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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)
Hearing nary a peep on Tony Gonsolin. I have my ear up to the computer screen for Tony Gonsolin questions, and, instead of Tony Gonsolin questions, all I hear is the 100 monkeys fighting over 99 typewriters in the other room, as they type up this reprot–Give Ling-Ling the typewriter! He’s Spellchecker Monkey! Sorry, it’s not easy being the monkey meditator. Maybe in the past two months people forgot the excitement over Tony Gonsolin, so due to some lazy-ass monkeys who I’m…*screams into other room*…about to fire, let’s just look at what I wrote in my Tony Gonsolin sleeper from this past preseason, “Tony Gonsolin has some kind of special numbers when it comes to contact rates. Ace-like. Just the Swinging Strike rate (14%) and the Swing rate (50.9) alone. To put that to you in real world terms, he’s around the strike zone, and hitters are ready to get on him, until the ball falls out of the zone and they miss.” In that post I compare him to Plesac and Maeda, which seems silly now, but you have to remember those guys are less good this year because they lost their command somewhere. If Gonsolin has his command, and in the rehab starts it looks he does, he could be at worst a fantasy number two to three for another 75 IP this year. Grab hmm! *screams into other room* Him! Him! Not hmm! That’s it, no bananas for anyone! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Mike Zunino – He’s a top five catcher on the year on the Player Rater, and rostered in 20% of leagues. He’s even available in my RCL (as of this writing, at least). Funny, people try to jam a catcher not doing well into their catcher slot, while better guys sit on waivers. Like jamming a Jose Altuve into a Jerry-made mouse hole, or jamming an unrelated allusion into a simile.
Victor Caratini – Everything in life has brought me to the Teeny Carrot — that’s what she said to hurt my feelings! — Caratini is playing and killing it (in a good way) with counting stats.
Ryan Jeffers – Not sure what the Twins are doing with Rortvedt, but as far as I can tell, he’s not good as a hitter or fielder, and his name is like someone got drunk at a Spelling Bee. Also, Eric Haase is a viable pickup this week, but burying him in Jeffers’s blurb, as I hope to avoid a hundred catcher questions. Oh, and James McCann is a good pickup if available, as I just bury catchers in this blurb like Zsa Zsa Gabor buried husbands. (Very new and hip reference!)
Alex Kirilloff – This is the last week I’m including him, whether he’s picked up or not. Apizzarently, no one wants him, and I’m done recommending him. All bets are Kirilloff.
Patrick Wisdom – Gave you my Patrick Wisdom fantasy the other day. It was written while grilling salmon on a plank, like a gourmet pirate.
Jonathan Schoop – You ever stand in a CVS and hold up a bottle of Scope next to an employee with a Jonathan name tag and say, “Hey, look it’s Jonathan Schoop?” No? Guess I’m built different.
Freddy Galvis – When I pick up Galvis off waivers by clicking my mouse, I scream, “Freddy got fingered!” And Cougs asked, “Is everything okay?” No, Cougs, if you must know, I’ve lost three-quarters of my starting lineup to injuries!
Jonathan Villar – As I said weeks ago and will reiterately say the same shizz, Villar is a guy who could be a top 100 guy, as long as he has playing time, and healthy, which, right now, I’m not sure about. His hamstring is being reported as day-to-day. By the by, as I write this I just saw our video views for the last week, and we are very fortunate to have such a supportive audience. Thanks for going to nonsense places most fantasy sites don’t go. A’la Tupac, “You are appreciated.”
Cesar Hernandez – Should’ve known Cesar was gonna be hot when he wasn’t wearing underwear under his toga. Fun fact! Caesar Salad was first tossed at a table by a waiter clad in a toga who kept stopping to pick up fallen romaine lettuce.
Ty France – From Cesar to France, what is this season three of Vikings? By the by, that show had bigger hits and misses than most shows. It was like the Miguel Sano of shows.
Miguel Andujar – Find a hotter bat, I’ll wait. Psyche! Not waiting. He’s been hot, and swinging at everything. Hey, it’s Javier Baez without steals? I’ll take it!
Willy Adames – Pretty close to being the lede this week, i.e., this week’s biggest pickup. I had missed the story originally, but Adames said he couldn’t see at Tropicana. That sounds like what players say, and we can disregard as anecdotal nonsense, but his career home/away splits .222/.292 back up that narrative. If he’s now seeing well in Milwaukee and in road games, he could be breaking out. Wasn’t that long ago, I did like him a lot, so, yeah, grab that Willy. Hehe.
Amed Rosario – He’s been hot, and hitting 2nd. He reminds me what a giant disappointment Andres Gimenez has been. Yes, “has been” before he ever was.
Josh Reddick – Just when you thought Jose and Josh Rojas wasn’t confusing enough, Reddick dyed his hair red — wonder if the curtains match the carpet; would explain the name — and now Reddick is a Josh Rojas too. Might have to start calling him Josh Rojaspinga.
Billy Hamilton – I’m scared about writing anything too complimentary here because recommending Hamilton is one of the signs of the apocalypse. That and a pandemic.
Taylor Ward – I like to give a bunch of outfield eligible guys in the Buy, but this week it is admittedly a struggle. So we have Taylor Ward. Word? Ward.
Jesus Sanchez – Have it on good authority from someone close to situation, Sanchez could be up in the next week or two. Currently, hitting near-.400 with seven homers in 24 games of Triple-A. He will be the next big pickup, act now.
Taylor Trammell – In Triple-A, he went 6/3/.384 in 17 games, so he’s worth a shot to see if he clicks during this promotion. Now, the Mariners need to find themselves a player named Stew Whitaker.
Johnny Cueto – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to umpire school.
Mike Minor – Due to lack of options, this is a super borderline Streamonator call. “I’ve been practicing to be a robot ump,” mimicking an umpire, “Strike one, unless you’ll be my friend.”
Paul Fry – It makes me giggle a little that his name sounds like a guy with straw in his teeth, wearing overalls, calling someone a small fry. So, if Paul Fry is good enough for Uncle Elmer, he should be good enough for you, and, in all seriousness, Fry could be a top 5 closer the rest of the way, and should be grabbed everywhere.
Scott Barlow – The great thing about the ‘closers’ this week is they’re legitimately great pitchers. Not like when we were falling over ourselves to grab Stefan Crichton or some shizzy shizz.
J.P. Feyereisen – Ennio Morricone’s A Fistful of Dollars score plays. Only the wah…wah is from past owners of Diego Castillo, Peter Fairbanks, Jeffrey Springs and Andrew Kittredge. Soon, Feyereisen’s owners will be added to the soundtrack mix.
SELL
Adolis Garcia – Welp, you had to know it was coming. It was inevitable. You grabbed a guy off waivers who puts together a top 10 overall fantasy season for two months, and the Sell calls are going to come faster than with Gamestop stocks paid in crypto. Love STONKS, but love stinks, and STONKS stinks, if we’re being honest with ourselves. Sorry if that sent you into a 45-minute shame spiral. When I said ‘be honest with yourself,’ I didn’t mean your combover. Frankly, I think it looks great! Adolis Garcia has a solid line drive Launch Angle, and a goofy HR/FB%. The line drives give me real hope his value won’t bottom out, and he has some speed, which will provide value too. Think he’s pretty ‘real’ all things considered, but going against him: He does strikeout, the previously mentioned HR/FB%, and lack of walks. I wouldn’t sell him for a front row seat to a TED Talk by your mother-in-law, but I would check out our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
