Raimel Tapia was traded to the Jays. Yay! Tapia gets out from under Bud Black! You will never thwart us again, Bud Black! Shakes fist towards the Colorado Rockies, the geographical location, not the team in Arizona. Though, the difference between Arizona and Colorado is hard to tell with the shake of a fist. Your tyranny of platoons will never stop me and Tapia again! Eat a dee, Bud Black! *opens Jays’ lineup* Uh…Hmm. Raimel Tapia is now buried in a stacked lineup and might platoon from the nine hole. Yo, Tapia, have you ever considered eating a live chicken to rid yourself of the curse of “not playing every day?” He was lowered in the top 100 outfielders. Going the other way, and the real winner here: Randal Grichuk. I know Grichuk is morally opposed to bat flips, but he might want to bat flip this trade. He’s suddenly in position to have a career year, and play everyday DH. Grichuk is exactly the type of player Bud Black will give 600 ABs, if he can. Old and boring. The ultimate Prospblockie. C.J. Cron and Grichuk walking around that lineup like Nicky Fairbanks walking the streets in Alaska. Grichuk was upped by a lot in the top 100 outfielders, and is now a 5th outfielder target in shallower leagues. Incredibly, on our auction values Randal Grichuk has moved to the 39th best outfielder, and right by Jesse Winker. This offseason, their collective fortunes have 180’d toward each other, and Winker appropriately was 1st one to blink. The ol’ Blink-180. What’s my age again? Also, the top 500 for 2022 fantasy baseball was updated. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this preseason for 2022 fantasy baseball:
Odubel Herrera – Out four-to-six weeks with a mild strain of his oblique. Diabloblique! He was updated in the top 100 outfielders.
Tommy Pham – Signed with the Reds. “Oh my God, it’s happened again! Wait, no, it hasn’t.” That’s Pham realizing he’s in a Reds jersey, and hasn’t been stabbed again. This is about as good a landing spot as he could’ve hoped for. He will be in no danger of losing at-bats, because the Reds will only be fielding five or six players this year, and only three of them are hitters. Plus, the stadium is great. He was moved up into the top 80 outfielders. Jake Fraley was updated in the top 100 outfielders, as well.
Luis Castillo – Out with shoulder soreness. Cool, as in not cool, and great, as in not great. I will not draft him now as in not drafting him. He was updated in the top 40 starters and the pitchers’ pairing tool.
Brandon Drury – Signed with the Reds. Finally, a last name for the Reds to pronounce to make them sound as drunk as they’re behaving this offseason.
Oliver Perez – Signed with the Diamondbacks. They are going for it!*
*First overall pick in the 2023 draft.
Stephen Vogt – Signed with the A’s. In an attempt to get a new stadium paid for by taxpayers, the A’s have resorted to buying the Vogt.
Here’s what America thinks Billy Beane’s offseason shopping list looked like:
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Sell
Stephen Vogt— Razzball (@Razzball) March 24, 2022
Billy Hamilton – Signed with the Mariners. After singing Hamilton, the Mariners threw their arms around each other as the curtain closed. Oh, wait, signed not singed.
Shane Baz – Having loose bodies in his elbow removed. A look inside his elbow: *David Caruso wipes off his sunglasses* “This isn’t the Rays…of sunshine I hoped it was.” I agree with the David Caruso doing an episode of CSI: Miami inside Baz’s elbow. Googled “loose bodies in pitcher’s elbow” for some previous examples, and one was Blake Snell. Woof McWoofywoof! Another example was Nathan Eovaldi in 2019. He was sidelined for three months, and, when he returned, he could only throw one inning at a time for the rest of the year, and, with that, I’ve removed Shane Baz from my rankings. Do not draft him. He’s gone from the top 40 starters and the pitchers’ pairing tool.
Luis Patino – Woke with some arm discomfort. The Rays’ 2022 motto: We Only Have Openers. Since the arm discomfort, Patino has received some good news, so he’s still in the top 80 starters for now.
Kevin Pillar – Signed with the Dodgers. Too bad he didn’t sign somewhere he’d have room to play, like Oakland. Plus, how great would it be to see a Pillar in the Coliseum.
Adley Rutschman – Orioles said he could be ready for the start of the Triple-A season on April 5th. Stinks he won’t be ready for the start of the Orioles’ season on April 8th.
Oneil Cruz – Pirates doing Pirates things and being booty, by saying Cruz will start year in the minors. MLBPA should band together, and all pitchers should groove Oneil Cruz pitch after pitch all spring so the Pirates look as stupid as possible. I hate the Pirates so much. Cruz was lowered in my shortstop rankings.
Isan Diaz – Released by the Marlins. Kinda like a wildlife program, the Marlins have a catch and release program. They catch some terrible prospects from deals like sending away Yelich and Giancarlo, and they later release them.
Joey Wendle – Heard from someone that Wendle and Garrett Cooper will see a lot of at-bats this year. Also, Wendle could be in a favorable spot in the lineup — think leadoff, moving Jazz to the two-hole. Won’t be adding Wendle to my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, because, after all, he’s just a 7/7 guy, so only a deep league play, but in those leagues Mr. Wendle might not be a bum. By the way, I update my rankings daily, and Rudy updates his 2022 fantasy baseball rankings just about hourly. You’ll see Cooper and Wendle hitter projections (and all players) updated. That also keeps our Fantasy Baseball War Room as up-to-date as you’re gonna find. If you’re going to buy a season-long subscription in-season for the Streamonator or Hitterton, may as well get it now for the War Room. Don’t draft without the War Room, and, of course, good luck with weekend drafts! Unless you’re going against me.
