With the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings for every position done, we turn our lazy eye towards the top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball. These 2015 fantasy baseball rankings are one part fresh and two parts to def. They own a cat, a dog and a lizard in a two bedroom apartment where pets aren’t allowed. Know why? Cause they don’t care! None of this top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball is meant to surprise. *jumping out of a closet* Boo! Now, that was meant to surprise. This top 100 is just taking my positional rankings and putting guys in The Big Picture. You really should read each ranking post because the blurbs in this top 100 are on the skimpy side because there’s so many of them, and I went over each one of these guys already. Obviously at a hundred players, some guys just didn’t make it. About 300, to be inexact. It’s okay; there will be a top 400 tomorrow. Shortly, Sloth, you’ll have your Baby Ruth. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2015 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball:
1. Mike Trout – The rest of the major leagues are aquatic insects and Trout eats ’em for breakfast. 2015 Projections: 108/33/106/.281/20
2. Giancarlo Stanton – Giancarlo’s cheek has reportedly healed nicely. In related news, I think I might be able to heal wounds by licking a picture of someone. 2015 Projections: 93/43/109/.270/7
3. Jose Abreu – Something I didn’t mention about The Grande Dolor in the top 10 for 2015 fantasy baseball is Abreu has upside from his projections. If he were to repeat his 1st half from last year and hit only 11 homers in the 2nd half, he’d have 40 HRs. Way above his projections. 2015 Projections: 86/32/110/.306/4
4. Andrew McCutchen – Last year, the Dread Pirate had the 124th best OBP since 2000. That’s not that interesting, you say in your very snide way. What if I told you McCutchen led the major leagues for 2014? In 2000, 23 players had a .410 OBP or greater. Though, only one guy had a .410+ OBP without steroids, Jason Kendall. He was, however, on Adderall, according to his wife. (You can Google it.) 2015 Projections: 92/22/94/.309/20
5. Paul Goldschmidt – I’m being conservative on Au Shizz’s projections due to his injury last year. Then again, maybe I’m being optimistic due to his injury last year. Or maybe I’m being realistic. Or bombastic. Or maybe I’m out-of-words-that-end-in-astic. 2015 Projections: 94/29/103/.292/12
6. Adam Jones – There’s something very comforting about having a guy play in 159+ games. Adam Jones you are my woobie. 2015 Projections: 90/28/101/.280/10
7. Edwin Encarnacion – It’s interesting how he was a Pedro Alvarez-type until his 30-year-old season and now it feels, without controversy, that he’s a top ten draft pick. I didn’t say funny or sad, just interesting. 2015 Projections: 87/37/107/.272/5
8. Miguel Cabrera – Imagine three years ago someone saying Encarnacion would be ranked above Miggy in 2015. You’d tell that person that that had as much chance as one of The Matrix-directing brothers becoming a woman. 2015 Projections: 95/27/106/.305/1
9. Anthony Rizzo – I wasn’t met with much resistance in the comments on the top 10 about Rizzo (prolly because people were distracted by Rendon), but I have a feeling Rizzo will be a top 15 draft pick for the next five to seven years. 2015 Projections: 93/36/100/.262/7
10. Carlos Gomez – Not for nothing, but in Gomez’s fifth year in the league, he had 8 homers, 16 SBs and a .225 average, which was pretty much par for his first five years in the league. Then in 2012 at the age of 26, he broke out. I mention this to remind people in keepers that the Springers, Pedersons, Sanoes (Sanos? Sanoii?) are swell, great, adjective, but go with guys that have already produced over what could be, because Springer et al could do something this year or they could do something in five years. 2015 Projections: 89/24/70/.279/28
11. Jose Bautista – See what I said about Gomez, but Bautista didn’t break out until he was thirty. 2015 Projections: 95/33/101/.272/5
