Please see our player page for Pat Neshek to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Kinda obsessed with our Top 100 Fantasy Starts tool (not a tool as much as it’s a free list).  Since I’m writing this on Sunday, I’m not sure yet where Shane Bieber and his 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 15 Ks will rank, but my guess is 1st or 2nd overall.  (The tool (list?) updates after this is posted.)  Pretty deep into the season to have Shane Bieber throw possibly the best start of the year.  Bieber was the youngest Indians pitcher since 1987 with 12+ Ks — wow! — the last to do it was Greg Swindell — um, all right! Bieber was the 4th youngest since 1908 to have a 15-K, zero-walk game, the other three:  Gooden — crazy! — Kerry Wood — nasty company! — and Vince Velasquez — well, um, he had a good game.  Only two Indians starters in history with a shutout, no walks and 15 Ks are Bieber — damn! — and Luis Tiant, who at 78 years old just beat up my autocorrect for changing his name to Luis Taint.  Sunday’s start shows why I wanted to draft Bieber in every league.  Hopefully, he keeps it gong…gong…go I ng–Sorry, my autocorrect is scared to change anything now.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Indians called up Oscar Mercado, after a hilarious bit where they phoned their Triple-A team and asked to speak to Oscar and they were met with, “The Oscar Mercado called and said they’re out of you!”  The Indians have now cornered the mercado on Oscars like Meryl Streep.  Mercado has speed to burn. He is so fast he just ran into your room, mussed your hair and ran back out before you even had a chance to flinch, which is great because you’re secretly being filmed for the new Netflix game show, Flinch.  Mercado had one season in the minors with 50 steals.  I just became aroused like Lorenzo Lamas after he sees himself in the mirror.  Prospect Mike said of him, “Mercado came to Cleveland from St. Louis at last year’s trade deadline in a move that probably slipped under everybody’s radar. He had a crazy good season in Triple-A though, hitting .278 with eight homers and 37 steals.  Caveat:  Grey is dumb.”  What?  That’s not a caveat. I grabbed Mercado in a few leagues, because I could use steals, and, brucely, who doesn’t need steals?  Not to answer, but bat your eyelashes and look pretty. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Daniel Vogelbach (1-for-2, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and fifth in his last five games, hitting .471) is man-hot.  Daniel Vogelbach is the Jelly Donut of Swat.  Daniel Vogelbach looks like a beer keg with legs.  John Kruk and Matt Stairs had a baby, and that baby’s name is Daniel Vogelbach.  Daniel Vogelbach is one part mayonnaise, one part ketchup, and his secret sauce is Sexy, and he puts it on everything.  “Why, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), did Daniel Vogelbach spend 12 years in the minors if he’s spurting Sexy sauce on everything?”  You ask, while batting your eyelashes.  You have to subtract one of those years, young buck, because Daniel Vogelbach was once confused for a refrigerator and spent a summer in a Hyannis Port Sears showroom.  Mansplainingly, subtract, like, ten of those years because he couldn’t play defense and he was in the NL.  He’s done nothing but hit rockets like he’s groupies of Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy.  Last year, he hit 20 HRs and .290 in Triple-A with a 15.6% strikeout rate.  He could be an actual breakout and I would grab him, even if his playing time might become cramped with the return of Kyle Seager or he might just be platooned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Do you like roast pork with provolone and broccoli rabe? Do you find John Kruk both devilishly handsome and well spoken? Can you recite from memory Michael Jack Schmidt’s retirement speech, including the exact moment he breaks down in tears? Do you know what jawn means? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re a Phillies fan. This jawn is for yous. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At this point in the season, it’s like a tag line for a bad horror film, no one is safe.  Narrator, “This fall, in a theater near you, Jamie Lee Curtis, the world’s hottest cougar.  A cougar so hot when she enters any room, a DJ plays, “Stray Cat Strut,” but the people in the room replace cat with cougar.”  Unsuspecting person, whistling, “I’m just going to open this random closet over here while this ominous music plays.  No, I’m not going to turn on a light first, that would be silly.”  Unsuspecting person opens the closet door and Jamie Lee Curtis jumps out, “Boo!”  “Boo as in you want to be my boo, because you are so hot for a 70-year-old.  How about me, you and the diner waitress who calls me sugar get a motel room?”  Jamie Lee Curtis shakes her head and walks away as people sing Stray Cougar Strut.  Narrator returns, “No one is safe, and everyone wants to sleep with the 70-year-old Jamie Lee Curtis, because she is so hot.  Has she had work done?”  No one is safe on fantasy teams either.  In the Sells, I’ll get to dropping, but this is about picking up (and not just 70-year-old women).  There’s a good chance I go all-in on Daniel Palka this offseason.  Of course, before going all-in, it’s important to get consent first.  I learned this the hard way with Giancarlo.  This post is just about what he can do over the next week.  That would be best informed by what he’s done over the last week:  4 HRs and hitting .375.  As I tell Jamie Lee Curtis in my daydreams, giddy up, sexy, we’re going for a ride!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday’s Nationals/Phils game tested my ulcer and said, “Mmm, acidic.” Starting off the calamity, Pat Neshek went 1/3 IP, 2 ER, and the blown save, ERA at 2.08.  Okay, if you’re a closer, you have to get the job done, but — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — why the eff can’t Kapler let him start an inning in a one-run game?  