*takes long inhale* You smell that? It’s the glorious smell of actual baseball trades mixed with the mold in your mother’s basement! So, the Twins have more irons in the fire than Tigers Woods’s chimney. Since the Sonny Gray deal was self-contained, let’s start there. Sonny Gray was traded to the Twins. Reds have been rebuilding since their last playoff series win in 1995. “This mean Greene?” asks me and Dr. Seuss. First off (after that negging of the Reds), good on the Twins. Gray (him not me) was at the bottom of his perceived value last year after an unlucky year, and, well, you can read about all that at the top 60 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball. All that was standing between him and an uptick in value was less homers allowed, so what better place than the Hubert H. Homerfree Dome? Kinda bummed I haven’t drafted Gray in multiple leagues already. Where’s the self-love?! As for Hunter Greene, moved him up in top 100 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball, and updated the pitchers pairings tool. Didn’t change his projections because still don’t know how many innings he can throw, but he’s in good shape to see the rotation in the landmark case of sooner vs. later.

Then the busy Twins, sent Mitch Garver to the Rangers for Isiah Kiner-Falefa, more on him in a few. The Rangers just need to make deals, whether they’re good for them or not. During the lockout, the Rangers were pulling on their collar, sweating, screaming, “I need to make a deal, man!” They’re like Pookie from New Jack City and their crack pipe is MLB roster moves. Someone needs an intervention, and that someone’s name is Texas Rangers. Not to mention, I understand Israeli Diner-Falafel is less than desirable for fantasy, but he actually made sense on the Rangers. Have the Rangers heard they lost Josh Jung? The Rangers are like a team that doesn’t draft a 3rd baseman for 15 rounds, saying, “3rd base is deep.” At least if the Rangers were going to send away Israeli Diner-Falafel, they could’ve got back Elijah Colavito-Tabouli. With the trade for Mitch Garver, the Rangers realized Jonah Heim was Superbad. Jonah Heim was removed from the 2022 fantasy baseball rankings — Hey, Jonah Heim, Don’t Look Up your name in the rankings! The top 20 catchers for 2022 fantasy baseball was updated for Mitch Garver (due to a better lineup and worse catcher behind him). That rankings post was also briefly updated for Ryan Jeffers, but the Twins weren’t done.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Alek Manoah went 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 10 Ks vs. the Rays, i.e., they’re supposed to be good. Alek Manoah has a 3.39 ERA, and a mom that’s a 10. Sign me up (for a spot in the mailbox outside their house)! “Hello, Ms. Alek Manoah, can I call you Alek Mommamia? Alek Womanoah? Why are you walking faster? I just wanna chat!” I scream from the mailbox. Call me a Cougar Chaser because I chase cougars! Any hoo! Alek Manoah is doing this as a rookie. Um, how about pretty unheard of. He is the 1st Jays’ pitcher to throw eight scoreless with one hit, zero walks and 10 Ks. Again, that’s against the best AL team. He tied Trevor Rogers for most 6+ innings starts for a rookie this year. His slider was dropping five inches more last night than when he first came up. He looks like a young Lance Lynn if Lance Lynn hung out with Action Bronson. For 2022, he looks like a ready-made horse, even though he will have roughly 100 IP under his belt. Right now, he’s rocking a 9.8 K/9 and a 3-ish BB/9, and for 2022 I’d put him around similar numbers, but with better command upside. So, roughly a number two fantasy starter who will have moments much better and worse. In only year two! Alek Mommamia, I love what you’ve produced! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello friends, and welcome once again to the deep league corner of Razzball.  As our teams continue to get hit by injuries, demotions, and inconsistent play, it gets harder to plug those lineup and rotation holes, but plug away we will.  While I actually saw a fantasy site suggest that you might want to check your waiver wire to see if Wander Franco is still available in your league after news of his call up broke a couple of days ago, most of us, of course, will have to get a bit more creative than that.  