It’s beginning to feel like it’s not an offseason without a trade of Wil Myers.  In three short years, he’s gone from the Royals to the Rays and now on to the Padres.  Only place he can go from the Padres is the Tokyo Yakult Swallows.  They would hope Myers could carry them against their most hated rivals, the Yakuza Spits.  The Miller Lite-inspired commercials between the Spits and Swallows in Japan are a real crack up.  Tastes great!…Spit it out!…Tastes great!…Spit it out!  Before Myers is pushing daisies in the NPB, he’ll bide his time in San Diego and try to right this rapidly sinking prospect boat.  “Ice-cold sophomore year right ahead!”  In all for realliness, I was planning on jumping back in the Myers sinking ship prior to this trade, and I don’t think it kills his value.  Would I prefer he went to Coors?  Yeah, well, dur.  I also don’t think a 24-year-old former top prospect is washed up just because he had one bad year after fracturing his wrist.  Takes time to bounce back from that type of injury and one thing we have is time.  Well, you with the oxygen mask and cigarette might have less time.  In a few years, we’re going to look back at Myers’s 2014 as it should be viewed now, a blip.  I’m about as sure of that as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.  Or as sure of it that I’m listening to too much Toto’s Africa.  Sure, Petco won’t do him any favors, but if his wrist is at hundred percent there shouldn’t be any problems getting at least 20 homers.  Shoot, he could hit 10 homers in just his road games in Coors and Arizona.  For 2015, I’ll give him 61/20/72/.277/8.  Definitely sleeper material here.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2015 fantasy baseball:

Brandon Morrow – Signed with Padres.  This is one of those signings that immediately makes fantasy baseballers see wavy lines.  “What if Morrow stayed healthy all year?”  Wavy lines.  “Can you imagine Morrow in Petco?”  Wavy lines.  “Why can’t I get reception to these pay stations that I don’t pay for?”  Wavy lines.  Morrow should be a solid upside gamble– Shoot, before I finished that sentence he hurt himself.  For 2015, I’ll give him 5-7/3.17/1.21/112 in 120 IP.

Ryan Hanigan – Heads to the Padres with Myers.  Hanigan has 25 homers and 1 steal in 558 major league games.  He’s one heckuva pitch framer though, so if your league counts Pitch Framing, go crazy!

Steven Souza – Went to the Rays in the three-way Myers trade.  Souza is a little cheaper than Myers and helps build up the Rays’ horn section.  Souza might be the last remnants of Bowden fluffers in Washington.  Get a load of this– Hmm, maybe that’s a bad turn of a phrase when talking about fluffers.  Anyway, look at his last few years:  11 HRs, 25 SBs in 2011; 23 HRs, 14 SBs in 2012; 16 HRs, 30 SBs in 2013 and 18 HRs, 26 SBs last year in Triple-A.  You, “Please don’t tell me the bad news, I refuse to listen!”  Sorry, You.  He looks like he might not hit .240 without some favorable BABIP luck.  Yes, the Rays have their 2nd Desmond Jennings.  Call Souza, Desmond 2 Too.  This won’t be the last time you hear about Souza this offseason, and he could be an absolute steal in drafts.  For 2015, I’ll give him 58/12/65/.234/22 with lots of upside.

Burch Smith – Part of the same trade to the Rays.  He’ll likely start the year in the minors since he missed most of 2014 with a forearm injury.  I’m rooting for Burch’s return.

Jake Bauers – Also heads to the Rays.  That’s if he can get there in the next 24 hours.  In real time!

Rene Rivera – Also to the Rays.  Rene Rivera was once a sexy, just-one-of-the-guy-types seen in movies like Get Shorty and Tin Cup– *checking notes*  Yeah, that’s right, but now she’s a major league catcher.  Rene has 12-homer power and legs that go on forever.  For 2015, I’ll give him 41/12/49/.244.

Jake McGee – Having elbow surgery to remove loose bodies.  Sounds like a bad CSI episode mashed up with Innerspace.  McGee won’t have an official timetable until the spring, but is likely out until at least May.  What’s worse:  Ernesto Frieri is now the Rays closer.  Someone somewhere must’ve decreed the Rays can’t have anything easy after the eighth inning.

