And we have have our first stupid team decision! Don’t worry, there will be more. Or maybe I should say Willie be more. Or maybe should say Willie be less now. The Rangers decided to send down Willie Calhoun to start the year. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so horrified by this terrible decision. Talk about blatantly thinking about a bottom line vs. what’s best for the team. On one hand, Willie Calhoun was ready to help the team win right now. On the other hand, the Rangers are as cheap as my Jewish grandmother who used to order three free lemon wedges, two sugar packets and make lemonade at the table. Hey, she escaped Nazi Germany in the middle of the night. What’s your excuse, Texas Rangers?! In my Willie Calhoun fantasy from way back in October, I predicted Calhoun could be in the minors until June. Looks like I didn’t underestimate the Rangers’ boneheadedness (big word of the day!). Now the Rangers will go with a blahtoon of the Asian lion, Ryan Rua, and Drew Robinson. I’ve updated my top 100 outfielders, top 500 and War Room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Neil Walker – Signed with the Yankees, so the Mets would be totally jealous. Here’s the Mets, “Giancarlo? Okay, whatever. Sonny Gray? La di da! Gary Sanchez? We’ve got d’Arnaud! Aaron Judge? I said, ‘we’ve got d’Arnaud!’ Neil Walker? YOU’VE TORN OUT OUR HEART!” Walker will play 2nd until Gleyber is officially ready, and fill-in for Bird if/when he gets hurt. I updated the top 20 1st basemen.
Stephen Vogt – Experienced a setback with his shoulder. *moves Vogt from 467 to 468 in top 500, rethinks, moves him to 469, shakes head, moves him back to 468* Do you see how much phony deliberation goes into these rankings?!
Marcus Stroman – Won’t be ready for Opening Day. I haven’t touched him in my top 40 starters, because I already wrote there I wasn’t drafting him, so he can get ruled out of the 1st half of the season and doesn’t change my outlook on Stroman.
Josh Donaldson – Dealing with a calf injury, which is the same general area of the injury that made him useless for three months last year. If you drafted Donaldson after I gave you a Josh Donaldson overrated post, I’m going to log into my eBay account, bid one penny for the world’s smallest violin, then, in three to five days after it’s sent to me, I will play it for you.
Troy Tulowitzki – Officially ruled out for Opening Day due to a heel injury. 2008 Grey is shocked!
Nelson Cruz – Diagnosed with a strained quad. Or as Mariners fans are now exclaiming, “Whoa Nelly!” If you already drafted Nelson Cruz on your fantasy team, then, for $35, you can get the rapper Nelly to put a Band-Aid on your fantasy team. I’ve docked Cruz two weeks of regular season at-bats and moved him into my top 40 outfielders, but obviously there’s cause of concern now.
Rob Whalen – Has been pitching well this spring training, and could be the guy who replaces the often injured, never duplicated, Erasmo Ramirez in the Mariners rotation. Or Whalen is this year’s Sal Romano, a guy I like for about a second in March, only to never speak of again. Though, a one-year aged Romano sounds delicious!
Anthony Santander – You, “Santa-who now?” Santander is a Rule 5 guy who has to make the Orioles. He also happens to be ripping the cover off the ball this spring — Guatemalan baseball seamstresses, “Well, that’s not frio.” — and who is in front of Santander on the O’s? Colby Rasmus? So, Santander might be a preseason washout, but worth keeping an eye on him.
Yoenis Cespedes – X-rays were negative after he hurt his wrist on a swing. A combo platter of brittle player and the Mets trainers is a Molotov cocktail. Now the Mets trainers will attempt to rehab Yoenis. This is like that old idiom, the cure being worse than the sickness. I just realized something, the Mets training staff is like watching an improv troupe reenacting the TV show, The Knick. “Are you sure this will relieve my headache?” “Definitely!” *moves person into position, drops anvil on their head* To unconscious, possibly dead, person, “Does that feel better?” I haven’t updated my top 40 outfielders over this news, but here’s a hypothetical for you, is Yoenis really that different than Nomar Mazara?
David Wright – Out for eight weeks with “being David Wright.” Imagine after all this time of Wright struggling to get on the field if he were traded and seen by another team’s trainers. “Wow, my back feels 100% better. What did you do?” “It seems that you just had a pumpkin seed under your toenail.”