Sorry J. Oppenheimer but Triston Casas continues to defy all laws of physics as the 23-year old first baseman extended his hitting streak to six games Friday night contributing all the Red Sox offense with a RBI double in the second followed by a lead off home run in the fifth inning. The homer was an absolute missile to center, a 420+ footer, his 16th of the year and seventh in July and seventh since the All Star break! Wait–spit take!? Yes. Sweet sassy molassy! He’s got a .500/.595/1.176 slash during that stretch (17-for-34) and has carried the Sawx to a five game winning streak including two versus the mighty Braves. Mmhm, Triston’s so hot right now. And not just because he lays in the sun for hours pregame to absorb the Earth’s energy. He’s hotter than stereotypical Barbie and Ken combined. He’s even hotter than topless 1940s Florence Pugh! En fuego as they’d say en las Casas de Triston. In the past week alone, he’s batting .529 with four homers and eight RBI but somehow is still under 40% owned in ESPN leagues. Even if half those leagues are abandoned and/or run by AI/Karabell at this point, and even if the interest rates are crazy high and banks refuse to give millennials loans, Casas ownership is for you. Small sample size but TC leads all MLB players since the break in batting average (.469), OBP (.575), SLG (1.094), wrC+, and OPS (1.669) and he’s tied for first in homers in that stretch with some guy named Shohei Ohtani. For a player that was hitting slightly over .100 on June 1, Triston Casas has made some really impressive strides and it’s paying off big time for Boston and fantasy owners who were patient. We already mentioned the seven tanks in 12 days. So what are you waiting for, he probably already got picked up while you were wasting time here reading this dribble–wait it’s not dribble, it’s art! Grey told you to BUY, so many times. He already gave you his sleeper posts, his Triston Casas fantasies, and his friendship bracelets. Did I mention Casas .858 OPS is one of the tops for all first basemen in the league? Throw in those painted fingernails, shirtless sunbathing, endless chatter on defense, and the dude’s got personality for days! Not to mention an amazing eye for the zone and that elite power–Triston Homes is going to be one of the best home run hitters in baseball sooner rather than later, if he isn’t already. Casas is my Barbie dreamhouse. Invest in home ownership today with Casas! This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Kutter Crawford – 5.2 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 7 K, ERA at 3.86. The Sawx win their fifth in a row which means Chaim Bloom can’t trade away all their stars for mediocre prospects this year. Yay! Boston fans rejoice! However, it is you do that, probably by chugging a Sam Adams with an oyster floating in it or shot-gunning a piping hot mug of clam chowder. Ew. Kutter gets the Mariners next week and I might consider the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure though!

Logan Webb – 7.1 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 4 K, 5th win. Outside of this Casas fellow, Webb was slinging and has actually had a pretty stellar July (34/3 K/BB) if you take out a disastrous start in Washington last week where he allowed six runs in 1.1 innings. Being in Washington could give anyone stress, fear of insurrection perhaps?

Kenley Jansen – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (23), ERA at 2.88. He’s a perfect 15-for-15 in save chances on the road and I’m sure if Boston were sellers a lot of teams would be calling for Kenley.

Braxton Garrett – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 1 run, 0 ER, BB, 6 K. Now that the Fish are officially buyers they immediately look like they’re back in this thing. Braxton has had a rough month with a 5.92 ERA through five starts but leave it to Detroit to cure what ails ya! He’ll look to keep it rolling versus Philly next week, and these divisional matchups just got a bit more intriguing y’all!

A.J. Puk – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 3 K, SV (16). Well, hopefully, you waited until today to drop him. With the trade for David Robertson, Puk’s job as the closer has likely come to an end and even if they share the role to start his recent struggles make him probably not worth holding on to much longer. Speaking of vomiting, if I’m lucky I could lose all my closers by the end of the weekend. This deadline is going to make me cry more than The Bear. Shut up, cousin!