Melky Cabrera – Signed with the White Sox.  Who lit a fire under Jerry Reinsdorf’s ass?  The Dorf’s on a spending spree (that was the one where Tim Conway, as The Dorf, reenacts the Rodeo Drive spending spree from Pretty Woman).  Some players seem to languish on lousy teams and never get to play for an offensive juggernaut.  Melky is the exact opposite.  He seems to always land somewhere he’s going to rack up counting stats.  Maybe it’s his HTML skills.  Maybe it’s that most powerhouse teams are run by men that are lactose intolerant and they’re trying to make up for their inadequacies off the field by getting Melky.  It’s prolly the latter reason.  For 2015, I’ll give him 85/14/65/.304/8.

Chase Headley – Signed with the Yankees.  He’ll play 3rd base and maybe cede time to A-Rod on the rare occasion, which is appropriate since A-Rod’s known in strip clubs by the nickname, Chase Manly Head.  If Headley were to have played all of last season in New York, he would’ve hit about 14 homers, which would have been his 2nd highest home run total in his career.  Sadly, the way offense is going 14 homers is going to lead the league in a few years.  For 2015, I’ll give him 67/16/71/.274/6.

Chris Capuano – Signed with Yanks.  This is a terrible signing because before Capuano signed, when you asked a Yankee fan how bad was their rotation, they’d shrug and struggle to explain.  Now, they just have to say, “It’s so bad Capuano’s in our rotation.”

Justin Ruggiano – Traded to the Mariners.  Ruggiano is currently slotted into the everyday lineup, but I’m guessing the Mariners got him so he could ‘accidentally’ collide with Logan Morrison.  “Should I hashtag before or after my witty retort–Oh, crap!” *crash*

Edinson Volquez – Signed a two-year $20 million deal with the Royals.  He should send nineteen-point-nine million dollars worth of Omaha Steaks to the Pirates pitching coach, Ray Searage, for the holidays.  Edinson is gonna be like that State Farm commercial where the wife catches her husband talking to someone late at night and thinks it’s a mistress.  Only in Edinson’s case it’ll be him talking to Searage, “No, I know you don’t play the Angels this year, but could you look at some of their scouting reports for me?” For 2015, I’ll give him 10-12/4.24/1.40/136.

Michael Morse – Signed with the Marlins.  I thought it was sick and twisted how Loria would sign all of these offseason guys with the obvious intention of getting rid of them at the first trading deadline, but this Morse signing is just too much.  In the last three years, Morse has 14 homers in April and no two months combined have more.  So, of course, by April 30th, the Marlins will be in first with an explosive first month by Morse only to watch him on May 1st pull his hammy with his oblique.  For 2015, I’ll give him 56/18/62/.262.

Alex Rios – Signed with the Royals.  He has a ton of performance-based incentives in his contract like, “Are you at least pretending to care?” “Okay, we know hustle is asking a lot, but maybe you gait a little longer,” and the final clause, “Don’t curse out our fans.”  Last year, Rios’s batted ball profile suggests that he’s getting old, but his 2011, when he hit 11 homers, suggested the same and then he turned on his heart light in 2012 and 2013.  The only difference is now he actually is getting old.  He’ll be 34 years old in February, which is not an age when players go out and hit 20 homers and steal 35 bases after hitting 4 homers and stealing 17.  His projections are hard to pin down due to the swings in value from year to year and because the Royals could plug him into the three hole or leadoff or 7th.  For 2015, I’ll give him 72/14/67/.274/20.

Jed Lowrie – Signed with the Astros.  Last year, Lowrie had a 14% strikeout percentage.  On the Astros, that’s downright Wee Willie Keeler-ish!  Hopefully the other Astros don’t feel like Lowrie’s putting them on the shine with his big city attitude towards the chucking of their whifflesticks at balls in the dirt.  Robbie Grossman yells, “Don’t worry about where we put our whifflesticks, Lowrie!”  Then Chris Carter steps in the middle, “I may look like Ryan Howard, but I’m a gentle giant like the Green Mile guy and I won’t let no warring happen between teammates!”  Then Lowrie and Robbie Grossman begrudgingly shake.  That’s all assuming the Astros are broadcast in black and white.  If they’re not, I’ll give Lowrie the projections 54/14/58/.242/2.

