Chris Archer (6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.73) allowed four homers to the first five hitters he faced in the 2nd inning. The only way things could look worse for Chris Archer and, specifically the Pirates, is if Austin Meadows hit all four homers wearing different colored sombreros. “Hola! I am Austin Prairieritto!” “Hola! I am Tijuana Meadows!” “Hola! I am Roberto Hernandez!” “Hola! Imagine my exclamation marks are in the front of my sentences but upside down!” Okay, I’m Daffy like a duck talking about a Spanish Meadows when it was the Braves who mollywhopped Archer. A Spanish Robert Loggia, “Archer is a pitcher that don’t throw straight.” As I said yesterday, it’s not whether the record of four straight hitters with a home run is going to fall this year, it’s only how soon and with how many homers total. 8 straight hitters with a homer? 9? 12? Yesterday, Brian McCann (2-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 4th and 5th homer, going Yardo Montalban hitting them where da plane da plane goes. Josh Donaldson (1-for-4) hit his 9th homer, managing to control his Hulk-smash anger until the appropriate time — at the DMV. Nick Markakis (1-for-2, 2 runs) hit his 6th homer for his 2nd Sparkakis in two days, and Ozzie Albies (1-for-3, hitting .270) hit his 10th homer, 3rd in two games. ProContractsAreWhatWeKnow dot com said Albies earned $17.87 between homers. Albies looks like he’s come out of his May funk, but he still has no place to move up in the lineup. Well, maybe he can replace Austin Riley, whose average has dropped eighty points in a week. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
MLB owners decided not signing free agents was too obvious. Everyone can see that in plain-sight. Passing around a championship belt that says you’ve spent the least on free agents? Too on the nose! So, MLB owners got together and decided en masse the best way to manipulate the market is to promote prospects and milk them for a few years at their minimum, then let someone else pay them for their services or lock them down to a big contract when they’re very young for pennies on the dollar of their actual worth. Crazy or crazy like a fox? So, Brendan Rodgers was called up yesterday at like 5 AM my time, and, then when I woke up at 7 AM, I promptly grabbed Br. Rodgers in all but one league to find out about a half of a cup of coffee later I now owned Brady Rodgers, a relief pitcher on the Astros. Anyone know what his stuff looks like? True Story Alert (after the last true story that was given without an alert)! I already had Austin Riley and Brendan Rodgers featured predominantly in my Friday Buy that’s coming later today. Planned it out on Monday of this week, figuring I could tell you to pick them up before they were called up next week. Comic book graphic of being wrapped in Reynolds Wrap as I scream, “FOILED!” On the Prospectonator, which ranks and projects all rookies, Rodgers is ranked 4th for all rookies. The 1st two are Vlad Jr. and Senzel, and the third is The Boss. With Hampson demoted, I’d guess the Rockies give Rodgers a long leash as he plays 2nd, and he might not need said leash. He could click immediately, and be a fixture on the Rockies’ infield like Story and Arenado were before him. He should be owned in every league. For what it’s Werth, Rudy thinks Rodgers could just be insurance for Trevor Story, but I think Ryan McMahon is done. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Michael Chavis continued to do nothing but hit Friday night going 2-for-4 with his fourth home run, a 459 foot 2-run shot (woh) off Reynaldo Lopez. Someone put a distress beacon on that ball so maybe Captain Marvel can find it in space!? Chavis is now slashing a real pretty .310/.442/.619 with four homers and two steals in just 42 at bats (13 games). Extrapolate that! If he started the season with the team he’d be the their home leader! I’m trying to figure out why he’s not owned in more leagues. Is it because he doesn’t have a sexy name like Skye Bolt or Carter Kieboom. Or maybe we haven’t done our due diligence as irritating members of Red Sox Nation to over hype this guy until you’re sick of hearing about him. Well, get ready to hear me gush about my newest BoSox heart throb because Chavis has done everything since arriving with Boston including five multi-hit games in his past 10. He’s famous around the clubhouse for the studious notes he takes after every at bat. Whaddaya think you’re some kinda smaht guy Hahvad boy? How do you like dem apples! Err, ok, wrong school but the reference still works. Did I mention the kid bats in the middle of a lineup that features Xander, JD and Mookie. Those are very good players we all know and love on a first name basis. Any hesitation most likely stems from the inevitable return of Eduardo Nunez and Dustin Pedroia (L out L) stealing his playing time, but I trust Alex Cora to play the young guys when the time comes. He was a BUY and needs to be owned wherever he’s available, Dustin and Eduardo don’t hit moon shots like that, folks. It’s time to join the Michael Chavis fan club.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not going to say the Reds lineup is bad. I won’t mention how Jose Iglesias is the only everyday hitter with an average above .224. I won’t mention how their three-hole hitter is Derek Dietrich, a hitter who couldn’t even start for the Marlins. I won’t say how Yaisel Puig is hitting .178. Or Eugenio Suarez is hitting .224. Or how Joey Votto didn’t even start, because he sucks too. I won’t mention how Jose Peraza and his .200 average hit fifth yesterday like he’s a power hitter. Nah, why mention any of that? This is about Noah Syndergaard (9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, and he pitchslapped Del Taco’s T. Mahle) and how he’s back, supposedly. It’s just the third shutout in the majors this year with Mike Minor and German Marquez, and we all know Mike Minor’s an ace, so that’s great company. Let’s just say Noah Syndergaard’s 5.02 ERA is better today than yesterday, but am I predicting he’s fully back to the top 10 pitcher everyone was drafting him as? Yeah, uh, no. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, on the way to the park, Chris Paddack felt under the weather. Not to confuse people, Paddack had the flu, there’s no weather in San Diego. So, Chris Paddack was touching 100, and I’m not talking about his fastball. As Paddack made his way to the mound, he’d cough and: “You rang?” That’s the on-staff hernia nurse. Well, it’s not just the hernia nurse who’s on-staff when it comes to Paddack. Yesterday, he dismantled the Mariners — 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.67 in 27 IP, getting some swinging strikes that were…Well, one swing by Daniel Vogelbach was the highest pitch generating a swing all year at four-feet and eight-inches aka “an Altuve.” Currently, Paddack sits at 10 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 and a 3.80 xFIP, and, Steamer’s rest-of-the-season projections for him are 3.49 ERA with a 10 K/9 in 120 IP, i.e., a top 40 starter in all mixed leagues. With all his commercials, Justin Verlander can push his Flonase down our throats (noses?), but Paddack pitching is sick — God bless you! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey Albright threw two innings on opening day. Sweat, and other mysterious bodily fluids, dripped from Grey’s brow; he was gassed. Albright didn’t wait for Rudy to call to the pen, Grey signaled himself for the lefty, Donkey Teeth, to enter the fold. Fantasy Master Lothario is still knocking some of the spring rust off, just like Chis Sale, so you’re stuck with Donkey Teeth telling you tales of Paul Goldschmidt’s monster 4-for-5 night with 3 homers & 5 RBIs in only the second game of his Cardinals career. Truth be told, Dan Pants will be back to take over this column next Friday, since Friday is slinging night for Grey, Cougs, and Donkey Teeth. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to the 2019 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything folks. We’ve got charts, Slurpee’s, lube, a guide for beginner basket-weaving, and even a cactus! Oh wait, yeah, I actually just listed what I have on my desk… But hey, what’s the point of lube and cacti if you can’t share? Truer words have never been written. EVER. Anyways, without further ado (and plenty of lube and cacti), let’s check out the 2019 San Diego Padres!Please, blog, may I have some more?
One super quick word about the top 20 2nd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball and all the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings, each ranking appears insanely long and it is, but I imagine in a lot of leagues guys won’t have eligibility, because I’m using the extremely lax Yahoo position eligibility. Without further ado because this post is longer than the combined length of the Gutenberg Bible and Steve Guttenberg’s IMDB page, I mention where tiers start and stop and all projections are mine and cannot be reproduced without the express written consent of Major League–Damn, I’m being told by Major League Baseball I did not have express written consent to use their warning. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The trade of Yasiel Puig, Matt Kemp, Alex Wood to the Reds means one thing, the Dodgers are signing Manny Machado or Bryce Harper. I’m kidding, in the non-funny way. Maybe it means that, but I kinda hope it doesn’t, so Muncy, Pederson and others have room to play. Not sure why the Dodgers rehired Dave Roberts, but I’m impressed the Dodgers realized that Dave Roberts had zero capacity for managing a team. “What’s he doing?” “I don’t know.” That’s two Dodgers execs watching Dave Roberts juggle three VHS copies of the movie Platoon. “I don’t think he understands what we meant when we asked him to juggle platoons.” “Yeah.” “So, we should trade Puig?” “Maybe trade like five guys.” “Okay.” So, Puig goes back to the Reds, but they’re no longer an island nation in the Caribbean. Now, they’re in Ohio. In five years, people will be like, “I forgot Puig played for the Reds for three months.” Yes, I think he’ll likely be traded in July. Either way, he will get everyday at-bats and should get a nice boost in fantasy value. The Reds were surprising solid last year on offense, and I see no reason why that would end. For 2019, I’ll give Yasiel Puig projections 73/27/83/.273/11 in 502 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mets outfielder/grandfather Jay Bruce hit his second home run in the past three days last night, a 3-run shot that put the game out of reach and he finished the night 2-for-5, with his eighth home run and four runs batted in. When Jay has-a-day at Fenway that calls for the throwback “Bruuuuuuuuce!” Despite battling injuries all year long, the veteran is now batting .270 with four home runs and 12 RBI in September and he’s getting hot at just the right time for his team and fantasy owners. The Mets have won seven games in a row, you guys! That’s right, that same Mets team that won just five games in June are 7-3 over their last 10 games! Why do you care? Well, Bruce’s mighty power bat could be a big reason why! There was also a rat in the dugout and on the field at ‘Family Friendly’ Fenway Friday night, and I’m inclined to say the New York Mess probably brought the plague with them, but at least no one has hand foot and mouth disease…yet. Barring him catching the black plague, Bruce might catch fire in the next couple days because that’s what Jay Bruce does, so I’m telling you now that all the signs are there for the beginning of an absolute tear and maybe you should grab him before that happens. It’s easy to forget he hit 37 home runs between New York and Cleveland last year. I’m not saying he gets to 30 home runs, or even 20, but the Mets are hot, Jay sits in the heart of this line up and one of a few players capable of a 5+ homer week. He was a BUY and he’s available in over 75% of leagues and the team is Queens in a fantasy gold mine right now. I can’t believe I’m saying that, what a wild season!
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?