Pirates organization should be on an episode of Botched. Are they the worst organization or what? Hint: The answer is not ‘or what.’ Let’s do a brief recap of what a giant POS team this is. Pirates’ closer, Felipe Vazquez, decided to try to bite off Kyle Crick’s finger last week. A giant piece of garbage move? Well, gee, Wally, I don’t know, it seems like that’s not a nice thing to do. The Pirates are dead-last in the NL Central, as they’re wont to be, so suspend the giant festering wound that is Vazquez, right? Gosh, Ms. Molly, that seems obvious. Well, no, of course not. The Pirates are trying to avoid losing 95 games and only lose 94 games instead, so the Pirates made the chickenshizz move to stick with Vazquez. This is, after all, the club that didn’t want to trade Felipe Vazquez for prospects at the trade deadline. Finishing in last with 94 wins instead of 95 must mean a lot to them. Now, the jagoff that is Vazquez is arrested for being the worst type of human and looks like he’ll never pitch again. No wonder Felipe Vazquez changed his name last year, he’s a giant pedophile creep! You did good, Pirates! Maybe to go with your pitch-to-contact pitching coach, your clueless manager and your maybe-we-can-lose-only-94-games team, you can find another awesome trade like sending Austin Meadows and Tyler Glasnow for Chris Archer. Any hoo! I’d guess Keone Kela or Richard Rodriguez is the closer for the final week-plus, in that order. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
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With Javier Baez lost for the year — *pours out a bottle of Johnson & Johnson baby oil for the sexy one we lost* — the Cubs called up shortstop, Nico Hoerner (3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs). And the internet exploded. Everywhere I looked for a good 45 minutes (long in internet minutes), I saw things about Nico Hoerner. “Reinforcements on the way!” one Chicago sportswriter announced exuberantly. Another exclaimed, “Hoerner is here to save the season!” A third declared they were, “Hoernier than ever,” though they might’ve just typed a search term into their tweet. Then I looked at Hoerner’s Double-A numbers — 3 HRs, 8 SBs, .284 in 70 games — and I giggled a little. Hoerner is the Cubs’ top prospect, which is more of an indictment about the Cubs’ farm system. He doesn’t strike out, and possesses decent on-base skills, so maybe some short-term value. He should play short since karma knocked Addison Russell in the head and Baez is out, even if Ben Zobrist is playing after just recovering from a five-month divorce, which was initiated because his wife was jealous of how much Maddon loves him. You can cyclops Hoerner or try him, but him or, say, Starlin Castro? Semper Fidelis Castro. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If the Dodgers promote Gavin Lux, will that put them over the Lux cap? I said, will that put them over the…*looks up* Lux cap? Wow, no balloons dropped from my ceiling for that gorgeous pun. “Hello, is the balloons-in-the-ceiling salesman that came out to my house? Yes…I said, what I thought at least, was a grade A pun and I expected balloons to fall from the ceiling. Well, I was talking about the Dodgers promoting Gavin Lux. Yes, they said they will in September. Will he play? My guess is sure, why not? At least some days. They’ve got the division wrapped up and I see no reason why they won’t play him. Why do we care? Haha, Mr. Balloons-in-the-ceiling Salesman, we care because he’s hitting .400 in Triple-A. Shoot, Ted Williams’ frozen head is on the other line. Hold on one second….Yes, Frozen Ted Head? Lux is hitting for power too — 13 HRs. Also, he’s got some light speed. Yes, I’m excited. He could be *the* September call-up, but he’s hitting over-.400 just in the minors, so you don’t need to be stunting on your .400 batting average claim. Yes, you too, and say hello to Jack Dawson, Walt Disney and the vault where they make astronaut ice cream…Okay, Mr. Balloons-in-the-ceiling Salesman? Hello? Are you there?” Hmm, he hung up on me. Any hoo! Stash Gavin Lux now. He’s arriving soon, and the Dodgers can afford to play him. It’s a…*looks up at ceiling* Lux-ury they have. Damn, these things never fall. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Anthony DeSclafani went 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.05. This start was against the Marlins, so, thankfully, Anthony DeeScalated the hard-charging school of fish. “Lobsters don’t have sex, they butter each up and green stuff forms in their middle belly.” That’s a substitute teacher at fish school half-assing it. So, DeSclafani bought a pet goldfish and named it Flushy, but he’s better than some random game against the Fish. The Fish haven’t been good since Hootie said, “I’ve had enough of all of you.” DeSclafani, on the other hand, has been good in the not-too-distant past and is better this year — his peripherals: 9.2 K/9 (best of his career), 2.8 BB/9 and velocity up to 94.6 MPH from 93.6. His gamely homer allowance (GamHomAll) needs to be curbed for real success, but I can see why the Streamonator likes his next start. He’s underrated, unlike the Marlins, who are underwater. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to the start of the weekend DFSers! We have a 13-game slate on FanDuel this Friday. The Twins send their ace, Jose Berrios ($8,800), to the mound where he gets one of the best matchups a pitcher could ask for in the Tigers. In the second half, the Tigers have just a 70 wRC+ against right-handed pitching, which is good for 28th best in the league. They also have the highest strikeout rate against righties at 28.2%. Jose Berrios has always had better numbers at home, and this year is more of the same (3.27 ERA vs. 3.45). Berrios should have no problem cruising through the declawed Tigers. My only worry with this pick is at this price, Berrios is likely to be heavily owned. Let’s take a look at the rest of FanDuel’s slate to see if we can find a decent pivot.
