Former Houston Astros top prospect and Compton’s own Jon Singleton hit his first home run last night since July 29, 2015. That bat flip says it all, folks. The only other Astro still on the team in 2015 was Jose Altuve. That’s 8 years and 13 days between home runs, only Jake Peavy had a longer homerless stretch (over nine years). Luckily for us, Singleton didn’t have to wait this long for his next dinger, he hit his second of the night just an inning later–and oh my goodness, that bat flip was even more glorious! He ended his night with three hits, two homers and five RBI. OGs remember Singleton as the second most highly touted prospect in the Astros farm back in 2013 after George Springer. Obviously, Singleton didn’t see the success of George, and many blamed his addiction to marijuana. Lol. He was suspended 50 games in 2013 for testing positive for weed and spent a month in rehab. Hold on, let me stop there real quick. First, do they even test for marijuana anymore and second do they really have rehab facilities for marijuana addicts? I guess 2013 called, they want their stigma back! Half the players are probably on some kind of CBD now. Times change! Anyway, back to Jon, he was labeled a pothead, an addict and a bust (the trifecta) and struggled to get back to the majors, batting .168 in 2014 with the club and .191 in just 47 ABs in 2015. After that Singleton disappeared and the Astros became the closest thing to a dynasty the league had seen in years. Fast forward (cause this is getting boring even with all the drug stuff) to June 2023 when the Astros took another shot on Jonny after proving he could stick with a big league club posting an .809 OPS with Milwaukee’s affiliate last year. Singleton crushed at AAA Sugarland to the tune of .333/.446/.692 with 12 bombs and 28 RBI in 33 games, including this epic walk off. Again with the bat flips! The Stros called up Singleton on Tuesday and in just his second start Jon showed he belonged, completing an incredible battle back to the show. I know! The emotions are real! I got goosies, ya’ll! That’s the kind of feel-good story that would make even StreamONator malfunction. Robot tears are bad for the gears! Too early to speculate if Singleton will be a useful fantasy contributor, (unless your league counts bat flips), but with Jose Abreu hobbled there’s a clear path to consistent playing time. He’s definitely worth monocle-ing for the full-on break out post-post-post (too many posts to list!) hype sleeper, but the 31-year journeyman has got to be pleased he’s battled back to this point thus far, and who’s to say getting a taste of October baseball isn’t next on his to-do! Regardless, the Jon Singleton comeback train has just arrived at Minute Maid Park, and this time he’s smoking fat dingers, not doobies!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

C.J. Cron – 1-for-3, HR (12). The long-awaited Cron home run since returning as an Angel. I know ya’ll were waiting for this one. Definitely, the piece the Angels were missing. At least he did it before the Astros tagged them for 11 runs (ELEVEN) so he had an inning to enjoy it.

Justin Verlander – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 7 K, 7th win. Honestly, if the Angels were really buyers they’d have gotten JV. This guy wins. This guy [expletive deleted]. This guy married Kate Upton. You really want to win games you trade for Verlander and he will win you games, instead, they’ll get stuck with Giolito and Grichuk and lose Ohtani forever. Why does this upset me so much?

Yainer Diaz – 2-for-5, 2 runs. Martin Maldonado also had 3 hits and 2 RBI. Yainer’s hitting .360 with three bombs in the past week as the ‘Stros are doing whatever they can to get both their catcher’s in the line up. I have a feeling I’m going to own Yainer on a lot of teams next year, but why wait, grab him now!

Jeremy Pena – 3-for-4, 2 runs, RBI. I hold that Pena hasn’t been the same since he dropped the ñ but he’s batting .364 in the past week and Houston looks like the team to beat. Someone should probably check on Carlos Correa.

Aaron Judge – 1-for-3, HR (22). Judge rocked a big boi shot to deep center field. That’s a 460-footer, guys and six girl readers (hi mom!). I guess big toes are overrated? You know who’s not overrated? Judge, whose team is 17-1 in games where he goes yard.

Josh Bell – 1-for-4, HR (15). Another ding dong for Bell! Josh going absolutely nuclear as soon as he gets traded is so typical Josh Bell, I’d be infuriated if I was a Guardians (dumbest team name ever) fan. I mean, we all know Miami is a million times cooler than Cleveland and I’m excited about Messi too but you don’t have to be so obvious about it.

