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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)
Can you believe I’m already here talking about September callups? This year flew by. They say the older you get the quicker the years feel. For unstints, every week feels like a year for Masyn Winn at 21 years of age. For me, every year feels like a week. Last week was 2078, and we just discovered that people who like cilantro are aliens. Don’t challenge me on this, I studied the calendar in college. Sorry if you’re one of those that likes cilantro, it is an acquired taste — acquired by aliens. Call your doctor; you have green blood. So, Masyn Winn is almost guaranteed to start next year with the club, that means he will get an offseason rookie outlook post from me and the only question is: Him, Jackson Holliday or a third unknown rookie as the top fantasy rookie for next year? You’ll have to wait until October for that big reveal. You can hardly wait! No, you! For all rookies, it doesn’t hurt to call them up in September to give them a little taste. An amuse bouche of baseball! Masyn Winn is more than ready. He’s about to be a 20/20 guy in Triple-A at the aforementioned 21 years of age. Him or Tatis next year? Okay, still Fun The Jewels, but you see where my hype is going. For this year, I’d grab Winn in all leagues for the inevitable September call-up. Oh, and I know he has a glute issue right now; don’t be a pain in the ass. He’s fine, and will be spectacular soon with the Cards. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Luis Campusano – Gary Sanchez and Campusano are one of a few two-catcher teams in the majors — the Jays’ Varsho and Jansen; the Braves’ d’Arnaud and Murphy; the Giants’ Sabol and Bailey, then there’s the Royals who have three — Fermin, Perez, and Michael Jordan Melendez, which shows you, two is company, three’s a crowd. Sorry, Jack Tripper.
Ryan Jeffers – From Jack Tripper to the Jeffers on TV and we’re moving on up! To the east side!
MJ Melendez – Sorry, three’s company!
Jake Bauers – The Yikes have Bauers hitting leadoff, and playing 1st base, and that’s one of their highlights!
Brandon Belt – Seeing Belt at the top of the available 1st basemen, and how hot he’s been, and staring at C.J. Cron on my teams, and wondering why I’m not doing better.
Trevor Story – Who is this young guy? Anyone have any dirt on him? He’s got no dirt on himself because he hasn’t played in, like, two years. Here’s my Trevor Story fantasy from the other day.
Zack Gelof – 1st basemen were kinda weak this, uh, week, but the 2nd basemen are carrying the load like they’re Semien. Ew.
Brice Turang – This week has a lot of big names on the 7-day Player Rater, then Brice Turang, and I’ve only accidentally spelled his name Bruce Tirang every single time. Gotta remember, they call him Brice!
Andruw Monasterio – I went to Monasterio school and they let me teach multiplication to seven-year-olds, I was eight at the time. But seriously folks! He’s hot.
Davis Schneider – Just gave you my Davis Schneider fantasy. That was written while sticking my finger in an electric socket.
Elvis Andrus – Before each game, the White Sox should have a Smack Tim Anderson Contest. Whoever smacks him the hardest gets to hit leadoff, and then fill out the lineup based on degrees of smackiness. Wait, do they already do that?
Willi Castro – Great for SAGNOF. Also, this guy’s name is what the working title was for Oppenheimer. At preview screenings, too many people were saying, “No, he won’t,” as they left the theater and it annoyed Nolan.
Jake Alu – Just did a quick google to get acquainted with Jake Alu, because I could’ve sworn he was the third Wild Samoan. From the information I was able to gather, it wasn’t Afa, Sika, and Alu. Though, you don’t know me at all if you don’t think I’m about to start calling him Wild Jake Alu. In Triple-A, he had 5/16/.298 with a 13.9% strikeout rate, which says great contact, but he’s 26, and that could mean Quad-A. So far, he’s hitting and stealing, so Wild Jake Alu might be a schmotato.
Mike Tauchman – After you pick up this guy, your computer should come on and say, “You got the Tauchman!” and until it does that, I’m not worried about AI.
Matt Wallner – Take this with a small sample size alert — that’s what she said about you derisively! — but Wallner is quickly making waves on Statcast, and I’m closely monocle’ing him for next year.
Connor Joe – After all this time, you’d think we’d have a better idea where’d he come from and where’d he go and where’d he come from, Connor Eyed Joe.
Drew Waters – “I heard you picked up Waters.” “You’re all wet! My team stinks!” That’s me yelling at myself in the mirror.
Gavin Williams – I like Gavin, but this is a Streamonator call, like the call it made to Boston Robotics.
Cole Ragans – Same as above, I like Ragans, but this is also a Streamonator call. “I saw you on the news and I was wondering if you need any robots that are longing for love.”
Carlos Hernandez – Just gonna list a bunch of guys who could get saves: Gregory Santos, Giovanny Gallegos, Jordan Hicks, Erik Swanson and C-Her. Or C-Blargh, as he’s been. Is this in order? There is no order. Each day these guys change, based on use, and how good bad they are. Right now, that is the order, but don’t hold me to it.
Andres Munoz – Giving this guy his own blurb, because he’s actually good, unlike the guys above who are just a mess of SAGNOF.
Jason Foley – Speaking of a SAGNOF mess, have you seen Alex Lange lately? Tigers’ saves could also go to Beau Brieske. *lifting a wheel of brie to toast* “To my Brieskes.”
Matt Brash – To get this guy, I went to the 30-day Player Rater, and grabbed the first guy who doesn’t have saves or starts — and that was Mike Baumann, but he also didn’t have Holds, so I looked at his stats, and I can’t recommend him. He’s like Mr. Vulture Wins. Any hoo! Brash has been great, and he’s not too shy to tell you.
SELL
Andrew Vaughn – Remember, this is no longer a “Sell.” Trading deadlines have past in most leagues. If your league has a late trading deadline, then by all means go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and do what you do. This is, how’sever, a drop not a sell. So, why call it a Sell still? “In this week’s Buy/Drop?” What is that nonsense? A buy/drop? C’mon. How about a buy/shut up! Any hoo! Vaughn is a drop in all leagues, and I’m half talking to myself, because I might be the only one who still has this bum on a team. He’s been so pitifully boring. Vaughn or Ty France? Oh, who cares? They’re both so boring!
Josh Lowe – In the last month, Josh Lowe has been about as good as CJ Abrams has been in every game this month. The shine, as they say after a weird pause, has worn off. That’s the Lowe-down, and that’s also where you’ll find Josh on the 30-day Player Rater. I will still like him in the big picture, and for next year. If you’re in a dynasty league, then I wouldn’t trade Josh Lowe for a cardboard box with a cardboard steering wheel that says, ‘Porsche,’ but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
