Please see our player page for Matt Shoemaker to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Kyle Schwarber sat down for a long cross-country trip with his favorite, a can of Virgin Bloody Mary mix. Seated next to him was a tall, mustachioed man. Soon after takeoff, Schwarber dozed off and when he woke, he felt groggy, but that was to be expected, right? Seated next to him, that tall, mustachioed man drank from a Virgin Bloody Mary mix, wiping the red from his bristles. Well, what Kyle Schwarber didn’t know was Joey Gallo was that tall man with a fake mustache, and, as soon as Schwarber dozed off, Joey Gallo began to transfer all of Schwarber’s home run-hitting blood into his can of Virgin Bloody Mary mix. Later, Joey drank it all up, and burped all the names of the 500 Home Run Club. So, Joey Gallo (3-for-3, 2 runs, hitting .239) hit his 20th homer, has seven homers in the last five games, and, since Rob Manfraud took away the wacky tacky, Gallo’s slashing .375/.500/1.125/1.625, but we know why, don’t we? (Prolly just so Gallo gets traded the hell off the Rangers.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Schoop, there it is! Jonathan Schoop continued his mashfest in Chicago Friday night as he reached base in each of his plate appearances going 4-for-4 with a double, a walk, two home runs (8, 9) and 5 runs batted in. Oh Jonathan, each time I think I’m out, you pull me back in. Tell me Jonny, what’s it like on the sun, because you’ve been more or less the hottest hitter in baseball hitting .565 over the past week with the monster five bombs and 10 RBI. He’s also got multi-hit games in six of his past 10. Grey told you to BUY and thinks he saw Schoop at CVS last week. Lol! CVS! He buys things at pharmacies just like us–how relatable! Probably picking up some Icy Hot to cool off that flaming hot bat. I asked Salt and Pepa of popular 90s rap group Salt-N-Pepa what they thought about adding Jonathan and they said, “I wanna Schoop, baby. Schoop, ba-doop!” and you wouldn’t know it but they’re actually huge fantasy heads. What more can I say, you all know by now what Jonathan Schoop’s ceiling is. He’s not Tatis all of a sudden but he is a hot little potato right now and is batting close to .400 over the past two weeks. The 9/15 K/BB is also nothing to sneeze at–unless you’re allergic to OBP. These kinds of numbers, ie barrages of home runs, will help your fantasy team. He’s still available in over 50% of leagues, but 50% of those are likely abandoned and managed by the super intelligent zombies in Army of the Dead. Yes the tiger, too. And even the undead know to add this guy while he’s hotter than a Billie Eilish slumber party. Yep, I’m definitely a Lost Cause. Regardless, time to scoop a Schoop!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let’s take one more victory lap around my standing desk prior to moving on for good. A hirsute Donkey Teeth said to me in March, “I need a bold prediction from you for this season.” I wrote back, “That they’ll let you within 500 feet of a school.” He wrote back, “About baseball.” I wrote back, “The school will have a baseball team?” He wrote back, “Major League Baseball.” I wrote back, “Venmo me $100 for wasting my time.” Then, after a week back-and-forth, I said the first bold prediction that came to my mind: Keston Hiura‘s batting average would bottom out and he’d be demoted. He was going in the first 50 picks of drafts. This was not a willy and/or nilly bold prediction. People loved Keston Hiura. After that bold prediction, I doubled down, and he was my first sell of the season, telling you to get rid of him the day after Opening Day. *begins to pant* Okay, I’m winded, victory lap over. Keston Hiura (1-for-3, 1 run) was recalled yesterday, and I picked him up in all leagues. I, Mr. Don’t Draft Keston, picked him up? Yes, because now his price isn’t a 4th round pick, but free. Free’s good. Hiura still had strikeout issues in the minors — 34.2%, which is honestly laughably bad. If his price weren’t free, I’d prolly pass. It’s funny how many people are now suddenly excited about Hiura when he seems to have exactly the same problem. Serious question: Are the Brewers capable of teaching how to not strikeout? *looks randomly at their entire team* Forget it, I can answer myself. So, grab Hiura for the speed/power, but don’t be surprised if he still hits in the .180 range. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Another week and yet again, another No-Hitter. This time courtesy of the veteran Corey Kluber. No-Hitters have somewhat lost their novelty this season for me because of the vast amount of them in such a short period of time. Also, a fun stat, if you face either the Mariners, the Indians, or the Rangers you have just under a 5% chance of throwing a No-Hitter. We’ve never seen anything like this, so all we can do is embrace it and that is the plan. The last few weeks I have picked a stud pitcher to throw one and seeing how that’s not really the trend, we’re going to switch it up and the pick this week is…Yusei Kikuchi. We’ll get to him later on.

