*wavy lines indicating a dream sequence* It’s the winter of 2019. And I’m wearing pants. Okay, that’s not realistic, but it’s a dream sequence, so I’m going to go with it! Crap, I have to do my rankings. Quick, rank Gregory Polanco in the top 40 outfielders overall, because you like how he hit more fly balls last year than previous years and think 23 homers is repeatable with maybe more. Also, he’s got some 10-15 steal-speed! But, since this is a very realistic dream other than the whole pants thing, someone, who you can’t remember now, told you Polanco won’t be back until June. Better check the news reports, even though that’s rather boring for a dream sequence. Yup, Polanco’s not due back until June. Frantically, by any man’s measure but calmly by yours, move Polanco all the way down so you’ll never draft him. Now fall into a kiddie pool so you wake to think you had a wet dream. *wavy lines* Whoa, that dream was crazy in its mundaneness! So, here we are on April 23rd and Grey doesn’t freakin’ own Polanco because reports in March were saying he wouldn’t be back until a much later date. *bites stress doll’s head off* I’m good. Thanks. Yes, I would own Polanco in every league; he can be a top 40 outfielder. Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 2 runs, which was better than Jesus Aguilar’s entire season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Cedric Mullins to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
If you said you loved Kevin Kline in the role of Cole Tucker, you wouldn’t be wrong. What can’t Kevin Kline do? Yo, Kevin Kline, wanna be my father? “Sir, this is a Cheesecake Factory and that’s James, our short-order cook, not Kevin Kline.” I’m crazy for rookie bats. As crazy as I am for rookie bats, I’m tepid on rookie arms. I don’t dislike them, but roofies are real and dangerous. Rookie bats, however…*places nose right above a stick of butter, inhales deeply* So, the Pirates called up Cole Tucker. He’s the sexiest Pittsburgh shortstop since….uh Jack Wilson wasn’t very sexy…uh…Jordy Mercer God no…Erik Gonzalez bleh…Arky Vaughan! Arky took no crap, quitting for three years at one point because he got sore at Leo Durocher for talking to the press about a teammate. And Arky still made the Hall of Fame! Of course, he had to wait 33 years after his death. Any hoo! Besides Cole Tucker sounding like he wears Vineyard Vines, what do we know about Tucker? He has 30-steal speed. Love that. Where else are we finding that? That alone is reason to grab him in every league. Yes, every league. Next up, he made swing adjustments and is more a 17-homer hitter than the under-5 homer guy he showed before this year. In 18 spring at-bats, he hit two homers. In 57 Triple-A at-bats, he hit three homers. In his first career at-bat with the Pirates, he homered. For power, I’m going to start saying Triple-A is samesies with the majors. We’ll see if my new approach pans out! So, 17/30/.250 while also taking a walk? I told you every league. The Ghost of Arky Vaughan can eat a D! (If the site suddenly goes down for three years, we know why.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Daniel Vogelbach (1-for-2, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and fifth in his last five games, hitting .471) is man-hot. Daniel Vogelbach is the Jelly Donut of Swat. Daniel Vogelbach looks like a beer keg with legs. John Kruk and Matt Stairs had a baby, and that baby’s name is Daniel Vogelbach. Daniel Vogelbach is one part mayonnaise, one part ketchup, and his secret sauce is Sexy, and he puts it on everything. “Why, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), did Daniel Vogelbach spend 12 years in the minors if he’s spurting Sexy sauce on everything?” You ask, while batting your eyelashes. You have to subtract one of those years, young buck, because Daniel Vogelbach was once confused for a refrigerator and spent a summer in a Hyannis Port Sears showroom. Mansplainingly, subtract, like, ten of those years because he couldn’t play defense and he was in the NL. He’s done nothing but hit rockets like he’s groupies of Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy. Last year, he hit 20 HRs and .290 in Triple-A with a 15.6% strikeout rate. He could be an actual breakout and I would grab him, even if his playing time might become cramped with the return of Kyle Seager or he might just be platooned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Good day to you, Razzballers. Today is Sunday, April 7th, 2019. The year is of the Pig and the moon is in Saturn rising. All of this means it will be a fantastic day of baseball, obviously. Let’s celebrate by crushing this main slate.
Pumped? Get pumped.
Okay, too pumped, calm down – enough excitement for one Sunday.
Let’s instead look again at the process of successful, long term DFSers, and let’s try to improve together. Grab a coffee. It’ll be nice.
