[brid video=”199514″ player=”10951″ title=”Top 5 Busts for 2018 Fantasy Baseball”]
One word about this top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words. I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings. If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2018– Ah, I almost got you. This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other. Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from. 428 more, to be very exact. Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go to 530. Then, after that, there will be a top 7,500, then a top 25,000, then a top 600,000, until we end up with a top kajillion in April. Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500. Yeah, that makes sense. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2018 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! Also, the online Fantasy Baseball War Room is, uh, online. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball:
1. Mike Trout – In the first podcast of the year, I talk about how even Cougs knows who Mike Trout is. Cougs stopped following baseball when Tug McGraw retired. Ya gotta believe that most of you know Trout, because if you stop believing that the world gets too cold and lonely, like a world where people want to eat Tide pods for fun. 2018 Projections: 116/40/105/.312/18 in 541 ABs
2. Jose Altuve – I’ve seen Altuve as high as number one overall (muy goofy) to as low as eight overall (just as goofieamiente). You see where I stand on Altuve. On his shoulders. Sorry, Altuve, I thought you were barstool. I’ll step down now. 2018 Projections: 111/23/92/.329/30 in 593 ABs
3. Trea Turner – Let’s wrap our noodles around one fact: Treat Urner had 11 homers and 46 steals last year in only 98 games. I will now laugh maniacally like Matt Lauer building a desk from Ikea’s ‘dirty birdy’ section. 2018 Projections: 110/16/63/.302/47 in 581 ABs
4. Bryce Harper – I just realized something that is as plain as the butt-chin on your face, I put two Nationals next to each other. Worth pointing out super fast after this unnecessary sentence introduction, there’s no way you’re going to own both of these guys, but I don’t mind owning multiple players from the same team, as long as they’re solid. The reason why I didn’t realize I put two Nationals next to each other in the rankings until right now is likely because Turner and Harper are completely different types of players. Frankly (or Brycely), there’s no one quite like Treat Urner. I’m shook-woke-100-underlined-in-red AF at how much I love Turner. So much so that I’m still talking about him in Bryce’s blurb, a player who is arguably one of the five best players and could be headed for a Hall of Fame career. 2018 Projections: 96/35/109/.308/12 in 533 ABs
5. Nolan Arenado – Can’t believe I won $415 million with this lottery ticket. I’m just going to wash off the ketchup stain I got on it, then carelessly leave it on my window sill to air dry–NOOOOO!!!! Torenado! 2018 Projections: 105/39/126/.291/3 in 602 ABs
6. Paul Goldschmidt – Au Shizz has been described in jocular terms as the safest and most productive 1st baseman. Also, I’m using jocular to mean pertaining to jocks, which is what it should mean, and not what it actually means. 2018 Projections: 108/30/111/.303/15 in 551 ABs
7. Mookie Betts – Mookie Ballgame aka Mookie Best aka The Greatest Mookie Who Ever Lived With Apologies To Mookie Wilson and Mookie Blaylock aka The Unfrozen Ted Williams aka The Splendid Splooger aka The Hamilton Musical In Baseball Form aka The Pitcher Killa in The 36th Chamber of Shaolin. He obviously needs no introduction, except for the preceding introduction. 25/25/.300, book it, Paul Dano, who I believe is that character actor who plays the weirdest roles. 2018 Projections: 104/25/109/.305/25 in 605 ABs
