[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1365406″ player=”13959″ title=”2023 Razzball Fantasy Football Draft Kit QBs” duration=”168″ description=”It’s the 2023 Razzball Fantasy Football Draft Kit highlighting Quarterbacks! 0:23 Fave – Justin Fields 1:04 Flyer – Kyler Murray 2:03 Fade – Tua Tagovailoa” uploaddate=”2023-07-27″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1365406_th_64c1c44629826_1690420294.jpg” image=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1365406_sd_64c1c44629826_1690420294.jpg” contenturl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1365406.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]

Here’s a Story…What, too obvious? Sure, but Trevor Story returns and faces Brady Singer? You can’t tempt me with that. You can tempt me with Brady Singer (6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.05). Can Streamonator, if you like, but, since June, his ERA is 3.53. But the real Story–God damn it! Trevor Story (0-for-4) as he was activated from the IL. He’s been gone so long when I googled Trevor Story, Google asked me, “Don’t you mean Trevor May?” I said no and it asked, “Trevor Williams?” I said absolutely not, and it asked, “Trevor Megill? Stephan? Larnach? Oh, I know! Trevor Rogers?” No, no, no, no, no, no and no. Trevor Story! From ages (or fromages, if you’re French), 23 to his 30 years old, he’s played in 839 games and has 174 HRs, stole 113 bags and hit .268. Putting on him what he did at age 25 in Coors to what he can do these final seven weeks seems unfair, but why do I have to be fair? He’s capable of 20/7/20/.280 /7 in 150 ABs. That’s great! Definitely worth rostering. Do I think he comes close to those numbers? I’d put the under on each. I’m really skeptical he’s going to be running. Welcome back, you have been anything but a neverending Story. A Start-and-Stopping Story? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Drew Waters – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and slam (7) and legs (7), 3rd homer in a week. Hot schmotato last week; this week Waters boils.

MJ Melendez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. He also, somehow, didn’t steal a base vs. (Red Sox pitcher) and Wong, who gave up six steals. You’d think Wong would be better handling balls. Oh, I’m thinking of Reese McGuire.

Zack Greinke – Hit the IL with elbow issues. If this is it for Greinke, we will see him again one day for the shortest HOF speech ever.

Shane McClanahan – Out for the year, and I’d guess it’ll mean surgery (it should). Rays said Tommy John surgery, flexor surgery, and loose body removal are all on the table. Boy, what a terrible buffet. Devastating news for the Rays, who now will have to turn Colin Poche into an ace. So, this clearly sucks, McClanahanananananananananan had not been right for a while. He has the lowest strikeout rate of his career, highest walks and, if you are a great starter, you will not be great this year. Sorry, rules are not mine.

Zach Eflin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.34. *sees McClanahan, Jeffrey Springs, Drew Rasmussen* Someone wrap Eflin in some bubble wrap!

Nolan Arenado – 1-for-4 and his 24th homer. This hanky I bought off eBay was used by the Queen to cover her mouth in shock when Prince Charles said he wished he was a tampon. Here, it’s over by this open window–NOOOOO!!! Torenado!

Miles Mikolas – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.20. Well, glad at no point yesterday did Mikolas hit any opposing hitters in the ass and/or faced Cal Raleigh.

Bligh Madris – Designated for assignment. Bligh said, “Argh, this stinks.”

Ke’Bryan Hayes – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. “You can’t dump this body here, it says ‘No dumping’ right there–Hold up! He’s alive! Hayes moved!”

Alfonso Rivas – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .265. Been impressed with Rivas, even if that sounds like a whisky, and the Pirates conjure rum. Still more of an NL-Only play, but 9/8/.332 in Triple-A is worth a monocle’ing.

David Bednar – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.08. Kinda didn’t need that!

Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 15th homer, 3rd homer in five games. Also, in this game, Josh Palacios (1-for-5) hit his 4th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Pirates are chasing booty, but not booty as in “you stink.”

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 26th homer, but left after taking a 97 MPH fastball off his elbow. X-rays were negative; you can put away that monkey’s paw.

Orlando Arcia – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, has hit in every game in August, and he continues to haunt me. I need Scooby & Friends!

Clarke Schmidt – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.23. Should be ashamed to not pitch that well against the White Sox, who are a frayed, but not like Tim Anderson.

Aaron Judge – 1-for-2 and his 21st homer. Seems good, will research scouting reports for him.

Nolan Jones – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th and 11th homer. If he’s benched today, I will jump from a plane.

Andruw Monasterio – 3-for-4 and a slam (2) and legs (5). He’s got no power, solid speed and an incredible walk rate. What’s that, one true outcome? One point five?

Lucas Giolito – 6 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.37. If I’m Shohei, I stay with the Angels, if they let me pitch, hit and own the team.

Brandon Drury – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 15th homer, hitting .277. Went to look at how many games played Drury’s had this year and thought the number was higher than I was expecting. Do you think Trout’s played in more or less games than Drury? The answer might surprise you.