In my leagues the free agent pool is as dried up as I’ve seen it all year, but let’s see if we can manage to stumble upon a player or two that could be of interest to those of us in AL-only, NL-only, and other deep leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Hello, Proprietor of a Milliner, I understand your trade is hat-making. I was wondering if you could make this Dairy Queen sundae helmet into a normal-sized head helmet…Right, right, I get that. Yes, I guess I could just buy a helmet from the John Olerud collection, but I’d like this exact Kansas City Royals sundae helmet. It’s for Opening Day for the 2021 baseball season, Mr. Milliner–Wait a second, I’m seeing news come across my ticker…Adalberto Mondesi has an oblique strain? Forget it, Opening Day is called off. Goodbye.” How do you strain your oblique on the one day without baseball between now and July? Was he reaching up to get a suitcase out of overhead baggage? Well, I too have baggage, but I push my baggage down until I randomly start crying at red lights! Why, why whywhywhy…Well, I guess, Happy Opening Day! It feels less happy now with Mondesi news. The Royals recalled Nicky Lopez, which is objectively just funny. If you have late drafts, like after Opening Day, I updated top 500 for Mondesi, conservatively removing 100 at-bats, which is roughly three weeks to a month. It seemed like a big stretch to have Mondesi hitting 3rd in that lineup. Obviously too big of a stretch for his oblique. Hopefully, he can get back soon, because it’s Opening freakin’ Day! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Los Angeles is such an eco-friendly city that when a recent EPA report cited jet fuel as accounting for 17% of air pollution, the Dodgers went out and traded for Mookie Betts. See, this year’s All-Star Game is in Dodger Stadium, and now eleven of their players don’t have to fly anywhere for the All-Star Game festivities. Always giving, my great City of Angels, that’s not actually the city of the Angels, that’s Anaheim, but they call themselves Los Angeles and it’s nowhere near Los Angeles. Not confusing at all! Let’s just drool for a second at the Dodgers’ lineup:  Betts, Muncy, Turner, Bellinger, Pederson/Pollock, Seager, Will Smith and Gavin Lux. If they trade Austin Barnes to the Astros for a trash can, then their 2020 title hopes will be sealed! Before you laugh, the Astros could use a catcher. So, Betts’s best will be in the starry skies of Los Angeles, and Rihanna might just start liking baseball again. “You’re cute with that silliness.” “Nah, seriously, I want to go bowling.”  That’s Mookie and Rihanna on their first date. Betts is in the prime of his career, and I can’t see any chance a move to Los Angeles slows him down, however–Don’t do it, Grey! Don’t be negative here! Well, Fenway to Dodger Stadium isn’t the best move. Some of those doubles off the wall might go for deep outs to the left fielder. The Dodgers didn’t steal a lot in 2019 either, but that could be from a lack of threats. Justin Turner is running? Muncy? Bellinger did run, because he can. Betts should still be a lock for 15-20 steals, but I’m knocking his power down a tad with the park change. While his projections will change a bit, his ranking is staying the same in my top 10 for 2020 fantasy baseball. For what it’s Werth, Rudy’s auction rankings changed dramatically for Betts, knocking him way down, but Betts’s projections are even better than mine, as seen at the hitter projections. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2020 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Seven games into the season and we’ve already got some season altering injuries. A lot of injured players that are out there have been injured for a while like Salvador Perez, Michael Fulmer, Alex Wood etc. They’ve been injured for a long time so you had a plan to replace them — or not draft them at all so I won’t be talking about them.

Below are some recent injury updates that are affecting your teams. Every week I’ll be posting injury updates and my thoughts on what you should do with that player and if there are any sneaky replacements who are owned in less than 35% of leagues or so on the waivers you can pick up in their place. Often I won’t just name that player’s replacement that’s on his team. That’s lazy journalism.

