Ambulance Chasers Week 3 – Misery Loves Company

The Cardinals, Marlins, and Phillies have born the brunt of the misery in this young baseball season thus far with Covid outbreaks and cancelled games. This week, we’ve got a group of other teams that are getting put through the ringer with your more traditional injury issues…..”injuries classic” we’ll call it. We’ve also lost some more big time arms for the remainder of the season as the herd starts to thin here.

Mike Soroka is out for the season after suffering an achilles injury in his latest start. It’s a brutal blow for the young righty, and even a bigger blow for the Braves, who are now in a real crunch for arms. This solidifies Touki Toussaint and Sean Newcomb’s spots in the rotation, but the rest of the rotation couldn’t really be worse shape given the recent DFA of Mike Foltynewicz and Cole Hamels still ailing. Without a trade, it’s hard to see any potential fill in being roster worthy here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Marcus’s Calf Goes Off Like A Stroman Candle

July 23, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 378 Comments

by: Grey

Marcus Stroman went from calf tightness to a tear. That’s what the cow said! Huh? Sorry, I’m a little freakin’ delirious because I own Stroman in not one, not two–I can’t even count how many leagues I own him in because I don’t have enough fingers and toes, and this is a PG show and we can’t count with anything else, you absolute pervs! Hey, serious question, has anything ever good happened to the Mets? Not to get all metaphysical rolling magnets around my shakras, but The Curse of The Bambino became The Curse of 1986. I won’t hear different. Bill Buckner allie-kazoo’d some voodoo on Mookie Wilson and the Mets have never been the same. Alas, I would drop Stroman in every league, aside from maybe NL-Only, but even there it’s pretty meh. He’s week-to-week, so maybe he returns by the end of August. What are you holding that for? The S’s and G’s train left the station a long time ago. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

COVID Decides To Use Chapman As An Opener

July 13, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 77 Comments

by: Grey

Aroldis Chapman tested positive for Covid and has mild symptoms. Aroldis was reading a radar gun, when he said, “Damn, I haven’t thrown 101 in so long,” then he realized he wasn’t reading a radar gun. This is not great news. Zack/Zach Britton would fill in if Aroldis can’t get back on the field in time for Re-Opening Day. (I’m trying to make Re-Opening Day happen. Is it obvious/working?) I’m hesitant about moving Aroldis down in my rankings, because he only needs — what, two throwing sessions to be ready? Seems like he could be back by Re-Opening Day, or maybe a day or two past Re-Opening Day or three days past Re-Opening Day (is it a thing yet?). Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

C’est Luis

February 26, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 205 Comments

by: Grey

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The ax fell yesterday on Luis Severino‘s elbow. That ax was wielded by Dr. James Andrews, who was wearing a Jason mask at the time of the news conference. A reporter stands, “Doc, do you think Severino can avoid Tommy John surgery?” Dr. James Andrews, breathy like Kathleen Turner with an unmistakeable Charleston accent, “I do declare,” Dr. James Andrews pats his mask with a handkerchief, “Severino’s time under the knife will be short, but his stay on the Injured List long.” He then scratched his arm with the ax and accidentally ripped his doctor’s lab coat. “If there’s no further questions, I will be going,” Dr. James Andrews stood, sticking out his arms in a Jason pose, and slowly left the stage. So, Severino and Dr. James Andrews have been acquainted and if you drafted Severino early, you’re ess oh el as they say in Acronyms R’ Us chatrooms. I’ve removed Severino from the top 40 starters and top 500 for 2020 fantasy baseball. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 20 2nd Basemen for 2020 Fantasy Baseball

January 17, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 207 Comments

by: Grey

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One super quick word about the top 20 2nd basemen for 2020 fantasy baseball and all the 2020 fantasy baseball rankings, each ranking appears insanely long and it is, but I imagine in a lot of leagues guys won’t have eligibility, because I’m using the extremely lax Yahoo position eligibility. Without further ado because this post is longer than the combined length of the Gutenberg Bible and Steve Guttenberg’s IMDB page, I mention where tiers start and stop and all projections are mine and cannot be reproduced without the express written consent of Major League–Damn, I’m being told by Major League Baseball I did not have express written consent to use their warning. It was expressly written for them. You guys! Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2020 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

FanDuel: Elimination Days

September 25, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball, DFS, Fanduel |

by: cinthree

Late season DFS baseball isn’t quite the “who the heck is that” insanity that late season DFS basketball is (or say, week 17 fantasy football is), but the same concepts still apply, albeit to a much lesser degree. So for those still playing cash games at this point in the season – do be weary of veterans on teams that have that have nothing to play for – both the teams that were eliminated a long time ago, and also teams that have their playoff spots locked up. In the case of teams with their playoff spots locked up (and nothing to play for except seeding) it’s doubtful they’ll pull hitters mid-game, but there’s always a chance they pull the starting pitcher early with an eye towards the playoffs. Tread carefully.

More after a word from our sponsor.