Jesus Luzardo – 3.1 IP, 9 hits, 7 ER, BB, 2 K. Jesus, Jesus. Loser-do is more like it. He’s now given up 15 runs in his past 13.1 IP and the dude looked c00ked. He’s past his career high innings pitch so perhaps he needs some extended rest, regardless I would not start him vs Houston next week!

Wander Franco – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (17), 3 RBI, SB (30). The Wander Walk Off! What a Wanderful time we’re having! Cause after all, he’s my Wander Wall! Ok, I’ll stop. Let’s ignore the fact that the Rays wouldn’t have even needed this slam if the bullpen wasn’t so terrible Friday night, but Rays surging and Dub-Eff is the reason. He’s hit safely in 12 of his last 13 games, with 5 homers and 2 steals in that stretch. He’s just three tanks away from joining the 20-30 club! I’m Wanderstruck!

Aaron Civale – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, BB, 2 K. Again, Civale did his DD, but the bullpen coughed up the lead in epic fashion and needed Wander to bail them out. Peter Fairbanks (0.2 IP, 3 ER) sees his ERA jump up over a run, but Robert Stephenson gets charged the blown save which doesn’t really seem Fairbanks.

Chris Sale – 4.2 IP, 1 hit, 2 ER, 7 K. OK, gosh. Now please wrap yourself in bubble wrap and go immediately back in your Bacta tank until your next start. We need you fully suspended in healing gel in the interim, it’s too risky! Sale retired the first 14 hitters he faced before surrendering a bomb to Kerry Carpenter (1-for-3, HR (13)) in the 5th and his night ended there. The Tigers are bad, but this is best case scenario for a guy who hadn’t pitched in the bigs since June 1. He had a 43 CSW% which is sweet sassy molassy worthy! Again, a lot of this could of been Detroit but he lines up to face the Nats next week and they are just as bad, so I’d absolutely take a flier on Sale before he gets hurt again.

Tarik Skubal – 5.1 IP, 7 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. Tarik’s got an every-other-start is good thing he’s doing right now that is overall pretty obnoxious. Still, if he keeps with the trend I like him in Cleveland next week and StreamONator really likes it, too.

Trevor Story – 2-for-4, run, SB (1). It’s hard to believe we can tell you to BUY a player like Story as if he’s available everywhere but he kind of is? Let me tell you a story about how the Red Sox replaced their homegrown short stop and one of the most popular players in team history with this injury-prone joker. Ehh, I guess there’s no time for that. When he’s not hitting sub-.200, Trevor can get insanely, Dua Lipa levels of hot real quick, and if that happens the Sawx could make a run at this thing.

Triston Casas – 1-for-3, HR (19), 3 RBI. Casas is where the heart is! Triston harnesses the sun’s natural energy to let it rip. Now against lefties, too! Hey, I told you to grab him a few weeks ago! That was pretty okay advice I gave that one time!

Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-5, 3 RBI, 4th triple. EDLC has had a hard fall from god-dom, but it’s not like he’s slumping or anything, he’s just not carrying like he was. Friday’s RBI was his first not on a solo homer since July 24th, and he hasn’t stolen a base since right after the all star break. Can we go back to Fourth of July weekend EDLC? Cause I would have given up my Eras Tour tickets to get that guy on my team again. Well, maybe not Night 6.

Andrew Abbott – 5.2 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 0 BB, 9 K, 7th win. The Regression fairies have been coming hard for Abbott lately (10 ER over his past two starts) but refused to go to Pittsburgh due to the crime rate. In which case, Abbott has a chance to keep this going in Cleveland next week! Fairies be sheltered and easily influenced by local news!

Cristopher Sanchez – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 1st win. Hard to believe this is his first win in 10 starts! You earned this one, hoss! Dude’s ratios have been impressive with a 3.42 and 1.01 WHIP despite all the home runs he gives up. This could be his last start as the Phils could move to a five man rotation, but if not he would get the Nats next week and I might consider the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure though!

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 2 BB. Left game fouled ball of foot, and while x-rays were negative he looked to be in some pain so I could see him missing a few days. Hopefully he doesn’t have Aaron Judge’s podiatrist.

J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-4, HR (15), 2 RBI. The best catcher in the world only has 15 home runs! Don’t question it!

Bryson Stott – 2-for-4, HR (11), 2 RBI slashing .302/.345/.445. Phillies scored 13 runs with 15 hits. Bryson Stott DeChambeau drived this one! Are the Phils really about to do this “run” thing again? And with Trea getting like actually Trea-hot, is anyone doubting them?