New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andrew Heaney has an eye on a prize and that prize is a 2020 sleeper article. “Grey usually puts sleepers out starting in December, and I know Oscar Mercado, Zac Gallen and, ugh, Delino DeShields are going to be vying for a spot on that list. Listen, all you can do is say your prayers, eat your kale and hope Grey picks your name.” Delino added, “Usually one good game is all it takes.” Oh, shut up, Delino! Yesterday, Andrew Heaney gave us a how’s your father without the small talk of asking how one’s father actually was — 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners (zero walks), 14 Ks, ERA at 4.31. He now hasn’t allowed more than three runs dating back to June (small bit of cherrypicking since he has gone less than 5 IP in some of those starts, but injuries and yadda). Heaney perfs (kids call them that) are solid if teetering on ‘just okay’ — 10.9 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 4.33 FIP. A solid September could vault him into a top 40 starter conversation for 2020, but the lack of health and propensity for homers makes me think he’s going to fall short of that bar. For right now, he’s an obvious own. “But no sleeper, right?” Shut up, Delino! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, the Indians were to the Yankees as the Yankees were to the Orioles and the Orioles were to the Orioles during split-squad games in Spring Training and Spring Training is to Kevin Bacon. Five degrees! Take that, dentist of the mailman whose wife goes to Kyra Sedgwick manicurist! This Indians’ scalping of the Yankees was a long, long time coming. What a narrative for Jose Ramirez this year. From April until June 30th, he had 5 HRs and was hitting .214. In the next six weeks, he has 14 homers and is hitting around .300 (around because I didn’t feel like doing the math, deal with it), including yesterday’s part in the drubbing (2-for-3, 6 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer). Jos-Rami is the 1st time I can remember feeling like I nailed his preseason overrated post, while taking the W for saying to buy him in June. A double W, a double-dub, a dubya with a dubya, a–Okay, you get the point. For 2020, I bet everyone will be ranking Jose Ramirez in the same place where I had him this year, tail-end of the 1st round vs. that top five crap they were all coming with this year. Otherwise? More W’s for Grey! A triple dubya, a worldwide W, a–All right, enough. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we move into the roundup, there’s a new fantasy football video at the top of this post. Watch, review and rate. Kidding, you goofs! You just need to watch. 2nd of all, join one of our fantasy football leagues before they’re all filled. Anyway II, the roundup:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did you ever think that sometimes your haters offer relevant critiques that you should maybe take into consideration? Me neither, just wondering if that’s a thing. Don’t think about it too long if it doesn’t apply. It’ll make you cuckoo like Cocoa Puffs’ Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird. Speaking of which, Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird went to a rally recently with a sign that read, “You can’t be cuckoo without cuck.” I can’t tell if Sonny is woke, shook or just cuckoo. Either way, or eye-thurr if Chingy is reading, for a few weeks now people have been asking me about J.D. Davis, and I’ve mostly ignored them. You, “Yo, Grey, you hard of hearing?” Me, “WHAT?!” J.D. is having himself a bit of a star mitzvah, but is it completely out of nowhere? Nope and nuh-uh. He had 17 HRs in only 85 Triple-A game last year and 30 HRs the year before across three levels. It’s easy to write him off, because what business do the Mets have pulling a fast one on the Astros? Yet, here we are and they pulled it. Davis has been getting regular playing time and with improved plate discipline (25.7% K% vs. 20% this year). I’m going cuckoo for Mets’ stuff, and I’d grab Davis for power and average. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We published our podcast last week at possibly the worst time to cover the trade deadline. Tuesday afternoon, means all the news was a week old when we recorded on Monday. So what did we do? Talked about Jason Kipnis for forty minutes of course. So perhaps that’s a bold faced lie. We actually only talked about Kipnis for about two minutes while spending the rest of the hour touching on a slew of recent callups, winners in the playing time battles post trade deadline, and touched on some NL Only drama in Grey’s home league. Yes, the title has nothing to do with anything. It’s just words that sounded good. Not joking!Please, blog, may I have some more?
A reporter, ducked behind chairs, yells at Aaron Sanchez at his no-hitter, post-game press conference. All we hear is the reporter’s disembodied voice, “Isn’t it true your four-seam spin rate went from 2,300 rpm to 2,565 rpm overnight?” Some reporters move out of the way for the reporter, who is crouched behind the chairs. One reporter recognizes him, asking, “Trevor Bauer, is that you?” What are the Astros feeding their pitchers? Pine tar and they’re being told to eat with their hands. Aaron Sanchez (6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.76) had a 6.07 ERA before this game! I get it, it was the Mariners, but this is crazy. Sanchez wasn’t usable at all in Toronto. The Astros’ coaching vs. cheating argument: Sanchez did kibosh his sinker, which was by far his worst pitch. Could it have been that easy? How could the Jays not figure this out? I could’ve figured this out! I guess Sanchez’s worth the flier. If he’s fixed, he’s too valuable to ignore. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?