Yesterday’s Nationals/Phils game tested my ulcer and said, “Mmm, acidic.” Starting off the calamity, Pat Neshek went 1/3 IP, 2 ER, and the blown save, ERA at 2.08. Okay, if you’re a closer, you have to get the job done, but — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — why the eff can’t Kapler let him start an inning in a one-run game? He let Tommy Hunter walk the lead-off man, then Neshek came in to allow a blast to Anthony Rendon (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer). Up next in the closerousel is…Hector Neris! Kapler’s already ruined him once, so that gives you an idea of how long it takes for the Phillies’ closerousel to spin, about four months. Then, Justin Miller came on to close the game for the Nationals. But oh no, we will nearly blow! Miller went 1/3 IP, 1 ER and was promptly pulled for…wait for it…oh, this is good…Greg Holland! Who entered the game with a 6.09 ERA and has been so bad, he got chased out of St. Louie. Yo, are Davey Martinez and Gabe Kapler running a lemonade stand? Because I’m getting a real sour face. In Washington, it’s likely Koda Glover or Ryan Madson’s turn next, but Holland’s got two lips, so he’s as good as anyone. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.22 vs. Aaron Nola – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.10. Granted, Nola’s offense is a little more ‘clicky’ right now and ODB (1-for-4 and his 21st homer) hits Scherzer well (and no one else) but next year: Scherzer or Nola? Prolly still Scherzer, but this is not far apart.
Jorge Alfaro – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .252. It felt like Alfaro’s been decent for me in my 10-team NL-Only league, so I decided to look at our NL-Only Player Rater. Yes, we have one of those too. If you search by catcher, he’s been the 11th best. That’s pretty meh, but he cost nothing, so, yeah, still meh.
Kolten Wong – Hit the DL with a right hammy pull–sorry, I mean left, Wong hammy.
Tyler O’Neill – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .281. *turns wheel away from Tyler White, passes two exits labeled “Tyler Austin” and “Tyler Skaggs,” heads back towards Tyler O’Neill* I’m in a Tyler roundabout.
Jack Flaherty – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.87. He’s quietly been a top 20 starter this year, and — wait, there’s more! — he’s nowhere near throwing too many innings, so he’s in no danger of being an avoid in 2019, which means — here comes the sexy part! — I might just rank him in the top 20 next year. His K/9 is 11 and he has the 13th best xFIP in the majors (3.33). Flaherty will get you everywhere!
Jose Martinez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. He reminds me of the Cardinals of the 80’s. Great hitter, not a ton of power. You could see him besides guys like Tommy Herr and Terry Pendleton. In honor of their manager, I will call him, Whitey Martinez. Hmm, that sounds weird. How about Whitey Martini?
Jedd Gyorko – Diagnosed with a mild groin strain. Gyorko’ing a little too aggressively, eh?
Aaron Judge – Still not able to swing a bat. Seems like a real chance you get nothing of note from Judge the rest of this year. He could return with a week to go at the end of the year, but only to see live pitching before the playoffs. Sorry, I know you guys had a good thing. That sorry wasn’t believable, was it? I’m awful at sincerity.
Aroldis Chapman – Received his 2nd PRP injection in his knee. Filling up that stamp card!
Miguel Andujar – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Pretty surprised at how little heat there is on Andujar considering the year he’s having as a rookie and in NYC. Not only the homers, but he’s hitting .300! Kevin Maas has more heat and he was only good for 79 games almost thirty years ago. By the way, I Googled Kevin Maas to get the number of games correct and his son’s name is Christian Maas. Christian Maas! Is that at a church in Hahvud Yahd?
Aaron Hicks – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .251, and his 2nd homer in the last week. Hicks is owned in 78% of ESPN leagues, the 26th best outfielder on our Player Rater. Oh…*drives cross country*…kay.
Eduardo Rodriguez – Will return on Saturday. Usually I have activersion, but less so when a guy is returning from a non-arm-related injury. Ed-Rod had an ankle injury and is returning to face the White Sox, i.e, you don’t have to be a scientologist to like Ed-Rod.
Brian Johnson – 4 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.02. He didn’t have his best stuff last night, and his mom was one of the twins in the Doublemint Gum commercials and gum is the stuff I’d chuck at his opponent, Jose Urena (6 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.56) if I ever saw him on the street as I doubled my pleasure. See, everything is connected.
Eduardo Nunez – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 8th homer, and has a six-game hitting streak, and hitting near-.350 in the last week, and we’re on the precipice of a hot schmotato alert. Hot schmotato adjacent.
J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .284. Jerry Tomato is just so rock solid. Dot dot dot. Which is what he wants you to believe when he crushes your spirit next year. Don’t fall for the solid catcher routine. A crushed Jerry Tomato just leads you into a game of ketchup.