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dakota No-Hits Brewers For 6 2/3 And Fargoes Any More

August 20, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 203 Comments

by: Grey

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The Cardinals pulled Dakota Hudson 111 pitches, 6 2/3 IP, into his no-hitter, which is a smart move. He was gassed and they had thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening, Gallegos (Gallegos), Gallegos (Gallegos), Gallegos Figaro magnifico! The Cardinals don’t make dumb moves. They even make smart moves about which teams to hack. The Ghost of Dave Duncan makes something out of nothing with every Cards starter (don’t look at Wacha). It’s without can. Ya know, uncanny. David Duncan’s leftover notes jotted on a loose-leaf spiral notebook are better than Ray Searage. Don’t at me; it’s true. Put him in the Hall of Fame before he really is a ghost. You look at Hudson’s numbers — 7 K/9, 4.2 BB/9, 5.10 FIP — and you shudder they’re so bad. Yet — again with stank — YET! he has a 3.63 ERA and he no-hit the Brewers last night for almost seven innings. Dave Duncan, man! He’s the best ghoster. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Quintana Falls One K Short Of A K-ciñera

August 14, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball | 313 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”444152″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Fantasy Football Draft Kit Running Backs”]

For a long time in his career, Jose Quintana seemed to be underrated in some fantasy circles and, if those people didn’t recognize Quintana’s genius, I’d call them jerks, so they were circle jerks. Early in his career, even his radar blips would end up being a tugboat filled with pandas rather a real scare. Then, later in his career, we boarded the tugboat and they were feral pandas. “Ling-Ling thinks my arm is bamboo!” Jose Quintana was no longer safe like the circle jerk Quintana, but became more of the feral panda Quintana. Recently, however, Quintana’s been a good blip again and the feral pandas are satiated with boba, greeting us with Panda Express menus. Yesterday, he went 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 4.11, and in three August starts: 1.89 ERA, 26 Ks and only one walk. He looks fixed, and I’m willing to give him more rope, but if I see one more gee-dee feral panda, all bets are off. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

FanDuel: “For Good Luck, Buy Ton A Cobbie Birdie” -Grom

July 14, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball, DFS, Fanduel |

by: NichFields

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives, so let’s play some DFS.

We have seven games on the FanDuel Main Slate today, with Jacob deGrom, Shane Bieber, and Masahiro Tanaka leading the way as our top pitching options. The weather looks perfect where these games will be played, so fire up the grill, crack open a beverage, and let’s get to it.

Read on for our picks, and enjoy the day t0day, DFSers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I Know A Gallen Miami Who Is Great In The Zac

June 20, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 447 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”425798″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball 2019 Mailbag Week 13″]

Seeing Zac Gallen called up and I’m reminded of me doing karaoke. Picture, if you will, the song Tequila playing and me just holding a mic, dancing. Now imagine I’m surrounded by multiple Mickey Rourkes feeding strawberries to multiple Kim Basingers, because this scene is filled with eroticism like you’ve never witnessed before. It’s taboo filled with self-sacrifice, transgression is in the air while being dominated by a song with only one word. I’m alive for the first time! Now, watch Gallen get trounced by the sissy AF Cardinals. Okay, I’ve been telling you to pick up Gallen for about a month. On our Prospectonator, he’s the 4th best rookie pitcher, which translates to him possibly being the rookie pitcher of the year. Think Chris Paddack. Fo’realsies. Prospect Mike just gave you his Zac Gallen fantasy, and I’d just go there and read that to find out what kind of pitcher he is, because that’s what I did. He had lefties hitting .127 off him? I mean, are you kidding? Seriously, is this a joke? Do you want me to faint while I am entertaining a room full of drunk people with Tequila? Do you?! I didn’t think so. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Heir Yordan

June 10, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 618 Comments

by: Grey

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I wonder what Keith Law aka [email protected] thinks about Yordan Alvarez. *searches through transcripts of Klaw chats, which he calls a Koffee Klawtch* Hmm, that’s weird. He didn’t rank Yordan in his preseason top 100. Prospect Mike had him at 27 overall in the top 50 for fantasy baseball prospects. “Hello, Mr. Skywriter? Yes, can I pay you to fly above [email protected]’s home with the message, ‘Oops.’ Where does he live? Hmm, I’ve been training my dog to sniff out bad takes, so I just need a few hours and a box of Milkbones.” On our Prospectonator, Yordan is ranked in the top 5. Again, with some stank, [email protected] didn’t even rank him in the top 100. I get it; he’s doing real baseball vs. fantasy. The problem is real baseball has become fantasy. Do people even care about defense anymore? The Orioles top pick overall is a catcher who is already in talks about moving off that position. Just one more time — he didn’t rank Yordan Alvarez in his preseason top 100! Are we even comprehending how crumby with cracker crumbs this is? Any hoo! Heir Yordan had 23 homers and a .343 average in 56 games of Triple-A. I will now laugh myself into coughing fit. Yo, Yordan, you Babe Ruth? I know what you’re thinking, how long has he been in Triple-A, is he old? He’s 21 years old. No idea of the Astros’ plans for him, and, if by some stroke of the malocchio, he doesn’t hit, I guess he could get sent down. However, I think Tyler White’s done and Yuli Guli sounds like an anime character who can’t hit, so even when George Springer, Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa — damn, you wrestling gators in hopes of passing the Yanks for most injured players? — return, I think Yordan is here to stay, and, yesterday, his 1-for-3 with his 1st homer is just the start. Get him accordingly. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When Verlander Pitches, My Staff Cries Out In Need Of Add Justin

May 22, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 575 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”415141″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball 2019 Mailbag Week 9″]

I’m like Neo dodging bullets, only instead of bullets, it’s bad pitchers. Bends in slo-mo and avoids Ed-Rod, twists to the right and avoids Trevor Bauer, twists left and sees Jalen Beeks…Well, I’d never own him, so…Then again, he has been pretty good as the Malcolm for the Rays. Ya know, their Middle man. Oh, crap, I’ve been shot! *dies in slo-mo* Beeeeeeeeeeks! *clutches chest, searches for bullet wound, can’t find it* I thought I was shot. Oh, noooooooo!!! It’s worse than I thought! It was my fantasy team that was shot! You could’ve avoided this whole megillah for the last, oh, I don’t know, 12 years, minus two random years in the middle (not Malcolm) if you just owned Justin Verlander. Yesterday, he took a no-hitter into the 7th inning, and went 8 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.24, and on our Player Rater, he is the number one starter. Barely as good as Tim Anderson, but, ya know, those are noogs for another day. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?