O Lourdes’, Yuli, give us the strength to win our final head-to-head match ups. Give us enough power to steal back those roto cats. Oh great and wise fantasy Lourdes…and Yuli, I know you can help us! Friday night baseball’s Gurriel brothers, Lourdes of the Blue Jays and Yuli of the Astros, each hit two home runs. You go, Gurriels! It was the first time in MLB history brothers had multi home run games on the same night or something, don’t quote me on that google it. Joe and Dom? Sandy and Roberto? So jelly right now! Sounds like a great STUMP trivia question in five years we’ll never remember the answer to. Honestly though, these are the kind of family-centric stories baseball needs right now! With these look-at-me showboating young guns and their home run trots, and their fortnite dances and their neon cleats and their racist tweets. They’re disrespecting the game! Anyway, Yuli Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (12), 7 RBI) is likely already owned in most leagues you have any chance of winning at this point but little brother Lourdes Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (11)) is still available in over 90% of leagues and he’s hitting .400 with three homers and seven RBI in the past week. Lourdes have mercy! more like it. What is your MI doing? If the Lourdes is doing better grab him while he’s hot! Dude’s got a brother in the big leagues–that’s called pedigree, my fake internet friends. Justin and Melvin Upton the ball is in your court. Wait is Melvin still in the league? Doesn’t matter. It’s not stopping Stephen and J.D., who I hear are already planning a comeback for the record! Only the good Lourdes can save us then.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Josh Donaldson – 2-for-5, HR (7). If you held him all year you’re probably not reading this anymore because he tanked your season so hard I’m not really sure you’ll EVER get this message but if you do you should probably just check out our excellent fantasy football or fantasy basketball coverage and you can tl;dr the rest of this post. Hey, that goes for you too, people who are still reading!
Yan Gomes – 3-for-4, HR (15), 2 RBI. He only plays like three days a week and I still feel like he’s more valuable than my catcher, who I couldn’t name if you put a gun to my head. But honestly, if you’re threatening me with that kind of violence over who my catcher is I think you’re taking this fantasy thing too seriously.
Tzu-Wei Lin – 2-for-5, 2 runs, HR (1), 2 RBI. Sam Travis also had 2 hits and his first career home run. The Red Sox rolled out a B-Squad for this one which is really helpful for those of us still fighting in fantasy playoffs and require our stars to play. No, please play Mooookie, Alex! He is my fire. My flame. I neeed him!
Rafael Devers – 2-for-5, HR (18), 2 RBI. I’m hoping Devers has a quiet playoffs so I still have a chance to draft him next year.
Chris Sale – 3.1 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 7 K to add to his 229/33 K/BB. If I owned Chris Sale I’d be upset that he’s being used like a Rays “opener” when I need him to be complete-game-shutout Sale. But I’ll take the 7 Ks and just assume he’ll never go over four innings again.
Trevor Bauer – 1.1 IP, 2 hits, BB, K. Trev’s “opener” didn’t go nearly as smoothly as Sale’s but it was his first outing back from a leg injury and it was the Red Sox. He’ll pitch again Tuesday in Chicago and if you’re looking for wins it might be time to move on from Bauer until you way overdraft him next year.
Shane Bieber – 4.2 IP, 8 hits, 6 ER, 2 BB, K. Now that he’s moved on from Selena and has Hailey Baldwin by his side, time for you to move on from Bieber. He’s not starting anymore: it’s a No Brainer.
Francisco Liriano – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 2 BB, 4 K. His third straight quality start and he’s been solid in the final month of the year. Tasty streamer, did you say? He gets the Tigers next week and I could see perhaps considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially streaming him.
Wei-Yin Chen – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 8 K. Chen holds a 1.62 ERA at home versus 9.29 ERA on the road! Woah! Bienvenidos a Miami! As for his next start, it’s in Washington so you can drop him now.
Luis Castillo – 8.1 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, BB, 5 K. Luis’ really turned it on in September (3 wins, 1.09 ERA, 34/8 K/BB, .172 BAA) but his overall stats are still ugly enough that we should all still be able to get some discounted Castillo on draft day in March.
