Times like this you wish Noah Syndergaard wasn’t complaining of a ligament strain and just had a bad lisp. “Oh no! My finger is Thor, and it needs a Syndergaard.” More like Noah Fingergaard! Noah Syndergaard hit the DL with a finger ligament strain. I’m fully aware that at least one person in every league ignored my advice to ignore Syndergaard and drafted him very early, so I will do something I’ve never done before, not gloat. True story, my crazy aunt used to say I gloated all the time behind her back (I did) and I drove her into a mental asylum. See, when I say my ‘crazy’ aunt, I’m being literal! So, without gloating, let me just say when a pitcher proves himself to be injury prone, take his word for it. His Synderwoord? DeGrom’s already had a dislocated elbow, and my money’s on him getting injured at some point again soon too. Same goes for Kershaw. Not trying to be harsh, it’s just truth bombs. If you own Syndergaard, hope he returns relatively soon, but this is the kind of injury that sidelines a pitcher for an entire season. Sorry, another truth bomb. Oh, and the Mets said Syndergaard can return in ten days. What’s the opposite of a truth bomb? That’s what that is. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Steven Matz – Left yesterday’s game, also dealing with a finger issue. He’ll be fine:
— Razzball (@Razzball) May 29, 2018
Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer, hitting .315. Been a real bright spot for the Mets. No sarcasm. Ugh, I don’t even believe myself when I’m sincere. Such a cynical bastard.
Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-3, 2 runs and two steals (4, 5), hitting .271. First, you win me with hitting well at the top of the order, then you show power, now steals? Swoon.
Mike Soroka – Will start a rehab game this Friday. Doesn’t his last name sound like a movie Benicio Del Toro would mumble through? No? Maybe it’s just me.
Anibal Sanchez – 4 IP, 4 ER as he was activated from the DL. The universe takes Syndergaard, but gives us Anibal. Yo, universe, you’re about $50 short on your tab!
Johan Camargo – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .230. Not doing a lot straight 5×5-wise, so your mileage may vary, but he has a .391 OBP, and is walking a bit more than your average senior at 8 AM in the mall.
Matt Carpenter – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 3rd homer in the last four games. I’m not a huge fan of Carpenter, so the fact that I’ve mentioned him boku times this week tells you how hot he is.
Harrison Bader – 3-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .274. Don’t challenge the Cards to randomly bench Jo-Ma, who is hitting .340 in the last two weeks, and make another hitter just as valuable, because the Cards will do it.
Michael Wacha – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 2.71. You know what hushes that velocity fuss? Throwing an under-3 ERA.
Evan Gattis – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .236. As garbagey as Gattis was earlier this season — Garbattis? — he’s definitely worth owning recently, with three homers in the last three games.
Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.26. How good is 80/20 Filet Mignon/Ground Chuck? The Stream-o-Nator loved him in yesterday’s game in the Bronx, which is never an easy matchup. All about those Ks dancing like the Ying Yang Twins. (I have not stopped listening to Pusha T’s newest in days.)
Chris Devenski – 1 IP, 2 ER and the blown save, ERA at 2.08. Astros are like, “Alex Colome was on the trade market? Why didn’t we get an iCal alert?” Who’s next in line to save games for the Astros? Brad Ziegler? Kidding, Astros! Don’t trade for him! Before you answer Brad Peacock (2/3 IP, 1 ER), he lost the game for them. Back to Ken’t Giles!
Brett Gardner – 4-for-5 and his 3rd and 4th homer, 2nd and 3rd homer this week and hitting near-.375 in that time. You know the drill!
Daniel Murphy – Sounds like he’s less than a week from returning to the Nats. On the reals, no reason why he can’t perform at a level of, say, what you were getting from pre-PEDs Cano. Asking Murphy to save your team is asking too much.
Bryce Harper – 3-for-5 and his 17th homer, hitting .238. He’s been teasing with breaking out of this almost five-week slump, and, with his haircut, that makes him a cocktease. Hopefully this game was the light in that tunnel. Yes, a guy with 17 homers has slumped for more than a month. Crazy.
Mark Reynolds – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 6th homer, hitting .417. Doesn’t play every day, but Mini Donkey has had a hot schmotato tear going for a few now.
Austin Meadows – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .439, as he plays over Polanco. I give Hurdle a bunch of crap, but I’m feeling this move. Nah’mean?
Elias Diaz – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, as he wheeled his gurney out to home plate to catch yesterday’s game. Kidding, but if you’re following all of these ‘Rizzo’s slide was dirty’ narratives, then you’d imagine that’s the only way Diaz could’ve played yesterday. Diaz is not hurt, and there’s all of this talk about a slide? Really? Ya’ll ain’t got nothing better to narrative?
Nick Kingham – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.75. This was a tough matchup, but I said yesterday I’d grab him in most mixed leagues. Today, I’m saying samesies.
Jon Lester – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.71. Seemed like John Lackey invaded Lester’s spirit. No, not because it looked like he could eat a whole bale of hay, but his body language was just miserable. Who stole your lollipop?
Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-3 and his 8th homer. HR to the Rizzo!
Kyle Gibson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.57 vs. Danny Duffy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 5.71. This matchup was billed as, “The two pitchers who are in the early lead for being dropped and picked up 20 times this season.” You should likely stop hitting on twenty for the ace, and just hold Gibson.
Daniel Descalso – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Finally, the Diamondbacks get some production from their 1st baseman! *sees Goldy’s owner weeping* I’m sorry, come here. Metaphorically! Don’t actually come here, I’m a germaphobe!
Robbie Ray – Threw a bullpen session, which means he could be about two weeks away from aggravating us at the major league level again. Lowercase joy.
