, but you can win $150,000 (I think, check their site for rules and prizes). In fact, last year’s overall winner of, like, $150,000 was one of our commenters. I’ve placed in the top 20 overall and won around $3500. You can also become a thousandaire if you win just your league. Plus, it’s fun (okay, no one’s here for fun. Fun’s on vacation! Wait, then fun would be having fun…Hmm… Moving on!). Leagues should start in about one week, and it’s a slow draft, so you don’t need to be available to draft at any set time. Any hoo! Join us by putting your email below, then Rudy will reach out to the peeps.