Matt Olson, affectionately known as Allahson by people in Middle East Bay, hit his 22nd homer yesterday. An inconsequential home run to the game, but it’s a part of a larger tapestry. Khris Davis hit his 31st homer, his 4th homer of the week, but, again, pull back, view the larger picture. That home run didn’t matter! Speaking of a matter, Matt Chapman hit his 15th homer, as he hit out of the two-hole, because the A’s can. Sure, the A’s can and two-hole are synonymous. But, of course, all of this happened. Look at the larger picture! Trevor Cahill went 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.12, which is exactly what was always meant to happen. Don’t you see it yet? On Saturday, Edwin Jackson went 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.87. No one on the A’s will have a bad game this year. Know why? Are you pulled back far enough to see the larger picture? No one will have a bad game because no one sells their soul and doesn’t specify they want to be good until the end of the season. “Hey, cool horns and pitchfork. So, yeah, here’s my soul, and can you make me pitch well until the first week of August?” That would never happen! The A’s aren’t the best team in baseball without serious voodoo, soul-selling! I have it on good authority someone was seen in the A’s clubhouse with a 1970’s-style mustache hiding horns on top of their head! That’s the devil, unless Rollie Fingers remodeled his face. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Wil Myers – Hit the DL because he is made of 2,000-year-old parchment paper. “In the region then known as Mesopotamia is where Hammurabi’s laws were first jotted down on a napkin that is now known as Wil Myers.” That’s a docent at the Museum of Natural History.
Franmil Reyes – 2-for-3 and his 7th homer, as he was called up to replace Myers. A person in a Padres uniform (fan?) was also seen removing signs from around San Diego that read ‘Missing’ with a picture of Kyle Blanks. Guess they found him.
Hunter Renfroe – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .238. It is so hilarious to me that he’s hitting third. Renfroe shouldn’t be hitting third in a lineup with seven other Renfroes and one Hosmer.
Kyle Hendricks – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.07, and this game was vs. the Padres, for perhaps the limpest start vs. the Padres from a guy who is supposed to be better. I saddled up to the Stream-o-Nator and gave Hendricks a roll, then we played bones, and I’m yelling, “Whatever happened to Domingo?” Santana. Side note, seriously, is Domingo still playing ball? As for Hendricks, I’m so done with him.
Jon Lester – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.44. His owners prolly preferred when he was allowing steals vs. runs.
Delino DeShields – Hit the 7-day concussion DL. DeShields bumped his head on his extremely low ceiling.
Mark Trumbo – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer. I said last week that Trumbo could be one of the few to hit 15 homers from August 1st to the end of the year, and now I’m saying I said it.
Jonathan Villar – 3-for-3, 3 runs and a slam (7) and legs (15), hitting .471 for the O’s, and hitting third. If I was anymore vocal about how I think Villar now has fantasy value, people would be confusing my O’s talk with my O face.
Austin Wynns – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting near .430 in the last week with two homers. Yes, hot schmotato alert, but it’s worth noting that the O’s opponent (Rangers) don’t have five little Nolan Ryans.
Tyler O’Neill – With Dexter Fowler’s fractured foot — too bad, so sad! — O’Neill and Harrison Bader should be getting regular playing time. In a vacuum, I like Tyler O’Neill (though he is nursing an injury). By the way, I know the video on today’s post got dated super fast with the Pham injury. Considering I have to do these videos a few days ahead of time to complete them, I’m surprised this is the first one that got dated. Still feel free to view it with ads and earn me .0000000000067th of a penny.
Jose Martinez – 2-for-4, hitting .298. Can I just briefly mention how absolutely apeshizz bizzonkers it is to have a guy hit third, then double switch him out in a close game? You’re basically saying Jo-Ma is one of your best hitters (which he is), then remove him from the lineup when you could still use offense.
Jack Flaherty – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Was a fairly easy matchup (which is in itself crazy, because the Pirates went out and traded for pieces and their hitting is goofy sad — anyhoo!), but Flaherty’s next matchup will be even easier (Royals).
Nathan Eovaldi – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.38. “…And weeks ago Aaron Judge went down and the Yankees became a lifeless team.” *closes storybook* “The end. Now go get daddy a beer,” the Red Sox.
