Earlier this offseason, it was reported that the Red Sox coaches didn’t like Yoenis Cespedes.  Wait until they get a load of Hanley Ramirez!  If you were to put “Happiness That You Have Hanley” on the Y-axis and “Time Spent With Hanley” on the X-axis, you would find a line that starts at the top left and slopes right down to the bottom right.  For what it’s Wuertz, the enjoyment of Hanley matches directly with the chart of Pancake Eating.  After one bite, “Mmm, that is delicious.”  After two bites, “Not bad at all.”  After three bites, “I’m gonna try and douse these with some maple syrup.”  After ten bites, “You gonna share your bacon or should I order my own?”  That’s Hanley.  Try to douse him with maple syrup, but when it’s July and your team is in the pennant chase and he has a sore hamstring, enjoy!  From a real baseball standpoint, I hate the move for the Red Sox.  You had Xander Bogaerts for short, you nabbed Panda for 3rd (which I’ll get to shortly) and now you have Hanley playing left and Home Run Derby Champion Yoenis that you have to trade for the most you can get.  (By the by, I love that everyone refers to Yoenis as Home Run Derby Champion Yoenis, so I will now do the same.)  That’s not even mentioning Allen Craig, Will Middlebrooks, Mookie Betts, Jackie Bradley, Daniel Nava and Juan Francisco.  It’s kinda sad that all of those guys would be starting for the Padres (and Astros and Marlins and about ten other teams) and for the Red Sox they’re trade bait.  Maybe the Red Sox will also sign Han’s brother, Head.  From a fantasy perspective, this is about as good as it gets for Hanley.  Will this mean he’ll play 150 games?  No, I didn’t say that.  It’s hard to account for insouciance (Word of the Day!).  If he shows up at Fenway in April and wants to play, great.  If he shows up at Fenway in April and doesn’t want to play until August, it wouldn’t surprise me.  If we get 150 games from him (it will be nothing short of a miracle), I’d give him the projections of 86/24/91/.266/17.  I’d only count on a 130 games though, which would knock him to 72/20/84/.268/12.  Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2015 fantasy baseball:

Pablo Sandoval – Why do I have an image of Pablo picking a wedgie and Pedroia falling out?  I’ll have to ask my therapist, which is one word and not to be confused with Bill Cosby.  By the by, how long until we get breaking news that Cosby is riding down the 405 in an SUV driven by A.C. Cowlings?  Not long, right?  He love pudding his pop where it don’t belong!  Okay, I’m done.  I get the feeling that the average baseball fan will think Hanley is going to be the big signing by the Sawx.  (By ‘average,’ I mean not OCD crazy like moi.)  But, in reality, I get the feeling the Sandoval signing is going to be the one that the Sons of Sam Horn are going to be crazy about next September.  Sandoval’s skills are going to play perfectly into the Green Monster.  His spray charts have him about as evenly distributed for line drives and home runs to all fields as any player.  His splits were terrible last year (.200 vs. lefties), but that was never an issue any other year, and I’m not concerned.  I see him knocking balls off the wall and contending for a batting title.  Of course, I’ll keep expectations slightly more in check and give him the projections of 79/21/92/.304/2, but obviously I think there’s big room for upside.  Well, with Pablo, you need a big room.

Juan Francisco – Claimed by the Red Sox off waivers. For fantasy leagues that drafted from November 19th to November 23rd, you’re gonna wanna pick up another 3rd baseman.

Juan Nicasio – Sticking with the newly established Juan theme, Nicasio was traded to the Dodgers.  Right now, he’s the 5th starter for the Dodgers, but I doubt that stays through the offseason.  He’ll be used as a stop gap if the Dodgers are hit by injuries, i.e., he’s just Nicasio emergency.  Since the Rockies don’t have the resources to sign whoever they want, now they can tell their fans they are building the ultimate fantasy team.  As in, only Rockies hitters and no Rockies pitchers.

Zach Duke – Signed with the White Sox for three years at $15 million.  The middle reliever, Zach Duke is now officially richer than his grandfather, Randolph.  Partly due to a turn in the market on orange juice futures.

