You know that expression, “If you’re alive long enough, you will see a time when Samoans are skinny, petite men who request silver dollar-sized coconuts to cover their nipples.”  You don’t know it?  That’s because I just made it up!  You’ve been TRICK’D!  It’s my spinoff of Punk’d with your host The Amazing Johnathan.  The expression’s sentiments I just made up are accurate, however (as far as I’m concerned, and, sadly, this isn’t a democracy, and I’m the one that matters).  The expression’s root is from the actual expression, “If you live long enough, you’ll experience everything.”  This feels especially apt today because we’ve gone from wanting to own Miguel Sano, to cursing Miguel Sano, back to wanting to own him again.  What’s next?  A skinny Miguel Sano requesting smaller coconuts to cover his nipples!  Okay, maybe not immediately, but if we live long enough!  I don’t have any great hopes for Miguel Sano, but he’s owned in 30% of leagues and that seems low for even him.  There’s not a ton of guys who can hit 15 homers from now until the end of the season; Sano’s on that list.  Will it happen?  I don’t know, maybe if we live long enough.  Circular logic is your friend because it too can cover your nipples.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Francisco Arcia – The Sciosciapath refuses to play catchers who are good at hitting because it makes him reflect on his own shortcomings as a catcher and it upsets him so.  Arcia has been hitting though; we’ll see how long it lasts.

Jake Bauers – Maybe it’s because I used to go to Psych 101 drunk (it’s all in Who Is Grey Albright?), but it fascinates me why some rookies come up and get owned immediately and you can’t pry them from their owners, while other rookies arrive with a long pull of apathy off a plastic straw — you heathens and your plastic straws!

Kendrys Morales – I don’t want to sound like Joe Simpson ranting about batting practice attire, but I have a feeling in ten years we’re going to look back at Statcast and think, “Wow, we really put a little too much emphasis on those exit velocity numbers.”  Anyway, if you do buy into Statcast, Kendrys is a surefire buy (and Trumbo, Olson, Palka, Pham…Well, Statcast is littered with a lot of emoji shrugs).

Ryon Healy – As of this writing, he has 21 homers and 38 runs.  Yo, Adam Dunn called and wants his stat line back!

Logan Forsythe – Quick unrelated note (like the rest of this shizz is related), Robinson Cano is not listed because he’s owned in more than 50% of leagues.  Barely at 51%, but it should be much higher.  As for Forysthe, more of an AL-Only play with his new home.  Not much long term.  For dynasty leagues, I’d go with John Forsythe.  Hip cultural references!

Jonathan Villar – Will be fun to watch my enthusiasm for Villar wane from now until next Friday, but, right now, I’m so jazzed up about owning him in Baltimore.  Next Thursday Grey, “You are a f***ing moron.”  Farming?  It’s true, I don’t really know the first thing about hoes.

David Fletcher – Malcolm Gladwell Blink Fletcher take:  He’s played well in his short time since his call up!  Actually looking at his stats:  Okay, so, he seems okay for AL-Only leagues.

Yairo Munoz – Maybe it’s because the Cardinals connection, but he reminds me of Aledmys Diaz.  Allow me to demonstrate:  *hits pizza delivery guy over head with a blackjack, shows up fifteen minutes later dressed as pizza delivery man, knocks on hotel door, Aledmys Diaz opens door* “Did I ever tell you you’re my Yairo?”  *rips pizza delivery shirt off revealing shirt “Bette Midler’s Biggest Fan”*  Do you see how far I will go to illustrate a point?

Nick Williams – Since I’ve been doing this shizz since you were in diapers, which also means you were in diapers as an 18-year-old, allow me to tell you what is going to happen to Nick Williams this offseason.  Around January, I will write a sleeper post on him.  In February, another sleeper post will come out on him.  By March, dozens will write a sleeper post on him and he will suddenly be overrated.  He will have done nothing this offseason to change perception of him, but people will suddenly realize he was not bad this season.

Tyler O’Neill – Kinda wish we could see what O’Neill could just do with everyday at-bats, but he’s sharing time with Harrison Bader, who I’d also love to see with everyday at-bats.  I guess Mick had it right, you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime you find SAGNOF elsewhere if you need speed.

Mallex Smith – Hey, Mick!  Over here!  Has hit for a decent average and stole a bunch of bags this year in relative obscurity, hitting at the bottom of the Rays lineup will do that to you.  If he ends up with 35 steals and a .285+ average, you’re gonna wish you owned him rather than some more high-priced SAGNOF gambits.