Chance Adams – 5 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks in his major league debut. If you only listened to Yankee fans, you’d think the Yanks promoted Whitey Ford. Adams has been getting absolutely worked in the ribs, up against the ropes, as he moved up the minor league food chain. In Single-A, he had a 12.3 K/9. That decreased at each additional stop until it was at 8 K/9 in Triple-A last year. It bounced back a little this year (9.4 K/9) with a 4.50 ERA (3.99 xFIP). Oh (not the Rockies pitcher), the walks have not been pretty either (4.4 BB/9 in 2018). This all sounds like a potential number three if things break right. Or Whitey Peugeot.
Justin Bour – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games and three homers in the last four games. Yes, he’s a Bour, but hot schmotato too.
Tommy Hunter – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 2nd save, ERA at 4.17, as Seranthony Dominguez (1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.03) worked the 7th inning. Maybe Gabe Kapler is a socialist and he wants everyone to get saves. Seranthony does sound like he’s part of the ruling class.
Tyler Skaggs – Hit the DL with an abductor strain. Apparently, Skaggs is a scallop.
Luis Valbuena – Designated for assignment by the Angels. This is one of the most interesting DFA’ings in the history of baseball. The Angels floated a report Saturday night that The Sciosciapath was stepping down, then their next move was DFA’ing Valbuena, Scioscia’s favorite player. Then, The Sciosciapath was asked about stepping down and he said that report was nonsense. So, when The Sciosciapath asks about Valbuena being DFA’d, you know what he’s going to hear? Sorry, Mike, I thought we were on a break!
Corey Kluber – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.63. The reports of his demise are sorely mistaken. Or are they?! Damn you, Reversal Question, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Kluber’s Ks and velocity are still down, and his xFIP is up. Obviously, he’s not a bad pitcher, but not sure he’s the Cy Young guy he was.
Jose Ramirez – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 33rd homer, hitting .300. The guy who you worried in March couldn’t hit 20 homers is going to hit 40+ homers. Now cackle yourself into heaving sobs.
Brad Hand – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save, as he seems to have simultaneously supplanted Cody Allen while also trying to keep the competition alive by giving up runs. It’s a fine tightrope to walk, just ask Cody Allen.
Danny Duffy – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.70 vs. Ervin Santana – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.14. This matchup was billed as, “You don’t believe in Magic? Then how do you explain these guys still starting for major league teams?”
Whit Merrifield – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .307. Completely respectable season from Merrifield, and more in line with what I’d expect from him vs. what he did last year power-wise. That might be the worst fight card since Brigitte Nielsen’s ovaries vs. Father Time.
Lance McCullers – 4 IP, 0 ER, but left with elbow discomfort, which obviously sucks and was totally predictable, but he couldn’t pitch one more inning so I could get the gee-dee win?! Obviously McCullers is done-zo for a while, if not the rest of the season. I own Collin McHugh in one league, so I’m rooting for him to get McCullers’ spot, but it’s not yet clear.
Luis Castillo – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.91. On one hand, decent start in a tough matchup. On the other hand, it’s still under six innings and two earned runs. On a third hand that is actually a proctologist’s glove on the end of a mop, Castillo is yet to impress me for longer than two starts in a row all year.
Matt Harvey – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.37. Once the trading deadline passed, Harvey ripped up all his scratch-off (of this team’s logo).
Tanner Roark – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.21. Well, we had a good run. Or at least I had a good run with him, as he rattled off three straight Quality Starts, but the Stream-o-Nator doesn’t like his next start, and I agree.
Jon Gray – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.73. One great start after another since his return from the minors is going to step over the top rope for this week’s matchup vs. the Dodgers in Coors. Hope he doesn’t come away bloody like Abdullah the Butcher.
Trevor Story – 1-for-6, 4 RBIs and a slam (24) and legs (14), and three homers in the last two days. Hopefully, Matt Holliday doesn’t want to return as a shortstop, because then Story will have to be benched. Sorry, no choice.
Nolan Arenado – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 29th homer, hitting .306. I won Prince’s last worn merkin on eBay, and it’s in the shape of the symbol he went by for a few years. Unfortunately, it’s a little damp. I think I’m going to let it air dry by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!!!
