After volunteering to have his first start of the season skipped last week (what a stand up guy!), Joe Musgrove opened his season with a seven inning gem, cruising through the Cinncinati Red Legs line up allowing just three hits and a walk and striking out eight for his first win of the year. Joe has always been a master with his control (just a 5% walk-rate in 2018 and he threw 18 first pitch strikes Friday night) but it’s them tasty strikeouts that make me go crazier than a shadow person in a Jordan Peele movie. The replicants have risen, and they’re here to steal all our best waiver wire acquisitions right before we’re about to click add. That’s why you have to grab Joe Musgrove while he’s still available in about 40% of fantasy leagues. Shadow Lupita Nyong’o would tell you Musgrove put up some of his best numbers down the stretch last year (August and September), when he started mixing in his off speed pitches more his strikeout rate increased as a result. She’s saying if he carries that mindset into this season he’s got all the tools to break out in a big way in 2019 and if Friday’s night performance was any indication (induced 17 swinging strikes) we’re about to see Pittsburgh’s prize from the Gerrit Cole trade finally pay off. Buy Joe Everything Musgrove!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Sonny Gray – 6.2 IP, 3 hits, ER, 0 BB, 7 K. When you finally get out of NYC City and can pitch again with a clear head again but you miss that your old team could actually score runs. The Reds haven’t scored in days, you guys, that’s like teenager D&D levels of scorelessness. Gray, however, looked like the cool guy stud that all the nerds want to be like, allowing just three base runners and striking out seven. He retired 16 batters in a row at one point and didn’t allow a run until the seventh inning, which is an old school Sonny Gray type of start. He’s available in about 60% of leagues and gets a EZ match up with the Marlins next week. I’d absolutely take a chance that sunnier days are ahead for Gray.

Carlos Santana – 1-for-4, HR (1). *scanning the Toronto/Cleveland box score for a hitter to highlight* Wow, these teams are bad without their best players (Lindor & Vlad? Jose Ramirez DNP), I picked Santana because I wasn’t about to mention Freddy Galvis. Hey–wait! Aww, you got me!

Shane Bieber – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 K. The Biebs did nothing to calm the hype for his 2019 after admitting to the world that he still has feelings for Selena despite remaining loyal to Hailey. First you’ve got to Love Yourself, Bieber!

Trent Thornton – 5.2 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Thornton now holds the BJays franchise record for strikeouts from a rookie through their first two starts with 15. He passed Roy Halladay. Uhh, hold on wait–hhhwhat? Exsqueeze me? Who are you? Trent. Thornton. The 25 year-old right hander put up a 4.42 ERA in 22 starts at AAA last year with a 122/31 K/BB. Combine this history with the fact that’s he’s faced the cushy Tigers and Indians Quad-A line ups makes me hesitant to go all in on Thornton. Still, maybe it just clicked. He’s got a mid-90s fastball and a curve with a spin rate of over 3000 rpm. I don’t know what that means but it sounds hard to hit. When you’re breaking Roy Halladay’s records you’re doing something right. I’d take a flier on Trent, he’s available everywhere and gets the Rays next week.

Kevin Gausman – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 1st win. How is the Gaus still available in leagues? He shaved almost a point and a half off his ERA moving to the Braves last year putting up a 2.87 ERA, 1.14 WHIP in 10 starts. And now you get him at a discount because he started the year on the DL? He’s got a rough start in Colorado next week but I’d own everywhere.

Ronald Acuña, Jr. – 1-for-4, HR (2), 2 RBI. I did not get to draft Mookie this year and that hurts more than I can talk about right now, but I did draft the Tilde aka Alt-164 and he is helping me through it. I knew he was going to homer tonight. I felt it. Before I looked at my phone, as the app was loading and said to myself, “He homered.” And I looked and he did! That is a true story about me looking at my phone last night.

Rick Porcello – 4,2 IP, 10 hits, 7 ER, 3 BB, 5 K. This 15-8 loss was not as close as it kind of looks? Brian Johnson relieved him to give up another 7 ER. Slick Rick has now allowed 16 runs through two starts (13.50 ERA). It’s not as egregious when you consider Boston’s team ERA is just under 10. Maybe its the World Series hangover, or the killer West Coast road trip but I’m sure the Red Sox will be fine. That doesn’t mean I’d want to own any of their pitchers though. Still obligatory fan overreaction: Trade Sale. He’s 0ld. Sawx are cooked.

