I have an unpopular opinion, that I know will never fly. Pants with magnet buttons. Okay, I have another one: knock people over the head and when they wake, tell them they’re on Mars and film it. Like Survivor but more panicked. My final unpopular opinion, allow teams to forfeit. I know in today’s charged political climate it’s not cool to say anything bad about herbathrowdites, but hitters pitching is stupid. It’s okay for a quick laugh, but a team has obviously forfeited if they’re pitching Jace Peterson. Just let them throw a white flag, and call the game. Of course, this would be wildly unpopular with fans who paid a lot of money to see nine innings, but are people sticking around in a 19-3 game. I don’t know, maybe they are. So, yesterday, Xander Bogaerts (2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) collected his 100th RBI and 22nd homer. Just Dong Martinez (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 42nd, a number I thought was retired. Mookie Betts joined the 30/30 club (more on him after the jump). Blake Swihart went 3-for-8, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (6), inching closer to Buster Posey’s year-long homer total. Rafael Devers (5-for-8, 3 runs, 6 RBIs) stole the show, hitting his 20th and 21st homer. I’ve collected 1,000 praying mantises and joined them in a prayer circle that feels insectually correct, hoping Devers doesn’t push up his 2019 fantasy value in this final week. I talked a bit about this on the last podcast, but Devers is only 21 years old, and could easily be a middle of the order bat for the Red Sox next year. That’s very good, assuming every team they’re facing doesn’t forfeit. Or assuming every team does. I don’t know, let’s figure this out together! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mookie Betts – 2-for-2, 1 run and his 30th steal. Got a small chuckle today from ESPN saying Betts joined the rare 30/30 club. Not that they called it rare, it is rare nowadays. Also, of course, it’s rare for the Red Sox, it’s only their 2nd one in team history (and done in 126 less at-bats than their previous with Jacoby Ellsbury.) There’s also only four in history where the batter hit .333+. The chuckle came from the fact that 30/30 is now rare. I’d say around the year 1987, it became popular. Everyone was doing it. Even the hotel chain, Howard Johnson, did it. Take that, Ramada! Many years there was at least one player, most years from 1987 thru 2012 there were multiple players doing it. Sometimes, there were people doing 40/40! Then, it just disappeared. No 30/30 players since 2012. Everyone stopped running. Of course, this year, we already had Jo-Ram, and now Betts. I hope it’s no longer rare. Please vote this November for Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), he wants everyone to once again see with 30/30 vision.
Chris Sale – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA up to a whooping 2.11. Since I enjoy drama, I wanted Sale to finish with an ERA under 2 for the hot takes about his Cy Young bid. I guess some Sawx fans will argue for Sale over Snell for Cy Young even with their argument losing a little muster. Never underestimate a Sawx fan’s ability to argue.
Trey Mancini – 3-for-8, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 24th homer. Did not have a good year. Again with douchey one word sentences. Did. Not. Have. A. Good. Year. However (throw out the preceding sentences!), his home run yesterday was a gorgeous blast, that gave me a little glimmer of hope.
Renato Nunez – 2-for-7 and his 8th homer, and his 3rd homer in five games, hitting near-.500 in the last week, so, yes, hot schmotato alert!
Bryce Harper – 0-for-4, with the Nats scoring 9 runs. I had such a massive ticker tease with Harper yesterday. I was like, “Aw sookie, it’s his potential last home game ever for the Nats until they trade for him in 2028 for his final season when he’s 320 pounds but still has a good OBP. He must be having a huge game!” Well, yeah, if he changed his name to Victor Robles.
Victor Robles – 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (2). I know what you’re thinking, but I wouldn’t worry, I don’t think Robles is going to be high on many people’s radars next year. Ya know, besides people who read Razzball.
Randal Grichuk – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer. Grichuk is everyone’s potential March darling, who everyone forgets about by mid-April. If the groundhog sees its shadow, two extra weeks of Grichuk appearing better than anyone else on waivers.
Jose Peraza – 2-for-4 and his 14th homer, hitting .292. I don’t get the sense people are appreciating Peraza as much as they should be. Batman yell, “To the Player Rater, Robin!” This year Peraza has been as valuable as Xander Boagerts, a top ten shortstop.
Adalberto Mondesi – 2-for-5, 2 runs and 2 steals (28, 29). He was so bad last year, yet here we are. This is the best turn around after dumping a dad’s name since Angelina Voight.
Heath Fillmyer – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.26. Conspiracy Theory Alert! Fillmyer is really…Wil Myers! He stopped hitting, became a pitcher and did a shoddy name change. I think this theory has some merit.
