All Razzballers Get At Least One End Of Season Title (Sorry If This is Yours)

October 1, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 253 Comments

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”301272″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 27″]

Emerging from your parents’ basement, blocking the sun with your hand, “Mother, did you see wash my underwear? Mother?” You shake her shoulder and her head falls off and the skull rolls into the kitchen. You casually pick up the head, “Mother, did you do my laundry I asked for back in March?” You move your mother’s jaw bones, “Yes, sonny boy. How did you do in your fantasy league?” “Thank you for asking, mother. I achieved great success. Let’s tell father.” You turn to a sack of potatoes wearing an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt and glued-on corn cob pipe. “Father, we have won our fantasy league. It was great fun. Now it’s back to spending time with the family.” And that’s how you incorporated yourself back into family life. Well, we can’t all be winners like that gent, but it is time to lick thy wounds if you lost and razz thy neighbors if you won. So, hopefully, let’s razz on, Razzers. Unless your league counts game 163, then it’s still on like Steve Wiebe playing Donkey Kong! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ll Javy What Baez Is Having

September 14, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 173 Comments

by: Grey

In the biz, we call this post, In Appreciation. It’s like In Memoriam, but Jennifer Hudson isn’t singing a song and no one died. What did you just ask? Is your childhodd guinea pig alive again because I just said, ‘No one died?’ Doode, I’m saying no one died in general. No, that doesn’t mean General Tsao is alive again! Shut up! Yesterday, Javier Baez went 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 31st homer, hitting .295. That day? For this year? As the pimp told his lady of the night, ho-hum. But, five ladies and gentlemen, Javier Baez is your NL MVP if only Cubs fans vote! By the by, Baez has more 100 RBI seasons in his career than Bryce Harper. I will now drop a 140 WUT. How about we make every post the rest of the year about how much Bryce sucks? Worst 35-homer hitter in the history of baseball ever? Okay, that’s prolly Adam Dunn, but Bryce is real close for useless. When the Nats need a big hit, he Ks or walks. When the game is out of reach and no one is on? Harper’s you’re man. Okay, this is becoming about Harper instead of Baez. On the year, Baez has 31 HRs, 21 SBs, .295 and 90/100 on the runs/RBIs. On our Player Rater, he is teetering between 5th and 6th overall. For 2019, I’m having a hard time envisioning me ranking him any lower than 10th overall, and likely much closer to top five. Now, about that sucker Harper… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rock The Voit

August 31, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 139 Comments

by: Grey

Been extremely hesitant about mentioning Luke Voit (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer), because I really don’t think much of him. He had a few good games that were amplified to 11 because of New York. So crazy to me that a guy like Voit is amplified to 11, mean’s while, Miguel Andujar has a huge rookie year and it’s crickets. Racist crickets, prolly. Throwing shade like a lamp! Voit will be in this afternoon’s buy column, but it’s going to be begrudgingly. He feels like he’s a hot streak from Matt Adams-type that will disappear in a few games. What’s Voit’s body type? I’m trying to fit a once-round peg into a recently-skinny hole. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Nola And Scherzer And Then It Got Worser

August 29, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 185 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”285346″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 22″]

Yesterday’s Nationals/Phils game tested my ulcer and said, “Mmm, acidic.” Starting off the calamity, Pat Neshek went 1/3 IP, 2 ER, and the blown save, ERA at 2.08. Okay, if you’re a closer, you have to get the job done, but — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — why the eff can’t Kapler let him start an inning in a one-run game? He let Tommy Hunter walk the lead-off man, then Neshek came in to allow a blast to Anthony Rendon (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer). Up next in the closerousel is…Hector Neris! Kapler’s already ruined him once, so that gives you an idea of how long it takes for the Phillies’ closerousel to spin, about four months. Then, Justin Miller came on to close the game for the Nationals. But oh no, we will nearly blow! Miller went 1/3 IP, 1 ER and was promptly pulled for…wait for it…oh, this is good…Greg Holland! Who entered the game with a 6.09 ERA and has been so bad, he got chased out of St. Louie. Yo, are Davey Martinez and Gabe Kapler running a lemonade stand? Because I’m getting a real sour face. In Washington, it’s likely Koda Glover or Ryan Madson’s turn next, but Holland’s got two lips, so he’s as good as anyone. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rangers Put Away Willie Out Of Fear There Are Holes In His Glove