John Mayberry – Signed by the Mets in hopes a -berry in the lineup will bring back the (non-drug) offense.  Perhaps the front office is the one on coke these days.

Brett Anderson – Signed with the Dodgers.  On October 2nd of 2015, Brett Anderson and Brandon Morrow will start against each other for their respective 30th starts of the year.  And then the world will explode.  For 2015, I’ll give Anderson 7-2/3.06/1.12/79 in 115 IP.

Matt Joyce – Signed with the Angels because The Sciosciapath refuses to let me have anything nice and I just posted my C.J. Cron sleeper.  SonavaScioscia!

Kyle Blanks – Signed a minor league deal with the Rangers to likely platoon.  One side of the platoon is Moreland, the other side takes up more land.

  1. J-FOH

    J-FOH says:
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    Swarrows?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @J-FOH: Is that their chant?

  2. Carlos Quentin says:
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    Matt Kemp, Wil Myers, and I are going to be a great outfield! Right…..? Guys…..?

    Getting Myers on my teams (hopefully I will still want him in April…)

    • UL's Toothpick says:
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      @Carlos Quentin:

      Go take some fungos. I need you to play first base Carlos on my NFBC team. Or get your ass traded to the AL and DH.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Carlos Quentin: Yeah, I don’t think you’re playing anymore, CQ

  3. Shaggy says:
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    Gyorko!
    Gyorko!
    He’s the man!
    If Matt and Wil can’t do it, Gyorko can!

  4. Bye Felicia says:
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    I think the Royals & Rays saw something in Myers that they didn’t like. I don’t understand why they would move a right handed, power guy for peanuts. I’m staying away like he’s infected with Ebola. I’ll let someone else take the risk this year.
    Unless he falls really far down the draft board. I’m not touching him until the late 80’s.

    Plus, it’s the Padres. They’re like the Philadelphia 76’ers of baseball. I don’t see any incentive for him to try hard 50 days into the season. I’m calling him a bust until he shows signs of life!
    Bryce Harper & Hanley are guys I’m avoiding like the plague.
    I’m going all in on Panda & Donaldson (Rodgers Center Yummy) this year. I can see em crushing those parks, plus NY & B-More. Tasty treats :-)

    • Bye Felicia says:
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      @Bye Felicia: I think Crush will fall into a nice value position after last year. I predict him to bounce back (adderall dependent) Ha!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Bye Felicia: re: Myers… Guys getting moved in real life doesn’t mean they’re bad in fantasy, teams want/need different things…

    • Sinner Man says:
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      Team ineptitude doesn’t necessarily translate to fantasy value. The 76’ers have 5 guys that are fantasy assets

      • Bye Felicia says:
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        @Sinner Man: Yeah I know. Still doesn’t mean that the value is worth rostering over other players. There’s sixers starters on waivers in 12’ers because the fantasy value isn’t there. There’s 6th men putting up better %’s than starters on that squad.

  5. Chuckles Tiddlesworth says:
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    Man, we gotta get this 2015 season started so you can get off the Toto.

    • Mr. Han's Militant Vegans says:
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      @Chuckles Tiddlesworth: Almost ‘Yacht Rock’ Bands of the 1970s for $1000, Alex!

      Members heard on the 1977 smash single, “Lido Shuffle”, went on to form this band.

        • Mr. Han's Militant Vegans says:
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          @J-FOH: Trying to learn from all the Razzball Masters like you and Grey. Random bits of useless information banging around inside my head help too.

  6. Joebob says:
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    No blurb for Jason Motte? Chance of being Cubs closer ? Have him cheap on deep NL keeper …15 keepers…wondering if he’s worth holding (in a vacuum ) I hate paying for saves too.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Joebob: He could be worth keeping there… Right now he’s in the mix for closer, he doesn’t have the job definitely…

    • Joebob says:
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      Thanks! Thoughts on Wada. Any value there in 10 team nl only keeper league? I have him at 3 preauction, wondering Wether or not to keep…

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Yeah, he’s decent there, I’d keep him…

    • A Wesley Snipes Life says:
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      @Joebob: CUBS have better RP’s for that.