Brandon Pfaadt – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 7.16. Guess he’s not fixed. Pfft. Bye-bye. *falls out window like Tommen*

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Like how every pitcher goes to their new team and is still great or bad, depending on what they were before, but Scherzer’s like, “Nah, eff that, I’m gonna be great again.”

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 34th homer, and 3rd homer in two games. Albombso!

Jameson Taillon – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.17. 2.08 ERA in the last month, and Streamonator hates his next, but I’d get in if I needed the start.

Cody Bellinger – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer. Love him, and am ready to get back in next year and be destroyed like a teenager being friend zoned.

Mike Tauchman – 2-for-3 and his 17th homer, hitting .284, at leadoff, and is one of the hottest hitters in baseball, so hot schmotato, and will likely be in this week’s Buy, that’ll be available later today on Patreon.

Jorge Soler – 3-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Smart to hit Soler leadoff; he is literally the Marlins only offense.

Braxton Garrett – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners (zero walks), 3 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Soler and the pitchers. That’s the Marlins.

Framber Valdez – 7 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.30. “Pitchers Pitch Normally After A No-Hitter” Challenge: impossible!

Kyle Tucker – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and slam (20) and legs (24). Mr. H2H has an outside chance for a 30/30 season. He’s old school, but like 20 years old school. Like the days of Grady Sizemore. Oh, man, I didn’t just put that on him, did I? Backspace! Remove!

Ryan Mountcastle – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Mountcastle is the type who I could see liking every year of his career, barring some crazy injury.

Adley Rutschman – 1-for-3, 2 runs,2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .273. Adley is the type who I can see not liking every year of his career.

Felix Bautista – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 1.52. When the closepocalypse hits, where will you say you were?

Grayson Rodriguez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.84. Glad I only dropped him in 95% of the leagues where I had him, when he brutalized me for three months straight. Whew!

Bryan Woo – Hit the IL with forearm inflammation. I’d like to buy an F for the end of his last name. Nah, it’s an phantom IL stint, from what I can tell, just to skip him a few starts.

Emerson Hancock – Being called up. Can he be better than Hancock with Will Smith? I’d hope he could better than Hancock starring the actor Smith, the closer, and the catcher (and that would be awesome). Don’t you think? No? Oh, check out Emerson Face-palmer Hancock. Actually, watch where you put that hand, Hancock. So, Itch said this preseason, “The development process is not linear, and Hancock took a step backward in 2022. His 1.20 WHIP is fine, and his 3.75 ERA is fine for a 23-year-old in Double-A, but he’s been passed or matched by pitchers who cost less than Hancock’s sixth overall in 2020. The primary issue is a hittable fastball that puts role in question when combined with his struggles to stay healthy. And I’d like to make Grey unhealthy.” Not cool, moving on! So, did Hancock get better in 2023? Meh, a bit, I guess. Ks are up, but walks are still a mess. I didn’t grab Hancock in any league, and I’m not even sure how many IP he can throw still this year. Maybe 25 IP.

Logan Gilbert – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.66. In 137 2/3 IP, he’s allowed only 24 walks. You can’t be bad being that good with your command.

Tanner Bibee – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.92. Still in front of Gavin!

Kevin Kiermaier – Hit the IL with–So sad! This gives Davis Schneider more room to play once Bichette returns. Oh, wait, Schneider didn’t play Schneider yesterday? Why? To combat thoughts of favoritism? Cmon!

Yusei Kikuchi – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.53. Has been great, Streamonator loves his next one, LFG!

Lane Thomas – 1-for-8, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and slam (20) and legs in the 2nd game (15), 2nd homer in two games (at the time), and 4th homer in five games. Fine! I’m sorry for not ranking you in the top 100 in the 2nd half? Are you happy?! (What’s funny about this in an even less funny way is I actually have Thomas on a bunch of teams. I love him, just wasn’t sure how much I could trust him.)

Keibert Ruiz – 3-for-9, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. K*bert said, “&!*!@*&^!”

Joey Meneses – 3-for-9, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th and 11th homer, hitting .280, and 3rd homer this week. Having a perfectly respectable seseasen. Senseasones?

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-7, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 29th and 30th homer, hitting .185. If he were to stay on his current pace, Schwarber would reach 200 hits on the season, if the Phils played 310 games this year, and he’d have 84 homers.

Alec Bohm – 1-for-4, and his 12th homer. Serious question: How is it Bohm or Stott haven’t been moved to leadoff and the two-hole and Schwarber moved down to the five or six hole?

Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Gray, pitching for the AL Central-leading Twins, has an ERA barely above 3 and five wins on the year, with one win since April. *places tacks on desk, slams head on desk*

Eduardo Rodriguez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.75. EdRod said when he was pitching he was fired up, because he imagined each opposing hitter was a travel agent specializing in Los Angeles. Geez, chillax, man.