Austin Meadows – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBI, SB (1). Replaced the injured Ji-Man Choi who is currently day-to-day. Love me some Austin Meadows. They are the best kind of Meadows after sun-soaked, flowery, lush and dew-dropped. Unfortunately, he has about three other outfielders in front of him on the depth chart so getting playing time could be tough in the final week, but Choi’s injury might open up an opportunity for Meadows to blossum again.
Sean Reid-Foley – 4.0 IP, 6 hit, 2 ER, 4 BB, 5 K. Nope. It’s too late in the season to be gambling on rookies like Reid-Foley. I need wins right now not strikeout upside. Next year though? Totally different mindset.
Cedric Mullins – 2-for-4, 3 runs, SB (2). I saw Mullins leading off for the O’s last week and decided not to mention him because Baltimore’s baseball team makes me sad and even proximity ownership of Orioles is bad juju. Still, Cedric is leading off for this sad sack crew and he’s hitting almost .400 with 5 runs scored a homer and 2 steals in the past week. He’s like the only Oriole outside Villar who has something to play for. I could see adding him if I hated myself!
Aaron Hicks – 2-for-3, 4 runs, 2-run HR (25). So which outfielder gets the boot with Harper headed to NYC City this offseason: Gardner or Hicks? Is Gardner the obvious odd-man out? Regardless, I hope you enjoyed owning Hicks this year because he’ll be way too expensive for you to own him next year.
Didi Gregorius – 1-for-4, 2-run HR (27).DI-DI! Do you loooove me? I guess you do now! Cause you’re hitting all these home runs…yeah! He’s on pace to set careers highs in runs, homers and RBIs yet everyone still hates on him. It’s cause he’ll never be Jeter, huh?
Luke Voit – 1-for-4, 2 RBI. Hitting .368 with 3 homers and 7 RBI in the past week! Enter the Voit before it closes!
Jonathan Villar – 2-for-5, RBI, SB (16). The power has slowed down but he’s stealing Ezz Bees on the reg bass (that’s regular basis). When you have to explain your abbrev, it’s probably not a very good one. Remember what I said about owning Orioles. Villar doesn’t count because he’ll be THE Oriole to draft in 2019. It’s multiple orioles you want to stay away from.
Jacob deGrom – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 8 K, 9th win. The 1.77 ERA and 0.94 WHIP are stuff of legends, as is in the opening day line up the Mets put together to support him. The 259 strikeouts is also a very big number. They should probably shut him down, just because I want to see a Cy Young with less than ten wins, but he’ll get his last chance at double digits on Thursday versus Atlanta. Don’t blow this for him Mets!
Jay Bruce – 2-for-4, run, 2 RBI. I told you to grab him last week and I’m just happy he didn’t go 0-for-24 since my recommendation.
Reynaldo Lopez – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 8 K, 7th win. Carlos Rodon? Michael Kopech? Lucas Giolito? No, no I’m sorry Reynaldo Lopez is the answer we were looking for as the Chicago pitcher to own in September. ReyLo has a 1.13 ERA, 0.83 WHIP and 43/9 K/BB in the past 30 days! Flames! AND! AND! Also, his overall stats still suck enough that we can all probably draft him cheap next spring. I’m starting to feel like I’m repeating myself. Do you view all players as just a draft value dollar sign? No, of course not, there are a whole lot of players that aren’t even draftable.
Jose Quintana – 5.0 IP, 9 hits, 5 ER, 8 K, 11th loss. There’s only one pitcher in Chicago to own right now and that’s ReyLo! Ain’t it funny!
Daniel Murphy – 3-for-5, 2 runs, HR (12) his second in the past week. Murph is productive everywhere he goes, he just has to be traded to a new team every two years.
Daniel Palka – 1-for-3, HR (27), 2 RBI. BUY. The ChiSox scored 10 runs on 19 hits in this one with three hit games from Yoan Moncada, Ryan LaMarre and Welington Castillo but it was Palka’s pinch hit homer that the fans are still talking about. Palka has five home runs in the past five games and was a MEGA BUY this week, which means he was the lede. Pick him up! What are you waiting for, you’re gonna lose this thing without Palka!