New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I remember distinctly the day Will Clark retired. I just got home from a Winter Solstice Pageant. I was only 12 years old at the time, but my mustache was already coming in. Earlier that night, when I was singing in the pageant, a mother yelled out from the audience, “Who’s the midget with the mustache?” Then another parent yelled out, “Or is it a dwarf? I always get confused.” Another yelled, “Is that kid 40 years old? I don’t know if I want my kid around that adult.” I didn’t think my day could get worse, then, back at home, I heard that Clark retired. I was still in my autumn leaf costume, sobbing into my Pop Rocks, essentially ruining them. A devastating day all around, but things got better eventually. Soon my friends’ parents wouldn’t call the cops when I was hanging out with their kid, thinking I was a 40-something pervert. One mother even complimented me on my mustache. Maybe this was where my love of Cougars first started. What does this have to do with Pete Alonso? Nothing at all. Just like his Spring Training means nothing. Yes, he mollywhopped the ball to parts of the field this spring with a bat that can only be discussed in terms from British literature that no one has ever read. “Pete Alonso’s bat is so fast I will call him Mr. Dashwood.” *blank stares* “Um, yeah.” He has 80 grade power — Mr. Darcy, you aloof bedswerver! I’m buying all them shares of Alonso and I talk about him in today’s first Buy video at that top of the post. Can Colin Firth play him in the movie? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave. A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’ A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.” Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft. This slow draft took about eighteen days, 3 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds. Not almost 18 days of straight drafting, mind you. I don’t need to ice my clicky finger. It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting. It does allow you to second-guess your picks. Actually, more like triple-guess. (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers. Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We (me) have gone over the catchers, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen to target, cause I have to do everything around here! Look at me, throwing shade like a beach umbrella! That makes sense…if you don’t think about it! That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, and then when I step out of my car, I want my clever t-shirt to say it too, “That makes sense….if you don’t think about it.” How can I arrange my life so this happens? I need a personal assistant. “So, it says you worked as Kanye’s assistant and you bought mirrors for nine months straight….” That’s me checking the CV of my favorite imaginary assistant. Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that elicit uber-sexy feelings. Last year, I featured Mitch Haniger, Stephen Piscotty, David Dahl, and Michael Taylor, who I’ve featured every year since 1922, but not this year! Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2019 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Drafting outfielders for the 2019 fantasy baseball season is a hot topic. There’s tons of outfielders, but the top couple tiers dry up quickly. On this show, B_Don and Donkey Teeth discuss several outfielders you might consider targeting once all the top OFs are off the board.
The guys also discuss expectations for rising star Michael Conforto and relative unknown rookie, Christin Stewart. Then some late round outfield targets are thrown around to finish up the show. Opening day is coming, make sure you get your fill of sausage, sausage juices, and the Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Sports shirt before time runs out!Please, blog, may I have some more?
The intro for Yahoo’s 2019 fantasy baseball rankings reminds of a Dear John letter written by your ex-wife. Only your name is Kevin and she accidentally writes “John,” and doesn’t have a chance to proofread it because she’s bedding down your best friend. Read for yourself:
Sure, guys and five girl readers, “You’ll find your familiar Trouts’, the Betts’, the Martinez’, but questions remain.”
Yeah, I have questions that, uh, remain. How many Trouts have they ranked? The Betts’? Did they rank his entire family? The Martinez’? Is that like World War Z, but instead it’s, “An Apostrophe Z?”
“When should the first pitcher go off the board, and should there be more than one?”
Said like Ron Burgundy, “That’s not English.” Should there be more than one? Are Yahoo leagues this year one-pitcher leagues? I’m so confused. Did 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters, who only read Bleacher Report, write up this intro?
“Enough talk though. Let’s jump into the rankings!”
Ha! Was there enough talk? I’ve written more in this intro than they wrote. With that level of effort, they don’t even deserve this evisceration, but… *sharpens nails that look like the 108-year-old Asian man in the Guinness Book of World Records* …here goes nothing. For this post, I will be looking at the consensus Yahoo 2019 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Our 2019 Razzball leagues are in full signup mode. Today, I’m in dress-down mode. Casually coming for you in the middle of the night, wearing nothing but slippers and a multicolored housecoat that’s half open so you can see the family jewels while I apply my Ambi. Here’s what Grey thinks about you (repeat 17x). I’m about to blow my top as I let my aggravation Michael Bublé over. If you’re clutching pearls like Barbara Bush’s hologram, you’re better off looking at cute pet pics on Instagram, because I’m sharpening my pointer fingers, i.e., the fingers that I use to type! I am the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it) and I’ve come for your children! See, because blog writing doesn’t pay so well, I’ve taken a second job as a bus driver, so I’m literally here for your kids. Like a baller! A shot caller! An “I’m outside of Hot Topic at the maller!” Now let’s open a window and defenestrate ESPN’s 2019 fantasy baseball rankings. To the tune of Ice Cube’s No Vaseline:Please, blog, may I have some more?