Clearly, there’s a major issue here. The issue revolves around a few Buys this week. They are Mark Trumbo, Tim Beckham, Jonathan Villar and Trey Mancini. Any guesses their connection? No, they don’t all wear a bear costume during the offseason for bachelorette parties. I mean, they could, but no. I don’t think so. Their connection and the issue can be summed in this question, is the entire Orioles lineup really hot or have they just faced garbage pitching for the last week? I’d give you the answer, but I’d have to kill you, and I don’t know your address. I guess I have your IP, but is it roaming? VPN? Am I really traveling around to kill you when I could just not tell you the answer? That is the other choice here, right? Such a dilemma! Let me sleep on it. *pulls Murphy bed out of wall, lies down, Murphy bed flies up and traps me* Muffled screams, “Mark Trumbo has been the hottest hitter in the league! If you need power, I’d grab him in all leagues! Also, can you pull down this freakin’ bed?!” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the Buy/Sell, just wanted to tell you our Fantasy Football Leagues are now doing their sign-up thang. Or thing, if slang ain’t your thang. Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:
Austin Hedges – He could hit more homers than any other catcher the rest of the way. Or he could hit .185 and be replaced by Mejia. It’s all about Hedges.
Steve Pearce – This guy Pearce is Aussie, which originally meant “awesome.” As in, “We got a way to get rid of these Brits we don’t want, our very own penal colony. Aussie!”
Jake Bauers – He might be approaching Ty Wigginton’s single season Buy Appearance Record that is housed in Cooperstown right next to the condom Fritz Peterson wore during the 1968 season.
Trey Mancini – His last name is still being pronounced like fettuccine as punishment for his horrendous 1st half, but if he continues his hot hitting in the 2nd half, and sprinkles in some magic, we’ll have a Mancini Carbonaro Effect.
Jeff McNeil – I keep comparing McNeil to Jeff Kent, and it is simply because their first names. Or is it?! Damn, Reversal Question, you’re like a cat jumping out of a closet.
Adalberto Mondesi – Two years ago, I was crazy for Mondesi because of his combo of some power and crazy speed. My excitement could very well be there again next year if I get enough mimosas in me. I call those, Mimosalbertos and they *burps* excuse me, make me Motipsi.
David Bote – You have to platoon him because Maddon will be doing that. You ever wonder if someone off the street could manage a baseball team as well as a World Series-winning manager? Okay, what if the person off the street were Dusty Baker?
Tim Beckham – There are a ton of waiver wire grabs this week that I really like. Kinda crazy how we can get to August and still have pickups in shallower leagues of guys I would’ve owned all year in deeper leagues (this is really not crazy at all; it’s why league size matters).
Eloy Jimenez – Only because people are going to say, “Gee, Grey, you’re super handsome with your natural physique, but surprised you didn’t include Eloy.”
Nick Williams – I can’t stop thinking about how I’m begging you to pick up Williams this year, but next March, after Williams has done nothing all offseason (because there’s no games), his stock is going to shoot up and everyone is going to want to own Williams.
Randal Grichuk – This morning I told you he’d be a Buy this afternoon. I’m like a giant winged bat, I will never let you down.
Mallex Smith – They say capitalism is flawed because of inequality, but that’s a poor reason. — Mallex B. Stealin’.
Drew Steckenrider – Bearclaw has been more like possumanus, so Steckenrider would likely see saves, and could run with the job.
Addison Reed – Fernando Rodney shot his poisoned imaginary arrow across Big Sky country and landed in Oakland. By the way, Rodney better be careful who he shoots an imaginary arrow at in Oakland; cops may not be as receptive to that there. Reed is likely the replacement, but Trevor Hildenberger and maybe even Taylor Rogers could see action.
Scott Alexander – News broke Friday morning that Kenley Jansen has another occurrence of his irregular heartbeat. All joking aside, that is scary. Imagine a heartbeat is a metronome, and when it’s irregular, it’s a metrognome, and it’s a ghoulish Altuve-like figure living in your chest telling you to use Travelocity. I’m seriously freaking myself out! Filling in for Jansen will be Alexander, and a Dodgers beat writer said, maybe Kenta Maeda would see some saves, which seems doubtful. I grabbed Dylan Floro, which was a pickup only because I missed Alexander everywhere. Have you ever done this? Grab a reliever just because you missed the actual replacement? It’s akin to texting a girl who has repeatedly shown no interest in you. “U up?” “Bill, it’s 3 PM, I am up.” “Cool, u get my message about maybe hanging out tonight?” “Yes.” “And?” Silence for another 24 hours.
Ryan Madson – Picking him up has the makings of a major regret but I would put aside my premonitions and do a trust twerk into someone’s arms.
Pat Neshek – Victor Arano, Seranthony Dominguez, Tommy Hunter, The Phanatic, Greg Luzinski’s Handmaiden, Kabe Bapler who is Gabe Kapler with a glue-on mustache, and Cesar Hernandez. Any of them could close Phils games. This week’s guess is Dominguez or Neshek.
Mike Trout – Nope, have nothing bad to say about Trout ever, so don’t think this is going to be that. By saying I’d sell Trout, I’m saying I’d sell anyone in redrafts. Trade deadlines are barreling towards us like we’re a gorilla and this is Donkey Kong. You need to win this year. Not next year (well, maybe next year too), not last year (hopefully last year, but nothing we can do about that now). You need to win if it means trading away one of the top players of all-time. If you need pitching, saves and a middle infielder, you know how much Trout’s doing for you? I’m holding up a sign that reads, “Nothing,” like I’m in an INXS video. Would I trade Trout for swimming lessons with Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken? No, but I would explore options.