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Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to PBMs and decided if you can’t beat them, join them! Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post. Here, enjoy some coffee. Oops, you just drank rat poison. I should’ve used different mugs. Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than owning Giancarlo Stanton in the 1st half. Oh, you owned him, and that’s why you drank the poison! Now, I’m following! Hey, I’m supposed to be leading! Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2019 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up! But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest! So, as with all of the other 2019 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Cody Bellinger number three on the top 100 list for the second half of 2019 and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with Bellinger. Why soil a good thing, ya know? This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Aaron Judge did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, we have to believe in miracles — my 12-year-old self would want that, and to sleep with Cher. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2019. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do. It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2019:
1. Mike Trout – For some reason, I’m picturing you and me acting out a stage play of a scene from the movie, Celtic Pride, and we’ve kidnapped Trout so our opponents who own him can’t win our fantasy league and you’re Dan Aykroyd. Well, you don’t expect me to be Dan Aykroyd, do you? Projections: 51/20/53/.294/9 in 233 ABs
2. Christian Yelich – If you were to flip-flop Trout and Yelich, I wouldn’t hate, I’d procreate another city/state. I’m a poet and aware of it. Projections: 49/18/51/.303/12 in 267 ABs
3. Cody Bellinger – Like Dan Brown cracked the Da Vinvci Code, Bellinger cracked the Top Three Overall Code. A few less albinos were hurt in the process. Projections: 47/19/52/.288/7 in 255 ABs
4. Ronald Acuna Jr. – Tildaddy makes you clean his pickup truck on your free Saturday! Teaching you that nothing’s free in this life. Except Razzball. Though, if you want to buy our daily hitter and pitcher projections, we’d stop buying the generic ketchup. You don’t want us to have Heinz? I got a 52-variety ketchup over here! I want dem five extra varieties! Projections: 55/16/39/.284/13 in 270 ABs
5. Max Scherzer – My 2nd half rankings depart from my 1st half rankings in one major way, I give more credence to top pitchers. A few reasons A) Pitchers get hurt and are risky, but, at this point in the season, we know which pitchers are healthy and pitching well. B) A top pitcher can make a huge difference still, whereas an upside flyer on a pitcher isn’t as valuable. I.e., if your ratios need help, a flyer on someone like Brendan McKay is only going to get you so far, whereas Scherzer can make a difference in the final months. C) There’s no C. D) Anime Grey goes over him in the video at the top of the page. Projections: 10-2/2.24/0.93/131 in 102 IP
6. Mookie Betts – Listen, PBMs, even Teddy Ballgame had a bad season here and there. Of course, if your league had a category for German Pilots Shot Down, Ted Williams’s lesser seasons were still decent. Projections: 55/15/41/.289/9 in 261 ABs
7. Nolan Arenado – Hey, I found some IBM stock certificates from the 1950s. Y’all, can kiss my ass, I’m rich! They are a tad musty though, so I’m just going to air-dry them by this open window–NOOOOO!!! Torenado! Projections: 44/20/51/.307/1 in 271 ABs
8. Francisco Lindor – The top *counting with fingers* seven were easy-peezy, KFC just-right-type-of greasy. These next few are not as obvious. I could see Lindor falling to 17 and any of the next nine moving up. Having a crap team around you and no reason to play sounds like a reason to ding Lindor, but, meh, it’s not entirely. Guys can get their stats, especially when they have speed and power. Projections: 47/16/39/.291/14 in 287 ABs
