This Is Our Cahill, And These Are Our Beane’s

August 6, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 404 Comments

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Matt Olson, affectionately known as Allahson by people in Middle East Bay, hit his 22nd homer yesterday. An inconsequential home run to the game, but it’s a part of a larger tapestry. Khris Davis hit his 31st homer, his 4th homer of the week, but, again, pull back, view the larger picture. That home run didn’t matter! Speaking of a matter, Matt Chapman hit his 15th homer, as he hit out of the two-hole, because the A’s can. Sure, the A’s can and two-hole are synonymous. But, of course, all of this happened. Look at the larger picture! Trevor Cahill went 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.12, which is exactly what was always meant to happen. Don’t you see it yet? On Saturday, Edwin Jackson went 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.87. No one on the A’s will have a bad game this year. Know why? Are you pulled back far enough to see the larger picture? No one will have a bad game because no one sells their soul and doesn’t specify they want to be good until the end of the season. “Hey, cool horns and pitchfork. So, yeah, here’s my soul, and can you make me pitch well until the first week of August?” That would never happen! The A’s aren’t the best team in baseball without serious voodoo, soul-selling! I have it on good authority someone was seen in the A’s clubhouse with a 1970’s-style mustache hiding horns on top of their head! That’s the devil, unless Rollie Fingers remodeled his face. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Draft: Oh Canada!

July 1, 2018 | DFS, Draft |

by: Thomas Howland

When the early spring rolls around, there are these wonderful gatherings in the northeast known as maple festivals. Now, thanks to big James Paxton, there’s a maple festival every 5th day in the Pacific Northwest. The Big Maple himself, pride of Ladner BC, gets to face the grovelling Kansas City Royals today at home in Seattle. Paxton beat the Royals earlier in the year 4-2, pitching 6 innings with 10 strikeouts. At home he’s got a 1.098 WHIP and 12.1 K/9. It all adds up to a dominating start and better bet than the other top starters today. Now let’s look at a few more early-, middle- and late-round picks for your Draft…drafts!

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

C-Mart Pitching Like Kmart

June 22, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 294 Comments

by: Grey

No joy comes from benching your ace and having him do a shot of Visine right as he’s going to bed. “I’m just going to tuck myself in with a glass of warm milk and a Visine back.” Nope, that brings me zero enjoyment. It’s like calling your mechanic and telling him that your brakes don’t work, which you found out after the valet drove your Peugeot into a Chipotle. (Even Chipotles have valets in LA.) Car’s ruined, at least I wasn’t in the damn car, but no joy. That’s what I’m getting right now from Carlos Martinez. Yesterday, he went 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 3.24, and it’s his 4th straight lackluster start in a row since returning from injury. He was on my bench, because I don’t trust him at all, but my car’s still being used as a salsa bar, and I don’t want pico de gallo on my hood! I want the ace pitcher I drafted! I have to assume C-Mart is still hurt, because it hasn’t only been the series of bleh starts, but the control in his last four games has been atrocious 20 BBs in 16 2/3 IP. Yesterday’s command was technically better, unless you consider being wild in the zone as big a problem. Sadly, he needs to stay on your bench until he either rights the ship or hits the Disgraceful List. Effin’ pico de gallo hood ornament! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

My Finger Is Thor

May 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 474 Comments

by: Grey

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Times like this you wish Noah Syndergaard wasn’t complaining of a ligament strain and just had a bad lisp. “Oh no! My finger is Thor, and it needs a Syndergaard.” More like Noah Fingergaard! Noah Syndergaard hit the DL with a finger ligament strain. I’m fully aware that at least one person in every league ignored my advice to ignore Syndergaard and drafted him very early, so I will do something I’ve never done before, not gloat. True story, my crazy aunt used to say I gloated all the time behind her back (I did) and I drove her into a mental asylum. See, when I say my ‘crazy’ aunt, I’m being literal! So, without gloating, let me just say when a pitcher proves himself to be injury prone, take his word for it. His Synderwoord? DeGrom’s already had a dislocated elbow, and my money’s on him getting injured at some point again soon too. Same goes for Kershaw. Not trying to be harsh, it’s just truth bombs. If you own Syndergaard, hope he returns relatively soon, but this is the kind of injury that sidelines a pitcher for an entire season. Sorry, another truth bomb. Oh, and the Mets said Syndergaard can return in ten days. What’s the opposite of a truth bomb? That’s what that is. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ambulance Chasers, Week 4: Sisterhood of the Travelling Kendrick