Adam Jones – 2-for-3, HR (4). Well now, it’s almost like these guys could not wait to leave Baltimore. It’s been a while since me and Adam were together so we went to a movie together the other night. We had differing opinions on the movie, but we could both agreed that is was a definitely film with a plot, climax and ending and several characters who were fleshed out over the 2 hour run time.

Ketel Marte – 2-for-5, 2 HR (3), 5 RBI. Alex Avila and Ildemaro Vargas also homered and the DBacks scored 15 runs on 18 hits. Well if that ain’t the pot calling the Ketel Marte. I’m not crazy about any of these Zona hitters but Marte is 11-for-36 with three homers, 11 RBI and two stolen bases and I’m not about to recommend one of the two others I mentioned so there you go.

Mookie Betts – 3-for-4, 2 runs, HR (2). OMG! Are you upset that I don’t own you anymore, too, Mookie!? My flame. My Muse. The team is losing because we are no longer together, aren’t they? But you knew! You knew I was watching, even though it was 14-1 in the 8th inning, you still knew I was watching and you homered for me. I miss you.

Blake Swihart – 2-for-4, run, 2 RBI. I promised myself I wouldn’t mention any catchers this year…but I Swihart Blake.

Rhys Hoskins – 3-for-4, 4 RBI. Rhys hit a bases clearing single in this one and life is good when you’re hitting behind Harper. I guess the Phillies can still win without homering.

Jorge Polanco – 5-for-5, HR (1). Hit for the cycle. He’s the first Minnesota player to do it in 10 years. Jorge attributes his hot start to his new Spin class, which is just like a regular spin class but without a seat or handle bars. Also it’s 90+ degrees. It’s miserable.

Collin McHugh – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 3 BB 4 K, 1st win. More like McNoice! I suddenly want a cheeseburger. He’s got a sub-1 WHIP and a 2.45 ERA through two starts and I own him everywhere.  Let me get some of your secret sauce, Collin!

Frankie Montas – 5.0 IP, 10 base runners, 2 ER, 5 K. Grey told you to SELL and he may be right. Some of his past advanced stats look worse than Logic’s novel, but he gets a cushy start versus the Orioles next week. I’d still pass on this one like I’m passing on the soundtrack to Logic’s novel. All bad ideas.

Ramon Laureano – 4-for-4, 2 RBI. Laureano is a defensive master, who has had trouble making consistent contact in the past. PAUSE. *fast forwarding sound effects* Cut to 2019, new year, new Laureano. Ramon’s name makes me think of Alfonso Soriano, so we’re already off to a good start fantasy wise. The two homers and a steal also raises my eyebrow Dwayne Johnson, but the 14 strikeouts and just one walk so far certainly makes me PAUSE. Whoa, that’s two pauses in one blurb. That’s a wait and see you guys! But I’m watching him closer than the Case Aginst Adnan Sayed. Is he guilty? Is he innocent? IDK! It’s a wait and see.

Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 2 HR (3). Sleeper alert!

Lance Lynn – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 5 K versus Felix Pena – 4.2 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K. I mention both of these pitchers just to mention I wouldn’t own either.

Fernando Tatis, Jr. – 2-for-4, HR (2), 2 RBI. I didn’t love the Machado signing, but I do love that San Diego put FTJ on their opening day roster. The .240 AVG and 9 strikeouts are a bit disconcerting but I’ll take the two homers, the steal and all the upside that comes with the ‘Dres top prospect! 7/10. Would own everywhere. This kid’s gonna be a star–ha-cha-cha!

Nick Margevicius – 5.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, BB, K. The Marvelous Mr. Margevivius only managed one strikeout but the Cardinals only managed one hit (a Paul DeJong home run off Nick). He gets the Giants again next week and if you are considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not you should review the option of potentially streaming him–I say go for it.

Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-3, HR (5). Grey and I see eye to on most issues, outside of which Kevin Hart movie is the best Kevin Hart movie and whether or not Trump’s wall is a good idea (I won’t tell you where we stand on these issues), but unlike Grey I’m all in on 2019 Pauly G. I think the regenerative powers of St Louis’ Arch is just what Goldy needs to get back to his MVPing ways. Hey, it worked for Carlos Beltran!

Jack Flaherty – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Left this one in line for the win but the bullpen let him down. I’m not sure he’ll be worth where you drafted him, but Jack is a stud without a doubt. If it was 2018 and I could draft him 5 rounds earlier I’d own him everywhere.

