When I heard about the trade of Giancarlo Stanton to the Yankees, I went to Best Buy to secure an overhead projector so I could overlay my Powerpoint presentations of Marlins Park aka Hard Rock Stadium aka The Stadium That A Psychedelic Unicorn Vomited Up with his new park to see how many home runs Giancarlo was going to gain or lose from the stadium change. However, when I arrived at Best Buy, I was told they didn’t have any overhead projectors, all they had were sales people in blue polos who didn’t know the difference between one computer from another except for the price.
Begollied (Made Up Word of the Day!), I got back in my Uber, telling my fare that I couldn’t take him through to his destination because I was too upset. After a brief exchange of words, telling my fare where he could shove his Uber rating, I was punched out. This sounds like a beginning of a story where I end up at St. Jude’s learning how to speak again, but it’s not. While unconscious in my Ford Escort, a centaur with the head of Giancarlo galloped to me. The centaur was dressed like Lady Godiva, naked except for a blonde mullet Giancarlo must’ve grown. With nothing to grab onto that wouldn’t elicit sexual assault charges, I pulled on his hair, stuck my foot in his stirrup and pulled myself onto his back. As we rode off, I asked what he expected to do with the Yankees and he said, “More of the same.” Well, he neighed a few times, but I took it to mean that.
Giancarlo can hit home runs out of any park. It’s not like Psychedelic Unicorn Park (PUP) was that great for hitters; it was 28th for offense last year and that was with Giancarlo. In Yankee Stadium, will Giancarlo hit more? Become *pinkie to mouth* Gain-carlo? If you overlay his home runs last year with The House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built, Giancarlo gains one extra home run. Know why? Because he already hits everything 600 feet. A better park doesn’t matter. His HR/FB last year 34.3% was kinda silly high, even for him. I could see that coming down to around 29% (which is still goofy high), while his FB% actually goes up a tad to 42% (from 39.4). In other words, basically a push. Only thing stopping him from hitting 52+ HRs is health. If he misses 50 ABs, that gives him about 38 less fly balls, and if he has a 29% HR/FB, it still puts him around 53 HRs. Like I said 52+ HRs is pretty easy projection for him if he’s healthy.
The better lineup? Sure, unless the world implodes because Giancarlo and his doppelgänger, Aaron Judge, are in the same place at the same time, like a Back to the Future time paradox. His new lineup could also be viewed as a negative because he won’t have as many RBIs to drive in, because Judge will already have done that. Of course, all of that might be offset by 50 ABs against Orioles pitching. In all, this has to be a positive, and I’ll give Giancarlo Stanton the 2018 projections of 107/53/121/.273/3 in 547 ABs.
— Razzball (@Razzball) December 9, 2017