“Hello, Proprietor of a Milliner, I understand your trade is hat-making. I was wondering if you could make this Dairy Queen sundae helmet into a normal-sized head helmet…Right, right, I get that. Yes, I guess I could just buy a helmet from the John Olerud collection, but I’d like this exact Kansas City Royals sundae helmet. It’s for Opening Day for the 2021 baseball season, Mr. Milliner–Wait a second, I’m seeing news come across my ticker…Adalberto Mondesi has an oblique strain? Forget it, Opening Day is called off. Goodbye.” How do you strain your oblique on the one day without baseball between now and July? Was he reaching up to get a suitcase out of overhead baggage? Well, I too have baggage, but I push my baggage down until I randomly start crying at red lights! Why, why whywhywhy…Well, I guess, Happy Opening Day! It feels less happy now with Mondesi news. The Royals recalled Nicky Lopez, which is objectively just funny. If you have late drafts, like after Opening Day, I updated top 500 for Mondesi, conservatively removing 100 at-bats, which is roughly three weeks to a month. It seemed like a big stretch to have Mondesi hitting 3rd in that lineup. Obviously too big of a stretch for his oblique. Hopefully, he can get back soon, because it’s Opening freakin’ Day! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Odubel Herrera to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Howdy do, folks.
The Great Fantasy Baseball Invitational (TGFBI) is well underway, and all of us writer folk are eagerly drafting and impatiently waiting between picks. Spring Training games are in full force. The weather’s getting a little warmer (at least around here). It’s just a great time of year.
But with all that, there’s of course a flip side. The flip side being that human beings are fragile things, and when games start, you can just bet your little button nose that injuries will start a-pilin’ up.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’ve done it! We’ve reached the end of the fantasy baseball hitter rankings for 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. Give yourself a big round of applause. I’d clap for you, but I have carpal tunnel from actually ranking all the hitters and writing all their blurbs and calculating all of their projections and– What exactly did you do? Oh, yeah, you read them. No wonder why your hands can still clap. Wait a second, I’m doing a utility-only hitter ranking this year. This isn’t the end of the hitter rankings. Feeling woozy, need to sit down. Okay, let’s get to it because this post is like 5,000 words long and I wrote it with my toes. C’mon, pinkie toe, push down the shift key! So, here’s Steamer’s 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. All projections included here are mine, and where I see tiers starting and stopping are included. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2021 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning and I don’t think I’ll ever make it on time. By the time I grab my books and I give Razzball a look, I’m at the website just in time to see the news fly by. It’s alright ‘coz I’m saved by Josh Bell. Was Samuel “Screetch” Powers spotted in Pittsburgh last night? No he was not. Neither were any of the other cast of Saved By The Bell. However, Josh Bell was in attendance. Trailing by five runs going into the ninth, Bell’s three run homer helped the Pirates tied the game. You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice how well Josh has been this year. If it weren’t for Yelich and Bellinger, Bell would be the top choice for the National League MVP. Bell went two for four on the night, but the Pirates ended up falling short in extras. As for Mr. Belding and crew this year marks the 30th anniversary of the show. In related news A.C. Slater and Zack Morris are both blue belts in jiu-jitsu. Perhaps we can get rematch of their fight that took place at Bayside High.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The last time anything this exciting came from a Reds’ DD was Kevin Mitchell in 1994 when demonstrating his barehanded catch on Morganna. Yesterday, Derek Dietrich went 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with his 15th, 16th and 17th homers. To add insult to injury, it came against the Pirates, who earlier this year he homered off of, which sparked a benches-clearing brawl because of how he was lallygagging around the bases. For yesterday’s home runs, Dietrich would not be outdone. For his first home run, he tagged Ric Flair and had him WOOOOOOOO around the bases. A totally legal maneuver, says in the rulebook. For his 2nd homer, he stood on the shoulders of a bear on roller skates and skated around the bases. Then, not to be topped, for his third home run, the PA announcer played porn music and Dietrich stopped at every base and mimed sexual acts with the Pirates infielders. So disrespectful to the game! Ex-Marlin Dietrich has 17 homers, the entire Marlins team has 36 homers. *lays on the floor, rolls around, laughing* If only there was an acronym for that. If you drafted Dietrich, Bellinger and Yelich (a totally reasonable possibility), please drop by the comments so I can bathe in your glow. As for Dietrich, reminds me of Scooter’s breakout a few years ago. Not sure if Dietrich gets to 30+ homers–Excuse me, I should say I’m not sure if he gets to 30 homers by the All-Star break. Speaking of which, vote Derek Dietrich for the All-Star Game so he can do a three-day home trot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Good lord — Curt Schilling and his bloody sock are looking up from hell at the starting pitching landscape and just cackling. There are so many injured SPs this week that I’m going to just give you three solid recommended adds at the bottom of this article. Otherwise, I’d end up recommending Jordan Zimmermann and Homer Bailey. Who would ever add them to their team in a two week period? Me. I did that.