12. Clayton Kershaw – Considered a fool cause you didn’t draft Kershaw out of high school. And if you don’t know, now you know. (And don’t be putting five carrots in your baby girl ear.) 2015 Projections: 18-6/2.22/0.95/232
13. Bryce Harper – Between my aggressive ranking of Rizzo, Rendon, Harper and just about everyone in the 2nd round, I have a feeling I’m gonna be able to draft everyone I want this year. (Now, whether I still want them come July, well…) 2015 Projections: 87/25/101/.284/12
14. Justin Upton – When he was traded, I went over my Justin Upton fantasy. It came with a mystery flavored Dum-Dum. 2015 Projections: 81/27/95/.266/8
15. Ian Desmond – Desmond is one of the oddest ducks in the top 20. Does anyone actually like him? Has anyone who has been the best at their position for two years in a row, as Desmond has been, ever done it without accumulating one fan? He’s like the Bruno Mars of shortstops. “‘I’ll catch a grenade for ya?’ I wish I had one to throw at you.” Yet, every one of his songs is number one. I guess that means there’s millions of teenaged girls that like Ian Desmond. 2015 Projections: 75/21/87/.251/22
16. Josh Donaldson – When he went to the Blue Jays, I gave you my Josh Donaldson fantasy. Like a baller! 2015 Projections: 84/29/102/.262/8
17. Yasiel Puig – In my top 20 for 2015 fantasy baseball, Arenado was likely the biggest surprise. There is no truth to the rumor I ranked him there to take the heat off of ranking Puig in the top 20 again, but if that was my angle, it sure worked. Nary a pause at my porcine ranking. 2015 Projections: 96/24/72/.298/15
18. Hanley Ramirez – When he went to the Sawx, I gave you my Hanley Ramirez fantasy. I wrote it while sniffing glue, which really clogged up my nasal passages. 2015 Projections: 72/20/84/.268/12
19. Nolan Arenado – I am a Chinese man in Beijing declaring it the year of the Dragonado! I am Alicia Keys saying, “If I ain’t got Arenado, I got nothing.” I am Dusty Rhodes saying Arenado is the real American Dream. The opposite of nada is Arenado, and there’s no one I want more than Nolan. 2015 Projections: 84/27/98/.292/5
20. Felix Hernandez – As I said in the top 20 starters for 2015 fantasy baseball, I’m not drafting F-Her. You, “Okay, okay, I get it, but why are you ranking him then?” Because, You, he needs to be ranked somewhere, and I’ve safely put him after where he’s being drafted, so you’re not getting him anyway. Also, say you draft Abreu in the first round and Arenado and F-Her are still available, then you’re drafting Nolan. It’s moot though cause he won’t be here. 2015 Projections: 16-5/2.41/0.99/239
21. Adrian Beltre – What’s the chances I draft Beltre? Why are you saying forty percent under your breath? I’m not asking for an exact percentage and no one can hear you when you mumble. The chances I get Beltre are slim to anorexic. It would have to mean someone drafted Arenado before him. 2015 Projections: 86/22/97/.291/1
22. Troy Tulowitzki – Honestly, the chances I draft any of the guys from 21 thru 30 is slim. Not because I hate all of them, but Upton, Puig, Arenado, Donaldson are going later than I have them ranked, so there would need to be 11 other Greys in a draft room for me to get some of these guys. And everyone knows there’s only one Grey with eleven personalities. Not funny. Shut up. No, you. 2015 Projections: 79/24/88/.312/1
23. Corey Dickerson – He seems to be a hot name this preseason and I could see him going before I get a chance to draft him. I strongly considered ranking him in the top 20 overall. The thing that stopped me is I don’t trust Weiss to not be stoopid with his playing time. “That’s uncalled for,” says Weiss as he struggles to get his pants on over his head. 2015 Projections: 82/26/84/.293/10
24. Carlos Gonzalez – Imagine if CarGo could stay healthy… *wavy lines* Hey, everything is exactly the same in this parallel universe only CarGo is healthy. *wavy lines* Lamest parallel universe ever! 2015 Projections: 77/22/81/.274/16