Adam LaRoche – Signed with the White Sox to play primarily as their DH… Is it considered ‘playing’ when it’s a DH?  Or is that used for positions?  Is the DH a position?  I feel like Ron Blomberg’s family interrogating him during the holidays.  “Ronnie, do you have to run or do they have someone do that for you too?”  “Ma, I’m a Designated Hitter.  I do everything a hitter does.  Geez!”  Ron Blomberg sounds a lot like Napoleon Dynamite.  For 2015, I’ll give LaRoche the projections 71/21/82/.247/2.

Ike Davis – Headed to the A’s.  As with most new arrivals in Oaktown, before Davis signed with the A’s, Beane sat him down and had him watch Platoon.  Then Beane gave Davis a hollowed-out baseball bat and had him shotgun with Vogt, Butler, Reddick, Blanks, do I have to continue?  Besides first basemen, the only thing the A’s have more of is catchers.

Billy Butler – Signed on with the A’s to DH.  “Ma, they put me there cause they appreciate my hitting.”  Okay, now Blomberg sounds like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.  When Billy Beane announced the signing to the media, he said, “Billy Butler is a signing for all of those big A’s fans.”  And, I’ll go further and say, not since Sir Mix-A-Lot toured through the East Bay has there been as much to rejoice about for big A’s fans.  If you are a big A’s fan, Butler’s got your back.  For 2015, I’ll give Butler the projections of 75/16/86/.297/1 and three times accidentally biting into Coco Crisp.

  1. Swfcdan says:
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    Well look at that im finally first, guess that should’ve happened long ago since I live in England.

    I like the Panda trade for him too, agree we should be high on him next year. You can see his talent with the bat, he’s gotta put together a few big years sometime surely? And no better place to do it than Fenway.

    What’s these deals all mean for Xander though, got him really cheap in a keeper and I’m not happy about the Hanley move. Does he have a lineup spot right now or will he need a trade to find a place in a lineup either in Beantown or somewhere else? Part of the excitement with him was playing all his games in Fenway, will be really pissed if he moves to somewhere like San Diego now.

    • MattTruss

      MattTruss223 says:
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      @Swfcdan: Rumor around town is Hanley in LF w/Xander still at SS. It’s time for Hanley to not play SS everyday. Cespedes is rumored to be heading out, thus making room for Hanley in the OF. Oh wait, they still have another 17 OFs? Well, I don’t know, something like that anyway. I think (hope?) Xander is safe.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Swfcdan: As I said in the post, Hanley’s going to LF

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Swfcdan: That’s as of now, of course

      • Swfcdan says:
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        @Grey: Gotcha. Have another baby Bostonian on the same team in Betts. Does he still have a spot in their loaded outfield? Guys gotta play everyday after what he showed last year surely, really fun guy to watch.

        • james says:
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          @Swfcdan:

          Betts looks like the primary piece to dangle in order to land Hamels. Utley is ageing very fast, and Betts can play OF and 2b…. so would be a great fit for the phillies. I could see a Betts and something else for Hamels and maybe some cash trade in the pipeline

  2. Andre Louis Moreau says:
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    Any possibility this vaults Cory Seager into a starting role?
    *fingers crossed*

    • Jake DuBois says:
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      @Andre Louis Moreau: I wouldn’t get my hopes up. As a Dodgers fan who reads any blogs or analysis having to do with the Dodgers, I haven’t seen anyone giving the slightest indication that this would happen. As far as I’ve read from anyone, he is still at least a year away from taking over in the majors. That’s not to say its impossible or that he couldn’t begin the year on fire and be with the club by mid-season, but really we’re looking at SS being a big hole for the Dodgers this year because Seager isn’t ready yet.

      Sorry! I can’t wait for him to make it too!

    • @Andre Louis Moreau: I love Seager…but hope they give him a little bit more time in the minors. I would hate to see him come up and struggle at such a young age.

  3. de nachos says:
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    You put this song in my head with the pancakes and bacon riff

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zalYJacOhpo

    I would love if the Phillies could nab Xander Bogaerts, but in typical RAJ style now they can trade Hamels to Boston for Home Run Derby Champion Yoenis who will join the rich tradition of not-really home run hitting Home Run Derby Champion Phillie Bobby Abreu. The Sox will try and throw in Middlebrooks and Betts but Amaro will say “no thanks,” high five Asche and Revere, and go back to mixing Manhattans for Wade and Pat Gillick. Then after Lee breaks down again and “pitching prospect” Biddle is brought up early and flames out Jamie Moyer – straight from the booth – is starting by early June

    I first read this line as a southerner: “Pablo picking a wedgie and Pedroia falling out” and imagined Pedroia losing consciousness. DFO = “done fell out” as my Georgia state trooper uncle would say.