  7. KB says:
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    H2H Keeper League, Keep Forever – Please Rank: Justin Upton, Ian Desmond, George Springer. Owner is offering me Desmond for Springer… but would also consider Upton.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      You ranked them…

  8. Carnac says:
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    The Yankees rotation is so bad… Capuano’s only other offer was from Japan.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      That’s tough to Swallows

      • Carnac says:
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        Back in the day I was in a longterm fantasy league with a bunch of friends – a real ridiculous group of characters.

        There was the one guy who was really dedicated but still managed a mediocre team *every year* for almost a decade. Every September he’d post an indignant rant on the message board about how he’s never going to play fantasy again.

        There was the guy who, even after several years, probably couldn’t name more than a dozen baseball teams off the top of his head.

        There was the guy who was super-competitive and for some reason only ever traded with the guy who couldn’t name all the teams.

        And then there was the guy who tripped and fell into a championship early in the league’s history. Following this championship, he’d never miss an opportunity to remind everyone that he’d won a championship before. Also following this championship, he never finished in the top half of the league again. Not coincidentally, year after year after year he insisted on drafting the same roster as his faded championship team. Occasionally a breakout player would fall into his lap. He’d take this as evidence of his Championship Management. The rest of us would just roll our eyes.

        Years later, the league has long since folded. I now comment on fantasy baseball under a pseudonym. Championship Management guy manages a real baseball team under the name Brian Cashman.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Seriously? You’ve kept this from us for how long?

          • Carnac says:
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            I was embarrassed about spending so many years in a league with a guy who could refer to the Cardinals only as “the red team.” Good thing Brian’s in the AL.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              HA! You had him for a second, thought you were in a league with him… I need more coffee… I was in a league David Cross, but then he got famous…

              • Carnac says:
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                Ha! I run into this problem all the time out west, especially the NW (where Sky and I are). Deadpan, sarcasm, set-ups, etc., no one does that out here. People stare blankly at you, maybe a nod. It’s like living in an episode of Curb. Everyone looks at you sideways like you’re crazy when THEY’RE THE CRAZY ONES. My mother in law (who lives out here) once described me as having “that New York, Jewish sense of humor.”

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  I can usually spot deadpan and Jewish/New York is me, but you really went on with that ruse that you had me…Well done!

                  • Carnac says:
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                    “That’s right, Cougs, we’re only doing FOUR nights of Hanukkah because I’m only 1/2 Jewish. Anyhow, your present tonight is me reading a long, dumb joke someone posted on my website which you already think I talk about too much…”

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      “Yes, I lit four of your Pottery Barn bathroom candles, was that wrong?”

              • Carnac says:
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                “Guys, we need to find someone to take David’s team. He says he doesn’t have time for fantasy this year because of the voice work he’s doing for Alvin and the Chipmunks.”

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  HA!

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          Bro, you’re joshin us, right?

          • Carnac says:
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            I’m as serious as the Yankees starting lineup!

            • Sky

              Sky says:
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              You’re a serious liar!

              • Carnac says:
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                2015 is the year I plumb new depths: going from fantasy baseball commenter to fantasy baseball commenter troll.

                • Sky

                  Sky says:
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                  You’re plumbing like Andy Dufresne at the end of Shawshank.

                  • Carnac says:
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                    Hahaha, before Grey can finish rolling out his top IF rankings, I shall triumphantly lift my arms toward the Sky, covered in sh*t.

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      And I’ll be like ‘GET OUT OF MY HOUSE LIKE THAT’

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      HA

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  I love it!

  9. Randy says:
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    Which 2 keepers should I keep for next season? 12 team 5X5 Roto that uses OBP instead of AVG. We also start 5 OF and 1 of each infield position to go along with 2 utility. Thanks!
    Tulowitzki Col
    P. Fielder Tex
    C. Davis Bal
    G. Polanco Pit
    W. Myers SD
    K. Wong STL
    P. Sandoval BOS
    D. Mesoraco CIN

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Davis, Tulo

  10. Sky

    Sky says:
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    I was keeping up with the Myers trade talk on twitter. Some interesting things came up that are a bit worrisome for Pads fans. Myers came into camp last year thinking he had ‘made it’ and basically didn’t train very hard. He played just a hair north of league average his rookie year in terms of power. If he can’t get motivated to be better than that, there’s not much hope for greatness there.