8. Manny Machado – Seems to be the biggest discrepancy between Machado in my rankings vs. others, so allow me. First, anecdotally, he’s going to be playing to get his ass off the O’s. Second, his walk rate went up last year. Third, there’s no third. Fourth, his K-rate went down. Fifth, of vodka. Sixth, his 2nd half last year was huge and he had a month of 12 homers. That tells me he could have more than one month of that this year, and be the guy to own this year. Seventh, he’s only 25. Eighth, he had one year of 20 steals and one year of nine steals. If he didn’t have one year of zero steals, which I bet will be an aberration in hindsight, I wouldn’t even need to defend Machado. Tenth, I skipped ninth and there’s not really a tenth. 2018 Projections: 103/36/93/.288/9 in 617 ABs
9. Giancarlo Stanton – Already gave you my Giancarlo Stanton fantasy when he was traded. It was rated NC-17 for erotic undertones. 2018 Projections: 107/53/121/.273/3 in 547 ABs
10. Kris Bryant – The difference between Bryant and Au Shizz? Counting stats, which is very hard to predict, and steals, but Au Shizz is older, and Bryant could easily steal more bags than him. I’m just pointing out how close most of these players are, even with a difference between the 2nd and 10th overall pick. 2018 Projections: 108/35/95/.290/10 in 558 ABs
11. Francisco Lindor – A repeat of his power last year (33 HRs) might come down to how much you believe in the HR/FB%. Last year, it was 14%. Sound high for him? Okay, does it sound high if I tell you his career HR/FB% is 12.5%? Pretty sneaky how I Connect Four’d you there. 2018 Projections: 112/27/81/.294/17 in 601 ABs
12. Freddie Freeman – What’s funny (not funny) about the top 23 is it’s really a top 17. I’m not thrilled about any of the guys from 18-23, but I’m crazy excited about the top 17. I could be on a Gushers commercial about some of these guys. Freeman lowered his K-rate from 24.7% in 2016 to 18.5% last year. He’s legit one step away from being Votto with 35 homers. I will call him Blotto, because I’m drunk on him. 2018 Projections: 93/35/103/.308/8 in 577 ABs
13. Jose Ramirez – *sits down with a Ouija board* Ouija, please tell me the exact moment I fell in love with Jose Ramirez. *Ouija starts spelling out something* Y-o-u a-r-e p-r-e-s-s-i-n-g t-o-o h-a-r-d o-n m-y f-a-c-e. Hmm. Illuminating. 2018 Projections: 101/25/91/.315/21 in 577 ABs
14. Anthony Rizzo – There was some debate about Rizzo in the top 20 for 2018 fantasy baseball. You know what side of the debate I fall on ranking him here. Actually (mansplaining!), I was the reason for the debate because of where I ranked Rizzo. 2018 Projections: 101/34/112/.283/9 in 581 ABs
15. J.D. Martinez – There’s a rumor that if you have $275 million, you can own Martinez for seven years. Do what with him? Not sure, whatever you want probably. “Martinez, could you fashion sandals out of these banana peels? I have an idea for Shark Tank called, ‘All-Natural Slippers.'” 2018 Projections: 91/36/109/.284/4 in 505 ABs
16. George Springer – I got a lot less resistance to ranking Springer in the top 20 than I thought I would. I’m assuming people are overrating his World Series performance, but assuming makes an ass out of u and Ming, the Merciless. 2018 Projections: 116/35/84/.281/8 in 611 ABs
17. Cody Bellinger – Last guy in my artificially cut-off top 23 who I’m crazy jazzed about, but make no mistake, my love for Bellinger is a gaping gash of love. Hmm, I likely shouldn’t submit “gaping gash of love” to that write your own Hallmark Card contest. 2018 Projections: 101/35/109/.265/12 in 561 ABs
18. Charlie Blackmon – I’m surprised at how high people are reaching for Chazz Noir. It’s like they’re blind to his impossible to repeat power and runs from last year, and his slowing speed. I love Chazz Noir for fantasy, but only if we’re talking about fantasy as in a blaxploitation graphic novel character. 2018 Projections: 107/24/71/.289/15 in 597 ABs
19. Joey Votto – Know what’s interesting (not interesting) that I’ve found about Votto? For fantasy, no one gets that worked up about him. You could rank him around 40 overall, and people would be like, “Meh.” For real baseball, people get excited about him if you don’t give him his credit. Usually real baseball engenders excitement in fantasy, even if wrongly. So, I guess I’m saying good for you. Told you, super interesting (not interesting)! 2018 Projections: 99/28/95/.317/4 in 546 ABs