Other Noteworthy news, Jacob DeGrom is set to return Tuesday lining him up for a 2 start week. Kenta Maeda was placed on the IL with an Abductor Strain. Chris Sale has started a throwing program and is pitching off a mound which is good news to hear. Noah Syndergaard’s Rehab Assignment in AAA is beginning this week, so if he’s still on the waiver wire he’s somebody to monitor closely. And lastly, Scott Kazmir pitched last week for the Giants for the first time in over 5 years! What an unlikely thing to say, but who doesn’t love a good comeback story. That’s the news, and there’s a bevy of must-start pitchers this week so let’s begin!

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All five streamers performed admirably last week! That’s been the case throughout the year, though, and I’m ready to keep riding the wave here. With that said, the one-start streamers are much more trustworthy than the two-start guys this week, so don’t be afraid to ride those pitchers harder this week. Haha, that sounds funny, but you know what I mean.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We have six no-hitters by May 19th. Seven no-hitters is a modern-day season record. At this point, it will be more novel when someone throws a ten-hitter. Soon we’ll be celebrating:  Kyle Gibson just threw a 7-hitter! He allowed hits! Never is now, Mr. Gibson! This is like 2001 and Barry Bonds is throwing a no hitter every game. Conspiracy Theory Alert! Rob Manfred is going to use this year to explain why the mound has to move back a foot next year, and then we’re going to have our first 100-homer season. I will bet someone this happens. We’re thinking small, Rob Manfred’s evil mind is thinking big picture. Or pitcher, in this case, because only jacked guys will be able to reach the plate. So, Corey Kluber (9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.86) threw a no-hitter against his old club, the Rangers. Not the other team that the Rangers killed. The question for us is Corey Kluber fixed. Or at least usable, which I honestly had questions about coming into the year. His numbers look number two to three-ish. He’s not an ace — 9 K/9, 3.6 BB/9, 4.17 xFIP, using xFIP there because I do believe he’s been a tad ‘lucky’ on homers. It’s solid, usable, and rosterable, which is what I say before he throws a consecutive no-hitter next time because:  2021. By the way, Johnny Vander Meer’s family moving his crypt from stadium to stadium this year must be exhausting, and there’s no way Johnny Vander Meer’s record makes it out of 2021. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Freshly promoted Mariners rookie outfielder slash phenom slash heart throb slash Seattle savior slash pride of Pike’s Place, Jarred Kelenic put on a clinic in just his second game in the majors with three hits in four at-bats, scoring two runs and his first big league home run, a 2-run shot to right in the third inning that put the Ms up 3-0. After a disappointing debut on Thursday where he went 0-for-4 without reaching base, the dinger was Kelly’s (can I call him Kelly?) first major league hit, but he wasn’t done showing off his skillz with a “z” yet. We got to witness that highly touted speed of his, as he hustled out two doubles and added an additional RBI out of that C-Attle lead off spot. Mmhm. The super prospect is likely owned everywhere at this point and for good reason, I imagine what follows is some hilarious worst-to-first Major League type scenario where Jarred carries the Mariners back to relevance. Please let it be so. This isn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility, Kyle Seager and Mitch Haniger also homered Friday night and raised eyebrow emoji face…do all of a sudden the Ms have an offense? If Kelenic is going to hit like this, and going to hit lead off, it kickstarts this offense in a huge way and just his presence could make a lot some of these players more valuable. I’m looking at you, Dylan Moore (2-for-4, run, 7th steal). Wishful thinking, perhaps? Still Kelenic’s big night Friday was exciting to see, and a glimpse of hope for a fanbase that hasn’t seen their team in the post season in almost 20 years. Is he going to hit three extra base hits every night? Maybe add some steals tomorrow? Close out games? Strike out sides? No-hit the Tigers? Call balls and strikes? Probably! Either way, you’ve got to be hype to see what’s next for Jarred Kelenic. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wade Miley had it going on Friday night in Cleveland pitching his first career no-hitter allowing just one walk and base runner reaching on an error while striking out eight batters for his fourth win of the year. Wait–he did what? Spit Take! It was just his second complete game shutout in ever, that’s right folks, in ever. In over 250 starts, Miley had only completed nine innings once before, back in April 2016 against the Royals. OK, so that seems normal. Miley joins Joe Musgrove, Carlos Rodon, and John Means for the fourth no-hitter this year and it’s only May (and we’re not even counting Madison Bumgarner’s 7-inning no-no)! Yep, that also seems totally normal. Certainly nothing wrong with the abysmal offenses on a lot of MLB clubs right now. And let’s not forget to mention this was the second time the Cleveland Baseball Team has been no-hit this season. I know pitchers tend to have the advantage earlier in the year, while batters heat up when the weather gets hot, hot, hot–but this seems a little silly, no? Not that I’m complaining. After refusing to draft a starting pitching until the 8th round, I now have fantasy teams that roster several pitchers with no-hitters this season. NBD #humblebrag. Wade’s been more than serviceable this year rocking a 2.00 ERA, 0.75 WHIP, and 27/8 K/BB ratio but I can’t imagine any stats I throw at you are going to make you add this guy. It’s Wade Miley! The bigger story here is how bad some of these offenses have been. As for Miley, he remains a streamer in most leagues but gets a juicy start with Pittsburgh next week. He’s playing for his seventh team in 10 years so it’s not unusual if you got some warm fuzzies from Miley’s big night. He’s a genuinely great clubhouse presence and you’ve likely rooted for him at some point in the past decade when he played for your own local baseball team. So Wade To Go Miley!