    Also, a lot of people are looking at the Souza/Myers swap as basically tit for tat and given the numbers to date, it’s kinda hard to argue it. Similar BB% and K%. Similar ISO. One is just a household name and the other considered organizational depth.

    At this point, I’m all for drafting Souza for fantasy since he’ll go later than Myers and won’t have to compete for the name and might put up a similar line.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      That first part sounds anecdotal… Myers did seem like a douche yesterday saying “another workout in the books” then not saying anything, but being a douche doesn’t mean anything… Souza and Myers do look similar, and agree Souza will be bargain, but he still might not hit for much average (but neither may Myers)…

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        I’ll take an athlete’s word that they didn’t train hard as more than anecdotal: http://www.tampabay.com/sports/baseball/rays/rays-wil-myers-admits-he-didnt-work-hard-enough-in-spring/2199321

        Pretty young to not be motivated to play hard/well given that his rookie was not, for all intents and purposes, that amazing when you look on it. Maybe he makes the jump or maybe he can replicate his rookie pace but I’ll say for now I’m not overly excited for a guy who thinks his 13 HRs in 88 games was something to rest on his laurels about.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I don’t take the athlete’s word, they say all kinds of things to make excuses for themselves… Read how Kipnis is blaming his oblique for 5 months of bad production… Maybe it is, maybe it’s an excuse…

          • Sky

            Sky says:
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            I think he just don’t care but TBD. We have a couple of years to see what he is/isn’t. I’ll give him the Wil Myers face for 2015:

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Is that Wil Myers or his alter ego, Emo Pop?

              • Sky

                Sky says:
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                It’s his depressed twin brother, Bil Myers

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Bassist for 30 Seconds to Mars, right?

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
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                    Totally. He’s working on a side project called Sadderdays.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      HA

            • Big Magoo

              Big Magoo says:
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              @Sky: Ha! That’s awesome. Did he actually show up looking like that for a team photo or tv appearance or something?

              • Sky

                Sky says:
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                I don’t know where it’s from but I’ve seen it with some sports channel blurb below it saying ‘Players Choice Awards: 2013 ROY’. Not sure if it’s recent or from his rookie year. Either way, totally a DGAF face.

            • J-FOH says:
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              @Sky: what’s up bra face. Is he related to Woodhead?

              • Sky

                Sky says:
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                Nothing much…panty hands? I think he’s related to your stoner college room mate who didn’t have milk/butter and made mac & cheese by just dumping the powder on the noodles and stirring.

                • J-FOH says:
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                  @Sky: that should of said he’s giving his what’s up bra face. You will always be excessive hair.

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
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                    I could totally pull of that Myers look with the hair.

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Sky: you pulled off Billy mays perfectly

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Who’s the snappy dresser?

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Don’t really know the guy personally but I’ve heard he’s kind of a douche.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I could tell!

              • SteveNZ says:
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                @J-FOH: Woodhead – the only player in the NFL who looks like he would be more at home at the skate park.

          • Big Magoo

            Big Magoo says:
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            @Grey: In my first post, I linked to an article by a Cleveland beat writer who gave reasons for Kipnis’ sluggish season. Makes sense – he had a decent first month, then came the oblique injury that caused him to miss a month, and he was never the same after coming off of the DL.

            The difference with Myers is that he produced a .227/.313/.354 line in 53 games prior to his injury, so whether it was a lack of training or something else, he didn’t perform well at any point last season…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              May he really bottomed out, and in May his BABIP was hideous for him…

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                He being Myers

    • Big Magoo

      Big Magoo says:
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      @Sky: I agree with all of this. Souza is considered to lesser prospect than Myers due to his age, but I don’t see much difference between the two in terms of total value. Souza’s size/power/speed combo is extremely rare. The Ks are a concern (as they are with Myers), but he has a chance to be a solid late bloomer ala Nelson Cruz. Fantasy-wise, he looks like he could put up a couple of prime BJ Upton years (.240/20/30). I’ll probably be owning him in a few leagues next season.

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        Exactly. Doubt he gets highly touted so should come at a value. My kind of guy.

