Our long national nightmare is over (except for the actual long national nightmare that isn’t over — sigh, to be a person with parenthetical blindness and not have to read this caveat)! We did it, boys and five girl readers. We f*cking did it! Not us, per se. We didn’t do shizz, except draft some baseball players for fantasy. But, ya know what, that’s enough for me! See, with lowered goals and expectations, you’re never disappointed. It’s a zen thing; you wouldn’t understand. It was a mere nine months ago when we started talking about sleepers and rankings and…How old am I now?

Well, whatever, baseball is back and that’s all that matter. Singing like an absolute loon, “Baseball’s back and I want to get married — hey nah, hey nah — baseball’s back!” And, now in my mind, I’m married to Giancarlo Stanton. Ask yourself why you didn’t send us a wedding gift. Selfish much? Of course, Opening Day couldn’t have happened in any other way in 2020. It had to be met with cold-ass reality, which why Juan Soto tested positive for Covid. It sucks, Mr. Obvious said, but it’s also a reminder of what this year will be. It’s going to be waiver wire pickups, the Streamonator, the Hittertron and playing of matchups. If you’re curious and want to torture yourself, Juan Soto fell to 179th overall in the final 2020 preseason rankings. Stepping in to replace Juan Soto will be Andrew Stevenson, the James Spader of replacements. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Emilio Bonifacio – Made the Nats’ team. So nice to see Emily Goodface again, I thought she retired to Amherst and opened an artisanal olive oil shop.

Austin Voth – Will open season as the Nats’ 5th starter. I’ll tell ya what after saying “I’ll tell ya what,” I’m having a hard time getting excited about any 5th starters. If they get skipped and get eight-ish starts this year, I’m more interested in streaming.

Max Scherzer – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 11 Ks. I am not a pitching coach. I actually turned off Real Sports when Trevor Bauer started talking about grips and shizz. Hows’ever, Scherzer was either A) Not finishing his pitches. B) Trying to avoid injuring his back, which will injure his back. C) There’s no C. It didn’t look like the Scherzer of old, or, simply, he got old. It happens. I hear. This year pitching is going to be a mess, and I don’t want to oversimplify Scherzer’s next 11 starts into just his first, but he looked like a top 20 starter vs. a top three.

Adam Eaton – 1-for-2 and his 1st homer. He also just missed a 2nd homer. Could he…could we…do I just say it…? Eaton’s chowing down a hot schmotato!

DJ LeMahieu – Was activated from the IL, but didn’t start. By the by, as you likely heard, there’s gonna be expanded playoffs. More teams in the playoffs means more teams resting guys at the end of September, when there’s already very few projected ABs and IP. It’s not great for fantasy. In real life, I love it, more baseball, gimme gimme gimme.

Gerrit Cole – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 5 Ks. Gerrit Cole really kept the crowd out of this game.

Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. During the lightning storm that ended the game early, it was a little hairy, me guiding that hang-glider over the stadium, but to look down, for only a brief second, at Giancarlo’s pectorals, it was all worth it. Please, you absolute Greek God of muscles, stay healthy.

Aaron Judge – 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI. I also just avoided banging my knee hang-gliding over Judge’s head. I *pinkie to mouth* misjudged.

Clayton Kershaw – Hit the IL with back stiffness. Which gave me front stiffness for his replacement, The Giant Carrot…

Dustin May – 4 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, as he started in place of Clayton Kershaw. May was originally optioned to the alternate training site where human-sized rabbits salivated for The Giant Carrot, but not today human-sized rabbits! I originally had Dustin May tangentially mentioned in this afternoon’s Buy column, but removed him because he’s here now and he’s gorgeous! (Also, the Buy column was released yesterday to our Patreons. It will be released a day early all year in our Patreon, and there’s an extra weekly podcast for Patreons.)

Austin Barnes – 0-for-4, 1 RBI, as he started over Will Smith. Dave Roberts said, and I am laughing as I type this, he doesn’t want to overwork the youngster, Smith. Dude, there’s 60 games this year, and this was Opening Day!

Enrique Hernandez – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 1st homer. Damn! I was looking at him, but I went with another random streamer like Donovan Solano (0-for-1) who didn’t start. Also, not starting, was Chris Taylor, hero of Summer Camp — Hero of Summer Camp sounds like a bad movie with Sean Astin. So, I don’t know which way Dave Roberts is going between Hernandez and Taylor, but whichever is starting is worth streaming because of the lineup.

Mookie Betts – 1-for-5, 1 run. That’s one hit every $365 million. What a joke!