He let Tommy Hunter walk the lead-off man, then Neshek came in to allow a blast to Anthony Rendon (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer).  Up next in the closerousel is…Hector Neris!  Kapler’s already ruined him once, so that gives you an idea of how long it takes for the Phillies’ closerousel to spin, about four months.  Then, Justin Miller came on to close the game for the Nationals.  But oh no, we will nearly blow!  Miller went 1/3 IP, 1 ER and was promptly pulled for…wait for it…oh, this is good…Greg Holland!  Who entered the game with a 6.09 ERA and has been so bad, he got chased out of St. Louie.  Yo, are Davey Martinez and Gabe Kapler running a lemonade stand?  Because I’m getting a real sour face.  In Washington, it’s likely Koda Glover or Ryan Madson’s turn next, but Holland’s got two lips, so he’s as good as anyone.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A premature grey-haired man and a prematurely balding man sit on a Brooklyn stoop, chatting about the old days.  “I can remember when Ossie Davis sat on this very stoop in Do The Right Thing.”  “It was a simpler time before gentrification.  Now the millennials are killing the bees, mayonnaise and plastic straws.”  Sipping his drink, “My kombucha tastes like paper…stupid biodegradable straw!”  “We were millennials as late as June, what happened to us?”  “We grew old waiting for Vladimir Guerrero Jr.!”  “Stupid millennials and their Super Twos!”  So, as mentioned last week in my Eloy Jimenez fantasy, I’m back here for the other guy who could be called up this week.  Will he?  Unless you’re talking to my groin, and mispronouncing Willie, I haven’t a clue.  I’m not saying Vlad Jr. necessarily will be called up, I’m just saying you stash him for right now.  See what happens when rosters expand in a few days, and, if he’s not called up, you drop him again.  No harm, no foul in holding a guy for a week who could do what Vladimir Guerrero Jr. does.  For more, search the damn site!  We’ve been talking about him for so long we’ve grown old!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The rich keep getting richer and the poor get poorer.  The middle is being squeezed.  When I Google, “What happened to the middle class?”  I found some socioeconomic theories on Yahoo Answers, and ads to get rich quick and stop having to “steal food from Whole Foods.”  Okay, I have no idea how they know about that, but, if you switch a price tag, it is not exactly stealing.  It’s redistributing “gummies made with real fruit juice.”  All of this is fascinating and all, but I was trying to find out what is happening to the middle class of starters!  Aaron Nola (8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks) and Max Scherzer (7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks) faced each other, and both pitchers have ERAs of 2.13.  Not surprisingly, the police code for fantastic use of arms is 2.13.  Again, there’s top starters with a sub-3 ERA, and there is a ton of starters above 4.00 ERA that I don’t want, but where are the 3.50 ERA pitchers?  Doesn’t it feel like this middle class of pitchers has shrunk?  *coming across something on the internet*  Hmm, maybe this article by a Harvard professor in The Economist will explain it to me.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Clearly, there’s a major issue here.  The issue revolves around a few Buys this week.  They are Mark Trumbo, Tim Beckham, Jonathan Villar and Trey Mancini.  Any guesses their connection?  No, they don’t all wear a bear costume during the offseason for bachelorette parties.  I mean, they could, but no.  I don’t think so.  Their connection and the issue can be summed in this question, is the entire Orioles lineup really hot or have they just faced garbage pitching for the last week?  I’d give you the answer, but I’d have to kill you, and I don’t know your address.  I guess I have your IP, but is it roaming?  VPN?  Am I really traveling around to kill you when I could just not tell you the answer?  That is the other choice here, right?  Such a dilemma!  Let me sleep on it.  *pulls Murphy bed out of wall, lies down, Murphy bed flies up and traps me*  Muffled screams, “Mark Trumbo has been the hottest hitter in the league!  If you need power, I’d grab him in all leagues!  Also, can you pull down this freakin’ bed?!”  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You know what is fun this time of year?  The bullpen shuffle.  Whomever is closest to the computer or phone wins the waiver game in most cases.  Well… that’s now the case with the Padres with the trade of Brad Hand to the Indians.  The waiver wire is set ablaze for one Kirby Yates, but is he the guy forever, or the guy for now?  I am leaning that the trade door in San Diego is gonna revolve one more time and see Yates come out the other side a bullpen piece rather than a closing man.  Hand’s still a valuable commodity, granted he won’t be a full-time closer with the Tribe, but his peripherals and Cody Allen‘s shakiness as of late… will lead to a “sometimes” situation.  Hand is a hold in all leagues because he should get a shot for every third save or so with his new club.  Add in the K-rate over 13 and he has intrigue that only a dozen or so non-closers have. Back to Yates though, since this is the afternoon post and Grey has gone over it this morning and most likely will after this in his buy post, but Yates has value for now.  In fact, he’s had value for most of the year in holds leagues, with a 11+ K/9 and a ton of success in the setup game in the reliever farm known as the Whale’s Vagina. So why am I so hesitant to give him the go?  He is a journeyman reliever whose value is never going to be higher than right now, or in eight days with some saves to his name.  So if you swung and missed at the waiver wire add for saves with Yates, grab Craig Stammen for free and just wait.  Waiting is always a good thing, especially with a maybe-closer in the making, albeit one with not much quantity potential.  More bullpen goodies and post all star tidbits after the bump.  Cheers!

Please, blog, may I have some more?