20. Max Scherzer – First pitcher of many who I will not be drafting. I go over this at length in the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball. 2018 Projections: 18-7/2.46/0.94/277 in 222 IP
21. Aaron Judge – You can just feel a schmohawk post for Judge on the horizon, can’t you? People love themselves some Judge so much I heard one Judge fan put out a 500-foot restraining order on themselves from thinking obscene thoughts about him. 2018 Projections: 104/40/94/.244/7 in 511 ABs
22. Clayton Kershaw – As good a time as any to explain what I’m actually drafting while these guys I’m not drafting are going off the board. Easy answer: None of these guys will still be on the board if I have pick 22. More difficult answer: Put the easy answer into Google Translator, translate it to a language you don’t understand, then read it again. 2018 Projections: 17-6/2.51/0.94/225 in 202 IP
23. Carlos Correa – I’m being generous with my Correa projections. If he reached my projections, he’d be blowing his previous years away. Still — again with some stank — STILL! his projections don’t scream a top 20 player to me. 2018 Projections: 90/32/107/.298/5 in 572 ABs
24. Dee Gordon – When he was traded, I gave you my Dee Gordon fantasy. It was written while wondering if Brits say zed for Z, do they say PEDs for P’s? If so, how does anyone pass a urine test? 2018 Projections: 108/2/36/.292/54 in 633 ABs
25. Jose Abreu – Technically, I would draft Gordon, as the players I wasn’t keen on stopped at 23rd overall, but Gordon might not be who I do draft. What I mean is, if I have a Lindor, Ramirez, Turner, or someone like that with my 1st pick, I could see taking Abreu with my 2nd pick (assuming Bellinger, Freeman, etc are off the board). Abreu doesn’t wave the pants flag after you draft him, but you’ll enjoy owning him all year. 2018 Projections: 92/32/104/.296/2 in 625 ABs
26. Corey Kluber – Dot dot dot. And back to players I won’t be drafting. I loved Kluber last preseason, and drafted him in a few leagues, because he was gettable around the 45th-55th overall pick. No fear, Mr. Belvedere, there will be SPs to draft around there again. 2018 Projections: 17-7/2.61/0.97/228 in 205 IP
27. Chris Sale – Fourth starter overall, same as the first. Damn, that was terse. Almost rhyme FTW! 2018 Projections: 17-9/2.87/1.01/256 in 207 IP
28. Anthony Rendon – Ya know what I’m thinking? The Nationals lineup might be, oh, I don’t know, good. If I could draft Treat Urner, Harper and Rendon on the same team, I got three nonsensical words for you, humma blabbedy bloo. 2018 Projections: 92/31/108/.298/9 in 544 ABs
29. Marcell Ozuna – When he was traded, I gave you my Marcell Ozuna fantasy. It helped me justify my margins. 2018 Projections: 101/35/106/.278/1 in 607 ABs
30. Edwin Encarnacion – What could be said about Edwin that hasn’t been said before? Nothing, so stop trying. 2018 Projections: 92/36/109/.253/1 in 561 ABs
31. Alex Bregman – Not saying this is going to happen, but if Bregman has counting stats like Correa is it that hard to imagine Bregman being more valuable than Correa? Why are you squinting? Is that your “I’m thinking face?” Not a good look, brah. 2018 Projections: 98/25/79/.281/14 in 583 ABs
32. Brian Dozier – I’ll admit that I’m not looking forward to the stretch of games from April until June when I’m thinking, “Why didn’t I just draft Marte before Dozier? Dozier will turn it on in the 2nd half, right? Right?! Wait, I’m in an elevator with four other people and I think I’m saying this aloud rather than in my head. Okay, to distract them, nonchalantly fart.” 2018 Projections: 105/30/84/.266/13
33. Starling Marte – Something I noticed with this year’s rankings by other people, no one is scared about Marte after the suspension last year, but, if memory serves like a cloche-carrying butler, Dee Gordon had a big discount last preseason after being suspended the year before. 2018 Projections: 88/15/61/.272/32 in 551 ABs