9. Trea Turner – I fully expect Treat Urner to go into SAGNOF Urner Overdrive, steal five bags a week and end with 50 steals on the year. It can’t be true until you say it like it is true! That’s Marianne Williamson. Projections: 54/4/27/.284/24 in 293 ABs
10. Javier Baez – For those wondering, there’s a chance some of these rankings could be indicative of next year’s top 100. It’s definitely the top 100 right now, so why not after two-plus months? Rhetorical! Projections: 48/17/45/.273/6 in 288 ABs
11. Alex Bregman – Got the 10th pick in a redraft, draft-at-Break league? Al-Bre sure to get me some. Projections: 47/17/48/.271/3 in 260 ABs
12. Freddie Freeman – He’s moved naturally into that role of solid power, great average 1st baseman recently vacated by Au Shizz and Votto. You are the next generation, Freeman. But you can still get called for jury duty at any time, so how free are you? Projections: 41/16/48/.305/2 in 258 ABs
13. Gerrit Cole – You could take Scherzer, Cole, Sale and Verlander, put them in a hat and place them in any order. Yes, you need a very big hat. No, I don’t know where to find that big of a hat. Stop with the semantics! Hatmantics? Projections: 9-2/2.76/0.98/127 in 98 IP
14. J.D. Martinez – Just Dong needs to Just…Dividend? Thesaurus, you are failing me! I need a word for “return on investment.” Projections: 39/18/47/.302/1 in 252 ABs
15. Charlie Blackmon – Fun fact! C. Thomas Howell told a friend that for Halloween he was dressing up as Charlie Blackmon, and that friend started screaming, “LET SOUL MAN GO!” Projections: 53/16/44/.301/2 in 277 ABs
16. Adalberto Mondesi – You know why you love me and my love for Mondesi this preseason? Because in hindsight it looks so obvious, but no one else was saying it. The ability to see the obvious through all the chatter is what really separates me from other ‘perts. That and a semi-healthy BMI. Projections: 38/9/41/.262/24 in 274 ABs
17. Trevor Story – Bit of a risk involved in Story, due to injury, but there’s a lot upside here to be willing to go in on that risk. Upside like: Twenty-five 2nd half homers and a .350 average, and the top player overall in the 2nd half. Projections: 40/17/44/.273/9 in 262 ABs
18. George Springer – On the Player Rater, Springer is a top 5 per game value, which means if he’s healthy the entire 2nd half, he’ll be a steal ranked this low. Projections: 49/16/39/.277/4 in 247 ABs
19. Justin Verlander – Has been easily the best starter in the 1st half, and it’s not particularly close. Don’t really even expect him to fall off suddenly, since he hasn’t in the past 57 years he’s been pitching, but a lot of his value was coming from Wins, and you can’t count on them, even with the ‘Stros. By the way, ‘Stros is the worst abbreviation ever. It’s the same number of keystrokes! Projections: 8-2/2.93/1.04/126 in 100 IP
20. Chris Sale – I’m well aware of Sale’s iffy 2nd halves, which is why I ranked him here and not higher. Why didn’t I rank him lower? Injuries just appearing in the 2nd half feels arbitrary. Projections: 8-2/2.97/1.02/119 in 84 IP
21. Anthony Rendon – See Machado’s blurb and all will be revealed! (Some!) Projections: 41/16/48/.294/2 in 252 ABs
22. Manny Machado – Let the debates begin! Not between Mayor Pete and non-Mayor Petes, but between Stanny Machados or and Stanhony Rendons! I debated which should be ranked first between these two longer than I care to admit. Okay, 27 seconds. And I could still see Machado over Rendon. I ended up this way, because of Machado disappearing for months at a time while playing vs. Rendon disappearing for months at a time on the IL. Projections: 39/17/43/.278/4 in 269 ABs
23. Anthony Rizzo – Rizz Anking to the Izzo! (That didn’t work, did it?) Projections: 44/17/49/.271/2 in 248 ABs
24. Jacob deGrom – *searches for Shruggy the Emoji, finds it, places it, Jason Vargas punches me for using an emoji* OW! Fine! I don’t know what to do with deGrom. He could be much better than this, but betting on Mets is like betting on public perception recognizing Phil Collins as the greatest singer/songwriter of all-time. Projections: 6-2/2.74/1.04/103 in 90 IP
