Grey Albright threw two innings on opening day. Sweat, and other mysterious bodily fluids, dripped from Grey’s brow; he was gassed. Albright didn’t wait for Rudy to call to the pen, Grey signaled himself for the lefty, Donkey Teeth, to enter the fold. Fantasy Master Lothario is still knocking some of the spring rust off, just like Chis Sale, so you’re stuck with Donkey Teeth telling you tales of Paul Goldschmidt’s monster 4-for-5 night with 3 homers & 5 RBIs in only the second game of his Cardinals career. Truth be told, Dan Pants will be back to take over this column next Friday, since Friday is slinging night for Grey, Cougs, and Donkey Teeth. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Matt Shoemaker – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. The cobbler was in mid-season cobbling form last night. He faced the Tigers in this one, so don’t get too excited. I think it was Confucius who asked: “If a pitcher no-hits the Tigers and nobody’s there to see it, did it really happen?”
German Marquez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. I might be beating a dead German (that’s the saying, right?) by telling you I wrote about how much I like Marquez here, but I want everyone to know I liked him before it was cool to like him, and I ranked him as the #11 SP in my Top 100 SP. I was also eating pretzel buns before they were cool.
Curtis Granderson – 1-for-2 with his first home run, as he hit lead off. Could it be an early Zombino sighting?
Yandy Diaz – 2-for-4 with his first home run, as he hit cleanup. Rest may be near for the #FreeYandy movement. From now on I shall call him Yandy Freeman.
Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, as he took the L. He had to face Yandy Unchained, so can’t blame him too much for the loss. Oh, and he also gave up 3 unearned runs.
Charlie Morton – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, as he defeated his former team. A lot of folks shied away from Ground Chuck this spring with him leaving the Houston pitching “magic”. Early results say that may have been a mistake.
Jack Flaherty -4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. There will be better plunders ahead for Captain Jack. Stay strong, crew.
Christian Yelich – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Yelich was then reprimanded by his parents after the game for missing curfew.
Ryan Braun – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. This guy can definitely Zombino until he gets hurt mid-April.
Khris Davis – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Khrush is currently batting .294, could this be the year he snaps the .247 streak?
Matt Harvey – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K. One strikeout? Grey usually has more strikeouts than that at slingers night!
Fernando Rodney – 1 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners. Rodney ordered 40 invisible arrows again this year. I can’t decide whether or not I want to see him put those arrows to use.
JD Martinez – 1-for-4 with his 1st homer. Just Dong is what they call me at slingers night. I can’t believe Grey made me miss slingers night for this post!
Xander Bogaerts – 1-for-3 with his 1st homer. How does Grey have the energy to write these roundups everyday? That’s why he’s Fantasy Master Lothario and I’m just the donkey who lives in his backyard and eats his week old leftovers. Oh, Xander? Sure, he’s pretty good.
Nathan Eovaldi – 5 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. Evo wasn’t good and I wasn’t very high on him coming into the season (#58 in my SP rankings), but the Mariners team he faced is full of hot bats so reserve panic.
Matt Barnes – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks and his 1st save. Barnes>Brasier for the time being. Is Kimbrel ever going to sign somewhere?
Domingo Santana – 2-for-3 with his 3rd homer. Determining who liked a hot player first among fantasy analysts is the equivalent of a penis measuring contest for laymen.
My text message exchange with Grey yesterday after DominGOAT’s 2nd homer of the season:
DT: Domingo Santana ::eggplant emoji::
Grey: My man!
DT: No way! I’ve been following him since he was a fetus!
See, he didn’t even dispute it!
Mallex Smith – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his first homer and his first steal for the slam and legs! Is that the first slam and legs of the year? I think it is, but it’s too late in the night for me to fact check. Mallex nearly took a 2nd homer out of the park, but JBJ made a great play chasing it down at the left center wall.
Hunter Strickland – 1/3 IP, 3 ER and his first blown save. I’m a little worried he’s only able to save games in Asian countries. Not exactly what you want to be known for as an MLB pitcher. Strickland earned himself some leash with his two saves over in Japan. Cory Gearrin might be the next man up with Anthony Swarzak and Shawn Armstrong on the shelf right now
Joey Lucchesi – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. Joey bag o’ donuts was really twirling the spaghetti. Keep in mind this was against a weak Giants lineup. But still, it’s an encouraging start to the season.
Fernando Tatis Jr – 1-for-3, 1 run, with a double off the top of the wall as he narrowly missed his 1st career homer. Don’t let the projections crowd fool you, Tatis is a special player. Sure, there could be some growing pains, but there’s also win-your-league potential here.
Ian Kinsler – 1-for-3 with his 1st homer, as he bats leadoff. Zombino candidate!
Wil Myers – 2-for-4 with his 1st steal. Seriously, how does Grey write this post EVERYDAY!? Are we sure it’s not just one of Rudy’s bots writing these posts? Wil Myers could be in for a nice year batting in front of Machado Man.
Evan Longoria – 1-for-3 with his 1st homer. Another Zombino candidate and maybe he gets traded to a better hitter’s park at some point this year.
Robbie Ray – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks. It’s 3:12 AM here in Chicago and this Diamondbacks/Dodgers game is in the 13th inning. I don’t usually stay up this late even for slingers night, losing steam here. Former teammate AJ Pollock had Ray’s number in this one. With 5 walks, he was lucky to escape with only the 3 ERs.
AJ Pollock – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer as a Dodger. People forget Pollock was putting up 1st round type numbers thru a month and a half last year until he sustained his requisite annual injury. There’s no reason to think he won’t rake until he gets hurt this season.
Christian Walker – 1-for-1, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. It’s time to take notice of the White Walker. He hit 34 homers in 526 AAA (with a handful of MLB) at bats in 2017 and around a .300 average. I already own him in my 15 team, 20 team and 30 team leagues.
Kike Hernandez – 1-for-6 with 1 run. He narrowly missed another 3-run homer as a laser off his bat hooked foul by a pubic hair. Grey came on the Ditka Pod today and predicted 17 homers for Kike this year. I told him I wouldn’t be surprised to see a 30 dong outburst from Kike. Keep an eye out for that podcast to be released in the next couple days here on the site.
Ross Stripling – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks. Chicken Strip! Mmmmmm chicken. Did I mention I’m writing the Top 100 SP post this season? Strip’s ranked #51 in those rankings and if he holds his rotation spot he can far outperform that ranking. For what its Werth, I think he keeps the rotation spot.
Greg Holland – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks and his 1st save. Well, the game finally ended! I’ll be honest, I expected Holland to blow this save. It’s possible he puts together a sneaky Fernando Rodney type 35 save season, but I’m betting on him losing the job before May.
Find Donkey Teeth on Twitter @DonkeyTeeth87. Subscribe to his podcast: Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Sports on Itunes, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.
All ADP data courtesy of NFBC and all statistics courtesy of FanGraphs & Baseball Savant.