34. Eric Hosmer – Essentially a cheap Votto, I will call him Joey I Call My Bathtub A Grotto. And, yes, I compare everyone to Votto, apparently. 2018 Projections: 83/24/95/.288/5 in 593 ABs
35. Andrew Benintendi – True story: I heard Prospector Ralph and diehard Benintendi fan calling him, Andy Benintendi, and singing Marcy Playground’s Sex & Candy with the modification, “I smell sex & Andy here…” 2018 Projections: 90/22/81/.282/14 in 566 ABs
36. Justin Upton – In the top 20 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball, I speculate about how awful Upton can be. Inspiring confidence! 2018 Projections: 93/31/108/.252/10 in 561 ABs
37. Nelson Cruz – He’s either going to be a Bartolo of hitters — I don’t mean he’ll be playing with a chalupa in his pocket — and hit well into his 40’s, or Cruz is going to collapse one of these years like nearly every other hitter in the history of baseball. I’m looking in Jose Bautista’s general vicinity for an example. 2018 Projections: 88/37/111/.282/1 in 560 ABs
38. Stephen Strasburg – Seriously, what’s the odds the Nationals make the World Series? Can I bet .0000001 Bitcoin on it? Because I have .0000001 of a Bitcoin burning a hole in my pocket! 2018 Projections: 16-7/2.96/1.04/211 in 182 IP
39. Noah Syndergaard – He’s either going to have a fantastic 200 IP season or a contemplative season spent wondering why the Mets trainer is wearing two monocles instead of one pair of glasses. 2018 Projections: 15-10/2.81/1.06/215 in 184 IP
40. Jacob deGrom – “So, you’re saying it makes you look smarter by wearing two monocles?” 2018 Projections: 16-9/3.06/1.15/221 in 195 IP
41. Carlos Carrasco – I spent two seasons begging people to draft Carrasco as their first starter, but now he’s a bit too expensive. What’s odd is, besides wins — and wins are stupid — last year’s Carrasco was the same as the previous two years when Carrasco was priced much cheaper. Oh well, maybe after he wins 15 games this year, his price will go down next year. 2018 Projections: 15-10/3.35/1.12/217 in 194 IP
42. Jonathan Schoop – People are still talking about the fire rhymes Anime Grey dropped in the video on my top 20 2nd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball. Projections: 91/30/102/.286/1 in 602 ABs
43. Rhys Hoskins – Maybe because I’m reading a book about the Yom Kippur War, but I’m hoping to draft Rhysus and Matt Olson aka Allahson, and initiating a Middle East peace accord. 2018 Projections: 76/33/98/.271/3 in 544 ABs
44. Gary Sanchez – Finally, our first catcher! I go over why I don’t draft top squatters (people totally call them this!) in my top 20 catchers for 2018 fantasy baseball. For full disclosure, I had Sanchez as high as 30th overall, and as low as 55th. Finally settled here because his numbers look comparable to Hoskins. 2018 Projections: 83/30/95/.279/2 in 527 ABs
45. Luis Severino – And now we start drafting starters. I’ll go over how to draft a starting rotation in another post, but Severino is the first starter I could see myself owning in most leagues. Now, a league like a 50-round NFBC, where there’s no waivers, could mean I draft a starter a little before here, but even in those leagues, I usually wait until about here. Last year, I did and drafted Kluber. 2018 Projections: 16-8/3.10/1.06/222 in 190 IP
46. Robbie Ray – His Ks make me so caca-cuckoo I could see Ray being my first starter, even before Severino. Remember, in the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, I list tiers. If guys are in the same tier, they’re kinda the same diff. 2018 Projections: 16-7/3.26/1.16/234 in 191 IP
47. Carlos Martinez – Another guy I could see joining the Fantasy Master Lothario All-Stars. If you get a turn slot and Ray and C-Mart are both there? It’s a bit much, but I will go over that in my pitching pairing post. 2018 Projections: 15-8/3.24/1.19/212 in 202 IP
48. Justin Verlander – I’ve played seven to ten leagues for the last ten years, and multiple leagues before that, and I don’t think I’ve ever owned Verlander. So, of course, I will this year and he’ll be a hot mess. 2018 Projections: 16-9/3.41/1.15/223 in 212 IP