Jose Leclerc – Unlike Mychal Givens or Mike Wright Jr. or whoever the Orioles could turn to, the Rangers’ Leclerc has solid peripherals and might actually help your fantasy team more than hurt it.  Trying to help your team vs hurt it?  We’re in a brave new world.  A novel idea, I know.

Pedro Strop – Half of me thinks we’re not going to see much of Brandon Morrow the rest of the way.  Or if a leprechaun is reading, the full half of methinks.

Drew Steckenrider – WebMD describes Beef Stew Brain as being unable to think clearly.  The disease originates from the feeling of nonlinear thinking making one feel like their brain is submerged in a beef stew.  Don Mattingly suffers from BSB, and even he thinks it might be time for Steckenrider to take over for Barraclough.

Will Smith – I have Hunter Strickland, so I have no ulterior motives saying this, but Smith should just remain the closer the rest of the year.  Strickland punched a door like a moron and should be made to pay the price of not getting the closer job back.  This has been an installment of Real Talk with Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it).

A.J. MinterArodys Vizcaino and Brandon Morrow should go on a fishing trip with John Lurie (one of the best TV shows of all-time, by the way), because I don’t think either closer is going to be doing much baseballing the rest of the year.

Bobby Wahl – Went over him this morning.  Click around the site to find it and earn me a cool, hard .00000000067 of a penny.

Freddy Peralta – It is with much trepidation that I recommend Peralta, but this is a Stream-o-Nator call like the call it makes to a personal injury attorney to see if it has a claim because its feelings were hurt when it was called a ‘stupid pile of metal’ at a grocery store.

Trevor Cahill – Another Stream-o-Nator call for this weekend.  “I was standing in the express lane, buying aluminum foil to see if I could mold it into a friend and… Did they have to be so cruel?”

SELL

Travis Shaw – Yes, these Sells are nearly drops, but we’re getting close to that time of the year when trading deadlines are passing in fantasy leagues.  Next week, I will be giving you straight drops.  Though, in some shallower leagues, these guys might already be drops.  The addition of Moistasskiss was a blow, in the non-sexual way.  The addition of Schoop was the nail, and Shaw’s been coughin’ up all his fantasy value since.

Max Muncy – To use the most dominant curse of the Rastafarian people, bumba clot!  How do you go from being the unheralded leader of the team, the heart and soul, the je ne sais quoi of what was making the Dodgers work, the unlikelyiest of unlikely Home Run Derby contestants to a bench player.  Even if I do think Brian Dozier could be one of the best players in the 2nd half, it’s just a bad move from a morale standpoint to bench Muncy, but there’s also no way he can play every day anymore, so go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer to see what you might be able to get.  I wouldn’t trade him for two front row seats at a “Raspberrying Lips” contest, but I would explore options.

 
  1. demRibbies says:
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    Semi-finals are next week (we wrap mlb a few weeks early b/c it’s a 3 sport league and want finals done before nfl starts & also to avoid hassle of dealing w/ Sept roster expansion).

    This is a QS league. I’m considering adding Chase Anderson (2 starts next week – SD and @ATL) and dropping Stripling (@COL coming off the DL and dealing w/ all this 6 man rotation/rest stuff). If I made it through semis Stripling would have @SEA which is less concerning than @COL of course but not exactly a walk in the park. I’m less concerned w/ @SEA and more concerned that he gets skipped, or LAD DL10’s him again to limit IP.

    It’s a keeper league too but the odds of me keeping Strip are pretty low. I dunno, would you do it?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Do it

  2. jon says:
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    Think Cruz can hit 15 more homers ROS

    I just traded Pham for him- struggling in HR dept.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nice trade!

  3. Dante says:
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    looking for holds without destroying my ratios…. Pick 2…. thanks!

    Leclerc, Colome, Hirano, Oh, Crick

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Colombe, Crick

      • Dante says:
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        @Grey:

        thanks Grey

        • Dante says:
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          @Dante:

          would you pick Hicks over either of the two you suggested?

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Meh, toss up with Colome

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  4. knucks says:
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    Willie Calhoun or Tyler O’Neil

    12 team 6×6 Roto redraft (OPS and QS are the extra cats)

    Any fun weekend plans?