Luis Arraez – 3-for-4 at .380. It’s amazing how quickly the four-hundo convo stopped. Dude goes 0-for-7 for two games and its pretty much a wrap on the Teddy Ballgame talks. Is hitting .400 the hardest thing to do in baseball? We’ll have to ask Shohei when he does it next year.

Bryan De La Cruz – 2-for-4, HR (14), 3 RBI, slashing .273/.317/.441. Hey, remember when I told you to BUY Bryan of the Cross!? Well, he’s dropped three bombs in the past seven days! That’s one more than Harry Truman dropped in that span and that guy was a real m-fer!

Zack Wheeler – 6.2 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 11 K (ELEVEN), 8th win. The 3.74 ERA is solid enough, especially considering his 2.74 FIP, but it’s his 145/24 K/BB that make me all dreamy-eyed like a Ryan Gosling to his Margot Robbie. A 39/2 K/BB in July alone make me wish I was more in on him this year, and when he gets a massive contract in the offseason I’ll be out on him again. In other words, enjoy my swooning while it lasts, Zack!

Mitch Keller – 5.2 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 8 K. Surprised there’s not more trade buzz surrounding Mitch, but that more than likely has to do with the 14 runs he allowed in his last two starts. Still, even Helen Keller could see he’s turning in a career year and will definitely be over-drafted next year.

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-2, HR (27). Schwarbombs remains one of the best cases for switching my fantasy leagues category from batting average to OBP. Dude has almost as many walks (70) as he does hits (71). Keep doing you, KS!

Kevin Gausman – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 3 BB, 9 K, 8th win. Velocity was back up after giving fantasy managers a bit of a scare last week and despite allowing the inevitable Shohei homer KG managed to notch his first win in over a month! A lot of that has to do with the reeling Jays methinks. Still, with eight wins to show for his 15 quality starts, the Jays owe Gaus some run support in a big way, or at least a steak dinner.

Lucas Giolito – 5.1 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, BB, 5 K, 7th L. Lucas gets the loss in his much-anticipated debut and this is almost exactly the kind of line I would expect from Giolito at this point. In fact, against the Blue Jays offense, I’d say the Angels got off easy and the offense let them down here.

Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-4, HR (39). Left game in the ninth, after once again tweaking his back from carrying these jokers so hard. Let me tell you my Ohtani story. It’s a story that only you guys would find interesting cause it involves my fantasy team. With the Angels in a double header Thursday I had a big decision to make whether to start Ohtani at pitcher or hitter. Ultimately, I figured two games of Ohtanti was better than one so I started him as a batter and as we all know by now Shohei delivered a 1-hit shutout in the first game and all I got was a lousy 0-for-5. Ohh, the pangs I felt were indescribable! How could I be so stupid against Detroit, no less! He was an obvious auto-start. My sadness quickly turned to happy as Ohtani started off the nightcap with his 37th home run. I pumped my fist so hard all alone in my basement as I desperately got the power I had needed from him. And what do you know, shortly after he delivered his 38th home run and all my anxiety melted away. I had made the right decision. I slept like a baby that night and dreamed me and Shohei Barbenheimer’d together, and I liked Oppenheimer more and he liked Barbie more but it didn’t really matter because both movies were pretty darn good.

Whit Merrifield – 3-for-4, HR (8), SB (21). To Whit! A rapists Whit! George Springer was not leading off for the first time in years and lo and behold the Jays won a game without a sub-.200 hitter batting first. Go figure! Merrifield delivered the slam & legs from the lead off spot which is probably where a guy with his speed belongs anyway. Wouldn’t surprise me to see him take off over the next few weeks if Toronto keeps him there.

Matt Chapman – 1-for-4, HR (14). Am I the only one who forgot Matt Chapman was on this team? Where you been? Kurkjian proposed an interesting question during the game the other day that Matt Olson could potentially be the best “Matt” in MLB history and his competition included Matt Chapman, Matt Holliday, and some others. Which got me thinking, the A’s simultaneously had two of the best Matts of all time! This year? Not a single Matt! No wonder they’re moving!