March 14, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 327 Comments

by: Grey

And we have have our first stupid team decision! Don’t worry, there will be more. Or maybe I should say Willie be more. Or maybe should say Willie be less now. The Rangers decided to send down Willie Calhoun to start the year. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so horrified by this terrible decision. Talk about blatantly thinking about a bottom line vs. what’s best for the team. On one hand, Willie Calhoun was ready to help the team win right now. On the other hand, the Rangers are as cheap as my Jewish grandmother who used to order three free lemon wedges, two sugar packets and make lemonade at the table. Hey, she escaped Nazi Germany in the middle of the night. What’s your excuse, Texas Rangers?! In my Willie Calhoun fantasy from way back in October, I predicted Calhoun could be in the minors until June. Looks like I didn’t underestimate the Rangers’ boneheadedness (big word of the day!). Now the Rangers will go with a blahtoon of the Asian lion, Ryan Rua, and Drew Robinson. I’ve updated my top 100 outfielders, top 500 and War Room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

J.D. & Ray Dunk All Over LA K’ers

September 5, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 210 Comments

by: Grey

Doh! A deer, a female deer and also what the Dodgers say. Ray, a drop of golden filth. Me, a name I call myself who owns J.D. Martinez and Robbie Ray. Fa, a long long way to run if a Bostonian is saying far. SO another name for strikeouts. LA is where the game took place. Ti I dribble down my face, when J.D. Martinez and Robbie Ray play. Yesterday, Ray went 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 14 Ks, ERA down to 2.80. Robbie Ray is an ace. No matter how you slice that pecan pie, he’s an ace. No matter how you put that pancake batter on the skittle. No matter how you put whipped cream in my mouth. My God, I’m so hungry. Cougs has got me doing this Whole30 diet and I’m legit about to eat my hand. At Endorphin Ralph’s top 100 starters for this week, Ray’s ranked 6th. Can’t argue that, and last night he dunked all over the LA K’ers. Then, J.D. Martinez got my goosepimples all a-titter. He went 4-for-5, 6 RBIs with his 31st, 32nd, 33rd and 34th homer. Someone has to Just Dong, so who better than Just Dong? Who?! Sorry, I’m writing this wearing an owl costume. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Indians’ Ram Goes Native Slamerican And Legs vs. Yanks

August 29, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 182 Comments

by: Grey

Did you hear about the Native American who wouldn’t leave the bathroom? He said home was where the TP was. Hey, this Drunk Uncle Jokebook isn’t that bad! August has been miserable for Jose Ramirez with a .200 average, zero homers and two steals until last night. You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs. Thankfully, the eggs he broke last night were the goose eggs representing his power numbers as he went 2-for-3 with his 19th and 20th homer, and his 14th steal. Babies babble on, they lookin’ for excuses. Not here to make excuses for Jo-Ram, but this was his first terrible month in two years. Even Rhysus rested one day a week. His righty/lefty splits are both at .298, which is odd since he’s hitting .300. Did he go 0-for-1 against someone who spit the ball at him? *intern whispers in my ear* I see, the .298 righty/lefty splits were before last night. You learn something gnu every day. Spelling will be tomorrow! Assuming Jo-Ram rebounds for his standard month in September, it’s going to be hard to be too down on him in the non-sexual way. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rolling In The Deep, Week 21: Finding Nimmo

August 23, 2017 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 9 Comments

by: Laura Holt

Put down that Fantasy Football magazine!! (Do they even make fantasy sports magazines any more? Man, I miss walking to the mailbox in late February and seeing my beautiful new fantasy baseball magazine sitting there. Damn interweb! Wait, if it weren’t for reading about fantasy sports on the internet, I wouldn’t be writing this right now. Hmm, may need to rethink my position on this). Anyway, I know it’s hard to pay attention to fantasy baseball at this time of year, even if your teams are hanging in there, and it’s emotionally and mentally grueling to follow along if your teams have already crashed and burned. I get it… another weekend of one step forward (Colin McHugh) and two steps back (Jake Odorizzi and Roberto Osuna – thanks, guys!) had me so frustrated in a deep AL-only league where my team is fading fast, that I barely remembered to set my lineup this week. I’ll also admit that when I sat down to write this article, I was almost immediately distracted by all of the pretty pictures of NFL players, and spent about twelve minutes thinking about whether to rank Bilal Powell or Carlos Hyde higher in a football draft that isn’t happening for another week and a half.

