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*screaming at the top of my lungs* BASEBALL IS BACK!!! Shouldn’t it be “at the top of my voice box?” At Razzball, we make you think. Not too hard so your eyes go crossed, because that would not be very nice. See, we’re nice too. Baseball is back and, brucely, I couldn’t be (water) any happier. The top 500 and my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings are locked. Well, until my top 100 for the 2nd half that will look nothing like the current 100. Also, I won’t have time before the season to go over my Yahoo Friends & Family team, competing against Dalton Del Don, Pianowski, etc., but here’s the team, if you’re my-team-curious — it’s 15 team, mixed, 5×5:

Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2022 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Close your extraneous browser windows right now–Not this one! This is not extraneous. How dare you, sir. Okay, now that the other browser windows are closed, open your fantasy team window. The team that’s hurting for offense and wouldn’t mind a top 10 outfielder. Yes, that team. Great, now go to waivers–Are you signed in? God damn it! Sign yourself in! Your password is Belle&Sebastian#1Fan. Okay, now that you’re signed in, go to waivers and grab Jarred Kelenic, he’s being promoted this Thursday. So, what to expect? Everything? Does that work for you? He’s already a 1st ballot “I can’t believe the Mets traded him away” Guy and he hasn’t played one MLB game. He could be 25/10/.290 this year. That obviously might be pie-in-the-sky-hopes, but that’s what we’re looking at in the range of possibilities. That’s otherwise known as “What you would’ve gave Haniger’s left nut to get from George Springer.” Realistically, we might see 17/7/.270. I’ll guess we’ll see, since Kelenic is coming in two days, but who’s counting? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Hello, Proprietor of a Milliner, I understand your trade is hat-making. I was wondering if you could make this Dairy Queen sundae helmet into a normal-sized head helmet…Right, right, I get that. Yes, I guess I could just buy a helmet from the John Olerud collection, but I’d like this exact Kansas City Royals sundae helmet. It’s for Opening Day for the 2021 baseball season, Mr. Milliner–Wait a second, I’m seeing news come across my ticker…Adalberto Mondesi has an oblique strain? Forget it, Opening Day is called off. Goodbye.” How do you strain your oblique on the one day without baseball between now and July? Was he reaching up to get a suitcase out of overhead baggage? Well, I too have baggage, but I push my baggage down until I randomly start crying at red lights! Why, why whywhywhy…Well, I guess, Happy Opening Day! It feels less happy now with Mondesi news. The Royals recalled Nicky Lopez, which is objectively just funny. If you have late drafts, like after Opening Day, I updated top 500 for Mondesi, conservatively removing 100 at-bats, which is roughly three weeks to a month. It seemed like a big stretch to have Mondesi hitting 3rd in that lineup. Obviously too big of a stretch for his oblique. Hopefully, he can get back soon, because it’s Opening freakin’ Day! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Early on Saturday, I heard the news that Jay Bruce made the Yankees’ Opening Day roster, and I was like, “Cool, if this is 2012.” Then I thought, “Is this 2012? Am I time traveler?” Turned out it was not 2012, and I was not a time traveler. Double bummer there. Somehow, Jay Bruce is still only 33 years old, so he might be a time traveler. After my brief flight of fancy through a time portal that didn’t exist, I thought, “That sucks, keeping Bruce over Tauchman. He can’t catch a break. That’s not the bee’s knees, that’s BS.” Then I thought, “I can just curse in my own head, I don’t need to spell out BS.” Then, out of nowhere, I saw the Yankees were keeping Mike Tauchman on the Opening Day roster too, and things began to peel away from my very logical brain. How were the Yanks keeping three 1st basemen? Was everything fine with Luke Voit? Welp, turned out it wasn’t. The Yankees were watching a triple feature of Luke Skylimper; Luke Cool Hand, But Torn Meniscus and Luke Voit in Meniscus Cowboy. After disowning Angelina Jolie, Voit will be undergoing surgery on his torn meniscus in his knee, and will miss at least April and May. This puts the spotlight on Bruce to reclaim his Glory Days, when every speedball wasn’t thrown right by him. Whereas, Tauchman is interesting in AL-Only leagues, if he can get in the lineup. I’ve added neither to my 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, because they might only be platooning for six to eight weeks. In the top 20 1st basemen, I lowered Luke Voit, taking roughly 200 ABs off his projections. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Framber Valdez pitched after his fractured finger happened, so will be assuming it’s not too terrible. Haha, I’m lyin’ to myself! Now now NOW! Calm down, Grey, it’s gonna all work out. *turns abruptly to mirror* Is it? So, this isn’t great news, but it’s early enough, and it was his ring finger on his pitching hand, but our writer, Coolwhip, looked at his grips for me (because I was too panicked), and it seems Framber only uses that finger 10% of the time with his change, which isn’t a good pitch for him. He’s primarily a sinker/curve guy. I reranked him, placing him in an area where I’d still draft him, but obviously this isn’t the ideal stuff you want to see. Unless you’re a demented ess oh bee. You a demented ess oh bee? Hmm…? Are you? Tell me! Sorry, I’m amped up. Speaking of which, kinda, he will need to ramp up to game-shape after returning in May, so I’m conservatively projecting him to return end of May, early-June. Okay, clerical work now *adjusts priest’s collar* Here’s my adjusted top 80 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball with new projections; top 100 for 2021 fantasy baseball with Framber removed; top 500 for 2021 fantasy baseball with Framber moved down about 125 spots, and my pitchers’ pairings tool adjusted. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring. That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism. That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2021 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Randy Arozarena:  rookie, customer of Big Bossman’s Bail Bonds, and first ballot Hall of Famer — a triple threat! In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2021 fantasy baseball season. I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2021 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! Seriously, in a year as crazy as 2020, take a moment and thank those you truly love:  Me.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As an Angeleno, I can’t tell you how amazing it’s been to be able to watch Clayton Kershaw every 5th game for all of his 2,500 Ks. I kid, games are blacked out here, and I’ve only seen him in the playoffs. Is he good? Really? Can you describe what he looks like when he’s good? He’s a lefty? A good slider? Are you messing with me? I can’t tell. *opening up Kershaw’s player page* Wow, I feel like I might’ve missed something by never seeing him pitch in a regular season game. Geez. Yesterday, Clayton Kershaw (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.50) recorded his 2500th strikeout and he seems likely to avoid the Doom of F-Her, where he disappears in his 30s, and ruins his Hall of Fame candidacy. Forget that, actually, Kershaw could win the NL Cy this year for old time’s sake. Be kinda awesome to see him collect the award before Game 4 of the World Series, then goes out and gives up seven earned in the 1st inning, eliminating the Dodgers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mike Clevinger and Greg Allen were traded to the Padres for Gabe Arias, Cal Quantrill, Joey Cantillo, Owen Miller, Austin Hedges, and Josh Naylor. Cleveland will be melting together Quantrill, Arias, Cantillo, Hedges, Naylor and Miller to form one super player, Johnny Q. Baseball who can catch, pitch middle relief and hit .215. Cleveland Indians’ GM said, “I have one rule, that’s Rule 5.” Before Clevinger can leave town, Zach Plesac will be planning a blow out going away party that no one is to know about. It will be at Carlos N’ Suzie’s, a downtown Cleveland favorite known for tequila and heating up Totino’s pizza rolls. Can’t wait for the postseason redemption story of Mike Clevinger ginned up by Fox where he does no actual apologizing for anything, but pitches well for six innings and gets some flashy graphics and wild hyperbole. So, Clevinger going to the Padres is obviously a huge boon for his value if boon means what I think it means. Let’s assume it does or at least makes sense within context clues. Everyone the Indians got? Useless for this year, but I’m sure Prospect Itch or Hobbs will go over the prospects at some point. Only downside I can see for this trade is it might actually be lowering Chris Paddack’s value, because now the Sheriff will have to spend all waking hours policing to make sure Clevinger doesn’t do anything stupid. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On this FanDuel Friday, Walker Buehler ($8,500) is the fourth highest priced pitcher on the slate.  FOURTH!  Last season we would have dreamed of the days Walker wasn’t the highest priced pitcher on the board.  Yes, he has been awful through his first four starts, but with his track record it’s hard to believe that this is anything but early season small sample weirdness. A home start against the Rockies is just what the doctor ordered, as Colorado ranks dead last in wOBA on the road at .270. This is likely the lowest price Buehler will reach all year, so buy low on him.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY YESTERDAY ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $5/MONTH.)