Jordan Romano – 0.2 IP, 2 hits, BB, K, and the hold as Yimi Garcia had to come in for the final out to get the save. Jordan Romano of the Locatelli Pecorino Romanos, es familia, so the Jays are going to continue to give him every chance to get back on track but smart owners might want to handcuff Garcia for now just in case Romano continues to get shredded.

Touki Toussaint – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 4 K, 1st win. A win! Love to see this for him! Just not on my fantasy team. Nope! No thank you! No.

Gregory Santos – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 K, SV (2). I thought for a second there were two of him, but now I realize Gregory Soto is a different player entirely. I think most of us speculated Kenyan Middleton would get the first crack at the closer gig after Kendall Graveman was traded to the Astros but Santos looks like the add for now. Although I wouldn’t count out either of them being traded before the end of the weekend.

Max Scherzer – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 9th win. C’mon quit dragging this out and get traded to the Dodgers already! They’re getting the gang back together. Worth noting Adam Ottavino was the BUY and was used in the 8th and Brooks Raley in the ninth and while it wasn’t a save situation I would expect that order to shift based on matchups unless one of the two gets traded.

MacKenzie Gore – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 4 BB, 2 K. Oh boy, I’m going to be so in on Nats pitchers next years there’s no way I’m not getting burned!

Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 HR (30), 5 RBI. Albombso(s)! If I was a Mets fan, and lol oh boy would that suck, but hypothetically if I were to root for such a trash franchise, I’d take solace in the fact that at least Pete is locked up for another year.

Abraham Toro – 3-for-4, HR (2), 4 RBI. Looks like someone took offense to the Carlos Santana acquisition and is playing for his life! This is not the first time we’ve seen this from him–Toro is strong like bull. Arriba!

Sal Frelick – 2-for-4, 3 runs. BUY. I think maybe I should just wait here for you to pick him up or you’re never going to. We can proceed when he’s on your roster. Top prospects sure do hit different in late July. Is that because you’re trying to schedule your fantasy football draft?

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 2-for-3, run, RBI, SB (49). Marcell Ozuna hit his 19th and Austin Riley hit his 23rd as the Braves scored 10 runs on 15 hits, but alt-164 gets the blurb cause I like him the bestest. July Tildaddy says, “What do you want on your burger?”

Matt Olson – 2-for-4, HR (33). We’re talking about potentially the greatest Matt of all time! The GMOAT!

Wander Franco – 2-for-4, run. Two hits is encouraging! I thought you were mad at me or something! Please wake up!

Brandon Lowe – 2-for-3, HR (12), 3 RBI, SB (5). Speaking of waking up, someone just told him he came off the IL a month ago.

Shane McClanahan – 5.0 IP, 8 hits, 3 ER, 6 K. Shane-O-Mac has been more bad than good lately but he’s also had a bit of a gauntlet of Texas, Baltimore and now Houston to deal with. Not sure things will get much easier in New York next week but he can always walk Aaron Judge.

Cristian Javier – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 9 K. I like Javier but if any team potentially needs an Ace start for their playoff push it’s Houston. Go get Justin Verlander back already. Kate Upton loved Galveston Beach.

Jose Abreu – 1-for-4, HR (9), 2 RBI. It’s cause I dropped him yesterday. You’re welcome.

Jordan Montgomery – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 4 BB, 3 K. JoMo is another candidate that will most likely, definitely get traded in the next few days. Moving in July is sort of Monty’s thing. Wherever he goes he likely won’t have to face the Cubs as much, who he’s got a 7.41 ERA against this year.

Hayden Wesneski – 2.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, BB, 4 K. Hayden was a pre-season darling and now he’s been relegated to opening for Drew Smyly. Never let Cubs fans gush to you about their prospects they’re always a year too early.

