Please see our player page for Cole Hamels to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Tommy Edman continued his hot hitting Friday night going 2-for-4 with his sixth and seventh home runs and 3 RBI. Have a day, rook! He’s now batting .344 with 8 runs, 2 home runs, 4 RBI and two steals in the past week. *Pro tip* that will help your fantasy team! Tommy Boy struggled a bit to adjust after his initial call up but he hit .308 in August and seems to be have locked down the starting third baseman job in St. Louis. The Cardinals sit atop the NL Central with a 2.5 game lead and Edman could be a big reason why. Of the Cards starters, only Kolten Wong is hitting for a higher average and that could be the craziest sentence I’ve written all season. Did I mention that one of Edman’s shots pegged a Pittsburgh fan right in the groin? Lol! Take that you smug, yinzer! So pleased with yourselves regarding all this Antonio Brown drama. Smh. A home run ball right in the crotch should take you down a few pegs. So, are you convinced yet? Edman steals bases, he hits dingers, he’s eligible at multiple positions, he hits for average and he even knows how to stick it to Steelers nation. Did I mention he has a three game series at Coors starting on Tuesday? Yes, please! I’d add Edman everywhere I needed some speed with some pop and he could be a good addition to any team who’s in need of a solid bat for the rest of the season.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Labor Day, everyone! Today, we celebrate all of those mothers who are in labor giving birth to us, so put your legs up, grunt real hard and scream at a loved one that they are a “bastard” or a “weasel-d*cked moron who isn’t even the real father.” You’ve earned this day, male or female, though I’m not sure how men earned a Labor Day. Do I have this celebration right? Any hoo! People acting like Justin Verlander‘s 3rd no-hitter was stamping his ticket to Cooperstown are hilarious. He was a lock for the Hall of Fame when he posed nude in the mirror with Kate Upton. Yesterday’s butter:  9 IP, 0 ER, 1 walk, 14 Ks, ERA at 2.56 is just another example of the legacy of one of the greatest pitchers ever. Everyone should stop to watch a Verlander game. That’s a ‘stop to smell the roses’ request because you deserve something as glorious as seeing Verlander throw a baseball. This is a request for you to live your life, not like you’re in labor with your feet in stirrups, but like your feet are on the ground and you’re reaching for the stars. Okay, now I’m just misquoting Casey Kasem. For 2020 and beyond, Verlander is an ace until he shows he no longer is, and I’m thankful for every one of his pitches that I’ve never owned on a fantasy team (eff me). Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before Charlie Morton (4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.11) threw one pitch yesterday, the Astros greeted him with a highlight reel of some of Morton’s greatest Astros moments. Like the clip of him burning his Pirates jersey. And the clip of him pitching relatively solid for about 150 IP, then hitting a wall and never getting through a whole season. There wasn’t a dry eye in the stadium, especially on the Rays’ bench. I told you to sell Morton last month because he can’t ever complete a season. Any hoo! Morton seems headed for a 3-minute bread beep as he becomes toast, but this is about how the Astros hit multiple balls into orbit, which is also the name of their mascot’s scooch hole. Yordan Alvarez (3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs, hitting .329) hit his 20th and 21st homer in *hand-clapping emoji* 60 *hand-clapping emoji* games. Actually, stop and hand-clap emoji for a few minutes he’s such a thing of beauty. In total sincerity, if you haven’t seen him hit, go watch a clip. I see him hit homers and I’m puzzled, asking myself, “How does he not hit more homers?” And he hits a lot of homers!  That’s how gorgeous his swing and ease-to-pop appears. For 2020, I’m going to fight with myself to not put him in the top 20, and I might lose. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No Doubt

Name Team 1st Opp. 2nd Opp.
Shane Bieber CLE @NYM KC
Clayton Kershaw LAD TOR NYY

For the second straight year, the Topps card company struggled to remember which Bieber plays baseball and which one is a pop star. At least Shane seems to take it all in stride, just look at his uniform from last year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yacht Rock has polluted my brain. I’m singing Bertie Higgins, dressed like Thurston Howell, III, and wearing deodorant that smells like Pina Colada. And the most frightening aspect of the previous sentence is only one of those statements is make-believe!  Cougs figured since I like blended, virgin pineapple drinks it would be a good idea to buy me Pina Colada-scented Suave deodorant. I walk around all day wanting to lick my armpits! I’m damaged! Even more upsetting, I don’t own Xander Bogaerts (3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 26th and 27th homer, hitting .308) or Rafael Devers (2-for-4, 2 runs, 25th homer, hitting .327) in any meaningful way. (I own Bogaerts in one league, but it’s my worst league, so it doesn’t matter.)  I briefly mentioned this yesterday, but last year Betts and Martinez put fantasy owners on their backs (no easy feat for some of you), and this year it’s been all Bogaerts and Devers. On our Player Rater, both guys are top ten for the season (Acuña reached the mountaintop, by the by). Incredibly, neither guy has been lucky. Bogaerts upped his walks; has a BABIP in line with career norms; held all batted ball profile marks from previous years, except raised his launch angle and fly ball rate just a tad. Bingo-bango-Bogaerts! Devers’s numbers are new from him at the major league level, but nothing jumps out as a career year and he’s only 22 years old.  Both guys will and should be highly ranked next year. Now, excuse me, while I go lick my armpits. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A reporter, ducked behind chairs, yells at Aaron Sanchez at his no-hitter, post-game press conference. All we hear is the reporter’s disembodied voice, “Isn’t it true your four-seam spin rate went from 2,300 rpm to 2,565 rpm overnight?” Some reporters move out of the way for the reporter, who is crouched behind the chairs. One reporter recognizes him, asking, “Trevor Bauer, is that you?” What are the Astros feeding their pitchers? Pine tar and they’re being told to eat with their hands. Aaron Sanchez (6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.76) had a 6.07 ERA before this game! I get it, it was the Mariners, but this is crazy. Sanchez wasn’t usable at all in Toronto.  The Astros’ coaching vs. cheating argument:  Sanchez did kibosh his sinker, which was by far his worst pitch. Could it have been that easy?  How could the Jays not figure this out?  I could’ve figured this out!  I guess Sanchez’s worth the flier. If he’s fixed, he’s too valuable to ignore. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball says that if I put a baseball card of a player I own in a Dreamcatcher and put the Dreamcatcher under my pillow while I’m sleeping then *gulps* then the Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball will come in the middle of the night and give my player a Quality Start.  So…*bashfully looks down*..I put Chris Paddack‘s baseball card under my pillow and I’VE BEEN A GOOD BOY!  Holy Hayzeus Lazarus and Pontius, Inventor of Pilates, I had a good start! Yesterday, Chris Paddack went 7 2/3 IP, 1 hit, 1 walk, 1 ER and 8 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.70.  Please throw 170 more innings this year!  “Don’t be greedy,” interrupts Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball.  “Hey, Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball, you sound like a spot remover.”  “Just for that, I’m pushing Marquez back so he starts at Coors next!  Muahahaha!”  So, Paddack had a great start, which tacks onto his season of more-than-we-could’ve-hoped-for.  He currently ranks 25th for xFIP; 23rd for K/9 and 13th for walk rate.  And he’s in Petco for his home starts!  Happy to be the Mohel at his Star Mitzvah.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Leonys Martin was designated for assignment.  His assignment is to go back in time and impress 2016 Grey less, so he doesn’t write a sleeper post about him.  On Saturday, Indians were saying Martin’s DFA’ing is more to do with Mercado getting a boost of confidence vs. Bobby Bradley getting promoted, and the Indians were lying.  Bobby Bradley was called up on Sunday. Fun fact!  After Bobby Brady lost a pie-eating contest, his father Mike told him to take the L like a man and disowned him, so he briefly went by Bobby Bradley. Bradley has 24 HRs in 67 games, hitting .292, but has some Ks, so the average could come down, but the power is not going anywhere since the majors are using a SuperBall. As Prospect Mike said yesterday in his Bobby Bradley fantasy, even with the balls stuck with Capri Sun straws, dripping juice, Bradley could still hit 20 homers the rest of the way and every fantasy team could use him.  I tried to grab him in every league, but was too slow.  Don’t worry, I just did two lines of coke to avoid that ever happening again, but now my nose is dripping with a secret formula of caramel flavoring.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jordan Yamamoto (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.00) is the 1st pitcher to begin a career with back-to-back outings of 7+ scoreless while allowing three or fewer hits in the modern era.  The modern era meaning from 1908, not from 2017 until now when baseballs were filled with helium, which caused Party City stores to close nationwide.  This is exactly what everyone expected when the Marlins called up an 89-MPH fastball that was flame-retardant.  “How fast does he throw?”  A scout recently said to another scout who was holding a speed gun.  “I’ll tell you when the ball passes the plate.”  The scout sticks chew in his mouth, scratches his sweaty armpit, then, finally, “89-ish?  Maybe.  I might’ve just been taking a reading of that bird that flew overhead.”  This goes back to my recently prophesied conspiracy theory that I introduced the other day regarding Zack Greinke.  When everyone is throwing fast, it actually keeps hitters off-balance to throw slow.  The Slow Pitch Theorized Conspiracy for Hardball (SPITCH) is fully realized now that it has an acronym.  If you’re willing to gamble a bit, I could see grabbing Yamamoto in any league to see if he can keep it going. This could also hurt Zac Gallen’s chances of a promotion, and I don’t know who gets bumped for Caleb Smith.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Padres sent Chris Paddack down to Single-A to limit his innings. When Nick Margevicius heard the news, he said, “Damn, guess I’ll be limited too.” Padres, “Nah, you good, throw 270 IP if you can.”  Paddack being sent down to the minors feels like an encapsulation of all that’s wrong with baseball.  Or at least that element.  That whole manipulation of young players element.  Paddack won’t pitch in Single-A.  He’s going for a rest.  A vacay, of sorts.  A little ‘how’s your father’ in Lake Elisnore at the House of Alfredo Griffindoor. He has to be back in 20 days (due to service time), and he will be. My guess is in two weeks.  Why any team thinks it’s better to shut down a guy early and start them up again vs. shut them down in August is beyond me. Member how well that helped Julio Urias? He needed surgery to correct things. To put it in laymen’s terms, shut down your car in the dead of winter and restart it or leave it running while you run into CVS?  Okay, maybe the Consumer Value Store scenario depends on some of your janky neighborhoods, but you catch the drift.  Either way, I’m trying to hold Paddack in most leagues; he’ll likely only miss three starts.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?