Ender Inciarte – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. He was so locked in it was like this was a simulation and Ender was trying to kill Andrelton Simmons and all his alien bugger friends. (Ignore for a second that the book/movie was sympathetic to genocides of unfamiliar people and all that whatnot.)
Justin Smoak – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. Before you think this is at all a positive update, he homered off Mr. Rogers. What kind of animal does that to Mr. Rogers?!
Randal Grichuk – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Grichuk is the type to hit a homer with four hits and instantly become a hot schmotato. I will put five fake dollars on it that he hits another homer today.
Thomas Pannone – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.52. Wow, T.P., that is some sh*t.
Jonathan Villar – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI and his 21st steal and 2nd in as many games, and has only been caught twice this year. I want Villar so badly for 2019 if he’s leading off every day for the O’s. Fast guy + bad team = Running because they have nothing to booze! Damn, so close to getting the math right! Did I forget to carry a one?
Adam Jones – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .284. Adam Jones is eating up singles like they’re pellets in a video game. I’m going to call him, Pacman Jones! I’m the first to come up with that nickname, right?
Adalberto Mondesi – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .259. Can I draft him for 2019 right now? C’mon, someone start a league so I can grab him way too early.
Jake Junis – 9 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.53. I wasn’t convinced when the Stream-o-Nator gave Junis high marks for yesterday, but then frequent commenter, Marty Janetty_Was Set Up, told me in the comments how great Junis has been vs. the Tigers, saying, “This season Junis has owned DET with a 1.60 ERA, over 22 IP, allowing a .190 BA. Over that span vs. DET, he has 18 Ks vs. 18 Hits/Walks. Of all the Tigers players he’s faced in his short career, Miguel Cabrera is the only one to hit him well.” So…I started him! Thank you, Marty Janetty_Was Set Up!
Junior Guerra – 1 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.09. Guerra means war, and what’s war good for? Absolutely nothing.
Christian Yelich – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer. Podcaster Ralph and I talk about Yelich on this week’s show that should be out today; there was a hold up yesterday; don’t shoot!
Jose Peraza – 4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .293. We haven’t touched on this in a while. Wait, why are you removing your pants? What are you expecting me to be touching? I was going to talk about my Peraza preseason sleeper. You were worried he was hitting ninth in the preseason, I kept pointing out he would be moved up. He was. He’s also on pace for 11/25/.290. You could’ve done worse at MI.
Kenley Jansen – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.09. How long after the season is over until we find out Jansen realized he had heart problems when he was trying to play the drums and ripped his elbow tendon? There is no way Jansen is right.
Jacob Nix – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks, ERA at 4.05. Every time I start him I’m left feeling, “Ixnay on the IxNay,” and when I don’t start him, I’m left licking my sonavabench wounds like a Latin Puig. The Stream-o-Nator doesn’t love his next start, and I’m not ready to go back in.
Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 2.68 vs. Clay Buchholz – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.07. This matchup was billed as, “A washed-up bum shines and Bumgarner looks good too.”
Sean Manaea – Turns out his trip to the DL was real and he has rotator cuff tendinitis and seems done for the year. To misquote Sinatra about 2019, “Don’t forget about Manaea. Don’t forget about Manaea. Don’t forget about Manaea, in case Manaea never comes, Semien!”
Brett Anderson – Hit the DL with Day After Terrible Start-itis. Or as they say in med school, -itis happens.
Matt Olson – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer. Allahson has been amongst the missing — he go to Mecca? — but he is the type who could hit ten homers in the month of September.
Michael Pineda – Done for the season with a torn meniscus in his right knee. The Fantasy Baseball Overlord took a knee to protest anyone adding Pineda to their fantasy teams.
Carlos Carrasco – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.38. That Cookie don’t crumble. Which also sounds like a line that was cut from The Jeffersons theme song.
Kyle Freeland – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.90. Look at his ERA. Seriously, you’re not starting him everywhere? He’s even better in Coors!
Peter Alonso – Mets announced Alonso will not be called up this year. The Mets said if they called up Alonso, they’d want to play him every day and right now that’s not possible. Obviously, Jay Bruce needs to get at-bats. Or maybe they’ll think about giving Dominic Smith an opportunity then not, like they did when they signed Adrian Gonzalez. Could even use Todd Frazier or Wilmer Flores at 1st to avoid ever thinking about the future. Can Jose Reyes play 1st? They should try. The fans love him.
Jose Bautista – Traded to the Phils for cash or a player to be named later. Here’s how those negotiations will go: “Can we have Aaron Nola?” “How about $60?” “Hmm, can we have Odubel Herrera?” “How about $25?” “Okay, how about Benjamin Franklin on a hundred dollar bill drawn to look like Rhys Hoskins?” “That works for us.” This will be Bautista’s third NL East team this year. After the season, Bautista and Eovaldi can star in a Food Network show called, “Eats Coast.”