25. Anthony Rendon – Last year, his line was 111/21/83/.287/17. So, I’m basically calling for three more homers and another three hits (to raise his average). On our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Rendon was the tenth best hitter. So, this ranking isn’t outlandish; this is me just saying a 24-year-old, always-well-regarded prospect will simply repeat. 2015 Projections: 91/19/68/.286/9
26. Michael Brantley – It’s funny to me how people doubt me one year — last year I loved Brantley and no one else was interested — then the player does well and shoots all the way up draft boards. Bunch of bandwagoners! I said it was funny to me, not funny to anyone else. 2015 Projections: 87/17/92/.301/19
27. Albert Pujols – You ever hear the Kings of Leon Durham track, Pujols Somebody? “You know I could Pujols somebody! You know I could Pujols somebody!” It’s pretty good. 2015 Projections: 81/27/96/.261/5
28. Jose Altuve – As usual, Altuve is right behind the Pujols. 2015 Projections: 78/8/55/.306/39
29. Robinson Cano – I’d be more than happy to get Cano at 29th overall. Sadly, I won’t because he’s going much higher than this. That’s all right cause we all have Wong! Well, except for our four girl readers. 2015 Projections: 82/19/92/.305/7
30. Hunter Pence – The Gangly Manbird is one part hustle, two parts consistent stats and three parts iron phosphate, due to his diet of earthworms. See the top 400 for Pence’s updated projections and ranking.
31. Jacoby Ellsbury – Last year, I was pretty set against Ellsbury, telling everyone that he’s more of a 3rd rounder than a 1st rounder. And that was exactly what he produced. Nothing really has changed, except people now seem convinced he’s a 2nd rounder. They’re getting warmer! 2015 Projections: 86/15/79/.278/30
32. Max Scherzer – You know how when Bonds was going for the home run record, they’d switch out the baseballs? Well, when Scherzer faces Giancarlo, they will switch out the baseball with a knot of hundreds wrapped in rubber bands. 2015 Projections: 18-5/2.49/1.10/248
33. Corey Kluber – We owned him last year, but now we’re just gonna have to find a new breakout. Sucks for us, but think how hard it is for Brett Myers. His fantasy team named “Kluber and Fister” just isn’t going to be the same. 2015 Projections: 16-7/2.63/1.07/252
34. Stephen Strasburg – I have a feeling that Strasburg is going to be the best pitcher of 2015. “It’s his time,” decrees me. 2015 Projections: 17-6/2.58/1.03/247
35. David Price – I’m not drafting these top starters, even if they’re around at this draft slot. Some people have suggested I rank these starters where I actually would draft them. Well, that’s impossible because I wouldn’t draft them. If I’m in a league where Price is still on the board at around pick 200 (totally impossible), that means guys like Sale, Greinke and Bumgarner are still undrafted too, so I would just keep drafting hitters until someone drafted Price and then grab a pitcher around pick 210. This is totally unrealistic, but it’s just making a point for those that insist on asking where I would draft Price if he fell. 2015 Projections: 17-8/2.69/1.07/239
36. Chris Sale – Instead of starters here, I’ll be drafting a corner man or an outfielder likely. That will depend more on how my team is shaping up. I’m all for a bargain, but not for a Sale. Weird! 2015 Projections: 15-5/2.41/0.99/217
37. Evan Longoria – You know now that I’ve finally given up on getting a top 15 season from Longoria, he’s going to give it. You know that, right? I done f**ked up. 2015 Projections: 81/25/90/.261/5
38. Chris Davis – If this were 2001 and people were dropping 50-homer seasons like Dirt Nasty drops names, Davis would likely be ranked around 200 overall, due to his lousy average. Take this information to our new baseball commissioner and petition him for a reassessment of steroids. Thank you. And grab me a cola. 2015 Projections: 72/34/89/.231/2
