Please see our player page for Matt Shoemaker to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

If you said you loved Kevin Kline in the role of Cole Tucker, you wouldn’t be wrong.  What can’t Kevin Kline do?  Yo, Kevin Kline, wanna be my father?  “Sir, this is a Cheesecake Factory and that’s James, our short-order cook, not Kevin Kline.”  I’m crazy for rookie bats.  As crazy as I am for rookie bats, I’m tepid on rookie arms.  I don’t dislike them, but roofies are real and dangerous.  Rookie bats, however…*places nose right above a stick of butter, inhales deeply*  So, the Pirates called up Cole Tucker.  He’s the sexiest Pittsburgh shortstop since….uh Jack Wilson wasn’t very sexy…uh…Jordy Mercer God no…Erik Gonzalez bleh…Arky Vaughan!  Arky took no crap, quitting for three years at one point because he got sore at Leo Durocher for talking to the press about a teammate.  And Arky still made the Hall of Fame!  Of course, he had to wait 33 years after his death.  Any hoo!  Besides Cole Tucker sounding like he wears Vineyard Vines, what do we know about Tucker?  He has 30-steal speed.  Love that.  Where else are we finding that?  That alone is reason to grab him in every league.  Yes, every league.  Next up, he made swing adjustments and is more a 17-homer hitter than the under-5 homer guy he showed before this year.  In 18 spring at-bats, he hit two homers.  In 57 Triple-A at-bats, he hit three homers.  In his first career at-bat with the Pirates, he homered.  For power, I’m going to start saying Triple-A is samesies with the majors.  We’ll see if my new approach pans out!  So, 17/30/.250 while also taking a walk?  I told you every league.  The Ghost of Arky Vaughan can eat a D!  (If the site suddenly goes down for three years, we know why.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After a mixture of smooth and rough waves last week, we’re looking for some smooth sailing here. This group of streamers is much more reliable and we have some guys that the Streamonator absolutely loves. What does make this time of year fascinating is the weather though, as any starters matchup can change if Mother Nature is unhappy. That’s why it’s imperative to check the weather before picking up any pitcher, as you don’t want to get stuck with someone who may not even make their start. So, with that in mind, let’s get to one of the hottest pitchers in the league.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back at it: grinding the sausage, stuffing the sausage, and inserting the sausage into various holes. This week they take a close look at two young arms off to very promising starts to the 2019 season: Yonny Chirinos and Spencer Turnbull.

The guys also discuss German Marquez’s first rocky 2019 outing in Coors, Max Fried’s emergence into relevance, and Baseball Savant’s fantastic new film review features. The show is rounded out with some rapid fire pickup options. Don’t miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to insert the sausage into your ear holes!

If there is anybody that you’d like for the guys to profile, throw it in the comments section or Tweet @DitkaSausagePod or @DonkeyTeeth87. Donkey Teeth and B_Don are also giving away a Rotowear Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Sports shirt for rate and reviews on podcast subscriptions. Tweet them a photo of your review to be entered for this sweet shirt!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Opens an envelope, and, inside, is an invitation.  “Wow, what gorgeous calligraphy.  Someone took their calligraphy class at 8 PM every Wednesday for six weeks at a local college very seriously.  Patrick Bateman would be jealous of that raised font.”  Reading, “Please join us, the Tampa Bay Rays, for the Star Mitzvah of Austin Meadows.  On Tuesday, the ninth of April, two thousand and nineteen at twenty-four minutes after two o’clock in the afternoon at Temple Fantasy Tova Those Other Outfielders.  A reception to follow at one of the 37 local Hooter’s restaurants in the Tampa area.  Rather than gifts, please bring Cash.  Our manager, he gets lost.”  How sweet is that.  I wonder if I was invited because I wrote an Austin Meadows sleeper this preseason.  Prolly.  Sound the shofar, Meadows is finally breaking out!  *remains super calm, then screams*  I TOLD YOU!  Yesterday, Austin Meadows went 4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (2), hitting .308.  Hopefully, this is the start of the big things I imagine for him, and, finally, he becomes a man.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Today we have a very special Game of Thrones edition with your host, Ball-less Greyjoy.  Or, I guess since it’s a Buy, as in pick up off waivers, it’s a Game of Thrones addition. To prep for the Game of Thrones finale, I pushed a kid out a window.  As I get into bed with Cougs, I yell, “The one-eyed raven is here and winter is coming!”  This show better not end as a Bob Newhart dream or in a snow globe of an autistic boy.  As Daenerys would say, “I just flew to King’s Landing and boy are my armies tired.”  I wonder if Daenerys used to be Daenery but added the S on the end like Kendrys.  Speaking of which, Kendrys Targaryen has no position flexibility, and is just rigid, due to the 75 years he’s been guarding a freakin’ wall.  Why does he guard the wall?  Because of the dreaded White Walkers.  The Night King, head White Walker, is Christian Walker.  Since Kendrys Targaryen unleashed his dragon and it ate a Lamb (then burped fire), Christian Walker could see more time on the other side of the dugout wall.  He’s shown good pop (who doesn’t sleep with mom who is his sister) and I’m adding him in all leagues.  He hit 30+ homers in Triple-A, during his last full season there.  Hopefully, George RR Martin doesn’t stop doing his bend the knee burpees at a Westeros Fitness and kill him off.  Spoiler Alert!  Game of Thrones ends with Fonzie jumping over a dragon.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
B_Don and Donkey are back to profiling dudes who play with balls. This week they look at two young bucks as Donkey digs in on Blue Jay’s unknown rookie Trent Thornton and B_Don puts Matt Strahm’s shaky debut under the microscope. Is Trent Thornton the real deal? Will Matt Strahm rebound? How many times can Donkey Teeth say “spin rate in a 20 second clip? Tune in and find out!
The Ditka Degenerates also talk about some week one pickups including Kolten Wong, Sandy Alcantara, Freddy Peralta, Jon Duplantier, and many more. The show is rounded out by a quick discussion on strategic differences in OPS leagues versus standard 5×5 leagues. The regular season sausage is super moist and extra steamy, taste it for yourself!

