For Mother’s Day, all MLB players use pink bats. On Father’s Day, all bats should be painted to resemble penises. I try to convince MLB of this every year, and every year I’m met with awkward silence. Another Father’s Day, another year MLB didn’t take my suggestion for an, uh, equipment update. How about they use the pink bats again, but with hanging scrotum on the knobs? They could at least call all home runs on Father’s Day “dongs,” or if the player is over the age of 35, then they’re long balls. These are not big fixes I’m asking them to do. So, Edwin Encarnacion took his long balls (see?!) to the Yankees (unintentional pun, but still worthwhile). Turns out the Home Run Parrot on Edwin’s shoulder is a better agent than Kimbrel’s. “Polly want 15%.” This made me chuckle: reporters on Saturday suggesting the new potential Yankees’ lineup had Edwin Encarnacion penciled in as a question mark like he was some mystery-flavor Dum-Dum. It’s because Encarnacion doesn’t really make sense for the Yankees — is he the DH? (Voit? Judge? Stanton?) 1st base? (LeMahieu) — but they’ll find room for him since he was the AL leader in home runs. Clint Frazier was sent to the minors, as he awaits a trade; this will completely kill Gio Urshela’s value, and might hurt DJ LeMahieu’s, as well. With Giancarlo and Judge returning, Gardner’s about to become the 4th outfielder, Maybin’s gonna get DFA’d and Aaron Hicks better make sure he doesn’t slump or he’s going to be benched too. Of course, all of this becomes moot when Judge, Stanton and Edwin all get hurt this week. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Mychal Givens to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Chris Archer (6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.73) allowed four homers to the first five hitters he faced in the 2nd inning. The only way things could look worse for Chris Archer and, specifically the Pirates, is if Austin Meadows hit all four homers wearing different colored sombreros. “Hola! I am Austin Prairieritto!” “Hola! I am Tijuana Meadows!” “Hola! I am Roberto Hernandez!” “Hola! Imagine my exclamation marks are in the front of my sentences but upside down!” Okay, I’m Daffy like a duck talking about a Spanish Meadows when it was the Braves who mollywhopped Archer. A Spanish Robert Loggia, “Archer is a pitcher that don’t throw straight.” As I said yesterday, it’s not whether the record of four straight hitters with a home run is going to fall this year, it’s only how soon and with how many homers total. 8 straight hitters with a homer? 9? 12? Yesterday, Brian McCann (2-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 4th and 5th homer, going Yardo Montalban hitting them where da plane da plane goes. Josh Donaldson (1-for-4) hit his 9th homer, managing to control his Hulk-smash anger until the appropriate time — at the DMV. Nick Markakis (1-for-2, 2 runs) hit his 6th homer for his 2nd Sparkakis in two days, and Ozzie Albies (1-for-3, hitting .270) hit his 10th homer, 3rd in two games. ProContractsAreWhatWeKnow dot com said Albies earned $17.87 between homers. Albies looks like he’s come out of his May funk, but he still has no place to move up in the lineup. Well, maybe he can replace Austin Riley, whose average has dropped eighty points in a week. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It finally happened. A team decided to sign Craig Kimbrell! The MLB draft happened this week so the draft pick penalty has been lifted for signing a few marquee names like Kimbrell and Dallas Keuchel. The Chicago Cubs offered the most, since their payroll is jacked anyway. With the premiere of Dark Phoenix this weekend I’ve got a ranking of X-Men for the tiers.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t know if there’s a more frustrating pursuit than finding enough pitching in fantasy baseball. Usable middle relievers used to grow on trees. Now the good ones are picked and what’s left probably tastes sour. Nevertheless, we forge ahead trying to find a bandaid for our fantasy staffs where we can. In deeper leagues those won’t be brand name, rather bargain brand bandages. At least we’re far enough into the season that some early injuries have healed.Please, blog, may I have some more?
To the Muppet Show theme song, “It’s time to face the music! It’s time to say Asdrubal Cabrera is all right! It’s time to meet the Rangers on the Rangers show tonight!” Asdrubal Cabrera went 2-for-4 and his 8th and 9th homer, hitting .222. Guess you can say that was an Asdouble homer night! Give me some skin up in the air! No? Okay. Asdrubal went cold the past three weeks after having a hot two weeks prior, and it sounds like I’m writing his autobiography. So, finally he said to his 4th grade gym teacher, “I will be someone one day,” and that teacher was Hunter Pence, who also hit a home run, his 9th as he hits .307. Pence aka The Gangly Manbird aka the Zombino aka the inflatable wavy guy outside of a used car lot has six homers in the past 11 games. He sure doesn’t stink, but you know who does? Rougned Odor (1-for-4, 3 RBIs, hitting .169) hit his 7th homer. Odor…Odor…Odor…Odor…*my back is pressed against a giant gym sock*…Odor! Seriously, you know when 25 homers is not feasible? When it comes with a .170 average. Pick up the pace, Odor, you odorous piece of pond scum! All of this offense was plenty for Mike Minor (6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.51). Nope, he’s not pitching as well as his ERA indicates, but at a certain point you have to say to yourself, “Do I want some flashy FIP, which I don’t even fully understand, or do I want to win my league?” But those runs were only barely enough for Clocks singer, Chris Martin (1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.66). Bring back the South African dictator, Leclerc, which I say quietly to myself, so no one gets the wrong impression. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
A strain is a tear and a tear is a strain. The arms that are hurting have torn stuff somewhere in there. Don’t let doctors dress thing up with fancy words. Discomfort, swelling, strain all mean something is not in its original state. If one of your pitcher’s arms is hurting you have trouble. Buy some insurance with a well-placed bullpen add.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The bullpen upheaval has begun in earnest. If you need saves you’re about to get your chance to bid for some. The NFL draft also starts tonight, so I went with NFL movie themed tiers.