25. Pete Alonso – Screw Mayor Pete, we got Major Pete! Eat that D, Mayor Pete! Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t say that. Any hoo! I’m almost to the point where I’ve wrapped my noodle head around Albombso being a top 20 guy next year. Projections: 40/16/41/.259/1 in 255 ABs
26. Kris Bryant – Member when I said to sell Bryant and he got crazy hot and everyone was making fun of me and I called up my mom to console me and she said, “Who is this? Oh, it’s you.” Member that? I don’t really know if Bryant has been that great. He hasn’t been bad, but he’s been about what was always expected of him. Reminds me too of my Austin Riley, Paul Goldschmidt and Tim Anderson Sells. You can pretend those weren’t great calls, but you’re lying to yourself. Projections: 44/13/38/.282/2 in 255 ABs
27. Aaron Judge – Similar thinking to Story, Judge could hit 30 homers in two months and be the best player in all of baseball. He could also accidentally sit on DJ LeMahieu, fart out just his hat, have a doctor say, “More like DJ LePew!” then need a colonoscopy to get the rest. Anime Grey also goes over him in the video at the top of the page. Projections: 42/18/44/.266/2 in 241 ABs
28. Rafael Devers – It feels appropriate that Devers is ranked in the 2nd half around where I ranked Yelich last year. Devers feels like he could zoom up into the top 15 overall with a great 2nd half. Projections: 47/14/41/.291/5 in 261 ABs
29. Josh Bell – If I told you I was 100% convinced of Bell’s 1st half, I think there’s a case to be made that I should be committed to a santarium for ranking Bell this low. Since I’m not typing this in a straitjacket, you should know how convinced I am about Bellaunoa19–Okay, I was typing in a straitjacket, but I still don’t know if I trust Bell completely. Anime Grey also goes over him in the video at the top of the page. Projections: 34/15/42/.277/1 in 251 ABs
30. Juan Soto – I can’t remember a player I liked more than Sexy Dr. Pepper, who was less a huge fantasy threat. Not saying SDP ain’t a gorge specimen, but, for fantasy, he doesn’t tick all the boxes. Still, I love him. May your caramel bubbles refresh my tongue buds fo’ever mo’e. By the by, why didn’t old-time writers put in the R’s? We think it’s stylistic but maybe their typewriters were flawed due to an R shortage of the eighteen-fo’ties. Projections: 44/16/47/.293/4 in 251 ABs
31. Whit Merrifield – On an actual fantasy advice note, Merrifield is either worth a top 10 player value or not even a top 100. Similar to SPs and RPs, you have to know how much you need average and speed by this point. Projections: 49/7/30/.305/12 in 277 ABs
32. Starling Marte – Did I put Starling next to Ketel just because they’re both Martes? Projections: 46/9/36/.278/12 in 267 ABs
33. Ketel Marte – Of course, it’s a Marte Party! Projections: 42/12/39/.291/6 in 261 ABs
34. Rhys Hoskins – Some people pop in the comments here and there and ask about Hoskins being a Sell. He’s on pace for 35 HRs and a .250 average, and is currently doing almost exactly half of that. I don’t get where this Sell got put in the ether, but Hoskins has been nearly exactly what he’s been for almost three years now. Projections: 38/17/49/.251/2 in 252 ABs
35. Gary Sanchez – How I ranked Sanchez: I tried to decide if someone offered me Marte, Marte or Hoskins, if I’d want Sanchez over any of them, and if I wondered if those were two Martes or they were stuttering. Still struggling with this ranking, but I have less faith in Sanchez staying healthy than some guys above him, and don’t love catchers. What he’s done so far puts him easily in this area of the rankings, if not higher. Projections: 30/14/38/.261/0 in 198 ABs
36. Xander Bogaerts – Still believe Bogaerts has a top 15 year in his bat, but, ya know, one of these years, like, sorta, actually doing it would be good. Projections: 43/10/46/.283/4 in 254 ABs