39. Freddie Freeman – In the top 20 1st basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball, I made a case for why I don’t love Freeman. No relation to Freemasons. Please don’t do anything to me with your secret society! I hate the metric system too! 2015 Projections: 91/20/94/.293/3
40. Yoenis Cespedes – I could see myself owning Yoenis in some leagues, while deciding to skip him and grab Marte a bit later in some other leagues, even though my rankings say the opposite. At the end of the day, you have to draft the team you want. 2015 Projections: 73/26/87/.254/7
41. Billy Hamilton – Here’s a guy that I love in real life that I will likely never own. SAGNOF, and all. But, damn, it’s fun to watch him take the extra base and steal a bag when everyone in the stadium knows he’s going, even the pretty girl in the sixth row behind 3rd that is there because her date is hoping to get to 2nd. 2015 Projections: 80/7/45/.257/65
42. Ryan Braun – I have it on good authority that a jihadist organization out of Yemen was behind destroying Braun’s legacy. Little did they know that the Jewish athlete pamphlet was only three pages long, and if you take out the middle page, you no longer need the middle staple, lowering production costs by 75%. You will never win! 2015 Projections: 77/22/85/.261/13
43. Todd Frazier – I don’t think anyone knows what to make of Frazier this year after he seemingly broke out last year. Simple prediction: cut his steals in half from last year and expect 25 homers. More simply: same as last year but less. Even more simply: less. So simple it no longer makes sense: l. 2015 Projections: 79/24/73/.255/10
44. Zack Greinke – I think the Dodgers are going to have a hard time disappointing this year, but I still have concerns about Greinke and won’t stop until he disappoints. I keep my medulla oblongata safe with this hard head. 2015 Projections: 18-6/2.95/1.13/212
45. Madison Bumgarner – After he threw 450 IP last year, the Giants hired offseason coach, Dusty Baker, to work him out. “Let’s throw the can of beans into your shopping cart. And again. This time as a slider.” That’s Bumgarner and Baker grocery shopping. 2015 Projections: 16-10/3.01/1.06/206
46. Jon Lester – This offseason, I went over my Jon Lester fantasy. I wrote it while finding just the right emoji to say I was happy to be eating. 2015 Projections: 15-9/2.92/1.08/206
47. Jordan Zimmermann – Like ha, J. Z. is no joke. He can’t be stopped, like nope, like nope! Middle finger to his old K-rate, uh. Special shoutout to his walk rate, uh. (Side note from the website, Rap Genius: Jay Z rhymes uh with uh to comment on the reception he received from the MoMA when he donated a Denny’s place mat that Blue Ivy scribbled on.) 2015 Projections: 17-7/2.89/1.06/186
48. Johnny Cueto – I started ranking overall like this about 17 years years ago (did I just reveal I’m not a spry 27-year-old just hitting my prime?). It was born of drafting without actually drafting. Not sure how many of you remember this, but many years ago ESPN used to have you pre-rank your players, then you’d go to sleep and the next morning you’d wake to your drafted team. It was Christmas morning. Some years you were jazzed about getting the new video game system; other years you’d wonder what you did to deserve three catchers in your lineup and two more on your bench. To combat that, I’d rank all positions and/or players together that I did not want after where someone else would draft them so I didn’t get them. If I didn’t want a catcher (or two or more, for that matter), I’d rank them all around 220 overall, guaranteeing never to see them on my team. To this day, I still do it similarly. I group together a bunch of players (pitchers, in this case) I don’t want that will all be drafted by now. 2015 Projections: 15-8/2.89/1.08/204
49. Dee Gordon – You know what’s fun? Trying to figure out where you’re going to get your middle infielders from. The Braves were so concerned they went to the Eastern European country of Terdoslavich, rummaging through remnants of the Andrelton Empire, Jace in case. 2015 Projections: 86/1/29/.263/55