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

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After going off in the first two weeks, Week 3 was extremely annoying. The weather just obliterated all of the rotations, and it didn’t even seem like most of my streamers faced their projected matchups. We discussed how Mother Nature could do cruel things, and she was downright evil to us last week. In any case, we still got a few solid performances, but I expect better from myself. That has me motivated to have a huge week here, and I can’t wait to get these streamers out there. With that in mind, let’s get into our streamers of the week!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was a little worried about how last week would go, but I’m very pleased with the results. None of our streamers got blown up, and the two-start streamers looked brilliant in their first start of the week. We also got gems from Steven Matz and Cole Irvin, rounding out a really good week. That has me geared up and ready to go because we’re in full-on grind mode now. One thing to keep an eye on is the weather, though. Mother Nature has been cruel to my streamers articles in the past, and like most women, she’s going to continue to be persistent. The snow and rain wreaked havoc last week, so let’s pray for clear skies this week! With that in mind, let’s get into it!

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Fernando Tatis Jr. went down in a heap after a swing, and I fell off my couch, rolled three feet and laid there for twenty minutes until Ted, my dog, placed his butt on my face, the sign we mutually agreed on for “he needs to be walked.” Outside, we spotted two pigeons teaching a third how to fly again with broken wings. I stood by that hopeful scene signing Mr. Mister, “Take these broken wings…and learn to fly again, learn to live so free,” and I was briefly uplifted. Then, the branch they were perched on fell, and deposited all three in front of traffic. Feathers blew up in my face, triggering my allergies and I told Ted, “Let’s go home and sob under some blankets.” It’s impossible to know fully, until the Padres say one way or the other, but you’d have to think that Tatis only injures himself on a swing if he was playing hurt already. As of this writing, the Padres are saying a partial dislocation, which would mean weeks vs. months, and would be relatively good news. Also, if you can even think about next steps, I grabbed Jurickson Profar, and Jake Cronenworth and Ha-Seong Kim should see an increase in playing time. I await further news while securely under these blankets. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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How awesome is it that baseball is back? I can’t tell you how excited I am to be back and providing some streamers again this year after that whack-a-doodle 2020 season. The first few days of baseball were absolutely fantastic, and I’m ready to hook you guys up  for the rest of the season. The first week tends to be light in terms of streamers, but this one is different. I love some of the options out there, so let’s go ahead and get into it!

Please, blog, may I have some more?