Adbert Alzolay – 1.1 IP, 2 hits, K, SV (12). He was a BUY and I’ve been on the AA all season. I told my friends and family I started with AA months ago and they are so proud of me when they usually can’t stand the fantasy talk! I don’t know if they should be proud lol, he was clearly better than Fulmer. He’s been the best reliever in their pen all year I’m surprised it took so long for him to be the guy in the ninth, and more surprised he’s still available in some leagues. Grab him while the Cubbies make their run!

Lars Nootbaar – 2-for-4, 2 HR (10). Nootbar’s career highlights are is a.) this game b.) buddying up with Shohei during the WBC and c). well you already know by now there’s no c. Never is!

Bobby Witt Jr. – 4-for-5, walk off Grand Slam HR (17), 6 RBI, SB (29). To Witt! I already used that one! So this was definitely the best game of Bobby’s  young career and boy howdy was it a doozy! BWJ is now slashing .257/.296/.451 with 17 bombs, 57 RBI, and 29 steals. Imagine if he was on a team that wasn’t the worst on the planet. He could challenge for 100 runs scored. He’s just outside the top 20 on the player rater which surprised me! To me, he’s a top 10 player next year!

Brady Singer – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, BB, 10 K. How long did you hold Brady Singer on your team waiting for him to do this? April? May?

Scott Barlow – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, BB, BS. Barlow heard the rumbling he might be traded and he’s doing his best to sabotage himself for all suitors. My dude really likes it in Kansas City. The BBQ is great and he’s in a group chat with Travis Kelce. Why would he ever want to leave?

Jhoan Duran – 0.1 IP, 1 hit, 3 ER, 2 BB, K, L, upped his ERA from 1.99 to 2.66. Someone is missing Jorge Lopez perhaps. Jhoan saw Scott’s implosion and said, “You call that a blown save? Hold my Topo Chico, I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Sonny Gray – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 5 K. I take comfort in the fact that the regression fairies aren’t coming as hard for Grey as they have for Joe Ryan. Maybe because they’re in the same clubhouse? Regardless, I think I own way too many Twins pitchers to feel that much comfort.

Zack Gelof – 1-for-5, HR (2), 2 RBI. Zack is Geloff to a hot start! He’s got two homers and a steal in the past week and Al-West Only leagues should grab him for the speed we know he has but the power has been a nice surprise!

Ramon Laureano – 2-for-5, HR (6), 2 RBI. He’d be traded at the deadline too if anyone wanted him but they don’t.

JP Sears – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, BB, 5 K, 2nd win. On the one hand, he’s been way better than his 2-7 record indicates and he’s posted a sub-1 WHIP over the past month. Dude is just unlucky he’s on a terrible team. On the other hand, if my team is trying to prove to me they’re buyers at the deadline by trading for J.P. Sears, that’s not going to cut it in my mind.

Trevor May – 1.0 IP, BB, K, SV (10). I hate but he’s got six saves in the past month and two in the past week which is more than some of my teams. I’m finally coming around to saying you should add him but he’ll probably be traded in the next 24 hours.

Kyle Freeland – 4.0 IP, 9 hits, 3 ER, 3 K. As far assignments back from IL go it doesn’t get much easier than Oakland–unless, of course, your facing the Rockies.

Randal Grichuk – 1-for-5, HR (7). We call that the Please-Trade-Me homer!

Logan Gilbert – 6.1 IP, 9 hits, 2 ER, 5 K, 9th win. The Mariners have been underwhelming to date so Logan’s great year has been overshadowed a bit but he’s rocking a respectable 3.68 ERA with an even better 1.06 WHIP. And that 121/21 K/BB. Yes, please and thank you may I have another. Call him Logan, Weapon X cause dude might about to go berserker. Hoping he doesn’t get too much better this year so I can draft him as my Ace everywhere next year.