50. Brian Dozier – This is likely where I’m starting to look at pitchers, and I go over more why that is in the Tyson Ross blurb. 2015 Projections: 89/19/67/.246/15
51. Jason Kipnis – This isn’t the Tyson Ross blurb, but you’re one step closer! 2015 Projections: 81/15/70/.261/24
52. Jeff Samardzija – On your mark…Get set…Draft a starter! 2015 Projections: 14-6/3.24/1.12/206
53. Tyson Ross – On a different post, I will go over exactly how to draft your pitching staff, but here is a tricky area. If, say, Samardzija, Ross, and a lot of other numbers ones are still on the board, then you skip starters and continue to draft hitting, maybe taking a guy like Dozier, assuming a number one SP will still be around for your next pick. Then by the time you draft again, the pitchers’ bone is picked clean, and you’re looking at guys that are more number twos. Not ideal, that’s why you draft an SP from around the middle of the top 100. You can likely wait, but you also don’t want to get in a situation where you’re totally screwed. 2015 Projections: 14-9/3.11/1.15/204
54. Jake Arrieta – Here’s a good example of why punting pitchers is not ideal, but you can make it work. As late as July of last year, if I told you Arrieta would be in the top 55 next year, you would’ve called me a “Lying stupid faced jerk” and I would’ve had my feelings hurt. I don’t know why you want to hurt me so. 2015 Projections: 12-9/2.88/1.06/198
55. Hisashi Iwakuma – This is a big step for me, recommending highly a pitcher with little chance of getting 200 Ks. I’m growing on the inside, which sounds dirty, but I mean it in the best possible way. 2015 Projections: 14-6/3.15/1.07/177
56. Carlos Santana – Oye como yay! (Note: Santana only has 11 games at catcher, so make sure he’s eligible in your league. For more, 2015 position eligibility chart.) 2015 Projections: 73/28/89/.254/4
57. Buster Posey – Member that thing where you take your first pet’s name and the street you grew up on to make a porn name? There’s gotta be at least a million people in the world whose porn name is Buster Posey. 2015 Projections: 67/22/85/.302/1
58. Craig Kimbrel – Hey, closers! We haven’t talked at all about them yet this preseason. I will rank and project all closers (and some middle relievers) in my top 400, which comes out tomorrow. I stopped doing a top 20 closers post about two years ago, because, at its heart, SAGNOF means just getting the cheapest closers you can so you have around 130 saves at the end of the year (that number changes depending on your league). When I did a top 20 closer ranking post, I’d basically say punt until around the 15th closer. Also, Smokey will be along shortly to give you his tiers of closers. As for Kimbrel, he’s awesome, I won’t own him. 2015 Projections: 3-1/1.55/0.90/92, 42 saves
59. Aroldis Chapman – I wish the Reds would give Aroldis a chance to start, just to see if he can keep it together for one year and strikeout 280 guys. Wait a minute, I didn’t know that was my last wish. Come back here, genie! 2015 Projections: 4-2/1.92/0.93/107, 40 saves
60. Matt Kemp – When he was traded, I gave you my Matt Kemp fantasy. I wrote it while chasing news footage as a Nightcrawler. 2015 Projections: 72/22/81/.276/8
61. Nelson Cruz – When the M’s signed him, I gave you my Nelson Cruz fantasy. It was written on my Trapper Keeper then transcribed during lunch period. 2015 Projections: 71/26/85/.262/5
62. Starling Marte – We’re now in a wild card area of drafting. If you have a number one SP already, then I’d look at Marte or Wong (the other hitters in the next twelve are likely gone.) Then I’d look at Wong again, then Wong, then Wong. Then Marte again. And Marte and Marte. I love these two guys, and am hoping I can get both of them in multiple leagues. Of course, if you don’t have an SP yet, you need to draft one of those now. 2015 Projections: 79/16/70/.265/33