37. Bryce Harper – Not sure how many home runs he has left in his bat. Or is that how many “in the Harper?” *reluctantly high-fives self* Projections: 42/16/47/.243/4 in 248 ABs
38. Jose Altuve – If he’s not hitting for power, not stealing bags and not hitting for average, well, he’s still’s got that ‘under five-foot half-off admission’ thing at amusement parks. Projections: 47/7/32/.294/6 in 258 ABs
39. Blake Snell – I’m reminded of Lucinda Williams’s Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, Can’t find a damn starter that’s an ace….No one’s where I left them before…Starters are keys and I got Odorizzi as an ace…Blake Snell’s busting shocks like on a grave road… Snell’s peripherals are saying he should be much better, so have to trust he’ll get there. Or not and avoid him. Projections: 7-2/2.96/1.11/108 in 82 IP
40. Andrew Benintendi – I should’ve named this tier, from Altuve to here, “My fantasy team has been out of it for three weeks, let’s see what Razzball’s got for fantasy football.” Projections: 39/8/36/.274/6 in 248 ABs
41. Josh Hader – See no SAGNOF, hear no SAGNOF, trade for no SAGNOF, unless you need SAGNOF! Projections: 3-1/2.35/0.87/57, 17 saves in 34 IP
42. Aroldis Chapman – From Wikipedia, “The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.” Well, I’m here to tell you it only took three days for them to type up this post. No banana for Ling-Ling! Type faster! Projections: 1-1/2.42/1.01/47, 17 saves in 30 IP
43. Trevor Bauer – Looking forward to his 2nd half complete game shutout when he throws 187 pitches with 12 walks and credits his offseason training. Projections: 6-5/3.47/1.12/117 in 101 IP
44. Kirby Yates – Similar shituation as starters when it comes to relievers. You either need SAGNOF or don’t. Projections: 2-1/2.44/0.94/42, 17 saves in 31 IP
45. Kenley Jansen – See 1/18th of an inch above, or three inches if you’re talking to a girl. Projections: 1-1/2.59/0.97/38, 16 saves in 30 IP
46. Yordan Alvarez – “I want to see your dong dong dong dong dong dong dong dong.” — The Yordong Song, lyrics by Yordan Alvarez. Projections: 30/14/37/.291/1 in 231 ABs
47. Mike Moustakas – Moistasskiss has been a top 50 player with only, like, six non-fractured fingers. Eat a D, Alfonseca! Projections: 34/16/39/.257/1 in 238 ABs
48. Domingo Santana – This is a super sexy tier here for me, because I own these next few guys and they were ranked so much lower in the preseason. Well, except for Gleyber, who I goofed up like I was Donkey Teeth placing his chompers on Kikuchi. Sunday Santana illustrates a point I go back to time and again. If a guy is giving five categories, it is very hard for him to not be somewhat valuable. His steals aren’t exactly amazing. Dot dot dot. Or are they?! Damn, Reversal Question, about to pop my eardrums with the screams. Sunday’s steals, in today’s game, aren’t terrible. Projections: 32/13/38/.263/5 in 242 ABs
49. David Dahl – You know one guy who is not dull at all? Haha, I’m so fickle! Wrap me inside a flag with a sickle and Putin me to sleep! Hold on, I have a phone call. “Hello, yes, this is Grey. Do I want to work for a Russian troll farm? Well, I was always a fan of those troll dolls, but didn’t know they were farmed–Hello? Hello?” Weird, they hung up on me. As long as Dahl doesn’t get injured — ugh, I jinxed him — he is easily a top 50 bat, which I’ve been saying since January. Since I own Dahl everywhere, here’s a quick snapshot of how my teams are doing (see jpgs in tweet). By the way, not one person from any of my leagues liked that tweet and they all follow Razzball. Does any of this surprise you? Projections: 44/14/40/.283/3 in 259 ABs
ASB team updates — Let’s see if king stay king (I’m guessing yes, but first time I’ve looked at my team standings in 15 minutes) pic.twitter.com/T4HE3sHbdD
— Razzball (@Razzball) July 8, 2019
50. Gleyber Torres – What’s funny in a not so funny way, I labeled Gleyber overrated in the preseason because I was afraid he’d struggle to play every day, due to the stacked Yankees lineup, and it turned out Gleyber is the only one actually playing every day. Told you funny (not funny). Projections: 43/13/39/.265/3 in 255 ABs