Gerrit Cole – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 12 K, 15th win. 272 strikeouts and leads teammate Justin Verlander by three. You remember the wager right, Justin? Winner receives Kate Upton’s eternal devotion, but you can keep the baby.
Andrew Heaney – 3.0 IP, 5 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB, 5 K. I’m sorry if he burned you but what about his history this year made you think it was a good idea to start him in Houston.
Mike Trout – 1-for-4, HR (37). Mike Trout loves his fantasy owners. While my best player has taken two days off this week, Trout has hit four homers in five days and stole a base. I know I’ve said this before but, I’m sorry how the Mookie stuff played out Michael but I still have strong feelings for you and I care about you very much. Please stop homering against my team.
George Springer – 1-for-4, HR (21), 3 RBI. Outside of Bregman owning the Astros this year has been hit-or-miss which is strange considering they lead the league in most of the advanced offensive statsas a team. They score more runs this year than they did last year, and outscore their opponents by almost 2 runs more a game. In other words, the offense is better but the fantasy players aren’t.
Nick Pivetta – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 4 K. I think I got out of my Pivetta ownership relatively unscathed, and now its time to move on and probably forget I don’t want to draft him next year.
Carlos Martinez – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 K, SV (4). I wish you were closing all year and you will probably be on all my teams next year. See you then!
Adrian Beltre – 2-for-3, HR (12), 5 RBI. Has now homered in back-to-back games and he is certainly picking a funny time to get hot. Anyone who drafted Beltre is certainly out of contention at this point. You can do better next year. Come visit me at the church and I can help you live the life you really wanted through Dianetics!
Joey Gallo – 1-for-1, HR (38), 2 RBI. If Tejas had a halfway decent line up Gallo could have a 110+ RBI season! He’s also one of maybe five guys who is a lock for 40+ homers. Whata star! Wait–his batting average is whatnow? That low, huh? Welp.
Travis Shaw – 1-for-2, HR (3), 2 RBI. Shove that dinger in your fat face, Schoop!
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-5, HR (27), 2 RBI. His sixth homer as a Brewer and I feel like I’ve mentioned him every week since I covered the trade so maybe he’s only homering on Friday. Can we have someone check that? Interns? Oh, everyone left for the off season.
Corey Dickerson 2-for-4, HR (12), 2 RBI. Doesn’t play against lefties but he’s hitting .421 over the past week has a tendency to get hotter than a brave red maiden so I could see adding him as DFS play in the right match ups!
Enrique Hernandez – 2-for-4, HR (21). Keke plays as Muncy and Bellinger and Joc and Taylor and all those players you really need to play right now do not start because Dave Roberts is a slave to “the match ups.” I especially liked how Puig sat for two games straight after homering five times in his previous four. The Dodgers deserve to miss the playoffs, but I hope they don’t but I think this team might be really good with just a 25 man roster.
Francisco Cervelli – Left the game with gastrointestinal discomfort. @turdburglar strikes again!
Khris Davis – 2-for-5, 2 HR (45), 3 RBI. THE POWER OF KHRIS COMPELS ME! THE POWER OF KHRIS COMPELS ME! The 45 homers is a career high for Kish and a league high for all the players. I hope Oakland wins the world series with no starting pitchers and just Khris the Dish hitting bombs. Tbh (the “H” stands for handsome) if any team could make this “opener” system work wonder it’s the A’s. Would you rather see Edwin Jackson start game one or dot dot dot..Fernando Rodney!? Make it happen, Brad Pitt!
German Marquez – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 11 K, 13th win. He’s been the Roxx ace since the beginning of August. His 210 strikeouts put him on pace to break the record for a Rockies pitcher and in his past five starts, he’s got a 50/5 K/BB! Sweet sassy molassy! Danke schoen, German! Ach tung! With Kyle Freeland and Marquez both being highly valuable this season even at Coors, is this is the year of the Rockies pitcher? Is it crazy to make it my mission to own Marquez in all leagues next year? Yes it is. Altitude be damned it’s gonna be a total schadenfreude in 2019!
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Good luck in your final week–I hope all our teams win equally!