April 19, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Injury Report |

by: Kerry Klug

Oblique? More like nooooooblique! Seems like it is a mild one so he has that going for Jonathan Schoop, 2B, (strained oblique). Which is goodblique. Orioles are hoping for a minimum stay, but I think it’ll be similar to Christian Yelich where they hold him out for 15-20 days instead of just the minimum 10. Stash or Trash: Stash. Fill In: Howie Kendrick (14.5%.) Nobody wants to play Howie Kendrick — we all just somehow end up with him on our team at some point throughout the year when our players get hurt. (Which always coincides with that two game a month hot streak Kendrick always has.) The conversation we usually have with ourselves when it comes time to add Kendrick typically ends with “I guess I’ll grab Howie Kendrick to replace ____” Here’s the same old song and dance you hear about Kendrick every year: he’s hit safely in every game he’s played this season except one. He’ll accidentally hit 1-2 HRs right before you pick him up, but then won’t hit 1-2 more until right after you drop him two weeks later. Howie-ver, he won’t hurt your AVG/OBP and could provide a HR and a nice handful of runs in the Nats lineup until Schoop comes back. Then you can pass him back to the waivers until someone else needs him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Didi Tees Off And Rays Couldn’t Shake That Pest Aside

April 4, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 468 Comments

by: Grey

Didi, Didi, can’t you see, sometimes your home runs hypnotize me? Or how about, Gre-Gre-Gregorius? Gre-Gre-Gregorius… Gregorius sung by Duran Duran or Biggie work for me. Fun fact! Duran Duran is the past tense of Da Doo Run Run Da Doo Run Run. Bit a of a trivia whiz, though I did need to Google to see if it was spelled whiz or wiz. Did you know Truvia was discovered by someone sniffing artificial sweetener off a Trivial Pursuit card? Any hoo! Didi Gregorius went goofy time, there’s always money in the banana stand, crying at the end of The Last American Virgin but with tears of joy, with himself yesterday — 4-for-4, 3 runs, 8 RBIs and two homers (1, 2). His first homer went 346 feet, which is almost three and half Cespedes. I was way off Didi in the preseason, but that was almost (exactly) five games ago, let’s forget about that! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 20 3rd Basemen for 2018 Fantasy Baseball

January 23, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 192 Comments

by: Grey

The top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball ends the infield rankings for 2018. I say, Amed to that! Rosario, specifically. With the end of the infield rankings, we can get a bigger picture, uh, picture on depth of each position. I call this segment of the program, The Fantastically Flexible File on Marwin Gonzalez. Or The Marvelous Mr. Marwin, if Jeff Bezos is reading. Since Marwin’s got more eligibility than a guy who lives in his mom’s basement and has a cat named Kylo, let’s look at where he is in each ranking. For the top 20 1st baseman for 2018 fantasy baseball, he was ranked 30th, for the top 20 2nd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball, he was ranked 22nd, for the top 20 shortstops for 2018 fantasy baseball, he was ranked 20th, and here he’s 24th. Clearly, the infield positions from deepest to shallowest are: 1B, 3B, 2B, and SS. Marwin, you illuminating mother! Any hoo! My projections are noted for every player and all positions are at the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings. By the hoo, Rudy has all his 2018 rankings up on the Preseason Player Rater. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 20 1st Basemen for 2018 Fantasy Baseball

January 18, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 262 Comments

by: Grey

I have to keep this short, because after the jump is going to be the longest post you’ve ever seen in your life. How do I know all the posts you’ve seen to compare this one to? Because I’m sitting behind you. *waves* Hey! I’ve given you the top 10 for 2018 fantasy baseball, top 20 for 2018 fantasy baseball and top 20 catchers for 2018 fantasy baseball. All projections included are mine, and where I see tiers starting and stopping are included. Let’s do this! Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And Teoscar Goes To….