A.J. Pollock – Thumb fracture not fully healed. That’s what they call in the biz, a setback. Adam Eaton and A.J. Pollock get on a ferris wheel, does the AMC (Association of Mindful Carnies) immediately shut it down?
Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.49. I’ve been low key telling people to drop Castillo in the comments. I think we’ve seen enough in shallower leagues; he just doesn’t look right.
Sergio Romo – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 6.33, as he got the save. But how do you get the save in the 1st inning, you’re thinking. You’re too woke for your own good! This Rays’ bullpen is such a mess of Biblical proportions, God’s like, “I’m going to take one more rib and make a McRib.” If I had to guess, I’d say Chaz Roe and Romo are the co-closers-slash-1st inning men.
C.J. Cron – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer, hitting .268. We’ve finally found a Curtis Jackson who can play baseball!
Daniel Robertson – 2-for-3 and his 6th homer, hitting .268. The Rays don’t have the worst offense; they’re top three for batting average, but Robertson hitting towards the bottom of the order does take some of the shine off him. Maybe Kevin Cash will move Joey Wendle (1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .283) out of the 3-hole, or Brad Miller (1-for-4, hitting .243) out of leadoff. Worth a cyclops, to be sure.
Franmil Reyes – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd in as many games. All he does is homer! No, literally, he’s hitting .189.
J.T. Riddle – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. He was just called up the other day to replace Prado. Yes, the Marlins have more Jerry Tomato’s on their team than All-Stars, but I did grab Riddle in an NL-Only league, because he should play.
Matt Shoemaker – Done for the season after something happened to his arm. I’m too lazy to figure out what happened this time. I’m also too lazy to go back to preseason comments and find everyone who said something to me like, “Grey, you are very handsome, this can not be denied, but why are you so low on Shoemaker? He says he’s healthy.”
Nick Tropeano – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.80. Stream-o-Nator didn’t have any kind words for Tropeano yesterday, so let’s see if we can figure out why. *looks at his player page* Woof. No thanks. By the by, the line that SON didn’t like that it predicted: 5 1/3, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, which is exactly what he did. You know you’re able to ask me anything on start and sit matchups, but I defer to SON for my own starts.
Ian Kinsler – 3-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .195. Damn, this guy bottomed out, huh? Remember, he said last year that he didn’t like how Hispanic players celebrated on home runs? Could he be so against it that he doesn’t want to do anything worth celebrating? With all that said (Grey’s turning the ship!), Kinsler does seem like he’s finally heating up.
Luis Valbuena – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer. Valbuena is the kind of guy who can take a home run into a hot schmotato run in a blink, so much so, he started his hot schmotato run by the 8th inning and his 2nd homer.
Miguel Cabrera – Doing running drills to get into game shape. This marks the first time Miggy’s run in 12 years.
Jeimer Candelario – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, hitting .274, as he hits third. That really shouldn’t change, no matter what Miggy’s doing with his barely ambulatory gams.
JaCoby Jones – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .237. Elias Sports Bureau says he’s the fist MLB player to sound like a three-person law firm.
Michael Brantley – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .343. Since this was the only game on for about an hour, I watched Brantely’s home run. Doode launched it, no doubt, Stefani. Still waiting on the other, non-healthy, foot to drop with Brantley, but he’s doing work so far.
Mike Clevinger – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.14. Pi! Yeah, I pretty much put lipstick on Lassie and screwed the pooch by dropping Clevinger earlier in the year. Oh well, they’re not all gems, as LDC said in Blood Diamond.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .296. Super early, but was thinking of this today. Next year, Jo-Ram way above Goldy in the preseason rankings, right?
Jason Kipnis – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .197. “Okay, I just woke from an 80-day coma, but I see my Spring Training favorite, Kipnis, is still paying dividends! Amiright or what?! What?”
Lucas Giolito – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 7.53. He can’t fool a hitter with 100 MPH fastball and a wool blindfold.
Jeff Samardzija – Left after one inning with shoulder tightness in Coors after allowing two earned runs. You don’t give up walks. Now you give up walks all the time. Are you hurt or do you lie? We live in a wheel where ratios are real, but when you pitch the ball goes out to all fields. Don’t let the runs come in, Samardzijarine.
Kyle Freeland – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Some guys you just will never get me to recommend wholeheartedly. Freeland’s in that category. Much love, but I just can’t.
David Dahl – 1-for-1 and his 4th homer. Sonavabench! The epitome of not cool is sitting Dahl in home games only for him to come in late and homer on my bench. And you thought the epitome of not cool was your brother’s sweatpants.
Max Muncy – 2-for-4, 1 run, hitting .256, and now leading off. Brucely, I keep looking at Muncy’s recent stats expecting more, and I’m always left a bit yawnstipated. He does seem to be the apple of Dave Roberts’ eye. Well, Muncy and 2nd base for a steal attempt.
Tyler Saladino – Was helped off the field after doing a nasty rond de jambe into the 2nd base bag. Since no one ever seems to want to start Villar, we should be seeing Orlando Arcia again soon, who I’m sure has solved his early season woes with a 36-hour demotion.
Justin Smoak – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. I have dreams of Smoak rising and Vlad Jr. playing 3rd base. Though, it’s smoke and it’s this weird recurring magician dream I keep having. Should’ve never ate something called unicorn poop.
Sandy Leon – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, hitting .254. Hitting over .300 in the last week, and, well, wouldn’t say he’s Hurricane Sandy. Rainforest Cafe Sandy?
Mookie Betts – Aiming to return on Thursday. Oh, please, Hayzeus Cristo, may your reindeers bring us extra frankincense and Betts.
Rick Porcello – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Think I’ve said this before, but I can’t even remember, so here goes again for maybe the 2nd time. Porcello is pretty much a 3.55-3.75 ERA pitcher with neutral luck. And that’s me maybe paraphrasing me!