Emerging from your parents’ basement, blocking the sun with your hand, “Mother, did you see wash my underwear? Mother?” You shake her shoulder and her head falls off and the skull rolls into the kitchen. You casually pick up the head, “Mother, did you do my laundry I asked for back in March?” You move your mother’s jaw bones, “Yes, sonny boy. How did you do in your fantasy league?” “Thank you for asking, mother. I achieved great success. Let’s tell father.” You turn to a sack of potatoes wearing an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt and glued-on corn cob pipe. “Father, we have won our fantasy league. It was great fun. Now it’s back to spending time with the family.” And that’s how you incorporated yourself back into family life. Well, we can’t all be winners like that gent, but it is time to lick thy wounds if you lost and razz thy neighbors if you won. So, hopefully, let’s razz on, Razzers. Unless your league counts game 163, then it’s still on like Steve Wiebe playing Donkey Kong! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Adrian Beltre
Rafael De(li)vers Like A Western Union Messenger
September 27, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 121 Commentsby: Grey
I have an unpopular opinion, that I know will never fly. Pants with magnet buttons. Okay, I have another one: knock people over the head and when they wake, tell them they’re on Mars and film it. Like Survivor but more panicked. My final unpopular opinion, allow teams to forfeit. I know in today’s charged political climate it’s not cool to say anything bad about herbathrowdites, but hitters pitching is stupid. It’s okay for a quick laugh, but a team has obviously forfeited if they’re pitching Jace Peterson. Just let them throw a white flag, and call the game. Of course, this would be wildly unpopular with fans who paid a lot of money to see nine innings, but are people sticking around in a 19-3 game. I don’t know, maybe they are. So, yesterday, Xander Bogaerts (2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) collected his 100th RBI and 22nd homer. Just Dong Martinez (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 42nd, a number I thought was retired. Mookie Betts joined the 30/30 club (more on him after the jump). Blake Swihart went 3-for-8, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (6), inching closer to Buster Posey’s year-long homer total. Rafael Devers (5-for-8, 3 runs, 6 RBIs) stole the show, hitting his 20th and 21st homer. I’ve collected 1,000 praying mantises and joined them in a prayer circle that feels insectually correct, hoping Devers doesn’t push up his 2019 fantasy value in this final week. I talked a bit about this on the last podcast, but Devers is only 21 years old, and could easily be a middle of the order bat for the Red Sox next year. That’s very good, assuming every team they’re facing doesn’t forfeit. Or assuming every team does. I don’t know, let’s figure this out together! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Super Guerriel Mash Bros.
September 22, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 13 Commentsby: Dan Pants
O Lourdes’, Yuli, give us the strength to win our final head-to-head match ups. Give us enough power to steal back those roto cats. Oh great and wise fantasy Lourdes…and Yuli, I know you can help us! Friday night baseball’s Gurriel brothers, Lourdes of the Blue Jays and Yuli of the Astros, each hit two home runs. You go, Gurriels! It was the first time in MLB history brothers had multi home run games on the same night or something, don’t quote me on that google it. Joe and Dom? Sandy and Roberto? So jelly right now! Sounds like a great STUMP trivia question in five years we’ll never remember the answer to. Honestly though, these are the kind of family-centric stories baseball needs right now! With these look-at-me showboating young guns and their home run trots, and their fortnite dances and their neon cleats and their racist tweets. They’re disrespecting the game! Anyway, Yuli Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (12), 7 RBI) is likely already owned in most leagues you have any chance of winning at this point but little brother Lourdes Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (11)) is still available in over 90% of leagues and he’s hitting .400 with three homers and seven RBI in the past week. Lourdes have mercy! more like it. What is your MI doing? If the Lourdes is doing better grab him while he’s hot! Dude’s got a brother in the big leagues–that’s called pedigree, my fake internet friends. Justin and Melvin Upton the ball is in your court. Wait is Melvin still in the league? Doesn’t matter. It’s not stopping Stephen and J.D., who I hear are already planning a comeback for the record! Only the good Lourdes can save us then.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Please, blog, may I have some more? The Tommy Was So Bright I Had To Put On My Ray Phams