    The Sir Mix A Lot joke made me laugh. Good stuff today, thanks and Happy Thanksgiving.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @de nachos: Is that a 10 hour song? Ha! Nice on the Southerner talk… Thanks! You too!

  4. Lville Jim says:
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    Nice “Trading Places” reference. Which got me thinking how glorious Jamie Lee Curtis rack was in that movie. Boobtastic.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Lville Jim: Thanks! Absolutely lovely…

    • Wake Up says:
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      @Lville Jim: Unfortunately, I cannot picture her anymore without thinking about poop yogurt…

  5. Jon says:
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    What are your thoughts on Betts this year? Steamer loves him.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jon: Where’s he playing?

      • Jon says:
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        @Grey: I see a lot of people still saying he has the RF job. They’re assuming Cespedes gets traded, I guess?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Victorino, Rusney, Hanley, Cespedes is their outfield right now…

          • Swfcdan says:
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            @Grey: No guarantee that Rusney hits though, he could be the most likely one back to AAA to start the year. And all sounds are Cesp will be traded.

          • Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:
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            @Grey: vic will be injured in less than 25 games.

  6. Jason says:
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    As a yankee fan, I love these deals for Boston. Ill especially love them in to years.

    Obviously HRDCYC will be moved, but I’ve read a paackage including Xander may be going to the Phils for a return of Cole Hamels?

    Does Betts have a definite spot in that OF regardless of a cespedes move?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jason: Betts has no spot in the outfield even with a Cespedes move

  7. Powerslave says:
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    You forgot the ritirement of “the other white meat”…, the Red Sox had him in mind in case Victorino and Craig couldn’t go……..

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I didn’t forget it, he’s gone…

  8. JeFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF With 17 Fs says:
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    Betts rhymes with…..

  9. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!!!!

    How are you? Great write-up, man!

    Have been super busy with work. Let me tell you about the straw that broke the camel’s back.

    1. You know that app cache in the middle of the screen in google chrome which displays the top 6 sites visited in the recent past? It’s there so lazy schmucks like don’t have to type in the first two letters of the website I want to access. Well, on my private AND official laptops, for the longest time it was CBSsports.com first and razzball.com second, bridgebaseonline in third and my official e-mail on MSOutlook a distant fourth.

    2. Since October 13th when I got back from annual leave, I’ve worked like a horse. I’ve put in at least 360 hours – it wasn’t all work but then they don’t monitor you’re browser or Internet content. That’s a shitload of work (scratch that time spent at the office).

    3. So, what happened? First, my official e-mail got to #1 on my official laptop. Well, sorry it was going to happen eventually given the downtime during the offseason. But then, the roof caved in!!! On my private laptop, my official e-mail took over #2, putting razzball.com into #3!!!

    4. So I said to myself, ‘Self, you have got to do something about this!’ So here I am.

    Sorry for my absence!

    Cheers,
    Ante

  10. royce! says:
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    While I don’t doubt that Panda will produce in Boston, I’m really glad the Padres didn’t land him. (Or beach him, whatever. Even though it would have made a huge splash.)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      This is Cougs here, FYI Grey’s in the hospital. It’s hopefully nothing serious but he’s having a CAT scan… Not sure if this is where I should be commenting , but he asked me to let people know and thought you were a good one to tell. Thanks, royce! And say hello to your wife for me.

      • royce! says:
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        @Grey: Hi Cougs. I really hope that everything is okay, we all really need a healthy and happy Grey. Y’all will be in our thoughts and hopefully we’ll be able to hang out again soon.

      • SteveNZ says:
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        @Grey: Wow – hoping everything is OK. Thinking of you guys.

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        Jesus, keep us posted. Hope he’s alright and sorry you have to go through this.

      • JeF With 1 F says:
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        @Grey: Thanks for the heads up…Hope hes OK

      • Big Magoo

        Big Magoo says:
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        @Grey: @Grey: Hopefully, whatever’s going on is just a false alarm. My thoughts are with you guys.

        • Militant Vegans says:
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          @Big Magoo: Hope all is well. Nothing but positive thoughts and karma.

