Mike Clevinger and Greg Allen were traded to the Padres for Gabe Arias, Cal Quantrill, Joey Cantillo, Owen Miller, Austin Hedges, and Josh Naylor. Cleveland will be melting together Quantrill, Arias, Cantillo, Hedges, Naylor and Miller to form one super player, Johnny Q. Baseball who can catch, pitch middle relief and hit .215. Cleveland Indians’ GM said, “I have one rule, that’s Rule 5.” Before Clevinger can leave town, Zach Plesac will be planning a blow out going away party that no one is to know about. It will be at Carlos N’ Suzie’s, a downtown Cleveland favorite known for tequila and heating up Totino’s pizza rolls. Can’t wait for the postseason redemption story of Mike Clevinger ginned up by Fox where he does no actual apologizing for anything, but pitches well for six innings and gets some flashy graphics and wild hyperbole. So, Clevinger going to the Padres is obviously a huge boon for his value if boon means what I think it means. Let’s assume it does or at least makes sense within context clues. Everyone the Indians got? Useless for this year, but I’m sure Prospect Itch or Hobbs will go over the prospects at some point. Only downside I can see for this trade is it might actually be lowering Chris Paddack’s value, because now the Sheriff will have to spend all waking hours policing to make sure Clevinger doesn’t do anything stupid. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Taylor Williams – Traded to the Padres. In 7-inning doubleheaders, the Padres will be going to the pen in the 2nd inning. In Seattle, I’d guess the closer is now Yoshihisa Hirano, and in San Diego, I’d guess it’s still Rosenthal’s to lose, which I’d guess he loses.
Garrett Richards – 3 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.63, and pulled from the game after 47 pitches because Jayce Tingler heard they just traded for 17 relievers.
Mike Minor – Traded to the A’s. Pretty cool teams are trading for players and they don’t even know when they will play next. Welcome to 2020, check your expectations at the door, then have the coat check girl lose your expectations. Hopefully the addition of a Minor doesn’t distract Mike Fiers. Snap! Any hoo! Minor wasn’t as good as he seemed in 2019, and isn’t as bad as it appears in 2020. He can be a fantasy number four to five, but there’s only like six starts left for any starter, so mostly matchups based.
Shane Bieber – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.20 vs. Brad Keller – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.93. Looking at their ERAs, they both seem like Miracle Workers not just Keller.
Marco Gonzales – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.09. Mariners traded away all their relievers, so what choice did Marco have but to throw a complete game? Watching the Angels take on the Mariners is like watching paint dry, then every third inning someone speed-paints a Trout and a Lewis on the wall.
Jose Marmolejos – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer. I pronounce his last name: Marm-a-loogies. As far as I’m concerned, that’s correct.
Jacob deGrom – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.76. Only way Marlins were getting some good swings off deGrom is if deGrom started selling porch swings on eBay or the Mets’ defense failed him. Alas, they went behind door number two.
Robinson Cano – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .375. Easily has been the best Mets’ best hitter, which is my not so subtle dig at Pete Alonso. Though, Pete Alonso doesn’t need any digs, he’s dug his own hole.
Robinson Chirinos – Traded to the Mets. Brodie Von Wunker is so out of his depth. What’s he doing? A catcher…for what? They want Wilson Ramos at DH? Mets making trades like they’re in a two-catcher league.
Garrett Cooper – 1-for-5, and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. On Monday, I said cyclops. Today, hot schmotato!
Starling Marte – Traded to the Marlins. Noooooooooo! Just as Lewis Brinson started to hit! Damn you, Cap’n Jetes! Is it me or is Jeter both a buyer and seller every year? It’s almost like he just enjoys making moves, i.e., he can cover more ground in the front office than at shortstop. Marte’s hitting too many ground balls, and has flattened his swing. It’s not great. I’d expect more of the same in Miami, but maybe a bit less power and more speed, because Mattingly grew up in the go-go 80’s.
Isan Diaz – Decided to rejoin the Marlins. We’ve all had a friend like this guy. “Nah, I don’t want to go to the movies.” “Okay, too bad, because Daisy Fuentes and her friends invited us.” “On second thought, I think I can make it.” Oh, get the hell out of here, La Isan Bonita! But, since he won’t, he’s a solid pick up in deeper leagues for power. I’d imagine he plays every day with Villar gone-zo.
Caleb Smith – Traded to the Diamondbacks. Anyone have one of those temperature guns? I’d like to check the Marlins’ temperature. First Zac Gallen, now Caleb Smith. Marlins gonna send Sixto nexto or what-o? Arizona Marlinbacks upgraded their rotation nicely, not just with addition of Smith but by losing Robbie Ray, which I get to later. Still am not a huge fan of Smith for this year (in fantasy; for real baseball, you get every arm you can). Smith is still a decent bet in right matchups, which he should have more of in the NL West.
Austin Meadows – Out with a sore oblique. He always turns it on at some point. Hopefully he doesn’t wait until October.
Kevin Kiermaier – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert! Which is what I say before Kevin Cash benches him inexplicably for three days.
Gerrit Cole – 5 IP, 4 ER, 12 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.91. I watched a lot of this game for s’s and g’s and I’m no Dave Duncan, but I wonder if Cole is tipping his pitches or his mechanics are off. He doesn’t look right. Gotta hope it’s not an injury and he’s just sucking. Well, if you own him, you don’t want to hope for either.