Wait — is Curt Schilling dead?
Due to the light schedule, let’s drill down on Cody Bellinger (2-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .432). If man love bothers you, perhaps you should shield your eyes. This could become naughty, and, yes, I need to remove my pants to write the rest of this. Cody is 2 1/2 home runs from being halfway to last year’s homer total. How does one hit a 1/2 of a home run? You hit it out of the park, then pimp with a bat flip so long you get tackled rounding 2nd. Right now, Bellinger’s HR/FB% is absurd. He’s not even hitting that many fly balls. It’s just everything he touches goes bim-bam-zoom to the moon. Can that continue, you ask with your doe eyes and soft lips. You drafted Goodrum on too many teams, because you sound drunk. Of course, it won’t continue. His launch angle last year, when he hit 25 homers, was 16 degrees. This year it’s 13. He is hitting the ball damn hard, though. He’s third in the majors with 96 MPH average exit velocity. I’d be shocked if he hits less than 35 homers, but I also don’t think he’s going to hit more than his career high of 39 homers, if his fly ball rate holds. His strikeout rate has absolutely cratered, in a good way, but, of course, when a guy is hitting well, he’s not striking out. He will go cold, turkey, and cold turkey on power at some point. It’s early, yadda-blabbity-bloo, so don’t panic sell. He’s now a legit top 15 bat vs. the top 40 one we thought he might be in the preseason. Now, I will put back on my linen Tommy Bahama pants and continue. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Arodys Vizcaino is out for the year. Backdate that to spring training when he was having arm issues. He needed to have his labrum fixed worse than an overworked gymnast. Filling in for him is the dumpster fire that is A.J. Minter. I’ve got a wild idea, hey, Braves, how about you sign Craig Kimbrel with the money you robbed from Albies? Here’s Albies agent before the signing, “Albies, sure you want to take this deal?” Albies replied, “Why are you asking, Al B. Sure?” Then they stared at each other for five minutes until Albies had enough and signed. The Braves’ bullpen is such a disarray of WUT, I don’t even know who their setup man is. I guess it’s the guy working the docks in The Wire, but it could be the guy whose name was Riddle, but, due to poor penmanship, became Biddle. A millennial just broke down my door and said, “It’s penpersonship.” My bad! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Daniel Vogelbach (1-for-2, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and fifth in his last five games, hitting .471) is man-hot. Daniel Vogelbach is the Jelly Donut of Swat. Daniel Vogelbach looks like a beer keg with legs. John Kruk and Matt Stairs had a baby, and that baby’s name is Daniel Vogelbach. Daniel Vogelbach is one part mayonnaise, one part ketchup, and his secret sauce is Sexy, and he puts it on everything. “Why, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), did Daniel Vogelbach spend 12 years in the minors if he’s spurting Sexy sauce on everything?” You ask, while batting your eyelashes. You have to subtract one of those years, young buck, because Daniel Vogelbach was once confused for a refrigerator and spent a summer in a Hyannis Port Sears showroom. Mansplainingly, subtract, like, ten of those years because he couldn’t play defense and he was in the NL. He’s done nothing but hit rockets like he’s groupies of Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy. Last year, he hit 20 HRs and .290 in Triple-A with a 15.6% strikeout rate. He could be an actual breakout and I would grab him, even if his playing time might become cramped with the return of Kyle Seager or he might just be platooned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Do you like roast pork with provolone and broccoli rabe? Do you find John Kruk both devilishly handsome and well spoken? Can you recite from memory Michael Jack Schmidt’s retirement speech, including the exact moment he breaks down in tears? Do you know what jawn means? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re a Phillies fan. This jawn is for yous.Please, blog, may I have some more?