Kevin Kiermaier – Has a hairline fracture in his foot. He succumbed to injury pointing out to his teammates how he hadn’t been injured in three days.
Tommy Pham – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 21st homer, hitting .346 on the Rays. Since his steals are down, he’s a little bit of a bust this year, but nowhere near where I envisioned. He put together a solid 2nd half, even after a fractured foot sounded like it was putting the kibosh on him. He turned kibosh into kielbasa.
Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.56. Because what really gets your juices percolating is what a guy does for me, Chacin’s streaming stats on my team were 53 2/3 IP with a 3.02 ERA and 1.08 WHIP. Thanks, Stream-o-Nator!
Corey Dickerson – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer. He didn’t homer much this year, but at one point, he homered in four straight games. Therefore, Co-Dick isn’t just the nickname of Siamese Twins, he could be a hot schmotato.
Jason Heyward – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Easy there, Heyward, save some for next year’s spring training.
A.J. Pollock – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. Not having a bad year, per se, French bistro, but he was moved down to the six hole and it feels overdue. It also feels like a slap in the face. How do you move a vet like Pollock down the order during the last week? Imagine Mike Trout was struggling–okay, bad example. Imagine Joey Votto was suddenly moved to the six hole in the last week on an eliminated team. It would be a serious dubya tee eff.
Matt Olson – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 29th homer. Allahson, your aim is true.
Marcus Semien – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Semien, your aim is true.
Felix Hernandez – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.55. Your AIM username is F-Her. Okay, I’m done.
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .283. Ohtani’s going to go from a consensus top 100 pick this year as a pitcher to a top 100 pick next year as a hitter. First time that’s happened since Babe Ruth. Back in the 1920’s though, half your league died of rubella at the draft.
Adrian Beltre – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer. Seems doubtful, but I hope he retires. Just tip your cap and say goodbye, so we can see what you have on your head that you don’t want anyone touching. Is it Faberge?
Jurickson Profar – 2-for-4, and his 20th homer. Here’s something funny that’s not funny at all. Profar will be drafted about 400 spots before Tyler Austin. Look at how many homers each has in how many at-bats.
David Dahl – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th of the season, and his 3rd homer in three games. This season Dahl’s having a fairy tale ending; the ball must look like a giant peach.
German Marquez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.76. He struck out eight to start the game to tie a major league record. He could’ve easily had the record, but Pivetta ruined it, like he ruins everything. The Exiled Nazi is going to be hard to stay away from next year, but I’ve made a strict no Rockies starters policy (that I will stop at the first sign of value).
Trevor Story – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 34th homer. You remember Kirk Gibson’s World Series home run trot, pumping his fist? Story’s gonna do that and lose his arm while pumping it.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer. Is it me or does it feel like Coors is finally playing like Coors?
Dansby Swanson – Has a partially torn ligament in his hand. He flew back to Atlanta to see a hand specialist who once operated on Hamburger Helper.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 28th homer. I’m not joking when I say if he hits 29 homers he will be at least three rounds later in drafts than if he hits 30. Even if you own him, root against him for our sake.
Jacob deGrom – 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.70. A moment of rejoicing for one of the best pitcher seasons in history. Everyone is hitting lasers over the fence; everyone is launching their angles. DeGrom is like… *wipes dandruff off shoulder* No problem. 217 IP and 269 Ks with a ridiculous 1.70 ERA and a 0.91 WHIP. He should’ve won 30 games this year, but the Mets are gonna Mets. Now a moment of silence because if he got one more out he would’ve ended the year with a 1.69 ERA. Damn, so close!
Tyler Austin – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Yes, better than Greg Bird. Literally anyone is better than Greg Bird. Big Bird is better than Greg Bird. However, this knocked my socks off and I was wearing flip-flops, so I now look less like I should be waiting in line for bread. Austin’s HR/AB is a little over 13, about that of J.D. Martinez.
Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 32nd homer. He homered off someone named R. Burr. I’m not going to open his player page, but rather assume he homered off Perry Mason. The White Sox opened with Fry, Bummer, Burr. That sounds like the three stages of grief walking through a fast food drive-thru. “Give me a Fry….You don’t have any? Bummer. I’m cold. Burr.”
Shane Bieber – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.55. Not sure how all of these innings on his arm are going to translate to next year. My Verducci Rosetta Stone is in the mail.
Jose Abreu – Has been shut down due to his ingrown hair on his thigh. The official name of the conditions is manscaperitis ugotsajungledownthere. Doctors are saying he needs to have the ingrown hair plucked, so they’re currently at a head shop buying a roach clip.