51. Eduardo Escobar – You know how people say borrrrrrring with extra R’s? Why don’t we do that with other words. I’m starting that. Eduarrrrrrrrrrrrrdo is so underrrrrrrrrrrrated! Projections: 36/10/38/.262/2 in 251 ABs
52. Hyun-Jin Ryu – He’ll either avoid all groin problems, while pitching so well, it’s going to give his owners groin problems, or he’ll be on the IL for all of August and September. I’m flipping a coin for which it will be. This is also why he was in last week’s Sell. Projections: 7-1/3.12/1.06/71 in 74 IP
53. Joey Gallo – What’s the highest batting average for someone with a 35% strikeout rate? Because I think Gallo’s about to beat that mark. I could research this, but muy lazito. Projections: 32/17/39/.249/3 in 230 ABs
54. Fernando Tatis Jr. – FTJ! Fun the Jewels fast! Fun the Jewels fast! Fun the Jewels should’ve been an All-Star. I know, it doesn’t matter, but it still annoys me that he wasn’t elected as a reserve. Machado was even more worthy, but I would’ve taken Fun the Jewels instead. Either way, it is a testament to the job Preller did that I am a full-blown Padres fan after trashing them for about a decade. It shows you that I don’t really hate your team; it’s just about fantasy with me. Projections: 40/9/28/.266/10 in 262 ABs
55. Jose Abreu – We’ve hit upon a very small tier of 1st basemen who are boring, but relatively productive. They feel like they’re going in two different directions too. Abreu moving up and Au Shizz is Droopy Dog’ing on an elevator. Projections: 32/14/40/.264/1 in 281 ABs
56. Paul Goldschmidt – I won’t point out how awful Au Shizz has been since my sell of him early in April. Feels pointless now to even mention it. What do I gain from mentioning I said to sell him and everyone mocked me for saying to sell Au Shizz? I don’t think I gain anything from saying it, so I won’t say I said to sell Au Shizz in April. Projections: 34/14/37/.252/2 in 260 ABs
57. Yoan Moncada – If I’m being honest, I still don’t have a full grasp of what to expect from Moncada. He could be the .250 hitter he was in May or the .315 hitter in April or the .380 hitter in June. Okay, maybe not the last one, but who knows? His power and speed really haven’t developed as profoundly. Projections: 34/10/37/.261/5 in 259 ABs
58. Jose Berrios – I believe Berrios is the 9th starter in these rankings. I’m not sure that’s a compliment for Berrios. There might be a case made next year to not draft any starters, and just figure that shizz out later. Projections: 7-3/3.57/1.13/93 in 94 IP
59. Patrick Corbin – I’m feeling incalculably huh on where to rank Corbin. His walks are up, his xFIP isn’t gorge and his Ks are down. Still, he feels safer than most pitchers. By the way, “incalculably huh” would make a great rock album if they still made rock music. Projections: 6-4/3.62/1.17/95 in 88 IP
60. Zack Greinke – Starters are terrible! I mean, Greinke is good, fine, adjective, but dubya tee eff Greinke has a 7-something K/9. Of course, it’s a pristine walk rate and he gets run support because he hits home runs. Projections: 6-5/3.29/1.07/81 in 93 IP
61. Matthew Boyd – Just gave you my Matthew Boyd fantasy after his last start. It was written three cocks to the wind, and a fourth cock that stayed in the barn. By the way, Boyd is on pace for 240 Ks. *pulls on Flavor Flav plushie string* “Yeah, Boyd!” Projections: 5-6/3.78/1.11/100 in 88 IP
62. Lucas Giolito – I juggled Giolito into a few different slots, and landed him here because he should throw 200 IP (a solid 200 IP). By the way, there was eleven starters with an ERA under-3 last year. I know, ERA only tell us so much, but there might be seven starters this year. Projections: 5-5/3.68/1.12/97 in 91 IP
63. Walker Buehler – This is a wing and a prayer ranking, because I have no idea how many innings Buehler will pitch this year. Wing and a Prayer is also my favorite place to stop in Mississippi for fried chicken and to get right with Jesus. Projections: 4-2/3.27/1.03/68 in 64 IP