  11. J-FOH says:
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    Did you see that Pezii showed up last night?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Really?! Oh, man, no, I didn’t see that… It was the Survivor finale!

      • Big Magoo

        Big Magoo says:
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        @Grey: Survivor is still on? What season is it in? 20? Probst must be rolling in dough by now, if he’s still there…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          29! (This season was lame, unfortch…) Next season looks awesome! (I think I’m the only one who still watches it)

          • Big Magoo

            Big Magoo says:
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            @Grey: 29? Jeez… I guess some people do still watch it… Wasn’t there some kind of celebrity version of it a few years ago? I seem to remember a promo featuring Jimmy Johnson flaunting his leather skin on camera…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              They’ve mixed celebs in with regular people… This year John Rocker was on it…

              • Big Magoo

                Big Magoo says:
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                @Grey: When did John Rocker become a celebrity?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Hey, you were the one that called Jimmy Johnson a celebrity…

              • Big Magoo

                Big Magoo says:
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                @Grey: Oh, my bad. I misread your last comment. Who were the celebs that were on the show with Rocker?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Ha

          • Bye Felicia says:
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            @Grey: Nope, I watched it. The hot blonde effed up by taking Nat with her to the finale. She costs herself a million dollars becuz she felt like she had to save her over her using immunity on her at the prior vote! I was screaming at the television, “you just handed Nat the million”
            I don’t know if you remember last season the chick with the dreads, who quit Lindsey? Anyway, she lives in my town. She’s a nice girl, cuts my hair. I asked her why she quit and she said becuz of horse face. Haha (best response ever!)
            Still, if given the opportunity to compete on survivor you should finish the show. I know I would if I was given the chance.

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: for shame. Your reality adiction has victims

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Like any true addict, I didn’t realize it was that bad…

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: @Grey: have you watched to catch a contractor?

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Nope, sounds awesome though!

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: it’s on spike. It’s hosted by Adam Carolla where they bust flaky bad contractors and talk shit to them the whole time.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  I kinda love Adam Carolla… He should be a much bigger star in the talk show world…

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: I listen to his podcast

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      yeah, he’s hilarious

            • nick the dick says:
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              @J-FOH: Good show

            • Mr. Han's Militant Vegans says:
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              @J-FOH: Does he reprise his role as Mr. Birchum?

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Mr. Han’s Militant Vegans: that was the best stuff. I can’t find his holiday porn titles clip anywhere. I know it came on am old KROQ cd but I don’t have it.

                • Mr. Han's Militant Vegans says:
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                  @J-FOH: some of the greatest stuff I’ve ever heard!

    • Prez says:
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      @J-FOH: finally got the typewriter up and running babyyyyyy!

  12. Wake Up says:
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    On fire today, like a Friday in May…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Bam!

  13. Josh says:
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    What’s your thoughts on the shady leak on Kemp’s hip arthritic hips? Back to LA, or will San Diego demand more $$$ to cover his contract?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I think the Padres and Dodgers deals since then will force the Dodgers hands and just make them cough up more money and the trade will stand…

  14. Clint says:
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    Anybody claim dibs on “50 Shades of Grey Albright” for their team name in 2015 yet? I hate to go with the obvious for my team name and “Sasha Grey Loves Albright” is going to bring out the porn fans too easily.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha… How about, Madeline Albright Is Grey’s Mother?

  15. nick the dick says:
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    MAGOO, COVER YOUR EARS!….

    1. My. Boy. Dougie…his beautiful perfect sausage was robbed by a damn breakfast sandwich. Guess that’s what having a meathead football player judge will do. So what does he do? Goes and bangs out the best carrot soup you’ve ever tasted. My guy!
    2. Oooh boyyy Greg caught a break. By the skin of his teeth. Admit it, you thought he was toast!
    3. I was warming up to Katsuji, i’ll miss him. He got a raw deal being eliminated with the creativity he showed.
    4. I kinda have a weird thing for Mae and i’m not even into Asian chicks like that.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      1. Dougie (is) fresh. No doubt about it, but I will say Gronk, I had no idea who he was before this, was entertaining
      2. I thought he might be toast then have him win the Showcase Showdown and get back in
      3. Yeah, agreed…He had about the only personality on the show
      4. Totes!