September 27, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 144 Comments

by: Grey

*fumbles with an envelope, Hillary Swank stands next to me, watching on, embarrassed for me* And the Teoscar goes to…Teoscar Hernandez! Hillary Swank leans into the microphone, “Well, he was the only one nominated.” Ugh, totally unnecessary Swank! I should’ve pointed out how she was checking out Hugh Jackman’s wife the entire time on stage. I picked up Teoscar before yesterday’s game for the runs because he was leading off, I never expected such a windfall of gorge. He went 2-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 6th and 7th homer in only his 73rd at-bat. That’s 20 hits total for him, with seven going gonzo. This is better than Million Dollar Baby! Yeah, I hope Hillary Swank’s Google alerts are going bizzonkers today. Not ready to announce my love for Teoscar for next year, I am more of an IFP Spirit Awards guy, but you have to grab Teoscar for these final days. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Avisail Blasts By Detroit Like He’s The Late 20th Century Economy

September 15, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 178 Comments

by: Grey

Can you name the top five in the AL for batting average? I’m talking those qualified. The person who said Erik Kratz for being 1-for-1 on the year is unqualified to answer. By the way, if you’ve taken too many quaaludes to answer, does that mean you’re unquaaludified? I pose this question to you while sprawled on a tiger-skin carpet like Burt Reynolds in a centerfold for Cosmopolitan. “Loni, feed me grapes, would you doll face?” Totally making current references right now. The top 5: Altuve, Avisail Garcia, Hosmer, Reddick and Jose Ramirez. Yo, batting average leaders nowadays are weird. There’s only ten guys in the league over .300, and two of them are Joe Mauer and Lorenzo Cain. Yesterday, Avisail went 5-for-5, 2 runs, 7 RBIs and his 17th homer, as he hits .333. Let me be the first to tell you, he has not really broken out like your teenaged face. He’s hitting 52% ground balls, a .397 BABIP (!), not even top 70 for Hard Contact percentage, a high HR/FB% for him and still only has 17 homers. There’s very little to point to that he’s breaking out, and not just getting crazy lucky. Now watch him win the batting title and go full Terry Pendleton. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Olson Golden

September 14, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 234 Comments

by: Grey

Yesterday, Matt Olson went 1-for-2, 2 RBIs with his 18th homer, hitting .273, all in only 49 games, and seven homers in his last ten games. Dizzamn, who is he the American League’s Rhysus? I’d call him Olsonus, but that sounds stupid. We’re ridin’ the Ols-mobile? That’s better (not)! Like me after Taco Bell, he is Olplosive (much worse!). I hear the train a comin’ rollin’ round the bend! I ain’t seen the sunshine since I don’t know when! Well I’m stuck with Matt Olson and time keeps dragging on! While a train keeps a rollin’ like Olson to San Antone! Well when I was just a baby my mama told me Olson, Olson, OLSON! Always be a good boy don’t ever play with guns (flexes, showing gun show). Well I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, not OLSON! When I hear that whistle blowin’ I hang my head and I cry because I don’t have OLSON! Whew, that was exhausting. So, obviously, if you need power, you should grab Olsonus, and ride the Ols-mobile. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Abreu Taking Irma Frustrations Out On San Fran

September 11, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 269 Comments

by: Grey

There’s a common term sociologists use called, The Tide of Uze. Everything that encompasses everyday life is on The Tide of Uze. Brushing your teeth, walking your dog, Jose Abreu, they’re all on The Tide of Uze. There’s small pleasures to be found with them, but they’re so consistent they are often lost amongst other more exciting things. However, this past weekend The Tide of Uze was raised by Irma GAWD!, the fantasy football kickoff and me going to a Dodgers game with Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, a frequent commenter who was in town. I didn’t rank those per their importance, I’ll leave that to you. Big weekend for the world, right? (Yes.) With the Tide of Uze raising, it lifts everything that was floating on its surface, which meant Jose Abreu had a career weekend. On Saturday, he hit for the cycle, and, not to be outdone, he homered twice on Sunday (2-for-3, 3 RBIs, home run, 30 and 31). His season numbers are now 85/31/90/.302/1. All preseason I talked about how I wasn’t getting a 1st baseman in the first two rounds, so I was drafting Abreu everywhere, and I was nervous about it. Let’s just say I’ve learned to appreciate The Tide of Uze. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?