63. David Ortiz – Since I didn’t do a Top 20 DH post, this is the first time I’m mentioning Ortiz. He is the only significant name that has less than ten games, my cutoff for position rankings, anywhere but DH. Unless you consider Corey Hart significant, I don’t. My apologies to P!nk. At a Latin 39, Big Papi’s days of 30 homers looked to be waning a few years ago, but he’s shown no signs of that as of late. Sorta like Top Chef that filmed in Boston this year. For a few years, it struggled, but this year it seemed less about stunts and got its mojo back. Though every time I have to see Andy Cohen, it’s a demerit. 2015 Projections: 77/28/94/.265/1
64. Jose Reyes – I’m not sure I mentioned this in the top 20 shortstops for 2015 fantasy baseball (I’ve written about 400,000 words over the last three weeks; sue me!* *Don’t sue me.), but there’s a huge gap between the top tier shortstops and Reyes’s tier, which is only the 2nd tier. I.e., shortstops are model thin, and they’re causing me to rush to the bathroom to vomit. 2015 Projections: 91/8/46/.281/27
65. Cole Hamels – Fun fact! In the offseason, Hamels runs an outdoors company that makes knapsacks made from camel vaginas called Hole Camels. 2015 Projections: 12-10/2.97/1.15/192
66. Gerrit Cole – No, Gerrit hasn’t had a huge year yet to warrant this ranking, but if you don’t draft him this year, you likely won’t own him for the next seven years. 2015 Projections: 15-8/3.20/1.18/198
67. Ian Kinsler – I did what I could to bury Kinsler in the rankings so there was no chance I’d get him and instead grab Wong (stop your giggling!). What I could foresee happening is Kinsler is still on the board around here, and Wong has around an ADP of about 40 spots after this, so I grab someone else here and grab my Wong (seriously, it’s not funny) with my next pick. That’s where having an idea of ADP and other teams’ needs come in handy. Yes, I know, we’re talking about Wong and coming in handy. 2015 Projections: 83/15/77/.269/15
68. Kolten Wong – Oh, wait, we weren’t even talking about Wong yet. I’m so jazzed about Wong this year, I feel like I’m writing a review on Gayot. I already gave you my Kolten Wong fantasy. It was written on the side of a unicorn under an rainbow. 2015 Projections: 84/18/60/.278/24
69. Alex Cobb – It’s weird for me to like someone from one season to the next. Usually they perform and then get overrated, or disappoint and make it hard to like them again. Whereas with Cobb, he performed decent enough, was injured and looks about the same as he was last year. And if you lose your rankings sheet at your draft, you can remember this order by singing, “Everyone Wong Cobb tonight.” UPDATE: Arm troubles + Spring Training = Thelma Schoonmaker. Well, you do the math. 2015 Projections: 9-8/3.67/1.18/139
70. Carlos Carrasco – The 70-ish overall ranking spot is a glorious time to be alive with Wong, Cobb and Carrasco back-to-back-to-back. Forget Jennifer Connelly, that’s the back-to-back-to-back I want to see! Here’s my Carlos Carrasco fantasy. I wrote it before realizing he’s not a sleeper. I get it, but he’s still someone I want. 2015 Projections: 13-6/3.27/1.09/192
71. Alex Wood – Due to the difference between my rankings and other ‘pert rankings and just because we’re at a point where teams are starting to draft based on needs rather than rankings, there’s a good chance I own Carrasco and Wood (or Cobb and Wood or Cole and– Well, you get the picture). And, yes, I know how sexy it is going from Wong to Wood. It’s like the greatest sausage fest ever! 2015 Projections: 13-7/3.12/1.21/192
72. George Springer – You know what we have here, right? A sexy little 2nd outfielder tier. All of these guys, except Ozuna, have red flags, but their I-want-them-on-my-freakin’-team flag is waving high due to their upside. 2015 Projections: 83/27/87/.238/16
73. Jason Heyward – Member when he looked like a perennial 2nd rounder? We were younger then, and you had more hair. Since everything the Cards touch turns to gold, it wouldn’t shock me if Heyward goes from around here this year to the top 25 next year. He still is only 25 years old. 2015 Projections: 91/20/75/.274/15