September 20, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 200 Commentsby: Grey
This is going to blow your mind. Before you read any further, I want you to take some precautions. Grab some masking tape from your “Never Used Shizz” drawer and wrap it around your head. Whoa, whoa, whoa! You didn’t just wrap your head with masking tape, covering your eyebrows, did you? Hmm, well, when you remove that tape, you’re gonna look like Phil Simms. (Hint: He’s got no eyebrows.) Okay, I told you to avoid Tommy Pham in the preseason, due to his draft price, and ranked him 31st for all outfielders. On our Player Rater going into yesterday’s game, he was ranked 31st. *does Ace Ventura victory dance on the porch* I have exorcised the demon! Yesterday, he had one of his best games of the season, if not best (yes, too lazy to look), he went 3-for-5 with his 18th and 19th homer, hitting .266, but hitting .327 on the Rays, and if he wasn’t derailed by an injury when he first arrived in Tampa, he’d be doing better (or worse as his BABIP stabilized; it’s ~.500 in September). I could see letting up on my hate on Pham in 2019, but he’s still old and has stopped running, so the price will need to be much more reasonable. Okay, you can remove the tape now. Hey, eyebrows are overrated (like Tommy Pham coming into this year). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
FantasyDraft: Flaherty Will Get You Everywhere
September 8, 2018 | DFS, FantasyDraft | 11 Commentsby: VictoriaB
(Yes, I know Grey has already used the line, but imitation is the sincerest form of Flaherty.) It’s a bit of a peculiar day on FantasyDraft. The early slate (more on that below) is tough for pitching, other than Jack Flaherty ($21,400), who takes on the Tigers in Comerica Field. Later, there are some star pitchers on the mound — your Max Scherzers ($24,300), your Noah Syndergaards ($19,300) and what-have-yous; those whom Streamonator ranks all the way at the top. But they both have match-ups that make me slightly nervous: the Cubs and the Phillies, respectively. At the same time, both slates feature a couple of delicious hitting situations, such as Astros at Red Sox early, and Dodgers at Rockies late, plus some lefty pitchers against teams who, frankly, feast on LHP. So the TL;DR version: I’m leaning more hitting than pitching today. Let’s take a look at some options.
New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!
Please, blog, may I have some more? Ohtani Boy, The Pipes, The Pipes Are Calling Dr. Andrews
September 6, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 206 Commentsby: Grey
Everyone is so sad at the Shohei Ohtani news that he needs Tommy John surgery. People being sad at this has me gobsmacked. He had elbow problems when he signed with the Angels, then a Grade 1 sprain of his UCL became a partial tear in June. He threw a whopping 25 IP the previous year. Were people really ostrich’ing their heads into the sand to the point where they didn’t see the writing on the wall? Of course, he needs Tommy John surgery. How is this awful news? It was awful news for Angels fans when we first heard of the elbow issues. It’s not awful news now. It’s actually great news because he has a chance to be healthy again in 2020, instead of becoming Garrett Richards, Tyler Skaggs, Matt Shoemaker and every other pitcher the Angels shoved towards PRP injections rather than getting them healthy. Did people really think pitching a guy was the answer to a torn UCL? Seriously, people thought this? Sad news that people are surprised by the least surprising thing since finding out taco diarrhea burns. This would be like a memo coming out of Nike headquarters that says something like, “This Kaepernick thing is great for business, who cares about the politics?” You mean a company is trying to sell products? Get out of here! You want seriously sad news? Ohtani and the Angels haven’t decided he will have Tommy John surgery yet. That’s sad! Maybe they’ll just let him be a hitter as he was yesterday (4-for-4, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and a double slam (17, 18) and legs (7) and mouth-to-mouth’d a baby chick back to life). A torn UCL hasn’t looked that good since LiAngelo Ball tried to get paid twice from selling one ripped jersey in China. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Top 100 Hitters, Week 19: The Play at Home Game!
August 12, 2018 | Top 100 Hitters | 15 Commentsby: Kerry Klug
I’m going to do something a little different this week. I wanted to do a fun little experiment to show how tricky it can be to rank 100 hitters every week. It can be tough to decide which statistic is more valuable in standard 5×5 leagues while also taking into account: age, injury history, lineup, previous performance, home stadium, position eligibility, splits, etc.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Matt Carpenter (up 36 spots): In his first 186 ABs: 23 runs, 7 HR, 21 RBI, .215 AVG. In his next 183 ABs: 47 runs, 19 HRs, 36 RBI, .339 AVG. End paragraph.