49. Yu Darvish – Conspiracy Theory Alert! What if Scott Boras died in November and they’ve been Weekend at Bernies’ing him around but in that state it’s hard for Zombie Boras to make any deals which is why it took so long for everyone to sign? Sounds pretty plausible, right? Instead of a birther, I’m a deather! UPDATE: Someone woke Boras from his 3000-thread-count sheets and Darvish signed with the Cubs, and moved up the rankings. 2018 Projections: 14-10/3.51/1.15/221 in 196 IP
50. Daniel Murphy – Two things happening here. One, I’m hopefully drafting a starter between 45th and 60th, so I doubt I draft any of these hitters here. Second, I don’t know what to make of these hitters from here until Donaldson. People seem to like them more than me, except Buxton, who I like, but am very scared of. 2018 Projections: 79/22/98/.318/3 in 520 ABs
51. Corey Seager – The epitome of this little subset of hitters who others seem to like more than me. By the way, if you’re writing a book about epipens, you should call it, “Epitome.” Take it, it’s yours. 2018 Projections: 101/28/84/.298/4 in 588 ABs
52. Byron Buxton – Wow, this feels early for a guy who could, and has, hit .190 for months at a time and end up in the minors by June. I truly hope I don’t have to make that call. And hope is a good thing, maybe the best thing, from The Bryan Shawshank Redemption. 2018 Projections: 76/20/84/.242/33 in 502 ABs
53. Miguel Sano – And another one I don’t want to have to make the call on to draft. 2018 Projections: 88/40/102/.242 in 522 ABs
54. Josh Donaldson – The Ghost of Princess Di wouldn’t traverse the landmine that is this section of drafts. 2018 Projections: 78/29/87/.266/3 in 524 ABs
55. Chris Taylor – This ranking went like this for me, “Damn, I ranked Taylor high.” *looks at his projections* “Well, 20/17 is nothing to sneeze at unless you’re allergic to productive hitters.” *sneezes* “Holy crap, am I allergic to productive hitters? That might be a problem!” 2018 Projections: 104/20/62/.273/17 in 603 ABs
56. Jean Segura – I’m gonna bite the bullet on one of the hitters in this little subsection that we (I) started with Murphy, and I could see it with Segura. Feels safe. Dot dot dot. Until you look at his previous year. 2018 Projections: 97/14/50/.291/26 in 591 ABs
57. Wil Myers – Know how I always say I don’t care about drafting two guys from the same team. Well, if I get to the end of the draft and have more than one Padres hitter, I’m gonna have some splainin’ to do with myself. 2018 Projections: 82/31/72/.251/16 in 563 ABs
58. Yasiel Puig – You know when you draft Puig you have to lick your computer screen, right? 2018 Projections: 80/31/94/.284/13 in 519 ABs
59. Khris Davis – *looking at Sano’s projections vs. Davis’* Hmm, okay, I can justify their rankings, ready? Sano has a higher upside, Davis is at the age when power starts to come down, Twins offense– You’re not buying any of this, are you? Yeah, I don’t know. It’s a fair point that Davis is Sano but safer, and they should be flipped in the rankings. 2018 Projections: 86/41/106/.245/3 in 551 ABs
60. Christian Yelich – When he was traded to the Montgomery Brewers, I updated my top 40 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball. 2018 Projections: 105/19/67/.291/17 in 571 ABs
61. Lorenzo Cain – Was hoping he’d never sign, then we could’ve hired him to write for Razzball. Then after a few years, he’d say, “Could you pay me in something other than Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons?” And I’d ghost him. 2018 Projections: 91/18/79/.292/18 in 535 ABs
62. Billy Hamilton – From Khris Davis to Hamilton, it’s like two inches and the power ride is done. Which is also the beginning of the world’s worst romance novel. “Two inches and the power ride is done.” 2018 Projections: 92/6/40/.252/60 in 559 ABs
63. A.J. Pollock – I still like this tier of outfielders, but as you can see from this top 100, there’s just so little chance of me drafting A.J. Pollock. This A.J. Pollock, though it goes for A.J. Pierzynski too. 2018 Projections: 92/18/78/.277/23 in 561 ABs