P.S. Rate and review the podcast on iTunes and be entered into a drawing to win one of these sweet puppies:
Just Tweet a screenshot of your review to @DitkaSausagePod or @DonkeyTeeth87.

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There was a time when I thought Freddy Peralta (8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 11 Ks) was merely a starter.  A guy who took the ball every fifth day, stared in at the catcher, shook off a sign or two and scratched his balls.  Not like a Gaylord.  Perry, not, um, yeah, Perry.  Yesterday, we (me) gained a newfound appreciation for FP Saintdamnvelo.  His command was gorge, and I’m engorged.  In fact, I’m not typing this with my fingers.  It’s whether he can replicate that command going forward like he’s a replicate in one of those sci-fi movies with replicates.  I don’t know sci-fi, so you have to figure out your own analogy.  Sci-fi is for nerds!  That’s why I play fantasy baseball.  Either way, you have to pick up Freddy Peralta after yesterday’s start to see if he can build off it.  If Peralta continues that no-walk command, he’s a potential breakout.  Speaking of breakouts (can you believe the ease of that segue), Matthew Boyd dropped the ew, dunked 13 Ks on the Yankees and that’s straight Matth.  Like his most famous fantasy baseball owner would say, “Yeah, Boyd!”  Damn right, Flavor Flav!  Matthew Boyd (6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.18) leads the majors in Ks.  El oh cmon.  He’s the first Tigers starter to start the season with back-to-back 10+ K games.  This wasn’t the A lineup for the Yankees, but more “a Yankees lineup.”  Still, I’m buying partly because of FOMO, and since he had 26 swinging strikes, i.e., he was fooling them real good.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Grey Albright threw two innings on opening day. Sweat, and other mysterious bodily fluids, dripped from Grey’s brow; he was gassed. Albright didn’t wait for Rudy to call to the pen, Grey signaled himself for the lefty, Donkey Teeth, to enter the fold. Fantasy Master Lothario is still knocking some of the spring rust off, just like Chis Sale, so you’re stuck with Donkey Teeth telling you tales of Paul Goldschmidt’s monster 4-for-5 night with 3 homers & 5 RBIs in only the second game of his Cardinals career. Truth be told, Dan Pants will be back to take over this column next Friday, since Friday is slinging night for Grey, Cougs, and Donkey Teeth. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave.  A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’  A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.”  Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft.  This slow draft took about eighteen days, 3 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds.  Not almost 18 days of straight drafting, mind you.  I don’t need to ice my clicky finger.  It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting.  It does allow you to second-guess your picks.  Actually, more like triple-guess.  (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers.  Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:

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Cougs’ brother bought a place in Jackson Hole, Wyoming; I mentioned to Cougs at one point in the last five years of marriage I skied once twenty years ago, and that’s the story of how I drafted a fantasy team falling graciously down the side of a mountain.  That’s right, ya boy went skiing this past weekend, and was drafting from a ski lift!  Thankfully, Geronimo Berroa is no longer in the league, because I might’ve ended up with him on my team because I kept screaming out his name during each round.  So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an AL Only league that was hosted by Scott White of CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than your aunt after two cocktails.  This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.  Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.)  Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?