There’s a few guys every week who I’m keeping a close eye on who are on the cusp of making the Top 100 Hitters list. This week the guys on the bubble are: Mallex Smith, Kole Calhoun and Ian Kinsler. Smith is looking like everything we want Billy Hamilton to be. Like Hamilton, Smith had an eye-popping stolen base season in the minors (92 in 2014!) But Mallex is actually getting on base at a great rate (.357) this year, something Hamilton has sworn against. Mallex has all the speed of Hamilton and with opportunity could put together an amazing full season next year. I’m sure you already realized this, but Kole Calhoun was just the worst until the end of May. .162 batting average. That’s worse than some pitchers! Maybe — I don’t know. I’m pro-NL-DH. Haters gonna hate! Well Kole world got demoted and found the ghost of Babe Ruth while hitting for the Salt Lake Bees. (Beads?!) Since his return to The Los Angeles Trouts he’s hitting .302 with 27 runs, 13 HRs, 30 RBI and has even stolen 2 bases just for fun. If this pace keeps up, he’ll be rocketing up this list. Finally, Ian Kinsler has a pretty nice 20 game hot streak. He’s got 15 runs, 2 HRs, 10 RBI, 2 SBs, and a .347 AVG in that span. Now, put those numbers batting 6th behind Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi, J.D. Martinez, Xander Bogaerts and friends. His value just got a nice shot in the arm.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
First Friday after the trade deadline and we have a 14 game slate on FanDuel. Since my head’s still spinning like my 3 year old struggling to steer the bumper cars, we’ll get through these same faces in different places together. I’m pretty excited to see what Chris Archer can do with a fresh start in Pittsburgh. He comes in at a very reasonable $9,000, and faces a pretty righty heavy Cardinals team (could see 6 + the pitcher), that sports a bottom-third wOBA and wRC+ vs RHP. Let’s see what else this Friday slate brings us.
New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!
Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’ve got ourselves a pretty decent sized Thursday slate here on FanDuel tonight. Thursday always seems to be a bit hit or miss, but tonight is a hit. None of that four game slate stuff, that’s for the birds, we have a full nine games tonight and plenty of fun to be had. We have aces galore, GPP plays and the start of a four game Sawx vs. Yanks set. The only thing missing is a Coors field game. In lieu of that, let’s crack your favorite cold one and dive into some DFS picks. Thursday is the unofficial start of the weekend after all and what better way to get the weekend rolling then winning some cash?
New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!
Please, blog, may I have some more?When I left Jose Martinez off my Top 100 Hitter rankings earlier in the season people were calling for Grey to take my head. Well maybe this is why I was hesitant: Martinez hasn’t homered since June 30th. Oh wait, let me make that even more shocking — he hasn’t scored a run since June 30th. He also only has 1 XBH since June 30th. I like JMart, really I do. But we all need to pump our brakes on him. If he keeps up this “pace” — he’ll find himself just like Eric Hosmer off my Top 100 list and onto Chris Jericho’s list.
Cody Bellinger was enjoying a fine season until the end of June too. He had 49 runs, 16 HRs, 40 RBI and even 5 stolen bases with a .832 OPS. Like Martinez, Bellinger’s power has disappeared in this past month. He only has 1 HR and 4 RBI in 90 ABs.
You have to wonder if Max Muncy absorbed Bellinger’s power in some Space Jam Monstar style scheme. Bellinger and Martinez owners have to hope that Mike Trout beats the Monstars in Space Slam and gets Bellinger’s powers back. Or would it be Bryce Harper? Mike Trout apparently doesn’t use his personal marketing department enough.
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 100 Hitters, Week 16.5: Now and Then
July 22, 2018 | Top 100 Hitters | 17 Commentsby: Kerry Klug
I started writing this week’s top 100 hitters article the same way I do every week: on the balcony of my penthouse apartment inside One57 skyscraper on West 57th street overlooking Central Park. Sipping a tall glass of Chateau Lafite 1787 while my trained Tibetan Mastiff, Chanel rests her head on my lap. This is the type of lifestyle being a Razzball writer has afforded me.
In reality, I’m sitting on my second-hand couch in north Jersey catching up on this week’s episodes of Big Brother with my wife while drinking flat Mr. Pib as my cat walks across my lapto9oi[p9vgdvc12er2`q.
Perception and reality can change over time. Our perception of a certain player during our draft will become a completely different reality over the course of the season. Since there have only been one full day of games since my last rankings this week I’m going to post last week’s rankings and compare them with where I had them ranked at the beginning of week 1 to see where my perception and the player’s reality were at odds.
Please, blog, may I have some more?