Tyler Glasnow – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 6 K, 2-0. Here’s a guy I do own everywhere, but his availability in about a quarter of fantasy leagues tells me maybe you don’t yet? *Fantasy Pro Tip* Pick him up! That tip was free. Please click on the sketchiest ad below to pay for the next one. Yes, the dental implants ad will do just fine!

Austin Meadows – 2-for-5, RBI. The sheep’s in the meadow and the cow’s in the corn, folks! He’s got two homers and a steal through his first week! That’s Stone Cold, Austin fans!

Cody Bellinger – 1-for-4, 2 runs, HR (6), 3 RBI. Bellinger rings up his sixth ding-dong! Can Joc Pederson do dat? Nuh uh. Nah didn’t think so. Need more? He’s slashing .417/.447/.917 with 16 RBI. More? How about 11 runs a steal and a .917 SLG%. OK. The Cranberries know that you have to, you have to, you have to love Bellinger.

Max Muncy – 3-for-4, HR (2), 3 RBI. Russell Martin also homered as LA scored 10 runs on 13 hits. Mad Max started this game despite sitting the three previous games against lefties and sweet sassy molassy is Dave Roberts a genius or a witch? With the way these Dodgers are hitting, I’m leaning towards the latter.

Kenta Maeda – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 4 BB, 4 K, 2nd win. If you read Razzball you probably own Maeda, who is zzzz-inducing but totally serviceable and the kind of player that helps you win a fantasy league. Gee thanks, Razzball!

Trevor Story – 2-for-3, 2 HR (3). I’m looking at you with the meanest of mugs, Nolan Arenado and Charlie Blackmon. Trevor has more homers than the two combined, which is zero. *takes awkward step back*

David Dahl – 1-for-4, HR (1). The Fantastic Mr. Rox!

Brandon Woodruff – 4.0 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 8 K. More like wood-rough. Or woof-ruff. Regardless, I’ll take those 8 Ks any day of the week. This could be your last chance to own Woodruff before everyone gets on the Brewers bandwagon and there are microbreweries everywhere, and you think its cool at first but then you can’t escape it and there’s no place to get a Coors Light or have a drink without somebody’s kid screaming in the background and there are babies there so you can’t even say the f-ing word. Crafty beer tangent! Pick up Woodruff where he’s available, people, he gets the Angels next week.

Jose Quintana – 3.0 IP, 8 hits, 8 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. Thank u, next! During the offseason, in addition to raising a thetan level in the Church of Scientology I also became a very devout/diehard fan of Ariana Grande (an Ariantor). No, the two are not related. Why does everyone keep asking me that? As for Jose Quintana, sorry to say I think it’s about time you Pete Davidson this dude and move on.

Ryan Braun – 2-for-5, HR, 4 RBI. Eric Thames, Orlando Arcia, Yasmany Grandal and Hernan Perez also homered as the Brewers chugged 13 runs out of 15 hits. So yeah, basically all the Milwaukee players you don’t own.

Yusei Kikuchi – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 6 R, 4 ER, BB, 4 K. Hmm. Getting more Dice-K vibes from Kikuchi than Shohei or Darvish vibes, but hey, Matsuzaka won 15 games his first year, and 18 in his second so that’s not necessarily the worst comp in the world? Right?

Domingo Santana – 1-for-4, HR (4). Domingo might end up being one of the more valuable sleeper picks of 2019! The writing was on the wall! But more importantly, the writing was on razzball.com. Pretty sure Grey told you to draft this guy everywhere.

Ryon Healy – 1-for-3, HR (3), 3 RBI. He was a BUY. And now he’s in the Friday recap the very next day! That means Grey did his job. So I’m doing mine.

Tim Anderson – 3-for-4, 4 runs, HR (1), 3 RBI. He’s hitting .438 with a home run and a steal. Some say he’s an even a better fantasy player than a real player, which is what my Twitch followers say about my APEX Legends skills.

Yoan Moncada – 2-for-4, 4 RBI. When you hit the jackpot on the post-post-hype sleeper! OMG HE’S HITTING ALMOST .500 WITH 10 RBI AND THE SOUTH SIDE SAWX ARE BETTER THAN THOSE HIGH AND MIGHTY CUBBIES! Folks, he is already better than Bryce Harper, and by Monday he will surpass Mike Trout. By the end of August he will pass Michael Jordan in terms of athlete popularity in Chicago. We’re all in on Yo-an! There is no time to lose!



Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!