Johnny Cueto – 4 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Cueto looked good in this start–Oh, who am I kidding? He looked fine! I was just happy to see baseball, and dreaming about buying cutouts. I want fan cutouts so bad! Anyone want to go halfsie with me, I want to get J. Lo and Ben Affleck cutouts just to mess with A-Rod. Or how about Andre the Giant cutouts? A cutout with Larry King sleeping in Mary Hart’s lap? I’m about to sell my house for fan cutouts!

Tyler Rogers – 2/3 IP, 4 ER. Is he the closer? Then Kazaam! A mere 48 hours ago I was so happy about winning a Tyler Rogers FAAB bid. 48-Hour-Ago Grey is an absolute idiot.

Edward Olivares – Made the Padres. Went over him in my Franchy Cordero trade recap, i.e., I let my Franch flag fly.

Yonder Alonso – Optioned to alternate training site. Guess the Braves got Matt Adams and were over Yonder. *insert yodeling*

Cole Hamels – Hit the 45-day IL. That puts him in line to pitch two-thirds of an inning on September 24th.

Kyle Wright – Assigned to be Braves’ 5th starter. I own him in Tout Wars (12-team, NL-Only), so this isn’t for everyone. He works around 95 MPH on the speedball, and throws a slider a lot for good reason, it’s solid pitch — could be a 8.5 K/9, 3.50 BB/9, low-4 ERA guy. In shallow leagues, I’d wait and see.

Anthony DeSclafani – Hit the IL with a mild “right teres major strain.” Make up your mind, DeSclafani’s body! Are you minor or major? DeSclafani says it’s a small issue, and might only miss one start. It does heat up the T. Mahle. Ay caramba!

Drew Butera – Will open the season as the Rockies’ 3rd catcher behind Elias Diaz, who is behind Tony Wolters. That is one giant crapfecta!

Brendan Rodgers – Optioned to alternate training site and Bud Black said, “Would love to get Rodgers playing time before he’s 35 years old, but no promises.”

Eduardo Rodriguez – Shut down due to minor complications with Covid. Hopefully he’s okay, and much better than how the Red Sox rotation looks without him.

Roberto Osuna – Is on the Astros’ Re-Opening Day roster so Ryan Pressly, while in this afternoon’s Buy, may have a very short stint as the closer. That is the first time ‘short’ and ‘Astros’ have appeared in same sentence without an Altuve mention.

Brad Peacock – Hit the IL with shoulder soreness. Ironically, losing Peacock is a major blow for the Astros. Because of the cheating, it’s a limb filled with Dodgers fans, but the Astros aren’t going to be very good this year, and it 100% has nothing to do with being unable to cheat.

Jake Fraley – Optioned to alternate training site where he will do shake weights, Jane Fonda workouts and other alternative training methods.

John Means – Hit the IL with arm fatigue. It’s pronounced fah-tee-gay — it’s Italian!

Hunter Harvey – Hit the IL with elbow soreness. “Is Dustin May a giant carrot?” That’s Harvey licking his lips.

Jake OdorizziTwins defined Odorizzi’s back pain as a right intercostal strain, which seems a ton more ominous. Odorizzi…Ominous…Odorous? Yup, exactly.

Yoan Moncada – Activated from the IL. In our Razzball staff picks, I chose Jose Abreu for MVP, but I wasn’t sure if Moncada would be ready when I made the pick. I could’ve easily chose Moncada for MVP, and I have Luis Robert for ROY (of course) and Giolito for Cy Young, can you tell who I think is going to the playoffs?

Zack Collins – Made the White Sox roster as a backup…Well, every position, including catcher. Won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but in AL-only or Zack-Only leagues, Collins could be sneaky power.

Kevin Cron – Made the team, but, sadly, he’s on the weak-side of the platoon. I wonder if the Cron brothers ever get together and fight for shotgun in a car, only to realize no one is driving.

Michael Fulmer – Activated from the IL after undergoing Tommy John surgery. He missed three months–Wait, he didn’t miss any time. Hey, nice timing on that surgery, Fulms! Any hoo! He’ll be used as an Opener for now and has no real value yet.

Jordy Mercer – Made the Tigers team. Find someone to love like cheap-ass teams love signing Jordy Mercer as a utility guy.

Brendan McKay – Assigned to the alternate training site. Serious question, has there been any talk about him being a herbathrowdite this year? I haven’t heard a thing.

Bradley Zimmer – Made the MLB roster, i.e., the Indians are composing a team that is not sans Zimmer.