64. Jose Ramirez – Was my schmohawk post about him being overrated in the preseason the greatest fantasy baseball post ever? Seriously, did one single other ‘pert even hint at trouble for Ramirez? I saw someone critiquing my post and saying I still ranked him 12th overall. Yeah, and everyone else ranked him in the top five. There was no way you could’ve drafted Jo-Ram if you listened to me. This is also the greatest congratulatory blurb ever written. And the greatest acknowledgment of the greatest congratulatory blurb ever written. Projections: 31/10/38/.236/11 in 264 ABs
65. Matt Chapman – Just found out the other day my aunt had lunch with John Lennon in the mid-70s. Apparently, she helped him name his child. I think my aunt might be the female Forrest Gump. Projections: 37/14/34/.252/0 in 253 ABs
66. Khris Davis – Let’s be honest, no one cares if he hits home runs, we all just want him to hit .247. Projections: 31/18/40/.247 in 251 ABs
67. Jean Segura – Thought I liked Segura more than this, but he ended up ranked here. Then again, I’m the one ranking him, so I guess I could’ve moved him up more if I really liked him more, so I guess I don’t love him, but I thought I did. So conflicted. His steals in the 1st half were awful. Projections: 41/7/29/.281/10 in 269 ABs
68. Eugenio Suarez – As good a time as any to point out how these rankings could change quickly. If Suarez has a miserable month of July like he did in June, he’s going to not only be worth around a top 70 ranking, but maybe droppable in shallower leagues. Projections: 31/14/38/.259/1 in 256 ABs
69. Max Muncy – Someone asked the other day if I want Muncy or Goldshit. It threw me a little, and I said Au Shizz, and I still think that, but are they that different? Not to answer, but to ruminate. Projections: 32/12/37/.264/2 in 241 ABs
70. DJ LeMahieu – Due to a clerical error by my receptionist (which is actually me on the phone pretending to not be me), LeMahieu was accidentally included, when I really wanted to exclude him. Stupid Me, Frank Black. I’m firmly in the LeMahieu is a sell in the 2nd half. When a guy has iffy power, little speed and only gives value on average and runs, I’m rarely a fan. If his BABIP comes down, LeMahieu’s going to be indistinguishable from Kevin Newman. Kevin NewMahieu? Projections: 47/6/30/.296/3 in 274 ABs
71. Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – We’re not here to talk about the past when I told you Glad Vuerrero Jr. was overrated and not to draft the Mini Impala in the preseason. Nope, we’re not going to say that. Now it’s about what he can do from this point forward, and I think he can be a top 50 player, or about as good as Hunter Dozier. Projections: 38/13/36/.288/1 in 248 ABs
72. Eloy Jimenez – He’s going to tell us a lot in the 2nd half about what we should think about him next year. Could see him exploding and being a top 25 guy next year, or disappointing and being, well, he’ll likely be around here next year even if he fails. So, he has upside and no downside. That sounds awesome! Narrator: It’s not awesome. Projections: 28/14/35/.254/0 in 264 ABs
73. Austin Meadows – If his last month is an indication, Meadows shouldn’t be ranked in the top 100. Maybe not even the top 200. I still believe though, for better or worse, which was every grandparents’ favorite comic strip. Projections: 34/9/37/.272/7 in 248 ABs
74. Edwin Encarnacion – Another Yankee, another home run hitter, another non-Lemahieu. This was “not a haiku” from my book, Not Haikus. Projections: 32/16/42/.232/0 in 233 ABs
75. Carlos Correa – I call this portion of our program, “Hey, My DL’d Player Is Better Than Your DL’d Player.” At a certain point, it pays to gamble on a DL’d player, but it doesn’t pay much since if they don’t come back until mid-August you’re not getting anything from them that’s any better than, say, a hot schmotato. Projections: 33/12/35/.280/1 in 216 ABs