64. Robinson Cano – If you drafted a starter already, I could see getting back in on a hitter. At this point, it’s sorta a wild card area, which depends on what you drafted in the first few rounds. So, if Cano’s around, I could see drafting him, which has not been the norm for me, usually I’m off the cliff on him. Cheers! 2018 Projections: 84/20/94/.274/1 in 598 ABs
65. Kenley Jansen – I don’t draft top closers. SAGNOF! Read up on it, if you don’t know it. I also stopped doing a top 20 closers, because Smokey covers the closers. Also, Smokey Covers The Closers is one of my favorite jazz albums. So damn bluesy. 2018 Projections: 4-1/1.84/0.80/105, 43 saves in 67 IP
66. Rougned Odor – I’m not shouting from the rooftops this year to draft Odor. I’m also not on the rooftops trying to avoid the draft of some nasty Odor. Still in on him — 30/15 is still worthwhile — but I can’t say all the concerns about his egregious batting average are in the rearview. 2018 Projections: 72/31/86/.241/14 in 598 ABs
67. Ronald Acuna – This ranking is obscene, but Acuna makes me want to do obscene things. 2018 Projections: 74/17/77/.304/21 in 514 ABs
68. Whit Merrifield – I have a hard time listening to someone say “Somebody” without interrupting them with “Touch my spaghett” or “Once told me the world,” however…Somebody is going to draft Merrifield this high, and I don’t know if I have the cojones to be that guy. 2018 Projections: 89/15/59/.279/22 in 597 ABs
69. Chris Archer – Continuing with the potpourri nature of this part of the draft, I could see drafting a hitter here or a starter if you haven’t taken one of them yet. We’re firmly in the part of the draft where you have to look at how you’re building your team rather than who is the top guy on your draft sheet. So, yeah, I’m being a little wishy-washy, i.e., with Archer, I’m not a straight shooter. 2018 Projections: 2018 Projections: 11-10/3.69/1.22/237 in 205 IP
70. Zack Greinke – Real question: has anyone heard any talk about the humidor? No, don’t search Amazon for a humidor, Bezos can’t help us, which sounds like a future political campaign, when someone is opposing Bezos. 2018 Projections: 14-9/3.45/1.10/202 in 205 IP
71. Craig Kimbrel – Guess how old Kimbrel is. Remember, he’s been around awhile. Since 2010. Yes, I’m trying to steer you towards an older age than he is. Was it obvious? He’s only 29. That surprised me. 2018 Projections: 5-1/1.93/0.82/102, 42 saves in 65 IP
72. Aroldis Chapman – He’s getting by a little on bad vibes and good farts. Meaning, the idea of Aroldis has become a little bit better than him in reality, but this is fantasy and I don’t draft top closers. 2018 Projections: 5-3/2.19/1.01/100, 40 saves in 65 IP
73. Aaron Nola – You ever get this sinking feeling like you know something is going to go wrong, but you don’t know what it is? It’s pre-Murphy’s Law. Prematurphy’s Law. That’s how I feel about Nola. I want to own him everywhere, can’t figure out why that will go wrong, but something tells me it will. 2018 Projections: 14-9/3.41/1.18/188 in 184 IP
74. Jose Quintana – If your first starter is Quintana, it won’t be flashy, but who needs a flashy staff? You wanna bedazzle your Blue Bird of Happiness? 2018 Projections: 15-9/3.49/1.17/204 in 202 IP
75. Yoenis Cespedes – This doesn’t exactly track logically, but I like to draft the best guy on a bad team. Yeah, the guys around him suck, but I notice that pitchers throw to a good guy on a miserable team more than pitch around him. In other words, what happens more: no one is on and the pitcher is like, “What the hey, I’ll throw to Yoenis?” Or, “There’s guys in scoring position and I’m going to pitch around Yoenis.” Yes, this is anecdotal, but it seems to work out. That’s not to say draft mediocre guys on terrible teams. This won’t help Asdrubal. 2018 Projections: 82/31/93/.285/2 in 528 ABs
76. Eddie Rosario – Already gave you my Eddie Rosario sleeper. It was written while rocking a $500,000 diamond pendant of Bart Simpson. 2018 Projections: 88/30/96/.286/4 in 551 ABs