James Karinchak – Made the major league roster. Karinchak is the only good Karen.

 
  1. LenFuego says:
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    Ahhhhhh, the first daily notes column of the season … like putting on an old favorite comfy pair of slippers. Best line: “That is one giant crapfecta!” [of Rockies catchers].

    Welcome back, baseball. And welcome back, fantasy baseballers (<— Grey's mother's term).

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, thanks! Good to see you!

      • LaRockakis says:
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        No, the best line was “back stiffness gave me front stiffness.” Made me actually lmao and now it is hard to sit down.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, thanks!

  2. Member Berries says:
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    I knew you’d get excited for Giancarlo but how could you not lead with Kike’s glorious mustache that propelled him to the #1 fantasy player of 2020?

    Austin Barnes should be a bench coach…

    Watching Cueto throw is hilarious. Dustin May is naaasssssty. Kershaw had two new commercials – maybe he was out filming a 3rd

    So 2020 to get late July rain for the opening game and always a good idea to get an old man to throw the first pitch! Glad we finally got recap Grey though.

    • Member Berries says:
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      Forgot to mention, I literally laughed out loud when I saw the Giants opening day roster. I follow baseball pretty close but I had never heard of Heineman andJoe McCarthy – I hope he doesnt accuse… nevermind

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Yeah, Heineman bc Joey Bart isn’t ready, but will be ready in 6 more days

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I couldn’t believe when Eduardo Perez started ragging on Kike’s stache. Good thing he back pedaled on that pretty quickly.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Forget to mention the mustache, and for that I will bear unbelievable shame

      Kershaw in a suit of armor with a bad back — mmkay

  3. galica says:
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    Grey!!!

    Holy crap, amazing report!

    a. Sign up Kike for my utility? I have Braun there currently.

    b. MLB quote of the day for July 24, 2020.

    ‘Fact is, I’ve got so much speed today, I’ll burn the catcher’s glove up if I don’t do something.’
    [To a teammate when he poured a bucket of ice water over his pitching arm before a game.]

    George Edward Waddell, aka Rube.

    Some quotes about this rube.

    Connie Mack, owner of the Athletics

    Mack described Waddell as “the atom bomb of baseball long before the atom bomb was discovered.”

    Baseball historian, Lee Allen

    Waddell began the 1903 season sleeping in a firehouse at Camden, New Jersey, and ended it tending bar in a saloon in Wheeling, West Virginia. In between those events, he won 22 games for the Philadelphia Athletics; toured the nation in a vaudeville play called The Stain of Guilt; courted, married, and became separated from May Wynne Skinner of Lynn, Massachusetts; saved a woman from drowning; accidentally shot a friend through the hand; and was bitten by a lion.

    Waddell still holds the AL single-season strikeout record for LHP at 349 Ks.

    His 162-game average.

    18-13, 2.16 ERA, 31 GS, 24 CG, 270 IP, 224 H, 97 R, 65 ER, 73 BB, 211 K, 135 ERA+, 2.03 FIP, 1.102 WHIP, 0.1 HR9 (!!), 2.88 K/BB

    His 1904 season….

    25-19, 1.62 ERA, 46 GS, 39 CG, 8 shutouts, 383 IP, 307 H, 109 R, 69 ER, 91 BB, 349 K, 167 ERA+, 1.59 FIP, 1.039 WHIP, 3.84 K/BB. His 1905 season was also very good as were his years with the Athletics as a whole.

    We need a Rube Waddell for the corona 2020 timeline.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • bigbear says:
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      Rube! He also won the triple crown for pitchers in 1905. The great Cy Young ducked pitching against him toward the end of the season. Then Rube mysteriously missed the playoffs… injury or bribed by gamblers?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Donkey Breath sends her best

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks!

      A. Nah

      B. We need more Rubes!

  4. Harley Earl says:
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    Hey Grey,

    Got this trade offer in a dynasty league. I’m a contender, although I rank more around #4 to #6, while he’s in rebuilding mode. Unsure about making a big trade in a 60-game season when I’d be trading a lot of my future for the here and now. Winning a 60-game title doesn’t even matter to me. But year 2021 does matter to me. So here’s the offer:

    I get: Jose Ramirez.

    He gets: Julio Rodriguez & Luis Patino.

    So it’s two top prospects for an established star. But this isn’t a one-year league. This is forever. What would you do?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Tough one, Harley. I’d pull the trigger but I don’t blame you for hesitating…could look pretty ugly in 3-4 years….if we’re still alive.