      • Swfcdan says:
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        @Grey: Sure you’ll be fine man, I’ve had CT scans once before its hopefully nothing too serious im sure. Get better soon bud. Maybe we’ll see some cougar pics while we await your return!

      • BreakOut says:
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        @Swfcdan: @Grey:

        Thoughts and prayers, Grey.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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        @Grey: good luck with the old brain banana.

  11. Wake Up says:
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    And Eddie’s nephew, Daniel Murphy, is laughing all the way to the bank!

  12. Wake Up says:
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    No word yet on Big Papi’s brother and Clarence Beeks…

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Wake Up: Clarence Beeks! He was a finalist for my razzball handle

  13. royce! says:
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    Hey everyone- posting Cougs’ communication from above, “Grey’s in the hospital. It’s hopefully nothing serious but he’s having a CAT scan.”

    Let’s all send positive thoughts and prayers, because not only is Grey an awesome dude, we all also very clearly need him to be healthy to help with our teams, provide us entertainment on the reg, and just generally add to his legend.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @royce!: lets start the prayer octagon.

      • JeF With 1 F says:
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        @J-FOH: Im In

        • mic says:
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          @nick the dick: prayer pentagon so far…

  14. Wake Up says:
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    I’ve arranged the whole yoga class in the shape of a quadrahedron…may the power of the yoga pants get you outta this bind…

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Wake Up: does that shape go cheek to cheek?

      • nick the dick says:
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        @J-FOH: I think it’s human centipede style

  15. Pops says:
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    Damn Grey, you haven’t been married that long! (just kidding)

    Quick, somebody send Grey the Valvano speech.

    Praying for you (over the internet friend)–Get healthy Bro

  16. Tigres says:
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    Get well soon Grey!

  17. de nachos says:
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    Jeebus Koresh. Feel better OTI amigo.

  18. chris says:
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    trade question, I was offered soler, hanley and aj pollock for marte, kemp, castro and samardjzia. It’s a 12 team mixed 5×5 roto keeper league. I’m inclined to accept, but then I felt like I needed my head examined.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @chris: how many years do you get to keep the players?

      • Chris says:
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        @J-FOH: no limit really. Hanley and kemp are both on expensive contracts. The others are all cheap

      • Chris says:
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        @J-FOH: ignore that last response. Keepers are for one year. Hanley and kemp and on longer existing contracts.

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Chris: I agree with Magoo, It’s not a good deal. If this was unlimited years then I would think about it.

    • Big Magoo

      Big Magoo says:
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      @chris: If your team’s a contender, I’d hold. There’s a lot of value on your side over the next 2-3 years. If you’re in rebuilding mode, I’d ask for another prospect or high draft pick in return to seal the deal. It seems like the other owner is using Soler’s upside as his main bargaining chip, so it depends on how you value him going forward.

  19. slew says:
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    Godspeed, Albright.

  20. Ambreen says:
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    Hola, wheeler or fister? Trying to sell high on fister.

    Thanks in advance

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Ambreen: Wheeler long term

  21. Ante GALIC says:
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    Dear Grey!

    Get well soon!

    Cheers,
    Ante

  22. Chris says:
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    Hey Grey, I’ve got some surplus pitching in my Ottoneu points league and another owner is offering me a $6 Evan Gattis for $7 Carlos Carrasco. I do need a catcher, but I also like Carrasco. Any thoughts on that?

    • Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo says:
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      @Chris: i’m liking the sound of those leagues. where is yours at site-wise.

      • Chris says:
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        @Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo: It’s at ottoneu.fangraphs.com. They are all 12 team leagues at different entry fee/prize levels. 40 man rosters, no time limit on keepers, salaries escalate every year. Most fun thing is trading all offseason. I recommend it.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Chris: what is your surplus of pitching?

      • Chris says:
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        J-Foh: I’ve got Cueto, Teheran, Wheeler, Hughes, Archer, Ventura, Gausman, Minor, Roark, Carrasco, Porcello and Smyly. Matt Cain at 12 if I want to keep him.

    • JeF With 1 F says:
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      @Turd Ferguson: Prolly wont hear anything till around 12:30 Eastern if hes back in business today.

  23. MB says:
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    Do I want cuddyer or pollack?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @MB: poll

Comments are closed.