      • nick the dick says:
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        @Grey: HA Dougie (is) Fresh! Yeah I thought the same thing about Greg, that he would be gone and brought back. You gotta go try Mexikosher, if not for yourself then for me. I don’t know how Mae does it, but she does it to me..

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, I’m thinking Mexikosher today actually… Might go in the next few…

          • nick the dick says:
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            @Grey: Is it just me or does Greg use curry and coconut far too often?

              • nick the dick says:
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                @Grey: You just went? Nice…yeah that’s pretty much what you expected it to be. You got some kind of chorizo burrito with ancho chile sauce I presume? Now you have your new ‘well, it’s right there down the street and I can’t think of another place to eat, nor do I want to travel far and I just so happen to have an extremely rare Mexican food craving’ spot!

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Ha… Yeah, I just went… I had the carnitas burrito (duck and beef)… The one thing that was excellent was he had this pickled fennel thing… I might go once a year, just not a huge Mexican craving person…

      • SteveNZ says:
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        @Grey: Your total ignorance of all things football is amusing to me.

        • nick the dick says:
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          @SteveNZ: It is quite funny when he doesn’t even know the popular players

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, yeah, I know less than Cougs

  16. Dave says:
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    Is Alex Gordon for Brett Gardner fair in a deep dynasty league or do I need to get more for Gordon?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      It’s fair

      • Dave says:
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        @Grey: Thank you

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  17. John says:
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    Hey Grey, any chance Boxberger sees the saves?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, he’ll be in the running

  18. Frankenstein says:
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    Can you please help me pick two of the following?

    Jake Arrieta
    Zack Greinke
    Sonny Gray
    Yordano Ventura
    Todd Frazier
    Yasiel Puig
    Corey Dickerson

    I am keeping
    Ian Desmond
    Nolan Arenado
    Stephen Strasburg

    16-team league 6×6 (QS and OPS)

    • John says:
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      @Frankenstein: Dickerson and Puig unless you need a CI then frazier over Dickerson

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Frazier, Puig

  19. Frankenstein says:
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    Sorry, I am also keeping Freddie Freeman

  20. Streaming Leake says:
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    Chris Craponunow.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha

  21. SteveNZ says:
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    Hasn’t Lowrie been with the Astros already?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, it’s like when a really crappy band has already played their best song and then comes back for an encore

    • Prez says:
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      @SteveNZ: steve doing some golfing in the offseason?

      • SteveNZ says:
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        @Prez: I’m hoping so. Been away from it for a while. That hasn’t stopped me buying a bunch of vintage gear though!

  22. Alex says:
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    Which side? We keep everyone year to year. Thank you in advance

    5×5 roto, cbs rosters

    A Gordon/Starlin

    OR

    Dickerson/Segura

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Dickerson

  23. The Hersch says:
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    Oh Wise One:

    Keeper league – NL only – Looking long term and now… I know, I know…

    I am getting Goldie at 20 (3 more seasons and he is gone)

    for

    McHugh at 3 AND Yelich at 2 (BOTH can be extended in 2016 at 5 more per year)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Goldy side

  24. Prez says:
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    my computer is fixed and im ready for some hgh! i have a full blown mustache as well… its good to be back! now to wait 4 more months….

    i banned razzball on my phone.. its bullshit! it either crashes as soon as i click a post or takes 4 hours to scroll past “anyway, heres what else i seen around the league..” i dont see how other people dont have these problems.. i know everyone has an iphone now a days right?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’m on my phone right now…

      • Prez says:
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        @Grey: iphone? i have a 4… and it crashes constantly.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, iPhone, but I have a 5… Not sure if that’s the issue…

          • Prez says:
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            @Grey: not sure.. i hate this phone tho.. the only thing it works well with is twitter.. i think that is the governments plot, to be honest…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Yeah, prolly…

  25. Prez says:
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    i miss baseball… :( and the razzball lifestyle! ya know, eating donuts and watching baseball all day? im so ready…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Prezii! How goes it, man?