Adam Ottavino – 1 IP, 2 ER and his 3rd blown save. Ottavino’s owners on Saturday, “How many times can Wade Davis blow a game before Ottavino gets a chance?” Ottavino’s owners on Sunday, “Why do I feel like the world is laughing at me?” I tried to pick up Seung-hwan Oh (who did get the save on Sunday) in one NL-Only league, and could see the Rockies going with Oh, due to his experience. Everyone knows the Rockies appreciate experience more than just about anything. Of course, I don’t think Davis is just out of the mix completely either.
Travis Shaw – 2-for-5 and his 22nd homer, and 2nd homer this weekend. Hey, it helps me, because I own Shaw, but now Craig Counsell is benching Jesus Aguilar? You remember Jesus, right? The guy who Counsell called three weeks ago, ‘the Brewers MVP.’ Unless that was simply so he’d win the final write-in All-Star vote. Damn, trying to affect the vote, who are you, Craig Comey Counsell?
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer. Moistasskiss!
Yasiel Puig – Sounds headed to the DL with an oblique injury. Sue me if I read this as good news for all the guys I want the Dodgers to play over Puig. Actually, in regards to Puig, ‘sue me’ would be sooooie!
George Springer – Hit a leadoff homer (19th), then walked in his next at-bat, which led to a steal attempt and bye-bye. He grimaced like his season was over after his slide, but the Astros are saying he has thumb discomfort. If you own him, I’d form a prayer trapezoid with a few of my closet friends and hope it is just discomfort. I don’t know. Discomfort is what Ted Knight dealt with from Jim J. Bullock, this seemed like more.
Zack Wheeler – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.89. After the game, Wheeler said, “I can still clear waivers, right? Please explain the rules of waivers to me. Someone!” According to the Stream-o-Nator, Wheeler gets yet another great matchup his next time out, and I’d go with him.
Kevin Gausman – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.47. Way to come into the NL and take on the worst offensive team. Apizzarently, Jeff McNeil was too much for Gausman. I still like Gausman in his new home, but if my confidence was a Jenga tower, shizz is now wobbly.
Ender Inciarte – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Ender belted one out yesterday and I belted one out in the above video about Ender.
Nick Markakis – 4-for-5 and his 13th homer. Sparkakis!
Blake Snell – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.27. The Marla Gibbs line! Snell isn’t on an innings restriction. However, Snell only threw 59 pitches, so maybe he’s on a pitch count restriction.
Joey Wendle – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Go ahead, Mr. Wendle!
Carlos Rodon – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners (5 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 2.94. The Regression Fairies are over here rocking a unicorn t-shirt that says, “One of a kind,” and just ignoring Rodon. Can’t be forever though.
Avisail Garcia – 2-for-4, 3 runs and a double slam (12, 13) and legs (1). He was hitting .130 in the previous week with zero power (or RBIs and one run), so maybe it’s the start of a schmotato run, but it’s far from the middle of one.
Daniel Palka – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Has five homers in the last ten games, though a few of them have been pinch-hit jobbers, because the White Sox have so many options. Ow! Eye roll headache!
Kyle Seager – 2-for-4 and his 17th and 18th homer, hitting .231. Of course, he’s on pace for 26 homers. He could have 19 homers the last week of the season, then hit seven homers the final week, because he’s always within a plus or minus of three homers of 27 homers. What you Seager is what you get.
Marco Estrada – 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 BBs, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.65. You know when you’re feeling particularly lazy and you just line your underwear with fabric softener? That’s still not as sweet as streaming Estrada on Saturday.
Aledmys Diaz – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and third homer in the last four games and fifth homer in the last week. There’s hot schmotatoes, then there’s what Aledmys is currently on.
Clay Buchholz – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.68. Saturday’s matchup was relatively easy, but Buchholz’s peripherals are where they were when he was good. Yes, he was good at one point. Why ya gotta be such a playa hater? The beach is nice this time of year.
Steven Souza – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer, which is one more home run than Nick Ahmed hit on Saturday. Cust kayin’.
Robbie Ray – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 4.92. Walks: Good for senior citizens in the AM at malls. Not good when going against a team that is starting Nick Hundley as the cleanup hitter.
Chris Stratton – Sent to Triple-A. That’s the last time I listen to 50 Cent when he says #GetTheStrat.
Evan Longoria – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. “From the area of St. Pete to St. Fran seamlessly. Because these New Era caps are without seams!” That’s Evan Longoria practicing in the mirror in case a national commercial campaign comes back his way.