But even if it’s only a few minutes each week, check in on your poor, neglected friend, your old pal fantasy baseball. Even if you don’t have a team vying for a money spot, keep your head in the game. Do it for your league-mates, and do it for yourself… even if it doesn’t make a difference this year, maybe it will impact your 2018. You may uncover a hidden gem of a player, or a piece of information that will percolate in your brain over the winter, and turn into a late-round steal or early waiver wire pick up next year. Those of us who missed the Ryan Zimmermans, Justin Smoaks, and Scooter Gennetts, of the world in 2017 know just how big a difference a couple of these fellas can make.

For now, though, we remain in 2017… with another handful of players who may be available in your NL or AL-only league to assist you in getting through the season’s remaining weeks:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

FanDuel: Godley Gosh

August 23, 2017 | DFS, Fanduel |

by: Tugga

Zack Godley ($8,800) takes on the Mets tonight. He’s dropped a serious poo in the pool since his fantastic July, surrendering 9 ER’s in 17 IP over his last three starts. Those are three chunky nuggets of bad, but hey, good thing David Wright has taken the form of Jesus to distract us! But let’s be real, there’s no forgetting this is the Mets, a team that has struck out 56 times over the last week. Here’s the game where Godley gets back on track, but the Mets are persistent, give em’ cred. This dumpster fire never dies quietly, but if Godley throws another 8 K’s against them like he did back in May, maybe, just maybe, the toaster will finally be thrown in Terry Collins’ crap-bath. On that positive, here’s your DFS plays this fine Wednesday!

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Giolito: The Taste Of Gio With Less Filling Stats

August 23, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 208 Comments

by: Grey

Yesterday, Lucas Giolito went 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks as he was called up to take Reynaldo’s rotation spot. The shine, as they say at the complaint desk for a shoeshine man, has come off Giolito. I was all ready to mock Keith Law. I was going to look at what Law said in 2012 vs. now, but I overestimated Law. This past winter he said Giolito could be a #1 starter. I can’t imagine what he said in 2012. Likely that he’s the best starter in the draft. He wouldn’t have been alone with that. Most loved Giolito at the time. Also, as that last sentence sounds, he was the most loved Giolito, with Sammy “The Bull” Giolito a distant 2nd. Lucas’s value has rebounded a bit this year vs. last year. In Endorphin Ralph’s top 100 prospects in the 2nd half, Giolito was ranked 82nd. As a fantasy baseball prospect list vs. a real baseball one, that’s a solid ranking — or is that a solid Ralphing? For this year, I’d avoid outside of the best matchups. Rookie pitchers bring more heartache than your high school sweetheart friending you on Facebook. “Ugh, she’s happy? Such BS!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tampa Bats Couldn’t Break Open The Pineda

April 11, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 642 Comments

by: Grey

If I didn’t wear cowboy boots to the community pool. If I didn’t ooze machismo like I’m Fonzie and John Wayne’s baby which they had during the intermission of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. If I weren’t such a gee-dee man’s man — exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark — I’d el oh el right now like a 13-year-old girl. Perfect through six and two-thirds (final line: 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners (0 BBs), 11 Ks, ERA at 3.97) from a guy that has caused more ulcers than your wife’s best friend’s bright idea to videotape your wife’s bachelorette party. She cheated on you, doode, and he was hung like Carlos Lee. Michael Pineda, why do you cause such ulcers, I ask like I’m at Ellis Island in 1931. I also have the scurvy, as I continue for no apparent reason. Okay, seriously, I don’t know what to make of Michael Pineda. He has the stuff, as George Carlin once said, to be a 2.50 ERA pitcher with 220 Ks. He could also have a 5.50 ERA and be sent down by July. If someone tells you they know which one he’ll be, they’re lying. Would I own him? Sure. Would I always enjoy it? C’mon, man, pay attention! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ambulance Chasers: The Price is Wrong

March 9, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Injury Report | 14 Comments

by: Kerry Klug

There have been a few unexpected side effects from me writing a weekly injury article for Razzball. First, due to Spring Training I’ve had to pay attention and care about every irrelevant player’s bump, bruise and sniffle (why did you all let me include Tyler Collins in my article last week?!) Going forward I’m going to try to focus on the injuries that may actually have a fantasy impact. No one cares that Joe Mauer missed one hour of practice because he had what the Twins medical staff is referring to as a “minor boo-boo.”

Another unexpected side effect is the schadenfreude I feel whenever I read about a major player getting injured. “Oh YES! David Price might miss the whole year?! More content!” What type of monster have I become?

Anyway, here’s whose pain I have gotten enjoyment out of this week:

Please, blog, may I have some more?