Being hearing a lot of gossip about Clint Frazier. That’s healthy. Ya know, some ginger tea. Don’t think the Yankees called Clint Frazier up just for make-up games, though this was overheard: “He’s not a clown?” Aaron Boone continued, “Oh, I thought he was for makeup games.” Then Boone laughed himself out of his mask.

Artwork by our talented writer, CoolWhip.

So, Clint Frazier has struggled to get real playing time with the Yankees, but maybe he’s this year’s spark plug. He does look like he’s fire. He’s a 20-homer, 7-steal, .260 hitter over a 162 games, and that lineup is so great, I’d take a flyer on Frazier. Some might say, “Clint Frazier? I like Mike Tauchman!” Yeah, Tauchman’s projected for 3 HRs, 2 SBs and a .255 average, how can he not be owned?! Dude’s a 20-game hot streak away from one good Trevor Story game! Okay, I’m being unfair and underselling. Projections don’t love Tauchman, but if he gets everyday at-bats, he’s worth a look or whoever is in that lineup replacing Stanton, whether it’s Aaron Hicks, Mike Ford, Clint Frazier, or PTBYankee’dL. So, this is kind of a Yankees’ placeholder in lineup endorsement, but Clint Frazier is the most interesting. Plus, *pinkie up as I sip* ginger tea. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The season is cruising along and just like every year before this, Giancarlo Stanton has hit the IL. Last week I touched on Mike Tauchman saying, “If Gardner continues to struggle at the dish, don’t be surprised if Tauchman gets extra at-bats in his stead.” Turns out it was a Stanton injury that opened to door to regular ABs for Mike Tauchman. In Saturday’s doubleheader, Tauchman played both games, batting 6th and 7th. Looking back to 2019, the lefty slugger was decent against both lefties and righties, posting a .247 ISO vs. righties and a .413 wOBA against lefties. The most impressive part of Tauchman’s abilities is his plate discipline as he put up double-digit walk rates against both lefties and righties. If you’re still searching for speed, grab Mike Tauchman now as he’s only owned in 8.5% of ESPN leagues and 40% in CBS Sports leagues. Let’s take a look at some other players to grab to give you a head start on your opponents.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Surprised Dylan Bundy is breaking out, said no one because literally everyone said exactly that when he was traded to the Angels. Okay, maybe the O’s are surprised, but I have a feeling even they knew it was coming. They just like losing, right? “We like to be owned by the good teams.” That’s the O’s front office. Even the Pirates are like, “Damn, for Bundy, we would’ve traded you Tyler Glasnow, Austin Meadows and…well, we don’t have anyone else. You want Colin Moran?” So, Dylan Bundy was masterful yesterday, going 9 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.08. He has changed his pitch mix in a dramatic way. Leaning way more on a slider and easing off his fastball, that has been become increasingly bleh in velocity. His command and Ks have been outstanding, but, I’ll be honest, I’m not 100% sold. Don’t get me wrong, I can be sold. I’m not saying it’s a mirage, go buy some more tigers, Steve Wynn. I’m just saying it’s 21 2/3 IP in three starts. Oh, I’d own him in 100% of leagues, but decreased velocity makes me want to see more. Promising vs. Promise Land. Me like vs. Me likey. Yummo vs. Gummo is a masterpiece. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?