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Please see our player page for C.J. Cron to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Sometimes, the Gods smile. Not broad, goofy grins. They’re Gods. They have chiseled chins and deep dimples, and they’re women. They look like Kirsten Dunst. Gods are multiple Kirsten Dunsts. There will not be questions about this later, so you can read and discard, like your medical chart that says your cholesterol is high. Speaking of medical charts that we can read and discard, Ronald Acuña Jr.’s knee MRIs

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Hola, chicos and cinco chicas! Are you ready for some Tex-Max Schenchiladas? Ay, papis and cinco mamas, you want some Tex-Max Enscherziladas?! Ay?! So, the Max Scherzer trade to the Rangers was briefly held up because they needed Max’s approval, and I have been laughing for two days thinking about someone asking if they would waive their no-trade clause from the Mets. Can you imagine?

“Hey, I have to ask you–”
“Yes.”
“Wait, let me–”
“Absolutely.”
“You have to let me ask you, it’s a part of the clause, I must say the whole thing before you can answer. Okay, are you willing to leave the New York–”
“PLEASE!”

C’mon, bro. Max Scherzer is going to say, “No, I want to stay on this submersible.” So, Scherzer goes to the Rangers and this will fix everything. I kid. Scherzer could go to any team, except maybe the Rockies, and be Scherzer. His 4.01 ERA hasn’t been pristine, and he’s starting to show some wear at 39. His Ks are down, and his walks and homers are up. He has the worst xFIP of his career. I’d never bet against Scherzer — one does not bet against someone with two different colored eyes — but he does look more like a number two vs. the one he’s been for 13 years. By the way, the return package — which I’m sure Itch will go over — includes Luisangel Acuña. Hmm, pitch clock, fine. Limited pickoffs? Okay. But what’s Manfred doing with this “Every NL East team gets an Acuña” rule? From what I’ve heard, it’s a good return for Max Scherzer; the Mets did well. Until they trade Luisangel Acuña this offseason for Whit Merrifield or something equally bad. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Mike Couillard and Jeremy Brewer have launched a pod, Cards & Categories, to discuss baseball from card collecting and fantasy angles! In our third episode, we open with discussion on Felix Bautista’s Cy Young chances, 2023 Topps Chrome tacofractors, and the Braves’ triple play against the Red Sox. Then we talk about our favorite card show strategies […]