      • Prez says:
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        @Grey: it goes good man! much better than the last time you seen me! im ready to make my fantasy comeback after a short break from fantasy football and basketball. im missing it over here

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Awesome! Glad to hear you’re good…

          • Prez says:
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            @Grey: thanks! im gonna be around here now so get your tinfoil hats on! :)

            whats new on ur side? cougz good?

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Yeah, all good… Just watched Foxcatcher… I wouldn’t recommend it… Weird shizz, homey…

    • A Wesley Snipes Life says:
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      @Prez: that could be the next shirt idea

      • Prez says:
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        @A Wesley Snipes Life: i got more shirt ideas for razzball than grey has vape juice bottles.

  26. J-FOH says:
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    Just got back from the Christmas program at my kid’s school. They used a real baby for Jesus…WTF is wrong with these people. Then they sang songs I’ve never heard before or did versions that were hard to follow…and the music teacher is a real pretentious bitch. It was so bad that even the 5 year olds weren’t cute, they are always cute….Hey the A’s traded a catcher, now they are one shy of a six pack.

    • Prez says:
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      @J-FOH: we got lawrie too…. after years of flopping on my fantasy teams, hes deciding to come fuck me on my real team..

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Prez: at least he’lll be close enough to give you a reach around

        • Prez says:
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          @J-FOH: his roided out arms will be too big to fit around me… in other toronto news, jose bautista followed me on twitter?? wtf??

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Prez: thats amazing, I just followed him, crossing my fingers for the follow back

            • Prez says:
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              @J-FOH: haha i have no idea why he would follow my lame ass… super random. hope he likes warriors updates!

              • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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                @Prez: he saw that you used to kick cashman’s ass in fantasy. it intrigued him.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Hahaha… A real baby is awesome… Method actor baby I’m assuming…

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: I swear he was trying to nuzzle that teenager

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Okay, now it’s weird…

  27. SteveNZ says:
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    Just ordered some Indian takeout. Don’t tell me my life isn’t glamorous.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I almost went with that today for lunch… Now I’m craving it…

      • SteveNZ says:
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        @Grey: Chicken Jalfrezi with paratha bread. So good.

  28. Mr. Rodgers says:
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    So how does Kemp, Upton, Norris, and Meyers change the fantasty value of Mr. Jedd Gyorko? He certainly will no longer be a middle of the line up bat, but now he has some guys that can hit pitching about AAA level around him? Do you like Gyorko more now or less?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Come to the newest post

  29. Ante GALIC says:
    (link)

    Kahuna!

    Sorry for the late entry! Better late than never!

    1. Came home from hell on December 15. Before that had to make myself what the Germans call ‘uhrlaubsfrei’ meaning basically everything you have to do before you go on leave. Hope I spelled it right.

    2. Went back to hell to have planned surgery to correct my nasal septum and remove two polyps on December 17. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time in a pool hall on February 11, 1994. Some guy sucker punched me and then his friend sat on my while the guy continued to “literally” put the boots to me. After they told a friend that they did it for kicks and that it wasn’t personal; I was moved by this. Anyway, fast forward to 20 years later and I can’t breathe and the doctor says what the H, have an operation and all will be well again.

    3. As part of the recovery process, I’m not supposed to laugh or smile because the stitches in my nose don’t dissolve for another 3 or 4 days. So, of course, I…

    4. Come and read at Razzball. I was cracking up again on a steady dose of you, Sky (again!!), Magoo and J-FOH on the Beltre/Cruz paradigm and ‘the sweetest swing in MLB history – Edgar “not to be confused with Tino” Martinez!

    Man, long live Razzball!!! With this scant information and the in-depth intelligence and the zeal from all readers to learn and share more this place is the place to be.

    Happy belated Chanukah!

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      1. I think you forgot an umlaut 2. Damn, that sucks… Your 94 was almost as bad as OJ’s 3. Ha 4. Nice

      Thanks!

      • Ante GALIC says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Thanks, man! My love of German fell off after Schindler’s list (golf clap). Just checked wikipedia and it’s not urlaubsfrei but urlaub frei – literally holiday free. Yeah, my 94 was pretty bad. Actually my 93 was almost as bad, 94 was going really well until February 11 came along. Okay, sorry for posting on December 18’s blog. Will get up to speed soonest!

        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Yeah, you’re in the wrong post, but you got urlaub frei…

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