I think there’s a fairly evident reason it took Edwin Encarnacion¬†a while to sign with a team. ¬†Doode’s a leather-bound book with dust. ¬†In the future, will a little boy sit down to hear a tale from his grandfather and the grandfather will blow dust off a Kindle? ¬†“In the fall of 2016, I bought this Kindle¬†from a garage sale. ¬†What’s a garage sale, you ask. ¬†It’s an informal market of used¬†products that is held outside a¬†house by where one¬†stores their automobile. ¬†What’s an automobile, you ask.” ¬†Please, Grey, leave this¬†metaphor alone! ¬†You’re prolly right, Random Italicized Voice. ¬†Speaking of grandfathers, this was overheard at the Christmas table yesterday: ¬†My grandfather, “I took Viagra and only my nipples got hard. ¬†Don’t think I got the pill all the way down.” ¬†Any hoo! ¬†Edwin’s ground ball ratio went up and his fly balls went down. ¬†He still hits the ball hard, and, if he were 27 years old, none of his red flags would even be flags, they’d be red handkerchiefs for my white suit when I’m feeling especially Scarfacey. ¬†His Ks went up, so¬†he’s a .260 hitter now instead of a .270 hitter? ¬†Big whoop. ¬†I’m having a hard time being negative on Edwin, except he will be 34 years old. ¬†Guys do excel in their mid-30s, but not as much as they don’t. ¬†Am I excited about Edwin after he signed with the Indians? ¬†Not particularly, but thinking he’s going to fall off, is you talking hunches and that only works if you’re making small talk with Quasimodo. ¬†For Edwin’s 2017 projections, I’ll give him 88/36/105/.260/2 in 535 ABs. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for¬†2017 fantasy baseball:
Ben Revere – Signed by the Angels to back up left field, because the Angels had so little faith in their offseason trade for Cameron Maybin. ¬†The Sciosciapath called Maybin after Revere signed and said, “I don’t want you to think this will change¬†your playing time, I just want you to know that I know you won’t stay healthy anyway.” ¬†As for Revere, he will back up Maybin and appear at autograph signings for Denard Span. ¬†For 2017, I’ll give Revere 48/1/16/.283/23 in 374¬†ABs.
Ender Inciarte – Signed a five-year deal with the Braves. ¬†Inciarte is sneaky for fantasy and real baseball value. ¬†So sneaky his name tells you he’s In CIA, and you don’t even know he’s covert. ¬†He waves his hand in front of his face like John Cena and says, “You can’t see me,” and you really can’t see him. ¬†For fantasy, he’s a cheap Eaton. ¬†I will call him Eaton at¬†Popeye’s. ¬†Not a whole lot of power, but should get a decent average, runs and steals. ¬†For 2017, I’ll give him 92/7/39/.297/21 in 587 ABs.
Michael¬†Morse – Signed with the Giants. ¬†If he doesn’t make the club as a bench bat, Morse¬†might make the club as cheaper form of communication with the bullpen.
Manny Ramirez – Reportedly training for a comeback. ¬†2017 is already looking up!