77. Travis Shaw – In my top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball, I say, “Abe Vigoda…struggled…with…Barney Miller…and…fly balls.” Hmm, I need to work on what quotes to pull. 2018 Projections: 77/30/91/.267/8 in 515 ABs
78. Mike Moustakas – Has he signed with the Yanks yet? C’mon, don’t let me waste MousYankas. 2018 Projections: 78/30/90/.264 in 531 ABs
79. Joey Gallo – Gallo is like an out-of-control Aaron Judge. Judge shakes his head, and excuses himself when he strikes out and tries not to do it again. Gallo is a burping, farting mess who will strikeout 55% of the time if it means 40 homers. Gallo is pure id. Gallo would be the host of MLB’s No Reservations. Lance Broshitz also gave you his Joey Gallo fantasy. 2018 Projections: 81/40/93/.221/5 in 506 ABs
80. Trey Mancini – Already gave you a Trey Mancini sleeper. It was written while pretending not to hear Cougs ask me to take out the garbage. 2018 Projections: 79/27/91/.297/2 in 567 ABs
81. Shohei Ohtani – Don’t try to adjust your TV, assuming you’re viewing this on a TV, though, I’m not sure why you would be. Maybe try a ‘puter. Any hoo! I’ve listed Ohtani twice in this top 100, and will list him three times when all is said and done. This Ohtani is the one player Ohtani that CBS is bringing to fantasy this year. Good for CBS for making the adjustments to their fantasy product, which I’m sure wasn’t easy for them. It’s easy to put a new player into the system as a hitter or pitcher. I don’t know computer programming, but I bet I could add a new player. CBS took the least traveled road and made a pitcher that is a hitter and pitcher. Good for them. When Bumgarner outslugs Ohtani though, I wonder how they’re gonna answer the thousands (Hundreds? Tens?) of people who are confused why they can’t have Bumgarner, the hitter. 2018 Projections: 26/11/33/.266/3 in 192 ABs and 12-4/3.28/1.22/146 in 140 IP
82. Rafael Devers – You drink La Croix? No? Well, you should. It’s the most delicious seltzer that is enjoyed by people who don’t know what seltzer is. Any hoo! They have flavors that are crazy, like Kiwi/Strawberry and Blackberry/Cucumber. Kiwi/Strawberry is crazy, but works. Blackberry/Cucumber is a straight drain pour. Devers will be Kiwi/Strawberry or Blackberry/Cucumber and I’m not sure which, but I’m betting on Kiwi/Strawberry. 2018 Projections: 70/24/81/.281/8 in 520 ABs
83. Tommy Pham – There’s obviously exceptions, but I feel a little like I don’t love any hitter from around the 45th pick to around the 95th. This obviously doesn’t completely compute because hitters are much more valuable of late than pitchers. But I see guys like Trevor Bauer and I’m like, “Yeah, I’ll get in that.” But I see guys like Pham, and I’m like, “How many picks until I can draft Bauer without looking like I reached?” 2018 Projections: 83/16/63/.275/19 in 484 ABs
84. Andrew McCutchen – If you were an alien, and you came to this planet and asked me, “Define the Giants’ mentality.” I’d say, “They Might Be Giants?” Then the alien would say, “Never really got into TMBG.” Then after a few hours of a back and forth, I’d realize the non-binary alien wanted me to encapsulate how the San Francisco Giants thought. The easiest snapshot of that is how they went out and got McCutchen and Longoria. 2018 Projections: 82/23/90/.273/9 in 563 ABs
85. Gregory Polanco – Ever since the Marlins (and Pirates) started selling off their whole teams, the remaining guys have requested trades. This is hilarious to me. This is like being in a rainstorm and looking at the sky and requesting sun. Yeah, a’ight. But one player on the Pirates and Marlins who has not asked for a trade is Polanco. Know why I think that is? Because I get the sense Polanco just DGAF. 2018 Projections: 71/16/79/.254/15 in 509 ABs
86. Ryan Braun – Was thinking something the other day, in a very stereotypical likely racist but not racist because I’m half-Jewish way, I can’t believe Braun ever took steroids. I can’t imagine any Jews I know taking steroids, because they are so neurotic. I have a friend who won’t use the first napkin in a dispenser because that napkin was touched by the previous person. And by “friend” I mean me. 2018 Projections: 70/22/74/.265/10 in 487 ABs
