On April 7th, Derek Dietrich admired his 3rd home run of the season for an ungodly amount of time. The last straw for the opposing team was when he paused before running to first, placed a Craigslist ad, waited five days for a sketch artist to respond, then had the sketch artist draw him rounding the bases. Then when he got to third and saw the first draft of the drawing, yelled, “No freakin’ charcoal,” and paused for another few days to find someone who worked in pen. After that display, everyone was calling Dereck Dietrich a hot dog, even the world’s leading critic of hot dogs, the guy driving the Weinermobile. Of course, none of this was blown out of proportion like Tim Anderson. Cut to weeks later and we’ve realized why Dietrich wanted to study his home run trot. He was perfecting it. On Friday, he hit his 6th and 7th homers, then his 8th homer on Saturday and his 9th homer on Sunday (1-for-3, hitting .257). I doubt it continues, but I also can’t imagine a reason to not ride the hot schmotato while it’s going on. As 50 Cent’s fantasy baseball team is named: Get Dietrich or Dietrich Tryin’. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Erik Swanson to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Subliminally, I nod my whenever Reynaldo Lopez is mentioned. It’s a disease similar to Jimmy Legs; it’s called Lo-Pez Head. Yesterday, my Lo-Pez Head nodded for all the good he was doing (6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunenrs (3 BBs), 14 Ks, ERA at 6.03). Lopez faced Murmurer’s Row of Detroit and sent them down, down, down, down–how many downs is that? 4 downs at three downs per down, that’s still only 12 downs and he had 14. Damn, that’s too many Ks for even the Alt-Right Sox. Usually Reynaldo Lopez rattles off a bag of Dick Poles. Am I now interested? Do I look *makes nutter rolly finger motion on side of head*? He was once a big-time prospect with a mid-90s MPH fastball that can hit straight-boing type levels. I see his current 11.2 K/9 and get weak in the knees, can barely speak, but his 4.9 BB/9 is his usual Pitfall Harry and his 5.47 xFIP doesn’t scream confidence like a man with 100-point font. I’d continue to view him as a streamer for now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*blows dust off cover to the book, “Raimel Tapia, Fantasy Sleeper”* Just found this book on a shelf in this Colorado-area bookstore. “I think this is yours.” The bookstore owner holds up a copy of, “Josh Rutledge’s Fantasy Sleeper.” Haha, no, that’s not mine. “It says “Property of Grey Albright.” Can I just read from one of your other books in peace without paying for it? No wonder bookstores are all going out of business, you don’t leave your customers alone! Any hoo, as I was saying about Raimel Tapia, he was a 2015 Pick-to-Click, a 2016 Gotz-to-Getz-Him, a 2017 This-is-the-Year and a 2018 Absolute-Must-Own for a reason. He has 15-homer power and 25-steal speed who shouldn’t hurt you in average (think .270). The problem for so long has been the Rockies’ inability to kowtow to fantasy owners and play the sexy guys. Not unrelated, Garrett Hampson is due for everyday playing time in 2023. However, something interesting has happened recently — interesting is subjective but if you’re reading this I assume it applies — Ian Desmond has been getting benched regularly. Finally! If Tapia gets 5+ starts a week, he is a Pick-to-Click-Gotz-to-Getz-Him-This-is-the-Year-Absolute-Must-Own in all leagues. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ron Swanson: Lover of meat, woodworking, hunting, whisky, and breakfast foods. Also, a promising rookie pitcher for the Seattle Mariners. That’s Erik Swanson, dummy. Who keeps inviting the random italicized voice and why is it so condescending?
It had been so long since I drafted Zack Wheeler (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (zero walks), 11 Ks, ERA at 4.85) in multiple leagues, and, after so many subpar efforts, I was beginning to forget why I drafted him as my number two. Was a number two a harbinger of things to come, I asked myself while sitting on the toilet. His control in previous starts left something to be desired, which is the understatement of the year after: Christian Yelich’s poster is on just a few ceilings in Milwaukee of couples who are trying to have a baby. And the guys are the ones looking up. Yesterday, Wheeler pinged up on my iCal, reminding me why I wanted to own him. If you weren’t able to see him or the highlights, he is the first pitcher to throw 100 MPH and pitchslap the opposing pitcher, Zach Eflin (4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.15) with a 100+ MPH exit velocity. “I’d like to report a Zack on Zach crime.” 911 Operator, “Is it a H or K on the first Zack?” “Get down here!” If Wheeler pitches like he did yesterday, he’s not a number two. Dot dot dot. He’s a number one! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Arodys Vizcaino is out for the year. Backdate that to spring training when he was having arm issues. He needed to have his labrum fixed worse than an overworked gymnast. Filling in for him is the dumpster fire that is A.J. Minter. I’ve got a wild idea, hey, Braves, how about you sign Craig Kimbrel with the money you robbed from Albies? Here’s Albies agent before the signing, “Albies, sure you want to take this deal?” Albies replied, “Why are you asking, Al B. Sure?” Then they stared at each other for five minutes until Albies had enough and signed. The Braves’ bullpen is such a disarray of WUT, I don’t even know who their setup man is. I guess it’s the guy working the docks in The Wire, but it could be the guy whose name was Riddle, but, due to poor penmanship, became Biddle. A millennial just broke down my door and said, “It’s penpersonship.” My bad! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As Ice Cube sang on the now-iconic song, It Was An Away Game, “Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God. Today, German was away, carrying my whole squad.” Then later on, he sings, “I felt ill after that big fat DeSclafani, pitching like he just pulled out of bed in jammies, but German killed those baserunners like every role by Allison Janney. And my teams run deep so deep so deep I’d put your ass to sleep talking about how on one team Alex Cobb’s my number one, but I didn’t hesitate to call German Marquez my top gun.” Imagine you were a Rockies fan who only watched home games, the team’s contract with German Marquez (9 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 0 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.00) would be tré confusing. After 100 pitches, he is so low effort throwing 97 MPH in the 9th inning, and occasionally drops in an off-the-table curve that is freaking brothers every way like M.J. I can’t believe today German’s game was away. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?