- Mike Scioscia’s spirit must be haunting the hallways of Angel stadium. Brad Ausmus tried to get twelve outs from Ty Buttrey but he only had 11 in him and gave up a run and the lead to New York. Hansel Robles, who hadn’t pitched the day before, was called on for the last out of the loss. I’m more confused about the LA situation than ever.
- Mychal Givens notched an honest to goodness save Wednesday. A six-outer, to boot! Maybe that means manager Brandon Hyde is starting to realize that Givens his only real fit for the ninth.
- Ryan Brasier has grabbed the upside to the Boston closer Schwartz. He’s viewed as the more straight-line ninth inning guy, while Matt Barnes has more value as a fireman.
- Baseball is weird. Shane Greene has eleven saves and two earned runs. He’s the second best closer in baseball on one of it’s worst teams.
- With David Robertson on the IL the Phillies have been turning to Hector Neris mainly. That’s shocking for Gabe Kapler. When Neris has his split-piece working it’s nasty, though. We can back the Kapler meddling threat level to yellow for now.
- Both Jose Alvarado and Diego Castillo needed some well-deserved rest this week. Kevin Cash turned to Emilio Pagan for back to back saves. Pagan was cast off by Oakland after they traded for him and didn’t get the reliable reliever they expected. Their loss could be Tampa’s gain. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, on the way to the park, Chris Paddack felt under the weather. Not to confuse people, Paddack had the flu, there’s no weather in San Diego. So, Chris Paddack was touching 100, and I’m not talking about his fastball. As Paddack made his way to the mound, he’d cough and: “You rang?” That’s the on-staff hernia nurse. Well, it’s not just the hernia nurse who’s on-staff when it comes to Paddack. Yesterday, he dismantled the Mariners — 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.67 in 27 IP, getting some swinging strikes that were…Well, one swing by Daniel Vogelbach was the highest pitch generating a swing all year at four-feet and eight-inches aka “an Altuve.” Currently, Paddack sits at 10 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 and a 3.80 xFIP, and, Steamer’s rest-of-the-season projections for him are 3.49 ERA with a 10 K/9 in 120 IP, i.e., a top 40 starter in all mixed leagues. With all his commercials, Justin Verlander can push his Flonase down our throats (noses?), but Paddack pitching is sick — God bless you! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Due to the light schedule, let’s drill down on Cody Bellinger (2-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .432). If man love bothers you, perhaps you should shield your eyes. This could become naughty, and, yes, I need to remove my pants to write the rest of this. Cody is 2 1/2 home runs from being halfway to last year’s homer total. How does one hit a 1/2 of a home run? You hit it out of the park, then pimp with a bat flip so long you get tackled rounding 2nd. Right now, Bellinger’s HR/FB% is absurd. He’s not even hitting that many fly balls. It’s just everything he touches goes bim-bam-zoom to the moon. Can that continue, you ask with your doe eyes and soft lips. You drafted Goodrum on too many teams, because you sound drunk. Of course, it won’t continue. His launch angle last year, when he hit 25 homers, was 16 degrees. This year it’s 13. He is hitting the ball damn hard, though. He’s third in the majors with 96 MPH average exit velocity. I’d be shocked if he hits less than 35 homers, but I also don’t think he’s going to hit more than his career high of 39 homers, if his fly ball rate holds. His strikeout rate has absolutely cratered, in a good way, but, of course, when a guy is hitting well, he’s not striking out. He will go cold, turkey, and cold turkey on power at some point. It’s early, yadda-blabbity-bloo, so don’t panic sell. He’s now a legit top 15 bat vs. the top 40 one we thought he might be in the preseason. Now, I will put back on my linen Tommy Bahama pants and continue. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
How about that Gleyber Torres schmohawk post now? Grey’s a genius! Who happens to need an online dictionary to spell ‘genius.’ Why is that bad? Are you some kinda of elitist who memorizes werd spelings? Look at me, I’m a werd nord! Dur! I hate you! And Gleyber Torres. Why is everything going opposite world on me so far? I do fantasy baseball to relieve stress so why did I throw my computer out the window and am typing from a nearby bush? Yo, I’m so bush league! Get it? No? Me either, tee bee aitch. So, Gleyber Torres (4-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st two homers of the year) did the mollywhop dance on the O’s’ (not confusing apostrophes) pitching. Of course, Gleyber did! I’d stream any hitter against the Orioles, except maybe Chris Davis in a split squad game. Yo, Chris Davis, you wearing Opti-Grab glasses? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?