    • Schmidt's Moustache says:
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      You said it yourself – 2021 means more than this year’s shortened season to you. So, don’t do this deal. Rodriguez is a stud.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Meh

  5. mrs. featherbottom says:
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    NICE! Hope all is well – go Brewers!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      mrs. featherbottom, it is great to see you!

  6. Lubes says:
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    Keeper league thoughts- do we stash sale and syndergaard?
    My league is 5 player keeper auction, and I’d get either of them for $10 next year. Likely other keepers will be Trout, Hiura, Gioloto, and potentially Olson, Chapman, Laureano, or Mercado.
    First question is will that even be that great of value for s&s next year? If they’ll only be $14 pitchers then keeping them for $10 all season isn’t that big a savings.
    Second is how much IL will get used. I already have dozier in one IL spot and had to drop Ed rod to do that.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Nah ditch em

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  7. Tigres says:
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    BASEBALL, GREY! baseball. ¡béisbol! YAY!

    That said, I got tired and went to sleep when the Yankees game went into rain delay, and didn’t see any of Los Doyers. I’m not in midseason shape yet. Will do better next week, coach!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      There’s always today!

  8. Willie Mickey and the Duke says:
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    Went all Grey last night in a late 11 team draft. Moncada, Olson , Giolito, Castillo, Story ( round 1 out of the 9 slot) Tatis, Gleyber, Mercado…yada yada
    Used your top.500 list to perfection. Only real deviation was Stripling. We reached a little for him
    Adam says if we don’t do well, it’s your fault.
    Stay safe and 6’ away from Stanton

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      6 feet AKA a Stanton penis length

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      That’s great, hope you’re doing well, man!

  9. Swaggerjackers says:
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    Didn’t Hernandez start out crazy hot last year too? Or was that a couple years ago?

    • William Hung says:
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      I was just thinking this feels like deja vu with Hernandez

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Yeah he hit two dongs on opening day last year

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, and Donkey said he would hit 30 HRs on the year

      • Donkey Teeth

        Donkey Teeth says:
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        Thereabouts. What’s 13 homers between friends?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Donkey Teeth, taking a bite out terrible predictions!

  10. Cram It says:
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    There go my Jake Fraley hopes and dreams. My NFBC season is shot!

    I’ll just have to win the ‘Pert league instead.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Not so fast! I have a commanding lead, doubt there’s enough games left for anyone to catch me.

      • Cram It says:
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        Insurmountable!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Donkey’s 1st taste of 1st ever, breathe it in, donks

        • Donkey Teeth

          Donkey Teeth says:
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          Ahhhh Grey left a fart up here!

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            I carry farts around with me everywhere I go, fyi

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, bring it!

  11. Nitro says:
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    It is a good thing I moved D. May to my Minor league spot so I could roster another player until his expected call up next week. When I lose the league by 4 points I will remember opening day! I blame Kershaw!!! This is going to be one heck of a year.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, yup!

  12. KarlJ says:
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    Grey,
    Super psyched to be reading your daily updates again.
    Had my 11 team 5 x 5 roto draft ( redraft league) last night.
    C- W Smith
    1B- Freeman
    2B- Moustakas
    3B. Y Gurriel
    SS- Lindor
    CI- Andujar
    MI- Tatis Jr
    OF- Soler
    OF- Alvarez
    OF- F Reyes
    UT- Mondesi
    SP- Gioliti
    SP- Morton
    SP S Gray
    SP Lamet
    SP Houser
    RP Hendricks
    RP Doolittle
    P E Rodriguez

    Bench: H Dozier, L. Gurriel, D Carlson, J Adell, K. Kim, K Wright, Kintzler

    I tried to draft a balanced team. Maybe I could be a little weak in Batting Avg ( nitpicking?). What do you think?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Looks good, the health of Freeman and Alvarez will be key. I think average is fine, it’s probably gonna be a pretty random category this year.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks!

      Agree with DT, except I do think you’re weak in AVG, of course it could be highly mercurial this year

  13. lennydykstraisjustkmisunderstood says:
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    How long is Soto Estimated to be out?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Guess it would depend if he ends up developing symptoms

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I doubt Soto even knows — maybe 10 days if we’re lucky

    • jose says:
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      He has to test negative twice at least 24 hours apart. 10 days, as Grey said, would probably be a best case scenario.

  14. RicoSuave says:
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    Thanks for the great report Grey.

    16 team weekly points league.

