Off the album, Get Hits or Buy Ryon, 50 Cent sung about Many Men at a corner spot, rapping, “Many men, wish Joe Mauer on me, have mercy on me, many men.” Then on his other chart-topping song off that album, In Da Club, he rapped, “You can find at my corner slot, some schlubs. Look, mami, at my corner infidel slot I got X, if you’re into scrubs. I’m into havin’ specs, I ain’t into a corner man who’s known for his glove, so come give me a hug, if in my corner slot I got Cory Spangenberg’s mug.” He followed those up with 21 Questions, when he sang, “Would you leave me if your father found out my corner man was scrubbin’? Do you believe me when I tell you, I thought Josh Donaldson would be more than nothin’?” Then, after all those, 50 Cent managed one last smash hit with P.I.M.P., where he rapped, “I don’t know what you heard about me, but a Mitch can’t get a FAAB dollar out of me. No Kingery, no Sano, you can’t see, that my corner man is P.I.M.P.,” where P.I.M.P stood for Please, I’M Playing (Ronald Guzman). So, Ryon Healy has been one of the hottest corner man over the last week, but beyond that, on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, he’s the 17th best 3B this year, in front of Kyle Seager, Longoria, Devers and Carpenter, who are all owned in more leagues than him. Healy’s also on pace for 28-31 homers with a decent-enough average. There’s no reason why he’s on waivers in any leagues. Take 50 Cent’s word for it, Get Hits or Buy Ryon! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell for this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Ryon Healy to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
“Lower the koozie a little bit. No, a little bit more. Okay, now spray some mist on the outside of the can to make it look like it’s sweating. Now rub your finger from the D in Dr. to the R in Pepper. This is romance! For me!” That’s me explaining to Cougs how I want her to seduce me with a visual metaphor of Juan Soto. Or as I like to call him, Sexy Dr. Pepper. Last night he hit two more homers (2-for-3, 4 RBIs) and now has five homers on the year, hitting .344 since his call-up and he’s only 19 years old. *puts handkerchief to head, faints* He was the first 19-year-old to homer at a Yankee Stadium since Ken Griffey Jr. in 1989. He is the fifth youngest major leaguer with a two-homer game (Mel Ott, Danny Murphy (not that one), Griffey, Andruw Jones). He is the third youngest major leaguer to show up at Yankee Stadium and say, “A concession guy offered his wife to me for sex.” (Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich) Not to put the hype too much to eleven, but he is blowing away what Bryce and Trout did when they were both 19 years old. 19-year-olds who hit a home run in the last 40 years: Soto, Bryce, Trout, Justin Upton, Andruw, Griffey and Juan Gonzalez. Betting on a 19-year-old to fail who is already up in the majors succeeding is betting the Don’t Pass line, and no one likes that guy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*life flashing before eyes right before death* Wow, that’s a lot times I picked up and dropped Chase Anderson. Is it weird I can understand where Mike Tyson was coming from when he said he wanted to eat Lennox Lewis’ children? Some of these players — Sonny Gray, Jon Gray, Chase Anderson — come to mind that make me want to eat someone’s children. Not really (yes, really). Why couldn’t Chase Anderson do this when he was on my team?! *lines tacks up on desk, slams head down* I’m okay! *blood dripping from forehead like Abdullah the Butcher* I can’t see! *screaming at intern* Getmeahandiwipesoicansee–Okay, I can see again. I’m still seeing blood though. Yesterday, Chase Anderson went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.13. The peripherals are still not there for Anderson — 6.1 K/9, 3.5 BB/9, 5.17 xFIP — so I won’t be going back in on him. That doesn’t mean it won’t make me think about salt and peppering some kids if he pitches well again. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ya know, if you’re gonna get busted for PEDs and be suspended for 80 games, the way to do it is right after fracturing your hand. It’s like coming down with mono the week of your prom when you have no date. “Damn, am I gonna miss that? That is too bad, but I am so drowsy I feel like I have two Forest Whitaker eyes.” That’s you getting prom-o-mono. I am more surprised to hear Robinson Cano was busted for PEDs, than I am to learn he had no idea he was taking the illegal substance. Baseball is currently batting a thousand for denials of PEDs suspensions. MLB players’ denials of taking the illicit substance should get into the Hall of Fame on its first ballot. Speaking of Hall of Fame, I kinda thought Robinson Cano was headed there. This will obviously shade a cloud over his entire career, which I do think is a shame. What’s also a shame, you need to drop him in all leagues. He’s more or less done for the year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We all know what to hoist by one’s own petard means, right? It’s like when Wile E. Coyote tries to drop a cannonball on the Road Runner, but the cannonball’s heft breaks off the cliff and plunges Wile E. to his untimely demise. (Clearly, the best Shakespearean example.) That’s how I feel about rookie pitchers. You grab them because of the upside, then hoist them up and they roofie you and, next thing you know, your kidney is replacing El Chapo’s. On the Prospect-o-Nator, Alex Reyes is the 2nd best rookie pitcher this year, behind Walker Buehler. Clearly, Alex Reyes needs to be owned, but he’s A) Rookie. B) Returning from Tommy John surgery. C) There’s no C. If things break right, he could be an ace for the last four months of the season. If things break wrong, your fantasy team could plunge to its untimely demise. Remember, never go full petard. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Vince Velasquez went 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 5.05. Ironic his initials are VV, because owning him is anything but peaceful. Maybe Richard Nixon was prophetic when he threw up the V’s. Did Nixon say, “I am not a…conservative streamer?” VV is so volatile, he’s like Nixon in a Pepsi full of Mentos! “Vince, why are you taping us?” Velasquez shakes his jowls. “Why are you always hating Ian Kennedy?” Velasquez diverts his eyes. “Vince, why do you keep asking for advice from that WAR monger, Henry Kissingfangrapher?” Velasquez’s peripherals are much prettier than his ERA — 11 K/9, 3.1 BB/9, 3.83 xFIP — but there is no way to recommend him without saying you know he can screw you at any moment. So be careful listening to Henry Kissingfangrapher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Keeping the weekend theme of rookie pitchers not giving up hits, yesterday Domingo German went 6 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, 2 BBs, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.66. Since I wasn’t very familiar with German — “Guten tag, give your bratwurst my best kraut.” — I decided to watch this game. German’s curve was made to look very impressive by an Indians team that still does not look right. It also didn’t hurt that the home plate umpire gave him a very favorable strike zone — “You wear the lederhosen in the Deutschland, Lance Barrett?” Kept feeling like a more patient team or just a few calls go a different way, and German has loaded the bases on walks with no outs, and, suddenly, he’s in a five run hole in two innings. Bundesländer? V to the ielleicht. Maybe Sonntag had his Sunday best on, but I don’t trust him outside of deep leagues. Of course, with that said (Grey’s turning the u-boat!), a flyer doesn’t hurt until the German roofie comes and you wake up in Frankfurt with a burly woman named Gertrude. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Hello, I’m here to visit The Sciosciapath.” “We need to see your ID, and, if you’re carrying any sharp items, you have to leave them here.” I empty my pockets and show the guard my ID. The Mental Institution of Major League Managers is a relic from the 50’s, a product of discarded patients suffering moral treatment. There’s Ron Washington chewing on a piece of chalk. At least, I think it’s chalk. Over there, Terry Collins is pretending a yo-yo is his arm. Finally, I see The Sciosciapath, bifocals low on the bridge of his nose, carrying a clipboard. He is a patient, but thinks he’s the megalomaniacal head physician. He muahaha’s as he sees me, and screams at a discarded piece of meatloaf, “I told you to run, Darin Erstad!” Any hoo! C.J. Cron has finally emerged from the shadow of failed psychiatry in Anaheim and is putting up a season we thought always possible. This is so unsurprising. He was obviously a 27-homer hitter for the last few years as The Sciosciapath played everyone else. If Cron is available in your league, grab him and stop screaming at your meatloaf. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“I want to recreate the Pequot War of 1636, but I don’t want to use ordinary weapons, instead I want to use diarrhea.” “How would that work, Matt Moore?” “I’m thinking whenever I see an Indian, I throw crap. Then instead of Pocahontas, I can scream, ‘Poke-a-hot-ass,’ but rather than it be traditionally offensive, it can mean the stream of hot ass I’m throwing.” “Feels a little performance arty.” Instead of listening to his agent, Matt Moore (4 IP, 10 ER), went ahead with his revolutionary war. Finally, Edwin Encarnacion (3-for-5, 6 RBIs, and his 7th, 8th and 9th homers) showed up. “I told you not to put my name on a tag on my foot.” That’s Edwin showing signs of life. Might still be able to buy him low due to his sub-Mendoza batting average (.191), but I’d buy fast, because he could go on a 17+ homers in a month power spree. Also, in this game, Jason Kipnis (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer) said, “JK still playing baseball, not JK as in just kidding, but my initials. In case, ya know, you thought otherwise.” I have little to no love for Kipnis, this was against one of the worst pitchers in baseball, and means little. “I’m not a bad pitcher, I’m a terrible historical recreator!” That’s Matt Moore. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This one’s a real kick in the Seagers. Right after I brought up the debate of which SS you’d rather own in my Top 100 Hitters article, Corey Seager or Didi Gregorius, the debate was settled for me. This elbow injury was apparently something that Seager battled in the 2017 playoffs and I guess his ulnar finally tapped out. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?