Paul Sewald – 1.0 IP, BB, K, SV (21). The consensus amongst M’s fans seems to be that Paul is on the move and has played possibly his last game in a Mariners uniform. As far as clutch stats for high leverage relievers (.201 xwOBA), Sewald is among the leagues best. He’s the Big Papi of M’s relievers.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-5, HR (18), 2 RBI. Joe Musgrove pitched a gem (6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 10th win) and Tatis looked like one of the league’s best and most exciting players as the Pads won big. This is how it was all supposed to look. It’s so strange to me how bad San Diego has been. We expect this kind of thing from the Mets but the Padres are the most disappointing team to me this year by far. And the fact that they could be sellers is one of the stranger things I’ve seen all week. Well besides that dog suit guy. I’m sorry, did sharing that video ruin your day? Cause it really messed me up, man, I’m not even kidding. I can’t stop thinking about it, what if there are other dogs out there I want to pet but are just weirdos in costume? Scary world we live in.

Spencer Steer – 2-for-4, HR (15). Jake Fraley also hit his 15th. How bad do we want the Reds to be back? If we all believe hard enough maybe we can will it into existence. Dodgers be easy please–the Reds are America’s darling!

Bobby Miller – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 6 K. Stream-O-Nator loved this start but I also don’t think SoN is as scared of the Reds as I am? Bobby’s been fine overall and gets a tasty matchup with Oakland next week that I’m all over. StreamONator LOVES it too, and I asked ChatGPT and Bard to second that opinion and they asked me to rephrase the question and explain what a StreamONator is. Pfft! Lousy robots.

Amed Rosario – 2-for-4, run, RBI. Just when I think I’m out, you pulllll me back in. Something about being sandwiched between JD Martinez and Max Muncy looks real appealing, but I want to see him get consistent at bats before I go full condiment.

Lance Lynn – Traded to the Dodgers along with Joe Kelly. Lynn heads to the city of Win and Kelly returns as the Dodgers continue their attempt to get the gang back together. “You, son of a B, I’m in,” said Kelly. Of course, you’re in. Two thoughts were, first, if anyone can fix Lance Lynn it’s the Dodgers, although I thought the same thing about Syndergaard, and second, with Lynn and Kelly the Dodgers may be assembling the greatest collection of crotch grabbers in MLB history. This should be fun to watch! *grab crotch aggressively*

Gerrit Cole – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 5 K. As bad as the Yankees have been, Cole has remained the bright spot all season long. He’s got five quality starts in July with just one win to show for it along with a 36/5 K/BB. No one is happier Aaron Judge is back than Cole.

Grayson Rodriguez – 6.1 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Gray-Rod put up what was likely the best start of his young career Friday night and he did it with only four strikeouts! That’s saying something, friends because we all own Grayson for that massive K-upside. Despite the lack of strikeouts, Gray-Rod displayed some of his nastiest stuff of the year consistently touching 100+ on the gun, and showing off the devastating breaking ball. The 6.1 innings was a career-high (don’t laugh!), and it’s just his third scoreless outing in the bigs, and his first against a team that was not Detroit. It would surprise no one if he’s the Orioles best starter by September 1, so now’s your chance to scoop him up if he’s out there.

Aaron Judge – 0-for-1, 3 BB. Kevin from ESPN’s get them in your lineup department is on vacation this week but he insists that he had asked someone to cover for him and you’re actually better off cause the Yankees got shut out in his return. Oof! The hits keep coming! Just not for the Yankees bats.

Anthony Santander – 1-for-4, walk off HR (18). The walk off homer was basically the only offense in this one and was a pretty cool moment especially if you hate the Yankees or just really love CityConnect uniforms. The fact that the stadium is still packed at 12:15 am (after a long rain delay, check out this sick pic bro) and the crowd is going wild gives me the feels but not the in my pants kind! I got goosies, y’all! Camden Yards alive in late summer! You love to see it! Let’s go Birds!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts, or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!