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“The guys we have in here, in this clubhouse. These guys are home. This locker room for the last three months is where I’ve placed my bowl of cocktail wieners and beans on top of this wooden bench and dined, while people around me have said, ‘Really? You have to eat in here?’ This locker is where I hang my Mets’ jersey, where, before me, once Hubie Brooks hung his Mets’ jersey, and before him, another guy whose name I’m forgetting. That’s a legacy, and we’re damn proud. Mets is written across our chest, like a stigmata.” That was Justin Verlander as he tried to pretend to not want to be traded, making his best effort on the field — 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.47. Verlander is carrying his worst peripherals in fifteen years — 7.6 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 4.49 xFIP, just hideous stuff for a guy of his caliber, but maybe the inspiration to get off the Mets will be all he needs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Welcome back from the break! Now let’s get that money! And by “money” I mean an ulcer from starting Lance Lynn for every one of his terrible starts and benching him for all his good starts. We’re gonna be so rich with that “money.” One guy who is absolutely going to be “money” in scare quotes is Grayson Rodriguez, who was recalled to start on Monday vs. the Dodgers. Orioles weighing calling up Grayson vs. the Marlins this past weekend or the Dodgers, “Hmm, death by one cut seems much nicer than by a thousand.” Of course, I’d pick Grayson back up! Do you not know me at all? Still seems prone to command issues, but his 1.96 ERA in Triple-A is a big ol’ whiff (by hitters) of what could be. He might be an ace for the final two months. Might also be “money,” and that’s not money money. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The last two weeks I’ve said some variation of, “Pablo Lopez (9 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.89) is the biggest Buy Low.” Prolly called him Pab-Lo, but the sentiment remained the same. Buy Low, I said, as I stood below your window, waiting for you to lower your hair so I could climb up and whispering why Pablo Lopez was a Buy Low. His K/9 is 11.2 and his BB/9 is 2.4. I did a Zoom call with those numbers and talked dirty until they called me a Toobin and hung up. His xFIP is 3.45. That’s SHE upside down on a calculator. You need more info here? Really? Everything looked perfect on his perfs, the only thing that was poking out and ruining things was his unlucky LOB%. Once that corrected itself, he was going to be an ace. Ya know one way to avoid a LOB problem? It’s to leave guys on freakin’ base! That was going to be the easiest thing to correct for someone with a 11+ K/9. He is no longer a Buy Low. Hopefully, you got in on Pab-Lo before he became Pab-Properly-Priced. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Yesterday, Kevin Gausman went 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.01. Gausman was being drafted like, “Oh, I guess I’ll punt top starters and take Gausman.” Gausman was being drafted like: Person looking at your draft results, “You didn’t draft an ace.” Person who drafted Gausman, “I think Gausman is my ace.” “No, you need someone like Corbin Burnes or Sandy Alcantara.” I won’t break the record that I continue to break that people continue to ignore. I just want everyone to think about one thing: Pitchers are impossible to rank, thus draft. ERA, Wins and WHIP, to a lesser extent, are heavily influenced by luck. When there’s no luck playing a factor, they’re prone to injuries. You could’ve had Gausman as your ace everywhere. Or, you could’ve had Alek Manoah, who was scorched for 11 runs in 2 2/3 IP in the Florida Complex League. Oh, he’s absolutely going to have a complex, thinking, “Wow, I really suck.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Turning on the TV, oh, lucky, it’s my favorite movie, Beaches. Wow, Barbara Hershey being selfless and allowing Bette Midler to shine. It’s so beautiful…Oh my God, what are these wet things on my cheeks? I’m crying tears of laughter and sadness that only the movie Beaches can elicit. Now, I am cutting pictures of Ohtani and Reid Detmers (7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.77) out of a magazine and pasting their heads on the TV. Now Reid Detmers is Hershey, and Ohtani, of course, is Bette. Detmers is cold in Ohtani’s shadow. Anyone would be, Ohtani is one of the best of all-time, like Bette, so you can’t compete with that, but Detmers can cheer on his friend, and have an 11.1 K/9, 3.4 BB/9, and 3.64 xFIP. He also has a 13.3% Swinging Strike rate. You know who else has a 13.3% Swinging Strike rate (at least they both did going into yesterday)? For one night, Bette wasn’t better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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“Count’s 2-1, and Jack Flaherty is leaning in…and, would you look at that, that is interesting…Willson Contreras is calling for an 88 MPH fastball down the middle.” I kid! Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.24) looked great! After the first inning. Was a bit wonky at the start. At one point, he went from a 75 MPH curve to a 95 MPH elevated fastball to a 84.5 MPH slider to a 79.5 MPH knuckle curve on four straight batters, all resulting in strikeouts. All he needed for motivation was to prove his own catcher sucked. “But how,” Jack Flaherty wondered in his most sincere of voices, “Could a pitcher look good while making his catcher look bad?” Flaherty still desperately needs command from pitch 1 to 100 while going 95 on the fastball, but last night was a step in the right direction. Speaking of directions, the Cards all sucked together, and now they’re all fantastic together. The Cards’ way, I suppose. Nolan Arenado (2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 4th homer in four games) is going off, and I had a reason to Sell Low written down that was so eloquent. It’s right over by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado! Also, in this game, Andrew Knizner (1-for-1, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer, and 2nd in as many games. This homer was vs. a position player, but there ain’t no asterisks in my fantasy league. Next, Tommy Edman (4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 6th homer, as he heard the footsteps of people going to waivers to drop him. Finally, Nolan Gorman (3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, as the house of Cards begins to rise again. Hopefully, Oli Marmol isn’t inspired to give one of his motivational speeches again like, “Tyler O’Neill and Willson Contreras, you guys suck and can’t field your positions or run and I hate all of you.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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As many of you know, I was in Mexico City this weekend. The funny thing (is this funny?), I was in Mexico City for a cousin’s wedding. Not until maybe three days before did I realize it was the same weekend as the Padres and Giants playing in Coors South, which I guess is Corona. Around the city, they had these player statues, and, boy, were they awful:

I look more like Manny Machado than that statue! Any hoo! I’m being told this is not Travel & Leisure dot com. Too bad, I had some great tips for Gavin Stone about how to get to Los Angeles. El eff gee! That’s right, the Dodgers are calling him up to start on Wednesday. I have Stone stashed since March in multiple leagues; I just gave you a Gavin Stone fantasy two weeks ago. I am absolutely all-in. As Bob Dylan would say, everybody must get Stone. Seriously, don’t leave any Gavin Stone unturned. All those Dodgers’ babies from last week are going to have Gavin as their birth Stone. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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There’s a large contingent of people logging on, who are like, so you like Fernando Tatis Jr. (0-for-5) now? I see, so you like cheaters? Let’s call these people, The Moralists. They’ve never done anything bad in their life. Good for them. Better than me, but they’re likely better than everyone. So, hey, The Moralists, I’m sorry, I grew up loving Mark McGwire, you can’t shame me into caring about steroids now. Here’s a conversation between me and The Moralists:

The Moralist, “You see that great player who is very fun?”
“Fernando Tatis Jr.? Yes, I do see him.”
“I don’t like him anymore because he cheated by taking drugs.”
“Oh, so you’re a nerd?!”

People who are like, “So, you’re defending cheating?” I am not Perry Mason. I am merely excited about the return of a guy I drafted in a fantasy baseball league. A guy who is fun. His name is Fun The Jewels for Chrissake! Any hoo! Welcome back, Fun The Jewels, now LFG! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?