76. Eddie Rosario – Up until the last moment before posting this, I checked on Rosario’s injury status, which means I looked once last week, he seemed fine for soon after the break, and ranked him here, but obviously injuries are tricky, unless you’re Houdini in a milk can. Then, they’re deadly. Projections: 30/14/35/.286/3 in 234 ABs
77. Jorge Polanco – If you’re wondering, I didn’t accidentally forget Corey Seager, so don’t ping me in the comments a’la, “Grey, I bow out of every room saying your name, so you know I respect what you do, but no Corey Seager? Wow, major mistake! You lost all credibility.” Projections: 44/7/29/.306/5 in 270 ABs
78. Aaron Nola – So, I haven’s mentioned this before, but Future Grey visited me in March and told me, “Hello, Past Tense Grey, I am from the future–” “Do cars fly?” “No, let me speak–” “Oh my God, humans fly?” “No! I’m only from three months in the future and I want to tell you about drafting Mike Minor.” “Do planes still fly?” “Stop with the flying! Now I’m leaving you idiot!” Now that I think back on that, it was a pretty inconsequential meeting. I mention Minor here because I was between ranking him or Nola here and didn’t want to rank both (though, they’re likely close). Nola’s last few starts has moved him up, and I prefer a guy getting better than getting worse (Minor). This has more to do with the format that I wanted to rank Minor and just couldn’t spare the room. (Can mention Lynn here too since we’re talking about The Olds.) Projections: 6-4/3.61/1.13/96 in 92 IP
79. Stephen Strasburg – You know what you’re getting from Strasburg if he stays healthy, so let me take this time to ask you to please watch Dark on Netflix. It’s the best show where I have no idea what’s going on from episode to episode. It’s like if you took the show Lost but put it in German and didn’t understand German. I’m schadenconfused! So, please watch it and explain it to me. Thanking you in advance. Projections: 6-3/3.71/1.14/95 in 89 IP
80. Luis Castillo – His stats look like they’re going to come down from the 1st half, but no pitchers are going to get better, so tomato-tomato said with a different emphasis. Projections: 5-4/3.76/1.18/89 in 82 IP
81. Dansby Swanson – On a more general note, anyone ranked around here and not ranked at all could be the same within a few weeks. I.e., Scooter gets hot after the All-Star Break and Swanson goes cold, are they really that different? No, homey, that’s what I’m saying. Projections: 41/12/32/.266/5 in 259 ABs
82. Ozzie Albies – If Albies were to move up the order, he’d get a tremendous boost in value, but batting 8th is terrible for fantasy value. If he moves up the order, maybe he could renegotiate his contract too. Say, $570.00 now and $300 deferred? Projections: 32/10/37/.275/7 in 255 ABs
83. Shohei Ohtani – He was considered a unicorn because he was a one-of-a-kind player, but now there’s Brendan McKay, so there’s two. A unicorn with two horns is a ram, and the Rams play in Los Angeles, and so does Ohtani, so he’s a Ram. The math checks out. Projections: 29/13/31/.289/5 in 233 ABs
84. Willson Contreras – I don’t suddenly love catchers, but if catchers are hitting as well as, say, a top 5 bat at another position, then they’re worth owning. You, “Wow, Grey now likes catchers!” Projections: 29/11/39/.267/1 in 205 ABs
85. Clayton Kershaw – I’ll admit that if he stays healthy all year, he will beat my projections, but, here’s the thing, he won’t. Mess with the unicorn, you get the horn. Or mess with Ohtani, and get rammed. (You’re reading every blurb so they make sense, right?) Projections: 5-2/3.34/1.05/74 in 83 IP
86. Michael Conforto – I expected a big uptick from his previous year, and, while he didn’t uptick as much as I hoped, he’s still been decent and there’s still room for the upticking. Upticking sounds more like what we should expect from Jake Bauers. Projections: 36/13/41/.251/3 in 240 ABs
87. Charlie Morton – A few weeks ago I called Morton a Sell, and I still think he is one. However, with pitchers looking like they’re filing out of a clown car on the way to the mound, Morton still has top 100 value as of today, even if I think he might only have another 50-60 IP in his arm. Projections: 5-2/3.23/1.08/64 in 55 IP