    We bought this house 4 months ago and had to replace the AC/HVAC two months ago… then had a crack in the foundation with water leaking into the finished basement when it rains, which we just paid to fix… and then yesterday our furnace blew out. Was quoted today at 8K to replace if the warranty company refuses to cover it. So I will be spending the weekend in a puddle of my own tears.

    Onward and upward

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      O’Neill… I have a funeral today and a memorial service on Sunday — fun! That sucks about the house but hopefully it turns around, like OZUNA

      • knucks says:
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        @Grey: Bummer, I’m sorry to hear that.

        Thanks for the O’Neil tip and for the write-ups bruthaman, my teams are killing it again this year.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No worries, you didn’t kill him….Or did you?!

      • Cram It says:
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        @Grey: I have an orthodox Jewish Bar Mitzvah tomorrow morning and then an Evangelical Christian wedding tomorrow night. You can’t make this stuff up.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          You need to find a girl at both then date them simultaneously

          • Slappy Jack says:
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            @Grey: been there done that, it doesn’t end well

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Haha

  5. Dancin Homer says:
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    …. every time I add 1 closer, another poops the bed or gets hurt.

    12-team, H2H, 6×6 (OPS & QS) league:

    Current RP’s: Chapman, W. Smith, Boxberger, Barraclough

    Do you.
    1.) Drop Barraclough for Steckenrider
    2.) Hold Barraclough
    3.) Drop Barraclough and use spot to stream SP’s?

    Thanks & happy Friday!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      1 — you too!

      • Dancin Homer says:
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        @Grey:

        Thanks & forgot to add that I picked up Giles (was in my “NA” slot) too.

        does that change your answer at all?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Not really

          • Dancin Homer says:
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            @Grey:

            Thank you once again.

            Sorry to bother with 1 more, but (different league), which player would you drop of the following (need to make room to pick up a catcher as I’ve been rolling without one since Ramos hit the DL):

            Musgrove
            L. Weaver
            Jose Martinez

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Weaver

  6. phennore says:
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    Who’s the better stream next week?

    Glasnow – BAL, @TOR
    Tropeano – DET, OAK

    SON loves both. Thanks,

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Trop

  7. dau says:
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    Any glimmer of hope for Giles viability?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Sure, I’d try him

  8. ESB says:
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    Grey, glad I dropped by…because I’m dealing with the aftermath of the Brewers trades and being stuck with Shaw. I can’t give the guy away in our 10 team league. I’m at the point where I need another Ofer with Myers getting dinged, I’ve won 3 years running so nobody’s gonna be doing me any favors. The following OF eligible players are available on the wire to take Shaws place:

    Schebler, Peralta, Avisail, Bauers, Cargo, Conforto, Thames, Braun, Bader, O’Neill, Mallex. For context, this is my current roster.

    Current Roster:
    5×5 OBP and QS

    C Molina
    1B Rizzo
    2B/SS Javier Baez,
    3B Manny Machado
    SS Jean Segura
    OF 1B/OF Myers
    OF Yelich
    OF Haniger
    UTIL Eaton
    UTIL Ozzie Albies 2B
    UTIL 1B/2B/3B Carpenter
    Bench 3B Shaw
    DL G.Sanchez

    SP Jon Gray
    SP Mike Clevinger
    RP Brad Boxberger
    SP Carlos Carrasco
    SP Flaherty
    RP Kenley Jansen
    RP Craig Kimbrel
    SP Castillo
    Bench SP Godley
    Bench SP Sean Manaea
    Bench SP Milokas
    Bench SP Rich Hill
    DL SP Martinez

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Myers will be DL’d, can’t you just do that move and then grab someone? Bauer’s has been hottest, Schebler likely has most value when he returns from DL, Avisail isn’t bad

      • ESB says:
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        @Grey: I already have Sanchez and C Mart on my DL, so no DL spots. Dont want to drop Myers, but that leaves me with an OF of Yelich, Eaton, and haniger. I could drop an arm to add a bat, but not sure thats worth doing to keep Shaw.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Then gotta lose Shaw

          • ESB says:
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            @Grey: Yeah, im good at 2nd and 3rd with that roster. Just not sure which OF’er helps me the most, and hate to give him up for nothing, but those are the breaks…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I hear ya

  9. P says:
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    That Freddy Peralta Blurb was some Mark Twain like writing. And I know that because Ante Galic posts Twain quotes everyday.