    Bench bat/UTIL spot. I need two:

    Riley, K Lewis, Shogo, K Tucker, A Rosario, Lux, Hays

    Thanks again

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Shogo and Lux for me in points

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      No problem! Agree with DT

  15. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    Is it me, or does Keke ALWAYS have an amazing first few weeks?

    • Coolwhip

      Coolwhip says:
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      its not just you.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, someone mentioned above in the comments, it led Donkey to make one of his best predictions last year

      • swaggerjackers says:
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        I think I still have work to do round these parts if I’m still referred to as “someone” by Grey. *sheds a tear*

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha

  16. FBV says:
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    José Marmolejos getting the nod in LF for Seattle. Who…huh…what? Has 1B and soon OF eligibility. Need the lowdown of this cat for a 16 team league.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Wait….who?

  17. RoarOf84 says:
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    Best bench OF option? I currently have Calhoun and Carlson. They are OF5/6 for me (start 4). Would you drop either/both for Brian Anderson, Pollock, Grisham or Hays.

    • Cram It says:
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      Hays over Carlson.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I’d keep Carlson for now. I think he’s up next week and could be a league winner. Might wait and see if Willie is good to go too.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with Cram

  18. The Talented Mr. Dope Man says:
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    GREY!

    Need a short term (hopefully) replacement for Yordan Alvarez in a 12 tm AL only. Would you take Christin Stewart or Bradley Zimmer?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Depends on needs. Stewart for power, Zimmer for speed.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Neither…Zimmer

  19. Donkey Teeth

    Donkey Teeth says:
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    Teeth here, checking back in for duty.

    Duty, hehe.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nice teeth!

  20. J-Hova says:
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    Great to finally read daily notes from actual games – even if it’s in late July with my 1st rd draft pick out with covid… anyways – a small glimmer of hope, seems that Soto may have been a false positive and could return early next week?? Really hoping

    Years back you put me on to Logic – havnt liked his last few but his new album is getting positive feedback.. Have you checked it out?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I haven’t yet…Did you check out Juice Wrld?

      • J-Hova says:
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        I did – honestly, I’m so old so it’s not my style but I really liked it. I didnt know his back story so hearing he rap about his anxiety/drug dependency and then reading how he died is really sad and tragic. Super talented. Thanks for the recommendation, its a really good but depressing album. STILL the only fantasy podcast that had RA the Rugged Man as a guest!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha, appreciate you! I love Man of the Year and Righteous, but it is more “new” sounding, I admit that

  21. DonnieB says:
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    I was looking forward to baseball last night until A-Rod started talking.Let me say that Anthony Fauci could not have been a college point guard. Then A-Rod, with verbal diarrhea the whole evening, says he has been “playing point guard for the country this year”. I think he has zero assists to finish analogy. And what is with BLM everywhere? Why would MLB be celebrating a Marxist organization founded by Communist/Marxists? I love Dustin May though.

    • Cram It says:
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      “He was a great basketball player,” President Donald Trump interjected during a recent press briefing. “Did anybody know that? He was a little on the short side for the NBA, but he was talented. He won a game, I read the story, he won a game that was unwinnable against a great team.”

      • lennydykstraisjustkmisunderstood says:
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        He sure can’t throw a baseball……….you would think if you were going throw out a pitch you would practice a little before going on TV.

        • Cram It says:
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          He’s 80 years old, who cares, really?

          • lennydykstraisjustkmisunderstood says:
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            apparently you do or you would not have commented

            • Cram It says:
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              *eye roll* Good one.

        • Cram It says:
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          At least he accepted the honor…unlike “the patriot”, who declined in 2017.

        • Stl Squat Cobblers says:
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          Don’t worry Lenny. Fauci still has wayyyy more credibility than the Commander-in-Cheese. Lysol anyone?

  22. Jon Gray’s Broken Toe says:
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    Nice to see this article back! What do you think of Carlos Rodon making the rotation? On the surface his stats last year leading up to TJ were not great, but when you look at a per game basis, he was pretty damn good until the last few games before he got shut down, almost like his elbow was bugging him. In a 60 game season, a guy’s playing time when returning from TJ after 14 months could look pretty similar to other starters.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks!

      I think Rodon is not very good gamble unless we see something good from him in a game — but I will watch him to see

    • Coolwhip

      Coolwhip says:
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      i’ve got my eye on him for his first start, key with him is location. His troubles have always been walks /missing spots. I’d watch and wait.

  23. jose says:
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    Picked up Taylor as well over Hernandez…choosing incorrectly for a stream at noon for a night game makes things feel a little more normal…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, totally