Rich Hill – 3 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.94. I can guarantee you he started this game healthy, because even a hanging fingernail sidelines him. I can’t promise you he ended the game healthy.
Luis Robert – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .298. Just the ol’ rookie season pace of 50 homers. Covid robbed us of what might’ve been one of the best rookie seasons in memory, or he would’ve fell off in June. Guess we’ll find out next year when I rank him in the top 20 and he does a giant Pete Alonso turd.
Keegan Akin – 4 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks in his 1st major league start. Keegan Akin Peele hid the ball well, and Rob Manfred will love how fast he works. He threw 92-94 MPH on the fastball and 79-82 on the change. Command was there, but that could be a problem, and why I’d look at Streamonator before going near him in most leagues.
Kevin Pillar – Traded to the Rockies. “Good, get rid of that Sam Hollared guy.” “It’s Hilliard, Bud.” “We also traded for a Hilliard Bud?” That’s Bud Black chatting with his coach. Pillar obviously gets a boost in value. Bud Black has never met a prospblock he didn’t want to start over a prospect. Kevin Pillar might actually become the leadoff man and get more at-bats in Colorado than any other player simply because he’s a vet. Bud Black is the stupidest motherf**ker that’s ever managed a team. Can’t wait until Sam Hilliard’s had a solid five-year stretch with another team, returns to the Rockies as a past-his-prime 35-year-old, and then Bud Black plays him every day.
Brendan Rodgers – Hit the IL with a shoulder strain. He strained his shoulder snapping his fingers and saying, “Dang!” after reading the lineup card.
Archie Bradley – Traded to the Reds. Great, love when a trade deadline goes through and I lose my closer. That is fantastic. *places tacks down on desk, slams head into desk* My guess is Raisel Iglesias keeps his closer job, because, well, why not? Bradley will go back to doing what he always excelled at: solid 7th and 8th innings. Or I guess solid 5th and 6th innings, since all games will be 7-inning doubleheaders in September.
Brian Goodwin – Traded to the Reds. Hearing the Angels will be receiving back a BarcaLounger for Pujols if he hits a single and doesn’t want to stand on 1st. Sorry, sorry, I heard wrong. The Angels received back, and this is serious and hilarious, Reds’ prospect Packy Naughton. Hahahahaha–WHO?! Packy’s got Pall Malls, Mad Dog 20/20 and is closed on Sunday!
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .185. Not even .187, and I still need him to come back from the dead.
Paul DeJong – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (1), hitting .321. Colonel Mustard in the lavatory with a plunger!
Dakota Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.77. Only team to hit this year was the Pirates, which makes sense in opposite world where I wear pants on my head and ihatq–Damn, not bad since I also had shoes on my hands while typing that.
Ke’Bryan Hayes – Being called up by the Pirates. Why wasn’t he called up last week instead of Will Craig? If you can think like the Pirates, you’re a total loser and should immediately stop thinking like the Pirates. So, what’s all the hype about? Well, as I said before, out of 540 ranked players in the preseason, he was ranked 540, so there’s not much hype here. He’s a 2/3/.275 hitter in a month. Sound good? If so, I wish I were as easily excited.
Keston Hiura – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, hitting .229. Not trying to put too much weight on small sample sizes — that’s what she said! — but his average and strikeout rate (~33%) is very concerning.
Rhys Hoskins – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, three homers in three games and 17 homers in four games–mah gawd, Rhysus is so hot! If it wasn’t the trade deadline, I likely would’ve gave Rhysus the lede in one of the last two days. I haven’t seen anyone this locked in since Jodie Foster in Panic Room.
Spencer Howard – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.40. I’d use Streamonator for him, but on a side note, the Phils’ pen is still awful. Good luck, David Phelps, but you’re about to be garbage.
Juan Soto – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 10th and 11th homer, hitting .367. Oh, by the by, he missed a week of games. I will now laugh and guzzle soda while mumbling, “Sexy Dr. Pepper,” as soda dribbles down my chin.
Trea Turner – 4-for-5, 3 runs and his 7th homer. Just on the usual Treat Urner pace of 35/15.
Jonathan Villar – Traded to the Jays. Buffalo Wild Winds Stadium can only help Villar hit a couple more doinkers. It’s hard to picture him hitting too high on the order, if everyone is healthy, thinking mostly of Grichuk. If Bichette’s healthy, Villar’s not even playing, but he’s not, so there’s that. This move helps Jon Berti get playing time in Miami, which feels like something I say every month, only to have it followed a week later by saying, this hurts Berti’s playing time. Wait, Isan Diaz. Welp, sorry, Berti.
Ross Stripling – Traded to the Jays. If I were Buffalo, I’d put Stripling in middle relief to bridge the gap from starter to…Do they have a closer? I appreciate the Jays “going for it,” but what exactly are they going for? Third place and a 1st round ousting? They don’t think their rotation of “Ryu and a bunch of fools” is going to get it done, do they? I have questions, ya’ll!
Robbie Ray – Traded to the Jays. Apparently, the Blue Jays were hoping to get into their bullpen quicker, which has no one! Ya know, Jays, you could’ve just called in a long reliever, rather than trade for Robbie Ray. Jays’ front office, “We’ll never compete with the Rays!” Then, an evil smile, “Wait a minute…We can get a Ray!” As you can imagine, I still don’t like Robbie Ray. Only thing a Blue Ray is good for is watching my Kurosawa Criterion Collection.