74. Eric Hosmer – At this point, we should have drafted a 1st baseman, 3rd baseman, two outfielders, 2nd baseman and starter (in 12 team leagues). If you didn’t take a starter yet, then you should quickly. If you don’t have a 2nd baseman yet and took a corner man already, then you’ll be going middle of some sort (Wong!). Likely, you’ll be drafting a corner infidel here. 2015 Projections: 81/18/87/.288/9
75. Prince Fielder – Yeah, I do like the idea of Fielder as my corner man. Not gonna lie, said like O.G. Bush. But if I had him last year in a 40-team league that only used Rangers players, I wouldn’t have liked him, so there’s no guarantee, as much as we’d like to fool ourselves into thinking there is. 2015 Projections: 79/27/90/.272/1
76. Adrian Gonzalez – The Dodgers are gonna score a trillion runs this year and win 110 games or everyone on their team will be paid a visit by Father Time and look like the 2014 Rangers. Here’s to the Dodgers staving off aging like 99% of their Caucasian fan base. 2015 Projections: 79/22/103/.264/1
77. Alexei Ramirez – In case you missed it, there are, like, no shortstops in the top 100. And no third basemen. And no closers. And no catchers. What is in the top 100?! 2015 Projections: 72/10/79/.277/23
78. Starlin Castro – Here’s a great example why I don’t go crazy for middle infielders in the top 100 (except Wong; long live Wong!). Castro’s projections vs. Bruce. Starlin has 11 less homers, less runs, RBIs, steals but more average. There’s just a premium on position eligibility here, which I don’t like to pay. 2015 Projections: 71/16/80/.269/7
79. Xander Bogaerts – I’ve said this elsewhere, but it bears repeating, or bares if nudists are reading. I don’t love the sinking feeling I have that Hanley is going to bomb in the outfield and need to play shortstop, crushing Xander’s value. 2015 Projections: 69/15/74/.253/7
80. Wil Myers – I already gave you my Wil Myers fantasy. It was written without the letter Q. 2015 Projections: 61/20/72/.277/8
81. Jay Bruce – Yeah, yeah, I was a fool for Bruce last year like I was a middle-aged mom with ripped jeans living in Jersey. Okay, so that’s redundant. If a middle-aged mom has ripped jeans, of course, they’re in Jersey. 2015 Projections: 77/27/89/.235/9
82. Marcell Ozuna – OZUNA hungry. OZUNA eat baseballs for breakfast. In afternoon, OZUNA drops stitched-up poop. 2015 Projections: 71/27/83/.261/5
83. Mat Latos – For a few years now, Latos’s wife, Dallas, has fought with Reds fans on Twitter. Be interesting to see who Dallas Latos fights with now that he’s a Marlin. Not cool to pick on their one fan, Jeff Conine. 2015 Projections: 13-7/3.19/1.17/181
84. Zack Wheeler – Absurd Wild Card pick of the preseason? The Mets! Not sure how much their offense comes together, but in the NL East, where the Phils and Braves have already chucked in the towel, I could see DeGrom, Wheeler and Harvey, helping the Mets along. 2015 Projections: 12-9/3.41/1.29/201
85. Greg Holland – SAGNOF, but His S ain’t too bad. 2015 Projections: 2-3/2.32/0.99/89, 40 saves
86. Phil Hughes – I’ll admit to not feeling 100% about drafting Hughes, but his last year was such a delight, I think you have to. A delight, I tell ya! Geez, when did I become a 65-year-old woman in a country club. 2015 Projections: 13-9/3.39/1.14/178
87. Yasmany Tomas – I’d be shocked if I don’t have Yasmany on multiple teams this year. Would I rank him this aggressively if Abreu didn’t do so well last year? Hard to say, but I hope so. Let’s see what we know. Scouts have said Yasmany is comparable to Yoenis with a tad less speed. So I have him projected as such. Also, we know his game power is real, grading at a 65 on scouting scales, which is about 27-30 homers. There’s a ton of risk here, but love the chance for upside. UPDATE: He was lowered once the threat of a minor league assignment was hung over his roly-poly head. 2015 Projections: 59/21/69/.259/3