However, every league is different so treat this column like a mailbag — if you suffered an injury and don’t know who to replace them with — just drop a comment with some of the best available options in your league and I’ll give you my advice!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fernando Tatis Jr. made the team.  Did not see that one coming.  Don’t own him anywhere.  To which you now say, “Tough Tatis.”  Wow.  I’m stunned.  Good for the Padres!  This is not good for the Luis Urias, who I’ve lowered in my top 20 2nd basemen.  Possibly bad news for Ian Kinsler too, but owning Ian Kinsler in fantasy was bad news for you anyway.  Here’s what I said earlier in the preseason on Tatis, “Fernando Tatis Jr. was born in 1999.  Recently, it was announced Acuña was so young he didn’t know who Mickey Mantle was, well, Tatis Jr. is so young he doesn’t know who Mike Trout is.  Dude was born like a minute ago, and not a minute as it’s defined in Urban Dictionary, which is a long time, but an actual minute.  Fernando Tatis Jr.’s dad is so young he didn’t even use charcoal as his medium; he used MS Paint.  Tatis Jr. looks like an All Star ready to happen, until the 75th round draft pick, Albert Pujols Jr., comes along and replaces him.  Jokes aside, Tatis looks damn near perfect.  A lanky Machado maybe, a young Hanley possibly.  Like something Ryan Brasier would cover, Tatis looks real and spectacular.  I’d say the difference him and his pops is the difference between Ken Griffey Jr. and Sr., but Ken Sr. wasn’t that bad.  How about this, the difference between Tatises (Tatii?) is the difference between J.D. Martinez and J.D. Martinez Sr.  Was there a J.D. Martinez Sr.?  No idea, but that’s the point.  FTJ is going to be special.  Now Fun the Jewels fast!  Now Fun the Jewels fast!  Now Fun the Jewels fast!”  And that’s me quoting me!  I love him, guys and five girl readers, and you need to own him in all leagues.  Immediately.  He has some swing-and-miss tendencies, due to his age, so I conservatively projected him up to around 18/18/.250, but, honestly, he could be so much more.  He was also moved up my top 20 shortstops, if you’re into that sorta thing.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’ve done it!  We’ve reached the end of the fantasy baseball hitter rankings.  Give yourself a big round of applause.  I’d clap for you, but I have carpal tunnel from actually ranking all the hitters and writing all their blurbs and calculating all of their projections and– What exactly did you do?  Oh, yeah, you read them.  No wonder why your hands can still clap.  Okay, let’s get to it because this post is like 5,000 words long and I wrote it with my toes.  C’mon, pinkie toe, push down the shift key!  Here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers.  All projections listed are mine and I mention where I see tiers starting and stopping.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And out like a Jake Lamb after season ending shoulder surgery. Stash or Trash: Trash. If you’re in a dynasty league, however, I’d definitely stash Lamb. He’s expected to be ready for spring training 2019. Lamb is still only 27 and has 100/30/100 potential with upside for more while hitting right in the thick of that awesome Diamondbacks lineup. In my opinion, if they can keep the majority of their roster intact the Diamondbacks have World Series potential in 2019. Fill In: Wilmer Flores (6.9%.) As a part time player the past three seasons, Flores really has some solid seasons. In those three seasons he averaged onl 375 ABs with 17 HRs and 53 RBI with a .754 OPS. With the Mets throwing in the towel after making 0 moves of significance at the deadline, Flores now finds himself batting third in the Mets lineup and hitting pretty well since the start of July: .308 AVG, 11 XBHs, 14 runs, 12 RBI. Flores also has that dual 1B/3B eligibility that makes him even more valuable.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Clearly, there’s a major issue here.  The issue revolves around a few Buys this week.  They are Mark Trumbo, Tim Beckham, Jonathan Villar and Trey Mancini.  Any guesses their connection?  No, they don’t all wear a bear costume during the offseason for bachelorette parties.  I mean, they could, but no.  I don’t think so.  Their connection and the issue can be summed in this question, is the entire Orioles lineup really hot or have they just faced garbage pitching for the last week?  I’d give you the answer, but I’d have to kill you, and I don’t know your address.  I guess I have your IP, but is it roaming?  VPN?  Am I really traveling around to kill you when I could just not tell you the answer?  That is the other choice here, right?  Such a dilemma!  Let me sleep on it.  *pulls Murphy bed out of wall, lies down, Murphy bed flies up and traps me*  Muffled screams, “Mark Trumbo has been the hottest hitter in the league!  If you need power, I’d grab him in all leagues!  Also, can you pull down this freakin’ bed?!”  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Matt Olson, affectionately known as Allahson by people in Middle East Bay, hit his 22nd homer yesterday.  An inconsequential home run to the game, but it’s a part of a larger tapestry.  Khris Davis hit his 31st homer, his 4th homer of the week, but, again, pull back, view the larger picture.  That home run didn’t matter!  Speaking of a matter, Matt Chapman hit his 15th homer, as he hit out of the two-hole, because the A’s can.  Sure, the A’s can and two-hole are synonymous.  But, of course, all of this happened.  Look at the larger picture!  Trevor Cahill went 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.12, which is exactly what was always meant to happen.  Don’t you see it yet?  On Saturday, Edwin Jackson went 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.87.  No one on the A’s will have a bad game this year.  Know why?  Are you pulled back far enough to see the larger picture?  No one will have a bad game because no one sells their soul and doesn’t specify they want to be good until the end of the season.  “Hey, cool horns and pitchfork.  So, yeah, here’s my soul, and can you make me pitch well until the first week of August?”  That would never happen!  The A’s aren’t the best team in baseball without serious voodoo, soul-selling!  I have it on good authority someone was seen in the A’s clubhouse with a 1970’s-style mustache hiding horns on top of their head!  That’s the devil, unless Rollie Fingers remodeled his face.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?