87. Xander Bogaerts – Something’s wrong with me but all I want to say for Bogaerts is only one more pick until Trevor Bauer. Bogaerts has brought this malaise on himself. This apathy. This–c’mon, thesaurus, what else you got for me? This case of the Mondays. 2018 Projections: 88/18/94/.283/14 in 614 ABs
88. Trevor Bauer – Who’s going to disappoint me in more ways than I can count? My dad! *sees something* Why did you raise your hand, Trevor Bauer? You better not disappoint me! 2018 Projections: 15-10/3.59/1.29/204 in 189 IP
89. Dallas Keuchel – Aw, Daylass Koochel reminds me of Halp, our very own podcast Chuck Cunningham. 2018 Projections: 15-7/3.41/1.14/160 in 190 IP
90. Shohei Ohtani – The second Ohtani…Onetani, Twotani…Threetani…Four potatoes! This is pitcher Ohtani. See above for hitter and pitcher Ohtani. I also gave you a Shohei Ohtani fantasy when he signed. It was written four score, two months, and one possible elbow tendon ago. 2018 Projections: 12-4/3.28/1.22/146 in 140 IP
91. Alex Wood – *pulls up high-waisted 1930’s bathing suit, pinches nose, dives into pool, opens eyes, sees diving horse, notices the horse isn’t wearing a bathing suit* That was a visual metaphor for seeing Wood and ready to jump into drafting starters again. 2018 Projections: 11-7/3.34/1.11/168 in 174 IP
92. Luis Castillo – Already gave you my Luis Castillo sleeper. It was written on a four-panel Bazooka Joe comic. 2018 Projections: 12-8/3.54/1.09/194 in 189 IP
93. Masahiro Tanaka – Already gave you my Masahiro Tanaka sleeper. It was written while eating fondue with my fingers. They’re burning hot! 2018 Projections: 14-9/3.49/1.14/205 in 194 IP
94. Sonny Gray – Let me count the ways I love Gray—*catches reflection in the mirror, places hand on the mirror and simultaneously the mirror’s hand touches my hand* We’re meant for each other. 2018 Projections: 14-9/3.47/1.19/171 in 190 IP
95. Lance McCullers – This might be the first year in three that I didn’t write a McCullers sleeper. That’s mostly because I think the love for him is fully woke. Totally using ‘woke’ correctly, eat it, millennials! 2018 Projections: 10-5/3.42/1.22/164 in 145 IP
96. Justin Smoak – See, I usually call mine Justin Moist. Wait, what? As mentioned at some point in this insanely long post, I go over each player in their positional ranking, just check the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings. 2018 Projections: 78/32/89/.261 in 512 ABs
97. Miguel Cabrera – If I’m being honest, Miggy ranked here before, say, Willson Contreras, feels wrong if you look at just their projections, but when I look at their names, I can’t help myself. A flawed human I guess. But I’m doin’ my best to not ruin your ex….pectations and meet ’em. 2018 Projections: 71/23/75/.281 in 434 ABs
98. Ryan Zimmerman – This ranking is a steal if you buy into his resurgence last year. If you think it was one last great season before disappearing into the wild, then this ranking is too high. Essentially, I’m saying this ranking is one ol’ big hedge. Luckily, I’ve been wanting a reason to break out my Katana collection. 2018 Projections: 73/24/84/.264/1 in 497 ABs
99. Javier Baez – You know who Baez reminds me of? The guy in your office who got a fidget spinner nine months after everyone? No, how would I even know that guy? That is your worst guess yet. He reminds me of Puig. Same sorta 5×5 stats and he makes enough electrifying plays to fill a George Michael highlight reel. I’m saddened to realize both George Michaels are dead. Someone put some bubble wrap around Michael Cera! 2018 Projections: 80/25/79/.270/11 in 494 ABs
100. Tim Anderson – Already gave you my Tim Anderson sleeper. It was written while icing my fingers with blue raspberry Fla-Vor Ices. By the way, is the hyphen in Fla-Vor Ices the most useless hyphen ever? “Ahem.” That’s e-mail clearing its throat. 2018 Projections: 83/21/68/.260/25 in 593 ABs