Johan Rojas –  1-for-5, HR (1), 3 RBI. Have a day, rook! Sure your first career homer was off an outfielder, but it was an outfielder throwing shade at Kimbrel. I love everything about this sequence of events, mostly notably Jordan mocking Kimbrel (who honestly needs to be mocked), eating crow for it, then Johan-not-Josh Rojas apologizing to Luplow after he rounds the bases. Whata class act!

Max Kepler – 1-for-2, HR (19). Max power is four homers in the past week! It’s probably not getting much better than that for Max, let’s be honest we’ll take what we can get!

Jorge Polanco – 2-for-4, HR (7). I will tell you to pick him up but he’ll probably be hurt again by the time you come around to it.

Ildemario Vargas – 2-for-4, HR (4), 4 RBI. In a battle of the leagues worst teams,  A’s versus the Nats, the Nationals came through victorious. You win, I guess?

Keibert Ruiz – 2-for-4, 3 runs, HR (13). Hitting .400 with two homers in the past week and I’ve already mentioned too many Nats.

Jake Alu – 1-for-3, HR (1). BUY. Might as well keep the Nats train going, Grey says Alu could be hot schmotato-y, could be quad-A-y, but mostly he looks Much Alu About Nothing.

Austin Riley – 3-for-4, HR (27), 2 RBI. Riley ended an almost week long homer drought but that hasn’t held him back from being one of the hottest hitters in all the land, batting .362 with 5 homers and 11 RBI in the past two weeks.

Charlie Morton – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 7 BB, 4 K. Seven walks is how I bribe my dog into not pissing all over the house while I Barbenheimer at the movies for 12 hours.

Reid Detmers – 2.1 IP, 7 hits, 7 ER, 3 BB. Hey, speaking of getting bombed, J. Oppenheimer! That’s back-2-back outings with seven runs allowed making Detmers one of the worst players in fantasy over the past 10 days! Well done, Reid, but you can really pile on this versus the Rays next week. If you’re gonna be bad might as well own it.

Adam Wainwright – 1.0 IP, 9 hits, 8 ER, 7th loss. Should have retired with Pujols. Instead we have this. Hey, at least he’s still getting paid a lot of money!

Bobby Witt, Jr. – 2-for-5, HR (21). His second 20-30 season in as many years, it’s amazing the Royals have been as bad as they are with To Witt hitting piss missiles all over the diamond.

Salvador Perez – 4-for-4, HR (18), 4 RBI. Nick Velazquez was 2-for-4, HR (4). The Royals don’t have the bullpen to “rout” anyone, but this one could have been a rout.

Dairon Blanco –  0-for-0, run, 2 SB (14). Blanco could be one of the SAGNOFiest SAFNOFs to ever SAGNOF with 6 steals in the past two weeks in only 19 at bats.

Tyler O’Neill – 2-for-5, HR (6), 2 RBI. It’s hard to place all the blame on Oli Marmol for O’Neill’s struggles since he’s been a perennial dissapointer two years running now but I’m okay pinning it all on Oli if you are.

Willson Contreras – 3-for-4, HR (13), 5 RBI. The first mistake the Cards made this offseason was giving huge money to one of the most popular players on their rival team. When has this ever worked out? Don’t say Babe Ruth, that doesn’t count.

Corbin Burnes – 5.2 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 5 K. Ahh yes, the returns from that second round pick are really paying dividends in August.

Eloy Jimenez – 3-for-5, HR (14), 2 RBI. His first home run since July 23rd. If you decide to go all nuclear in August all of a sudden I will 100% allow it. But I guess I should just be happy he’s stayed healthy.

Victor Caratini – 2-for-4, HR (6). Victor ain’t no beta, Caratini!

Kyle Gibson – 5.1 IP, 12 hits, 9 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, 7th loss. It was that kind of night, and Gibs ran into the current buzzsaw that is the Mariners, who have now won eight in a row. AL West is giving the AL East a run for its money as far as the best division in baseball is concerned. Too bad the A’s are really skewing the data down here.

Luis Castillo – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 8th win. Big rebound after getting demolished by the Angels last week, and he gets the Royals next. Yes, please, and thank you!

Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-5, HR (19), 4 RBI. Juul-Rod ripping the fattest vape clouds, batting over .400 in the past week! If you’d done this in April I wouldn’t be questioning so many of my life choices. For example, I should really quit ripping all this candy vape juice. It can’t be healthy, right? Inhaling fruit loops into my lungs?

Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4, HR (20). Cal Dumpeth on High. Big Dumper with the thiccest of dongs. The dumpiest! Oh, oof, that was almost a NSFW blurb! Don’t worry, I’m talking about his butt everyone! We are entering the Cal Zone, and Raleigh took the spiciest of meatballs-a deep!

Jon Gray – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 7 K, 8th win. Gray struggled in his past two starts (11 ER in 10.1 IP) so he needed this one in a big way. Have we seen all fifty shades of Grey so far this season? Which one comes with the butt plug?

Will Smith – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, SV (22). Chapman struck out the side in the ninth. Back to back butt posts–you know Will Smith is gonna wanna slap that!

Nathaniel Lowe – 1-for-4, HR (14). The most boringest player on one of the MLB’s most exciting teams has two home runs in August but let’s pretend we weren’t looking because Nathaniel isn’t into all the attention.

Blake Snell – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 4 BB, 7 K, 9th win. I Snell what Blake is cooking and he looks like he’s on his way to one of his best years since his Cy Young season. Dude is rocking a 2.63 ERA, 1.28 WHIP, and a 171/76 K/BB rate. He’s won three of his last four starts but that walk rate is way too concerning for me to get really excited–you may be my dog’s favorite player but 27 walks in the past 30 days, that’s just not gonna fly with your human fans, bro.

Xander Bogaerts – 4-for-5, HR (12), 3 RBI. Jake Cronenworth also hit his 10th homer. Awesome X! After hitting six homers in April, Bogie’s power numbers cooled considerably since. Maybe he misses me? Next time you’re in the area, want to go whack some golf balls? We can stay up all night binging a show we both hate. I sure do miss you, budday. I hope you like the weather in San Diego, it’s miserably humid here.

Mookie Betts – 2-for-3, run, RBI. Speaking of former besties and missing players so hard it hurts, it’s very nice to see Mookie doing so well without me. If you need me I’ll be screaming into my pillow.

Fernando Tatis, Jr. – 3-for-5, 2 runs, RBI. Padres scored 10 runs with 14 hits. Fun the Jewels! Fun the Jewels forever!

Lance Lynn – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 9 K, 9th win. Of course, Lynn is an Ace again with the Dodgers. OF COURSE! The 5.88 ERA? 17 ER in 16 IP with Chicago? Throw it out the window. Dude. has posted a 2.00 ERA, 0.94 WHIP, and 22/4 K/BB in three starts with LA. How many crotch grabs is that? I blacked out after the first three.

Nico Hoerner – 2-for-5, HR (9), SB (29). The slam & legs makes me so Hoerner in my worst Mike Myers voice! In Toronto, they cover it in gravy and curds and on second thought that’s probably why the Jays have been so sluggish lately.

Javier Assad – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 2 K, 2nd win. You know the Cubbies magic is strong when a long reliever who hasn’t had a quality start all year goes seven strong against the Jays in Toronto. He gave up several well hit balls so this could have gone South quickly, but luckily they were in the Great North and the everything is going the Cubs way right now. Assad gets the Southside Sox at home next week and I guess I could see it at least until the Cubs stop winning all the baseball games.

Brandon Belt – 1-for-4, HR (11). He was a BUY! You know a Mr. Pants like myself is going to love himself a good Belt. And this one’s got two home runs in the past week and three since August 1 batting .293! Since first base has been such a barren wasteland riddled with dust, fire and ash where no light can escape Belt is worth a look! At the very least he can keep your pants from falling down.

Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4, HR (18), 2 RBI. Belli-bombs are my new August past time. The Belli-resurgence is one of the best stories of 2023, he was NL player of the month for July, and leads the league in batting average since July 1. You know a guy is hot when you see his stats next to Shohei’s (AL Player of the Month) and they stack up. And while I’m sad he didn’t end up back on the Dodgers, and that bums me out for some reason I don’t understand, the Cubs can’t stop winning and Cody batting .476 with 2 homers, 7 RBI, and 2 steals in the past week is the reason why. Maybe getting out of Mookie’s shadow was all he needed to strut his MVP pedigree again? Or more likely it’s the promise of a half a billion dollar contract? Yah, probably the second one. Either way, he’s been unBellievable!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts, or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!