88. Yu Darvish – I have no idea where others have ranked the next three guys, but I’m assuming it’s way higher than this. Oh, and before you say I’m crumby with crackers on this Darvish ranking, last year he ended up ranked 148 on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater and he ended last year with elbow inflammation. <sarcastic>Sounds awesome!</sarcastic>2015 Projections: 11-9/3.42/1.24/188
89. Masahiro Tanaka – What I will say about this group of four pitchers that I don’t like is they will either far exceed this spot or far suckeed. I.e., they will either be top ten SPs or be hurt or ineffective and droppable. This ranking here is more of a middle ground just so I don’t draft them. Continued in next blurb. 2015 Projections: 10-4/3.49/1.15/150
90. Adam Wainwright – Yes, they could be top ten SPs, but there’s so many SPs to choose from it’s a gamble you should not take. 2015 Projections: 14-12/3.53/1.15/161
91. Lucas Duda – I’m reminded of what I said in Chris Davis’s blurb. Ten years ago, Duda’s projections would’ve looked like doodie. 2015 Projections: 74/31/90/.247/1
92. Matt Harvey – Harvey’s blurb whispering in my ear, “What the last three SP blurbs said.” Me, “Yeah!” 2015 Projections: 7-3/3.27/1.10/150
93. Joey Votto – Yup, it’s weird for me too to rank Votto this low. You know what he needs? An 81-game trip to Coors. 2015 Projections: 84/17/88/.292/4
94. Kyle Seager – At 3rd base, Pickins is Slim, Dr. Strangelove. 2015 Projections: 70/22/84/.259/8
95. Pablo Sandoval – This is sort of a catch-all area of the draft, and continues to be as we move along into the top 400. What I mean by that is, it’s really about your team at this point. You should leave the top 100 with a 1st baseman, 3rd baseman, corner man, middle infielder, starter and two outfielders. After that, you draft what you need for your team or start to just look at great value. 2015 Projections: 79/21/92/.304/2
96. David Wright – This is one of the rare occasions where I can say I don’t like a player, but would draft him here. Of course, it’s likely absurd to think I can get Wright here. He’s exactly the kind of player the big box fantasy sites love — big time name value. You know they rank on name value because it’s easy. Very few remember what someone said in March when the season ends. So if you rank on name value, then all the lookie-loos in March are happy and ‘trust’ your rankings. If you rank name value low, then the lookie-loos in March think you’re crazy and don’t trust you. You can be right come September, but the lookie-loos have moved on. Happens every year. Someone will say I’m an idiot in March because someone is too low, then in September they’re a ghost. 2015 Projections: 74/16/81/.282/10
97. Christian Yelich – Here’s the first virgin in the top 100 since Willie McGee. And neither were by choice. 2015 Projections: 82/14/61/.288/22
98. Jorge Soler – I already went over my Jorge Soler fantasy. There I said, “Hot Cougar Poll!…Lorena Bobbitt dressed like a mohel…Jere Burns has a juicy role!” Hmm, I gotta work on what quotes I pull. 2015 Projections: 73/25/81/.278/5
99. Danny Santana – On Craigslist, I bought the services of three runway guys and they’re dying to wave their flashing lights at someone. Yo, runway guys, wave dem lights at Santana! What do you mean you’re on a break? Effin’ teamsters! Gentlemen and four gentlewomen, Dannys Antana looks like he has an outside chance of being the best shortstop in fantasy this year. Oh, no, Grey dint! I dit, I dit! Yes, his average will come down from his previous year’s .319. He also has ten-homer power and 30-steal speed and won’t hit under .255. Just a slight plus on power and speed and he’s in the running for best shortstop. Sure, the position is overcrowded with a bunch of Nadir Bupkisses, but Santana looks like he could be special. Okay, now I’m seriously done. 2015 Projections: 89/9/39/.262/27
100. Kole Calhoun – If you draft Gerrit Cole, Cole Hamels and Kole Calhoun and don’t name your team, The Coalition. Shame on you. 2015 Projections: 98/22/53/.269/10