88. Austin Riley – Would I really take Riley over Bieber? Meh, apples vs. apples that are wearing an orange costume in a janky fruit salad remake of Eyes Wide Shut called Citrus Wide Shut. Projections: 31/12/35/.251/0 in 236 ABs
89. Shane Bieber – This is straight goofy: He’s allowed 21 earned runs in four starts and only 20 earned runs in his other 17. Talk about going from lights-out to groping your way around in a lights-out room. Projections: 4-4/3.77/1.16/81 in 72 IP
90. Nelson Cruz – Almost didn’t rank Cruz, but he has the ability to have more homers in the 2nd half than any other player. He also has no eligibility and everyone hits home runs now. Projections: 31/15/42/.262/0 in 241 ABs
91. Luke Voit – Full disclosure alert! I had Voit ranked about forty spots higher before his injury. If he’s back right after or soon after the break, then this might be a tad too conservative like Billy Joel’s idea of a Catholic School girl. Dude, start too late? Not sure what Catholic Schools were near you. By me, Virginia was the one yelling come out. Projections: 38/14/44/.266/0 in 239 ABs
92. Paul DeJong – Could see this guy being someone who is droppable if he has another month like he did in May, i.e., if he fails to pass the mustard. “Siri, it’s ‘pass the muster,’ not mustard.” “Sorry, Grey, do you not want DeJong?” “I do, but…ugh, forget it.” Projections: 39/13/34/.257/3 in 266 ABs
93. Keston Hiura – Travis MVPShaw is cosplaying as Keston Hiura, please don’t tell me different. This one is essentially saying to you, “Put down the pumpkin spice, you basic snitch, and take a flyer on a guy who could be a top 50 guy in the 2nd half.” Projections: 32/12/37/.267/4 in 241 ABs
94. Zack Wheeler – Wanted to rank Wheeler about fifty spots higher. Last year he was the best pitcher in the majors, even better than teammate, deGrom. I need Wheeler to do it again, so maybe I’m chucking coins into a wishing well. Sir, this is a D’Arby’s. Projections: 5-4/3.64/1.15/93 in 91 IP
95. German Marquez – Samesies as Wheeler. Give me a decent 2nd half and I will name my Cougar wife after you while I’m lovemaking. Projections: 6-5/3.89/1.19/96 in 95 IP
96. Tommy Pham – This might come off as daffy, but Pham could be a top 20 overall fantasy player in the 2nd half. Really any player that can hit ten homers and steal 15 bases in a half could. Projections: 36/9/33/.274/5 in 242 ABs
97. Jorge Soler – I nearly ranked Daniel Murphy or Matt Carpenter here. I can picture some people reading about these old superstars and silently weeping. Thanks for keeping it silent, no one wants to hear you moping! I didn’t because, well, they’ve been awful. Projections: 32/14/41/.241/1 in 257 ABs
98. Elvis Andrus – The highest drop from the Player Rater to the 2nd half rankings. Carlos Santana would be the 2nd biggest drop, if he were even ranked. Wait, that might make him the biggest drop. Hmm… Projections: 41/3/28/.288/14 in 277 ABs
99. Max Kepler – Might just be some power — Max Powers — and I’m not even sure he’s healthy — Max Well? — but, at this point in the rankings, some players who are not ranked are around the same in value as these back-end players. What’s this about then? Max Imizedvalue. Projections: 41/12/39/.264/2 in 250 ABs
100. Jonathan Villar – I wanted to rank Jeff McNeil, Ramon Laureano and like two dozen other guys, but there’s only so much room when ranking 100 guys. Roughly 100 guys, give or take one or two. Projections: 33/10/36/.260/14 in 262 ABs
101. Whoever Helps You Win – Don’t get tied to projections and rankings and “I drafted this guy in the 4th round this year.” Yeah, we all hate Jose Ramirez, not just you. The worst thing you can do at this stage is hold onto players just because of what they could do vs. what they are doing. What they are doing is what wins championships and that’s what excites the ladies in your daydreams and your daydreams are real to you.
